Random Drama All-Stars
by TotalDramaFan14
Summary: Chris is out of jail and back in action. This time, he's brought back thirteen previous contestants... and a robot... to battle it out in the most dangerous season of Total Drama ever! It's Heroes versus Villains and at the end, one all-star will receive one million dollars.
1. Heroes vs Villains

**Author's Note:** Now that we've had four seasons worth of competitors, it's time for the first All-Star season! Fourteen players from the past four seasons will battle it out in the... you know what, Chris can explain it better than I can. Now it's time to see if you guys are right about your predictions.

I will say that I'm well aware of how unpopular this season is with the fan base and I'm actually kind of nervous tackling this one, but I'm also excited...

The pairings for this season will be put on wraps for now. Don't wanna spoil the cast, and it's actually the one thing I'm most excited about.

So without further adieu, it's time for Random Drama All-Stars...

* * *

 **Episode 01: Heroes vs. Villains**

The scene opened on a close-up of a manila envelope being carried in the familiar black-skinned hand of Chef Hatchet. A loud crashing noise like a heavy door being shut opened in turn for a low but tense musical score which was quickly joined by a metallic clatter and a low murmur as a cut outward revealed the place as a prison corridor. Chef was being led by a mustachioed white male guard through grimy and trash-filled halls lined with darkened cells, and the shadowed men inside watched the passing visitor with interest.

"I'm _innocent_ , I tell you! _Innocent_!" one of the inmates shouted, revealed to be the formerly escaped killer with a chainsaw and a hook last seen leaving the wreckage of a bus before the start of Total Drama World Tour. Chef and the guard ignored both him and the older, skinnier man sharing his cell who made kissy-face at them.

"The Crusty Cockroaches have a big lead over the Soiled Stinkbugs!" a familiar yet muffled voice rang through the halls, causing Chef's brow to shoot up as the camera moved in front of him.

"Cram it, McLean!" another man said, descending into raucous laughter as Chef gave him an annoyed side-eye.

At last, the visitor came upon a special cell, one with reinforced glass walls, a mail slot in the door, an electronic lock, and a security camera watching the entrance. It seemed surprisingly well-furnished, sporting a curtain over the window to the outside, a pair of familiar bobble-heads on a shelf next to the toilet, and a pair of paintings along the back wall – the smaller depicting a familiar golden statuette; the larger depicting an aerial view of Wawanakwa Island.

"Ooh! _Lightning_ slips past _Kitsune_!" the cell's white male inhabitant said, hunched over in front of the door and focused on something at his feet. "The heat is _on_! Yeah! Look at that!" The camera cut inside to show what he was watching – a stinkbug and a cockroach sitting almost motionless on the ground.

Chef's shadow fell over the bugs, prompting Chris McLean to stand back up. "Well, well, well," he said, hands on his hips as the camera behind him showed him standing proudly in his orange jumpsuit. "Look who finally came to visit me after a whole _year_ ," he said in annoyance.

"Come on, you've finished your sentence for dumping toxic waste," Chef told him with mild annoyance of his own.

"Whatever," Chris said stubbornly, crossing his arms and looking away. "Think I'll stay _right_ here. Got everything I need," he added brightly, "including Chef 2.0!" he said, holding up a nut with the vague shape of Chef's head, and an approximation of the man's face drawn on with black marker. "I made him from a cashew," Chris explained proudly.

The real Chef merely slid his envelope through the slot in the cell's glass door. "What's this?" Chris asked as he took it.

"Your contract!" Chef answered. "The producers have green lit another season! So?" he asked expectantly, the camera finally showing his face again. "You in?"

"It is _ON_!" the host answered excitedly, the light gleaming off his teeth.

 **XXXXX**

(Opening Theme)

 **XXXXX**

The episode proper opened with a drumroll into a grandiose theme as the scene faded into a long-distance shot of Wawanakwa Island, the lake water glittering under the shining sun and a flock of geese flying in formation far in the background.

"Welcome, to Total Drama All-Stars!" Chris opened, the shot then cutting to him on the slightly-shabby Dock of Shame. "After my involuntary year-long ' _vacation_ '," he explained with air quotes, "I really need to be in a familiar environment, surrounded by the people I love..." He put his hands together as he smiled at the camera for a moment, then added "to _hurt_!" with a dark grin and a round of laughter. "It's a condition of my parole," he explained. "Except for the hurt part, heh, that's all McLean!" he said, pointing at himself proudly.

He walked left towards the end of the dock, picking up a certain briefcase from a familiar-looking robot as he passed it by. "So, I'm bringing back _thirteen_ TD All-Stars to battle it out in the most dangerous, death-defying," he held up the briefcase and opened it up for the camera to get a close-up of the prize money within, "one million dollar competition _ev-er_!" The sound of a helicopter approaching preceded the wind kicked up by its arrival overhead, a few stray notes of prize money blown away before the shot cut back outward and the host closed the case. "And here they are now!" he said, looking upward expectantly.

The shot cut up to a double-rotor helicopter as it descended a few feet. "From Revenge of the Island, say hello to geeky gadgeteer _Cody_ ," the host said, the camera cutting in closer as the helicopter door slid open to reveal The Geek, gulping at the long drop before trying to school his features into something resembling 'cool'... which was difficult to do considering he was a short white teen dressed in his usual pale long-sleeve striped polo shirt. He was promptly shoved out of the helicopter by an arm most likely belonging to Chef Hatchet.

Cody just screamed as he fell through the open air.

"Soulful surfer girl, _Bridgette_!" Chris said next, the shot cutting first to him and then back to the open helicopter to show The Surfer Girl - still dressed in her baby blue hoodie and blue jean shorts - in a diving position.

"Here goes," she said before she dived out of the helicopter.

The next to step up to the open doorway was The Athletic Overachiever, his black skin contrasting with his white hair, still wearing his football jersey. He crossed his arms and looked at the doorway his friend had just jumped out of with an unimpressed frown. "Jock with a heart of gold, _Lightning_!" Chris announced.

"You call that a dive? _This_ is a dive. Sha-" Lightning said confidently, only to get kicked out of his diving position by Chef in mid-air. He grabbed his sore behind, and screamed "Argh!" as he fell uncontrollably.

"Aptly-named sweetheart, _Angel_!" the host said next, the camera cutting from him up to a pale platinum blonde girl, looking nervously at the drop with an impatient Chef behind her.

"Do we really have to jump?" The Innocent Idealist, dressed in her white and pale green floral sundress, asked Chef before she was casually pushed out of the doorway. As she screamed, Chef retreated back into the helicopter.

He reappeared after only moment holding a girl that looked identical to the one he'd just shoved out of the plane, except for her dyed red hair and black jeans and vest, by the collar. "Angel's evil twin sister, _Lily_!" Chris introduced next, causing the camera to zoom in on The Cynic who scowled and rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for the stellar intro, Chris!" she yelled down at the host before Chef dropped her.

"Not so silent mastermind, _Natasha_!" the host said next as Chef turned around, then forced The Mastermind to the open doorway by his arm.

"Don't think I'll go easy on you this time," Natasha said, smirking before being unceremoniously thrown from the helicopter by a grumpy-looking Chef. The mastermind began to scream, his long black ponytail streaming behind him as he fell.

"And bossy bruiser _Jo_!" Chris introduced next, the shot cutting back to him. "Who dominated until she tried to turn on her only ally."

The camera cut back to the helicopter as the fair-skinned dirty blonde struggled to keep Chef from throwing her out into the open air. The Take-No-Prisoners Jock-ette shook her fist and yelled "You're a dead man McLean!" down to the host... and was promptly shoved out of the helicopter by Chef, sending her out with a scream as the cook went back inside.

The almost reverent tune that had been playing finally drew to its conclusion as Chris laughed, and turned into something darker but more muted as he resumed his introductions. "And, from our _original_ cast, the man of many minds, _Mike_!"

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" The Comedian asked, gulping as he stood with Chef in the open doorway. In response Chef shoved the spiky-haired boy out the door like he had with various others.

"Homicidal _brainiac_ ," the host paused to chuckle, " _Scarlett_!" Chris said as his assistant turned around and dragged The Quiet Brainiac to the fore.

"I thought you weren't going to bring that up?" she asked the cook, her hair still in the long braided ponytail it was in after snapping in season three. Chef just shrugged at her, then tossed her out of the helicopter by her pale yellow sweater. Scarlett screamed as she fell, the camera following her rather than lingering on the helicopter.

"Multi-talented manipulator, _Alejandro_!" the host said next, the shot once again cutting to him briefly before cutting back to the camper in question – though this time they were already in mid-fall.

"I welcome the new chance to compete!" The Arch-Villain said as he fell through the air.

"Devious diva, _Heather_!" was introduced next as Alejandro fell out of view of the camera and The Queen Bee fell into it.

"I hate Chris!" the slender Asian girl shouted angrily as she fell out of sight.

"Gregarious goofball, _Kitsune_!" came next, the young white woman still dressed in her orange shirt and yellow and black plaid skirt - and with her trademark fox acceseries of course.

"Or you could've just landed!" The Goofball shouted as she shook her fist. "That was an option!"

The shot cut back to Chris as he said "And finally prim and proper _Victor_ , the very model major of a modern major gentleman!"

"Chris knows of Gilbert and Sullivan?" The Gentleman asked Chef in confusion. The young black man was as Chris said, dressed very proper in his black dress blazer, shoes and pants, white dress shirt, and gold tie. Chef shrugged, then pushed him out of the doorway The shot cut down to the water as the previously introduced contestants looked up in shock, then hurriedly swam away before the gentleman belly-flopped into the lake. The towering splash he made was shown from a camera behind Chris and the robot.

Chris winced, then sighed happily. "Man, it's _great_ to be back!"

\

The footage skipped ahead to show all thirteen members of the new cast scattered on the beach. They were drenched and exhausted, with only Alejandro and Heather still able to keep standing.

"Greetings, old friends," Chris told the coughing and groaning teens as he and Chef arrived.

Heather grunted in irritation and coughed up a starfish. "We are _not_ your friends," she told the host.

"Yeah," Kitsune chimed in with a smile. "That implies Heather _has_ friends." She giggled as Heather scowled at her, then sniffed in disdain and turned away.

The camera stuck to Kitsune, though, as Alejandro walked up to her, while brushing the sand off his shirt. "Must you continue to egg her on?" he asked in exasparation.

"Uh, _yeah_ ," she answered. "Unless you want me to start messing with _you_ again. How long did it take to get rid of that sewage smell?" she added with a smirk.

"Fair point," Alejandro nodded. "Just go easy on her okay?"

"As long as she can stop living in the past," the goofball told her enemy-turned-friend. "Which reminds me, Duncan's sorry about the... noodle incident..."

"I would hope so," Alejandro said with a hint of anger. "It took a week to get all the pasta out of my-"

"Too much info!" Kitsune interrupted.

The camera panned from them to Victor and Scarlett, who were watching and listening with mild amusement. "I suppose Sierra decided not to compete as well? How is she?"

"She's decided to become the Drama Brothers' social media influencer," the brainiac answered with a smile. "So she's doing well."

"I'm glad to hear it," Victor nodded.

"What about Sky?" Scarlet asked. "I figured she'd want to come back on the show more than you would."

"She's heading up a... project," Victor answered cryptically, "and will not have the time to compete."

XXX

"It is odd being on the show without my lady love," Victor admitted. "But I am feeling confident in my ability to win."

XXX

The footage cut back to Chris, his hands behind his back as he looked over the beach with his usual smile. "I can see you've all gotten back on your feet," he said, the shot briefly cutting outward to show the campers watching him in various clusters among the rocks, "which means I can now announce all the _big_ changes we've got for this season!" he said excitedly, spreading his arms wide. "For one, the island is now 100% toxic waste free."

The seven 'Revenge of the Island' campers cheered while some of the veteran campers voiced their confusion.

"On the _up_ side," the host continued, "I've upgraded your accommodations." The shot cut over to a widescreen television being wheeled over on a cart by the robot. "This season, the losers still have to sleep in a stanky old cabin," Chris explained, walking over to the television as an image of a cabin identical to the ones used in previous seasons appeared on it, in the same position as the ones that had previously been allotted to the Screaming Gophers and the Mutant Maggots. The unseen cast groaned in disappointment.

"But, the _winners_ ," the host continued as the live cabin feed began to zoom out, slowly revealing a magnificently large building styled almost like a high-class bed-and-breakfast, "get to stay at the _all-new_ , _eco-friendly_ , McLean Spa Hotel!" he finished as the music rose grandly, then faded into an angelic chorus as the shot cut to Mike, Cody, Natasha, and Heather beginning to smile. "Complete with butler, hot tub, and 24-hour masseuse," Chris said, provoking delighted cheers from the campers both on and off the screen.

"And in honor of your All-Star status," the host continued once the celebration had died down, "I'm dividing you into teams based on your past performances: _Heroes_ , versus _Villains_!"

XXX

"Obviously _I'll_ be on the villains team," Heather told the camera with a haughty look before smirking and adding "and I'll be _running_ it by lunch!"

XXX

"Heroes versus villains?" Scarlett asked the confessional while slightly slumped over. "It doesn't take a genius to guess which team _I'll_ be stuck on..."

XXX

"Heather," Chris said over a shot of the queen bee pursing her lips. "Alejandro." The shot cut to the smirking charmer. "Lily." The cynic rolled her eyes. "Jo." The jock-ette narrowed her eyes. "Natasha." The mastermind grinned darkly. "and Mike." The camera zoomed out to show the robot carrying the comedian over to the other five and throwing him on the ground with more force than necessary. "From now on, you're the Villainous _Vultures_!" the host announced, a slightly dark tune rising up as a circular logo depicting a pale red vulture head spun onto the screen above them.

"Go team..." Lily said sarcastically.

"Wait," Mike said. "Why am _I_ a villain?"

"Does knocking out half the players in season three ring any bells?" Chris asked.

"That wasn't me!" Mike protested. "It was Mal!"

"Who is one of _your_ personalities," the host told him. "Which as far as I'm concerned, makes you a villain."

Mike just groaned in acceptance.

XXX

"Forcing Mike to be a villain because of his disorder?" Natasha asked the confessional. "That's low."

XXX

"Angel, Bridgette," the two girls shared a loving smile, "Lightning," the uber-jock crossed his arms and smirked, "Cody," the geek pumped his fist, "Kitsune, Victor," the goofball and gentleman each smiled, "and Scarlett," the confused brainiac was pushed over to them by the robot, "you're the Heroic _Hamsters_!" A grand theme played as the second team's logo spun into view overhead, depicting a golden yellow hamster with a halo.

"Hamsters?" Cody questioned. "What's so heroic about a hamster?"

"It was that, or the Heroic Hippos," Chris explained.

"Really?" the geek asked in an incredulous tone. "Because I can think of like three other H animals right now. Like hawks, or horses, or-"

"Yeah, you're still gonna be hamsters," Chris told him in annoyance. "Any other questions?"

Scarlett immediately raised her hand. "I'm a little confused at my team placement. I don't really think my actions warrant being a hero."

"Are you kidding?!" Cody asked the brainiac. "You were the only one who could stand up to Mal! You clawed your way through the game when almost everyone else wanted you gone! You're awesome Scarlett," he finished with a wide grin.

"Oh," Scarlett said, taken aback and blushing slightly. "Thank you."

Cody awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck with a blush of his own. "No problem." The camera panned to the left to show Angel looking at the two the way one would look at a toddler, Bridgette with her hands on her hips and smirking, and Lightning raising an eyebrow.

"Hey!" Jo spoke up. "They have seven people to our six. No fair!"

"It didn't bother you last season," Chris told her.

He was met with six glares of varying strength.

"Fine," he said in annoyance and holding a remote with a single red button. "You can have the _robot_." He pressed the button and the robot rolled over to its new team.

"I thought your robot could _talk_ ," Natasha said as the machine passed him by.

"And we thought you _couldn't_ ," Lily retorted. "Life's full of surprises."

The robot wheeled itself over to Mike, who gave it a blank look and shuddered.

XXX

"There's something familiar about that robot," he told the outhouse. "Something I don't like."

XXX

"This year's challenges all nod to classics from the past," Chris explained, the static cutting away to him standing with his hand on the widescreen. "But, with _harsh_ new twists to make _this_ the toughest Total Drama season _ev-er_! Your _first_ challenge?" he said, motioning to the television as the spa hotel appeared on its screen. "Find the key to the Spa Hotel. And, you'll do it in an homage to Total Drama's first ever challenge," the shot of the hotel was replaced by a shot of the island's thousand-foot cliff, "cliff-diving into water infested with ravenous sharks."

The camera cut to Jo, Natasha, and Alejandro as the mastermind shuddered.

XXX

"Not thrilled about being back in shark infested water," he explained. "I''ll still do it mind you."

XXX

"Once you dive into the water," Chris said over a close-up of the television, now playing a clip of Chef kicking some light-skinned male intern wearing a red tanktop and cowboy hat off the cliff, "try to avoid the sharks long enough to snag a key." The intern was shown landing in the shark-infested lake, and one of the predators leapt at him before the camera cut to the lake bed that had been littered with keys of all shapes, sizes, and colors. "And, choose wisely," Chris said as the intern was pushed down towards the sandy bottom as he struggled to keep a shark from swallowing him, "only one of those suckers is the real deal." The camera panned closely across the keys, then cut back to the surface as two sharks emerged and happily high-finned. "Assuming you live long enough to make it to dry land," the scratched and battered intern trudged up the beach with a key in his hand, "a teammate will drive you to the hotel," the intern collapsed into a golden yellow baby carriage which was promptly pushed away by the long-banged intern who had worked the previous season, "in one of the baby carriages from season three's race through Central Park," the host finished as the camera finally panned away from the television and back on to him.

He then walked over to a jeep driven by the fat male intern. "First team to unlock the spa door wins. And, someone from team loser _will_ be going home tonight," he added as he hopped onboard the jeep. "Meet me at the face of the cliff in fifteen minutes," he told the campers. "Chop. Chop." He sat down and clapped his hands with a demanding smugness, and the jeep drove off.

"Wait, shouldn't we change into our swimsuits or something first?" Mike called out as the host left.

"Sorry," Chris replied from some distance off-camera, "no time!"

\

The scene flashed to a slightly closer shot of the thousand-foot cliff, the camera panning down and to the left to the nearby forest.

"Seriously," Mike griped over the squeaking of wheels, "does no one else think this thing is weird?" The camera cut to the Villainous Vultures walking single-file through the woods, with Mike giving the robot a blank look at the back of the pack.

"Not really," Heather said with a disinterested tone in front of them.

Mike shuddered, and the camera panned to the right past Jo, Natasha, Alejandro, and Lily on to the Heroic Hamsters. In the back were Lightning and Kitsune, with Cody and Scarlett in front of them, then Angel, Bridgette, and Victor in the lead.

"So, uh," Cody looked up at his fellow genius, "where's Sierra? I thought you two were inseparable."

"Normally we are," Scarlett answered, "but given the reaction to one of her more recent blog posts she thought it was best to stay out of Heather's arm reach for the time being."

"Are you talking about that one with-" Cody asked.

"Yes," she cut him off. "Regardless, this is an excellent opportunity to see how far I can get without someone carrying me."

"I think you'll do great," Cody told her.

Scarlett blushed again. "Thank you." The camera cut to Bridgette smirking.

XXX

"Cody's totally crunching on Scarlett," she told the outhouse. "It's really cute actually."

XXX

A low and slow tune started playing as the footage cut back to the villains, with Heather knocking into Jo as she passed her with a haughty expression. "Ex _cuse_ me," she told her rudely.

"Watch it, Old Timer!" Jo warned, pointing at her in a threatening manner.

" _You_ watch it, Newbie," Heather replied, not even looking Jo's way.

"Whoa! Let's just cool it for a minute," Mike said as the camera panned back to him. "We may all have been villains _before_ , but there's no reason we should act that way _now_. Can't we just work together as a team?"

His teammates immediately voiced their agreement, but their tones ranged from blatant lying to outright mockery.

XXX

Heather scoffed. "No _way_ is that going to happen. I-"

XXX

"-don't trust-" Lily said, the scene cutting to her confessional in mid-sentence.

XXX

"- _anyone_ -" Alejandro followed up.

XXX

"-on this-" Jo said next.

XXX

The robot beeped twice

XXX

"-team," Natasha finished.

XXX

"That could've gone better," Mike told the camera blankly. "But it could've been _worse_ too..."

His confessional feed shrunk as the screen split into nine, Mike awkwardly chuckling at the camera in the center with empty blackness above and below, and his teammates – Heather, Jo, and Alejandro in the left column; Natasha, Lily, and the robot in the right – looking towards him and laughing evilly against a fiery background.

XXX

The footage cut over to a close-up of Lightning as he looked back over his shoulder and glared at Lily. The cynic groaned in annoyance, and the camera panned slightly to the left to include Mike as she told him "I'm surprised I don't burst into _flames_ with the way Lightning keeps glaring at me."

"Didn't you pretend to like him to get yourself further in the game?" Mike asked.

"Only at first!" Lily hissed angrily. "I fell for him later on. That should count for _something_."

"That hardly matters to people like him," Alejandro interrupted, walking up next to Mike. "Some people just can't accept that they're only useful to the more strategic players."

"No one asked you," Lily griped to the charmer, causing him to raise an eyebrow and shrug.

XXX

"I'll accept that I'm not the nicest girl on the island," Lily confessed. "I don't even mind getting hit with the villain stamp. But for _Alejandro_ to approve of my choices? That's just wrong."

XXX

The shot cut to Lightning again as he turned his head back forward and softened his gaze. "Bad blood between you two?" Kitsune asked as the camera zoomed out slightly. "Because those are some serious daggers you're shooting."

"Yeah, she made Lightning look like a fool," Lightning told her. "She spent all season goin' on about how cute and strong I was, and the whole time she was waitin' to stab Lightning in the back. There's no tellin' what she'd have done if Not Quiet Dude hadn't sent her home."

Kitsune gave a sympathetic grimace. "Yikes. I don't really know what to say about that."

"Ain't nothin' _to_ say," Lightning shrugged, the camera panning back on to Lily to show her frowning.

\

The footage skipped ahead to the two teams lined up at the beach, the Vultures on the left and the Hamsters on the right. Baby carriages in their respective team colors sat in the gap between, and their team logos briefly spun into place overhead.

A laugh from the host led the camera to cut to a path of sky just before he descended into it on his jetpack, a triumphant theme playing upon his arrival. "Greetings, All-Stars!" he said, his jetpack kicking up a large amount of sand into the faces of the closest members of the two teams, forcing them to hack and cough and throw their arms up in a useless show of defense.

Chris landed on the beach between the two carriages. "Here are your carriages," he told the campers as the music became slow and plodding, "blood red for the Villainous Vultures," the shot zoomed in on the left carriage before panning to the right one, "and purest gold for the Heroic Hamsters. You've got thirty seconds to pick your carriage drivers," he explained, "starting... _NOW_!"

"I'll drive!" Jo immediately volunteered over a close-up of her hands grabbing the carriage handle.

"Yeah, I've seen you drive a go-kart," Lily told Jo in a condescending manner as she walked up to the jock-ette, "and I actually want to _win_ this challenge."

The camera zoomed out to show them locking eyes, Jo's glaring and Lily's apathetic. "Well excuse me if I don't believe that."

Lily scowled. "That was a one-time incident," she defended angrily.

"Oh just let her drive," Natasha interrupted the argument. "We're on a time limit after all."

XXX

"I prefer to deal in win-win situations," Natasha confessed. "And letting Jo drive certainly counts. Either she wins us the challenge, or she gives us a target."

XXX

"Uh Jo?" Mike asked, getting into the fray. "Shouldn't you be a diver since you're so athletic?"

"Nobody tells _me_ what to do Multiple Mike," the jock-ette retorted. "Which one of you am I even talking to anyway?"

Mike scowled.

XXX

"People like Jo are why I wanted to _hide_ my multiple personalities first season," he confessed with a scowl.

XXX

"Ten seconds!" Chris told the Hamsters, who were still looking at one another expectantly as a low trilling tune played in the background.

"Allow me to drive," Victor said. "I was able to compensate for my team's disadvantage when we did something similar third season." He promptly stepped over and grabbed the golden carriage as the other heroes murmured their general agreement.

"Okay," Chris said as the camera zoomed out to show him and the two chosen carriage-drivers, "everyone but Jo and Victor, up the cliff you go."

\

The scene cut to a shot of the cliff, which zoomed in as the campers were heard panting. A cut to the very top showed Chris waiting patiently at the edge, and moments later Lightning ran up and skidded to a halt. "Sha- _first_!" he said proudly before the camera panned to the left, showing the other campers as they arrived behind him. Alejandro, Bridgette, Mike, and Kitsune were the closest and the latter three had doubled over to catch their breath; followed by Lily, Angel, Heather, and Natasha all panting in near-exhaustion as well. Cody and Scarlett brought up the rear, with the robot wheeling itself behind them. The two intelligent heroes fell to the ground with tired groans.

An upward shot showed Natasha, Bridgette, and Angel looking down over the edge of the cliff. The camera cut down to the water's surface as the massive mutant shark known as Fang surfaced with a wide and toothy grin, and he waved his fingers at the campers as a deep and dangerous tune rose in the background.

"Fang!" the three said together in fear.

"Who?" Heather asked, looking out over the edge next to Natasha.

"Who's the best key spotter?" Chris asked the camera as it cut to him and a deep chanting note played. "And, who's dead in the shark-infested water? Find out, when we return, on _Total_!" The shot cut outward to show Natasha, Bridgette, Angel and Heather still looking out over the cliff's edge. " _Drama_!" Another outward cut showed Lightning, Kitsune, and Lily standing to the host's other side. " _All-Stars_!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

"Places, people!" Chris called out to the cast as a slightly dramatic melody began to play. The six Heroic Hamsters were shown looking towards the cliff edge with a mixture of confidence and worry, while the six Villainous Vultures looked largely unimpressed. "It's divin' time!" the host continued, laughing as a pair of non-mutant sharks were shown leaping out of the water in anticipation.

"So who wants to go first?" Mike asked, earning himself four glares and an annoyed sounding beep.

"One diver, per team, at a time," Chris explained, holding up an airhorn as the music became tenser. "The next diver has to wait until their team's carriage returns. Ready? Set?"

He blew his horn, and Lightning and Natasha dashed towards the edge of the cliff and jumped off it, the uber-jock with an excited "Woo-hoo! Lightning _strikes_!" and the mastermind as silent as he used to pretend to be.

The camera quickly cut from Lightning's dive to Fang and the other sharks waiting eagerly below and back again as he grinned. He held out his right arm out in front of him to punch with a cry of "Sha-bam!" as he and Fang collided. They sank under the lake, and Natasha landed silently moments later.

A grand tune played as Lightning quickly surfaced with a golden triangle-shaped key in his hand. "Sha-score!" he said, the footage skipping ahead to him jumping and flipping into his team's carriage.

"Most excellent!" Victor said excitedly, pumping a fist and running off with the carriage towed behind him.

"And the Heroes take the lead!" Chris announced over a shot of the two non-mutant sharks comforting a bruised and crying Fang while Natasha swam past in the background.

He quickly got back to shore, ran over to his teammate, and hopped into the carriage. "Let's go!" he commanded Jo.

"Whatever," the jock-ette rolled her eyes, pushing with an abruptness that startled the mastermind. "Listen. You don't like me, and I _really_ don't like you."

"Your powers of observation never cease to amaze me," Natasha commented dryly.

Jo sent him a dirty look, then continued. "The point is, we're both the biggest threats on our team. Agree to stay out of each other's way until the teams merge?"

"Yeah, no." Natasha answered. "I don't think you'll last long enough for that to benefit me."

"And how long do you think _you'll_ last?" Jo questioned angrily, making sure to run over a large rock that jostled her teammate.

\

"Hey Lightning's gotta ask," Lightning told Victor, the music tense and fast-paced as he was pushed through the forest, "you're not messin' up the game for the producers again are you?"

"I understand your concern," the gentleman said. "But I can assure you, I am under no special obligations from Chris or anyone else."

"Uhhh...," Lightning replied, staring at him blankly. "Cool. It's just that, outside of his old teammates, Lightning doesn't want to trust people too quickly. You just never can know if they want somethin' from you."

"Well trust in the fact that all I want is a season of fair and honest competition," Victor said.

Lightning just gave him an amused smile. "Lightning can get with that."

"I am glad to hear it," Victor smiled as the dramatic challenge music peaked and the camera cut to the spa hotel. A short pan showed Victor and Lightning arriving, which was followed by a close-up of the lock as Lightning inserted the key he'd found and the background score became much quieter.

"Come on, key!" he said with an annoyed frown as the lock failed to turn, "Get. In. The lock!"

"Lightning?" Victor said in mild concern as the music rose back up, walking up behind him. "I believe you have the wrong key."

The shot cut to Jo and Natasha arriving, and looking at Victor and Lightning as they went back the opposite direction.

Natasha was shown quickly inserting his silver key as the music turned soft yet again, then throwing the key to the ground as it failed to open the door. "Wrong key!" he said in frustration.

"Way to screw up Silent Treatment," Jo scolded him, earning a glare.

\

"Lily," Angel said in a scolding tone, the scene flashing to her approaching her sister atop the cliff, "didn't you come here to make things right with Lightning?"

"I'm here to _win_ ," the cynic corrected. "Making right with a guy I used to like is secondary."

Angel put her hands on her hips and gave Lily a disbelieving look.

Lily sighed in resignation. "You spend too much time with your girlfriend..." she muttered pitifully.

Angel didn't budge from her posture. "You can lie to yourself, but not to me."

"It's not like I can do anything with him somewhere in the woods right now anyway," the cynic defended.

Angel smirked, then pointed back down the cliff. "Look at that, Victor and Lightning are back," she said with a sly smile.

"I got next!" Kitsune declared as she quickly ran past the startled twins and dove off the cliff, a dramatic tune playing as the shot cut to the water. She plunged into it with her cheeks bulging and holding on to her headband, then looked around and down and smiled at the sight of a bronze key sticking out of the sand. She picked it up and dodged a sudden bite from Fang, then the scene skipped ahead to show her running over to the Heroes' carriage as the music became tense again.

"Let's roll!" she cried, jumping in to the carriage after Lightning had hopped out and ran off. Victor nodded and quickly pulled her away.

Jo and Natasha arrived as soon as the Heroes left the screen. "Hurry up! They're still ahead of us!" the mastermind yelled, his driver looking annoyed.

The shot cut to Alejandro smiling expectantly at the top of the cliff. "I'll take the next jump," he told Heather and Mike before running off and diving gracefully off the edge, a Latin riff playing as he did so. The challenge music resumed as he fell towards the lake with a confident grin, and he plunged in with barely a splash.

"What're the chances he stays down there?" Mike asked Heather, the two shown looking over the cliff's edge by a camera below them.

"Not good enough if you ask me," Heather replied.

Sure enough, the scene cut below the water to show Alejandro calmly brushing the noses of two apparently smitten sharks, then diving down to the lake bed. The next shot showed him surfacing with a golden key in hand, and a flash took the camera to Jo and Natasha.

"You need to drive faster," Natasha scolded as he climbed out of the carriage. "I don't know where-"

"Excuse me," Alejandro interrupted, pushing the angry young man from the carriage and hopping in. "Now vámonos!" he said, pointing dramatically in the direction they were to go."

"Yeah, yeah," Jo said, still visibly annoyed as she began to pull the carriage back the way she'd came from.

\

"How awesome is it to be competing again?" Kitsune asked as she was pushed by Victor down the forest path. "And on a team full of heroes no less! No repeat of season two for _this_ fox-lover."

"Is that not the season you made it to the finals?" Victor asked with a hint of confusion.

Kitsune looked taken aback by the question. "Well yeah, but being stuck on a team full of villains wasn't an experience I wanna repeat ya know?"

The footage skipped ahead to a close-up of Kitsune's key being inserted into the lock. "Crap it's a dud," the goofball said after it failed to open up the lock, tossing it away as the camera zoomed out.

"I'm sure on of the others will choose the right key soon," Victor said encouragingly.

"That's what I like about you Victor," Kitsune said as she sat back down in the carriage, "you always look on the bright side."

"It is easier to see there," Victor joked, earning a giggle from his teammate as he pushed her off-screen.

XXX

"Truthfully," the gentleman confessed. "I was beginning to get tired. But I could not let my team know. After all, I _did_ have the easier job."

XXX

A long, deep chant played as the scene cut back to the spa hotel, Jo and Alejandro finally arriving. The shot cut in close to show Alejandro attempting to insert his key. "Aah, no!" he exclaimed in frustration as it failed to enter the lock. "It's too big, we have to go back!" He threw his key down onto the porch, then dashed past Jo and hopped into the carriage.

"Great job putting us behind Loser McLatin" she scolded Alejandro as the challenge music resumed.

"Less joking, more pushing!" Alejandro commanded as Jo walked over and grabbed the carriage handle.

\

The fast-paced music continued as the camera flashed back to the cliff top, showing the remaining campers lined up with Bridgette and Mike waiting nearest to the edge. Angel, who was standing right behind them, quickly glanced down to the shore – the shot cut down to show that not only had Victor and Kitsune returned but, to the Heroes' annoyance, that Jo and Alejandro had returned as well.

"They're back!" the idealist called out. She skipped up to her girlfriend and kissed her on the cheek. "Just for luck," she said.

"Thanks sweetie," Bridgette said with a smile and blush, jogging over to the cliff... and accidentally running into Mike.

They fell off the cliff with startled cries that quickly turned panicked when they saw what was waiting for them. The camera cut to water level as Mike splashed down, right in front of the two normal sharks who had stuck their heads out of the water with eager grins. He surfaced after a moment and spat out a mouthful of water, then looked with wide eyes from the sharks in front of him, then back to Fang who had surfaced behind him.

"Uh, nice sharks...," he said, raising his hands in a placating gesture as Bridgette fell next to him, splashing the sharks and causing them to growl menacingly. The surfer resurfaced a second later and saw the circle of angry sharks.

"Oh crap," both hero and villain said at the same time.

A sudden rock his Fang first and forced him back under the water. The two normal sharks looked at where their mutant brethren was with shocked expressions, before two more rocks hit them and forced them back under.

The shot quickly returned to the cliff, however, to focus on Angel holding what looked like a slingshot while Lily, Lightning, Heather, and Cody looked on visibly impressed.

"Good job sis," Lily spoke up.

"She's saved me enough times," the idealist said with a shy smile. "It felt good to return the favor."

\

"All yours," Kitsune told Bridgette as she hopped out of their team's golden carriage.

"Let's hope it's the right one!" the surfer said as Victor pulled the carriage away, his breathing slightly heavier than normal.

Mike arrived seconds later, and jumped in to the Vultures' red carriage while Jo waited impatiently. "Hurry!" he said frantically.

"You think I don't know that?!" Jo called out irritably.

\

The tense challenge music resumed yet again as the scene moved to the spa hotel, Mike inserting his key and jiggling it around to no effect. "No, back we go" he said, taking the key out and running off.

"How hard is it to pick the right key," Jo griped tiredly as Mike returned to the carriage.

"Looks like you should have dived," Mike said as the two made their leave.

A second later, Bridgette and Victor arrived on the scene. "Here we are," the surfer said, disembarking and running off-screen with key in hand while her driver leaned over the carriage handle with an exhausted sigh. He gave no reaction to his teammate's return moments later. "Wrong key," she said apologetically, "we have to go back."

Victor whimpered.

\

Lily and Cody were the two standing at the cliff's edge as the scene flashed back. "Well, here goes nothing," the geek said nervously before jumping off with a scream.

"About time she got here," Lily said with an eye roll as she jumped off the cliff.

The camera underwater to show Cody was being held in one of Fang's arms and being repeatedly punched with the other, while the two normal sharks pumped their fins in excitement. Moments later, Lily landed in the water with a smirk. She quickly noticed a black skeleton key, grabbed it, and swam out of the frame.

The footage skipped ahead to Lily running over to her team's carriage. "Hah!" she mocked back at the water while Jo panted and pulled her away.

The camera panned over to the water as Cody surfaced, his face slightly bruised and scratched and his clothes slightly torn, but with a key in his hand. He moaned.

\

A flash skipped the footage ahead to show Lily failing to open the spa hotel's door. "Okay, we seriously better not be doing this all day," she said as she ran back to Jo and the carriage.

"Man," Jo complained, pushing the carriage off screen and ignoring the cynic, "I haven't been this tired since I ran that septathalon!"

Just as the villains left, Victor pushed a battered and groaning Cody to the spa hotel.

XXX

"I was so tired," Victor told the outhouse. "Even pushing someone as light as Cody was becoming a Herculean task."

XXX

Back at the clifftop those who had already had a go at key-finding had regrouped with their teammates, but the scene focused on Scarlett and Angel as they stood closest to the edge with the other Heroes.

"You should probably jump next," Angel said. "I wouldn't want to lose this for us."

"My physicality is laughable at best," Scarlett replied, cleaning her glasses with her sweater. "It would be better for you to go."

"But you won a season!" Angel replied. "I never made the merge."

"Can you two hurry up and figure this out?" Kitsune asked, the camera zooming out to show her, Bridgette, and Lightning. "Victor's already back." She pointed down towards the shore. Scarlett nodded, then dashed off the cliff.

"And so's Jo," Natasha added quickly, the shot panning left to the villains. "Your turn Heather," he turned and told his teammate.

"Do I _have_ to?" the queen bee asked. "Can't we just send the tin can instead?"

"Yes you have to," Mike replied. "And no we can't because I don't think it's waterproof."

"Can we throw her off the cliff?" Lily asked. The camera quickly cut to show Victor trudged toward the spa hotel with Scarlett in the carriage.

"Listen, Heather," Alejandro said in a somewhat pleading tone, walking over to the queen bee and grabbing on to her shoulder, "I know you're upset about what turned up on Sierra's blog, but this isn't the time or place for it. Jump off the cliff, and we can discuss it in the spa hotel."

"Let _go_ of me!" Heather replied, pushing the charmer in anger and in doing so knocking him in to the robot, sending it rolling away towards the edge of the cliff to the villains' shock and a sharp rise in the background music's intensity.

The robot let loose a series of fearful sounding beeps as it rolled past the shocked heroes, and off the cliff. With two more beeps that sounded like 'oh... no...' the ground at the edge of the cliff crumbled away, sending it plummeting downward, bouncing off a protruding rock and spinning into the lake. The shot immediately cut to the lake bed as the shark trio began to gnaw at the metallic prey.

The robot began to spark, and then it exploded, covering the screen with hundreds of bubbles. The bubbles dissipated to show a familiar-looking teen, if only slightly. He was still short and pale, but his slightly messy brown hair had grown out and looked horribly unkempt, his ironic anti-t-shirt t-shirt was faded and tattered, his blue skinny jeans covered with dull stains, his right eye was white and his normally clean-shaven face was covered with stubble. But nonetheless, he was still recognizable as Matthew, The Hipster, who was last seen on top of the erupting volcano in Hawaii during season three.

"Aw man!" Kitsune complained as the scene cut to the shocked heroes and villains. "Not _him_ again!"

XXX

"The last thing I remember was being _trampled_ and _left for dead_ on top of a volcano," Matthew told the confessional. "Then Chris stuffed me into in that robot so I could 'heal from my injuries', and forgot about me _for_. _A._ _Year_!" he explained getting angrier with each word. "But now? I'm _finally_ free," he added with a dark grin.

XXX

The static cut away to Matthew landing on the beach with a key clenched in his fist, pieces of his former mechanical prison falling around him as his teammates cheered.

He took one step... and fell to the ground. Natasha, Alejandro, and Mike winced in sympathy.

XXX

"I repeat," Matthew added. "Stuck in a robot. For a year. It'll be a few hours before I can walk again."

XXX

A flash skipped the scene ahead to the cabins as the Hamsters arrived, Victor seemingly moving forward on momentum alone. He crashed the carriage into the steps of the spa hotel, allowing Scarlett to use the impact to propel herself onto the front porch while Victor slumped to his knees. Jo and the Villains' carriage slid to a stop a few feet away from him, and Jo picked up Matthew and started tiredly carrying him to the door.

"Blast," Scarlett muttered as she frantically tried her key, only for it to fail. "Another dud!"

"Move it," Matthew told her, knocking her away from the door as Jo carried him to the porch. He inserted his key, and the music turned victorious as the door finally opened. "Hah!" the hipster cheered as Scarlett groaned in frustration.

"The door is open!" Chris announced, the shot zooming out to show him flying up over Victor. "The Vultures win!"

Victor just moaned and fell over onto his side.

\

A few deep notes were struck as the footage faded forward to a long-distance shot of the island at night, the moon bright in the sky and the light of the campfire shining across the lake.

"Welcome, to our first elimination ceremony," Chris said, the scene cutting to the firepit as a few more notes of the low and tense campfire theme began to play. The childish logo of the Heroic Hamsters spun into place in the top-right corner of the screen just above the host and his assistant, who had forsaken last season's hazmat suit in favor of his usual dull yellow-green outfit. The seven losers were seated together in the middle of the two row of log-seats, with Scarlett, Cody, and Lightning in the front row and Victor, Angel, Bridgette, and Kitsune in the back. Interestingly, a tiered, high-walled seating area had been built along the left rock wall of the firepit, and the tops of a few familiar heads could be seen looking out from them.

"How do you like the new Peanut Gallery, huh?" the host asked, the viewpoint shifting to get a better look at the boxed seating area. It had the logo of a peanut emblazoned on the front, but more importantly it currently housed the seven members of the Villainous Vultures – Lily, Natasha, and Heather in the top row; Alejandro, Jo, Matthew, and Mike in the bottom. "Now winners can watch their opponents give someone the boot before they head to the spa hotel for a deluxe dinner!"

The seven Villains cheered and exchanged high fives with one another at the good news. The seven Heroes just made their annoyance known through grumbles or glares or general lack of enthusiasm.

"Before we start," Chris continued as another deep note played, "I need _one_ winner to volunteer for a _special_ reward!"

Jo immediately skidded over to him with an expectant look. "This one's on me!" she exclaimed, the shot briefly cutting over to show Lily frown in annoyance.

"Grrreat!" the host said. "Your reward is...spending the night in _exile_ on Boney Island with _all_ the hungry wild animals!"

"What kind of reward is that?" Jo asked in annoyance.

"The kind," Chris answered, taking out a familiar wooden carving of his own head, "where there's a McLean Invincibility Statue hidden somewhere _on_ Boney Island!" The music began to trill tensely, and the camera zoomed in on the invincibility statue. "Find it, and you're _golden_."

" _Now_ he tells us," Natasha griped.

"This year," the host continued as Jo left the firepit under Chef's watchful eye, " _you_ get to vote by placing an X," he made the shape in question with his pointer fingers before the camera cut over to the attentive heroes, "on the 8 x 10 photo of the person you want to eliminate. Now, get voting," he commanded with a mild frown and a thumb over his shoulder.

\

One by one, the Heroic Hamsters were shown casting their votes in the outhouse confessional in quick and silent succession. First Cody, then Kitsune, then Bridgette, then Lightning, then Scarlett, all five hiding the photo they'd chosen from the camera while they made their marks with a thick-tipped pen. Angel was the first to show her vote, holding up Victor's photo with an apologetic smile and drawing a red X on it. Victor was the last, sighing as he crossed out Angel's.

\

"Okay," Chris said as the scene flashed back to him now holding a tray of six marshmallows, "the following people are safe. Lightning! Kitsune! Bridgette! Scarlett! And Cody!" One by one the heroes happily caught the marshmallows as they were tossed at them, and all the while the trilling elimination theme began to build.

"Victor, you're on the chopping block for your terrible driving skills," Chris explained as the shot cut to the two heroes on the bottom. The gentleman nodded in acceptance and hung his head. "And Angel, you're on the chopping block because... you never jumped." The idealist gaped in shock, then hung her head.

"I do apologize for my vote," Victor told Angel.

"And the loser is...," Chris began as the music started to peak, the shot cutting from close-ups of Angel, then Victor, then the final marshmallow. " _Victor_!"

"So ends my time here," the gentleman said, slumping over in sadness as the one he'd voted for caught her marshmallow in her hands. "I suppose it is time for me to ride the catapult?"

"Nope," Chris gleefully answered, "this year, we've got a brand _new_ elimination device!"

\

The scene transitioned by way of a screen rotation about a central vertical axis, putting the shot on the end of the Dock of Shame where a gigantic and rather stained toilet had been set up. Victor was already treading water in its bowl, with his former teammates and the host standing by while the series's sombre farewell theme began to play.

"Behold, the _Flush_ of _Shame_!" Chris declared dramatically before adding "Patent pending."

Most of the remaining six heroes recoiled in disgust, except for Kitsune who just giggled and said 'Toilet humor'.

"It has been-" Victor began to say before the host interrupted.

"Yeah yeah yeah, been an honor to compete, you hope for the best, blah blah blah you say the same thing every time," Chris said in irritated disinterest before pressing the button on his remote control. The gargantuan toilet began to flush, and Victor screamed as he circled the drain and disappeared from sight. A massive back-flow shot out of the toilet like a fountain, but the host smugly opened an umbrella over his head allowing him to remain dry while the remaining heroes were doused in toilet water to their vocal disgust.

Chris laughed as the series's dramatic capstone theme started up for its first time that season. "Who will be flushed into the history books next?" he asked the camera,tossing his umbrella away. "Find out next time, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

As always, the camera jumped outward with each portion of the season's name, ending once more on a long-distance shot of the island under the clear summer night.

(Roll the credits)

\

\

(Bonus Clip)

The honking of countless car horns could be heard as the scene faded in to a manhole cover in the middle of a sidewalk. It began to shake and clatter, then suddenly fly off entirely as Victor hurriedly climbed out of it with something white and scaly snapping at him. He stood up on sidewalk and slammed the cover down with all his might. A second later a splash and growl was heard.

Victor stood and wiped the sweat from his forehead, then scratched his head and looked around. "Well then, now what?" he asked himself.

His answer came in the form of an excited "Vic! _Dude_!" that caused the camera to pan to the right.

"Malcolm?" Victor asked. "Sky? What are you doing here?"

"Taking you back to the new Playa of course," the pain magnet said brightly, waving around his right arm... which was in a cast.

"He's right," Sky said, pulling her boyfriend into a hug and placing a kiss on his cheek. "Everything's set up with Chris and the producers and the staff at the hotel are excited to meet everyone from the show."

"Yeah dude," Malcolm added. "Even your _mom's_ been cool after you set this up. I mean, Noah's complaining but he pretty much always does."

"And thanks to Zoey's tarot cards," Sky added, "we knew that you'd wind up in New York after being eliminated."

Victor blinked. "New York?" he repeated, and the shot cut outward to show the city's skyline. He made a pensive noise as the focus moved back to him and his friends. "Well if there are no pressing matters, how about we see a symphony before returning to Canada?"

Sky chuckled. "I told you he'd ask that," she said to Malcolm before turning to Victor. "We already have the tickets," she said as she held up three slips of paper.

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** And now I have a cast to explain. Also I lied, I totally let you guys influence the final group. Anyway, here's what I was thinking on a case-by-case basis.

Alejandro: The series's first villain and the only character to make the merge in every season of the original trilogy. His popularity notwithstanding I couldn't _not_ include him.

Heather: RDA's main antagonist. Even though she hasn't done as well as some of the other All-Stars overall, that just means I can still do things with her character. Plus Aleheather was one of the few things the canon season got right. I had to keep them both.

Mike: Mal was the RDWT villain, and the first one to make the finale. On top of that, he perfectly fits as the token good teammate like Gwen in canon.

Matthew: Let's face it, this one was confirmed the second I had him put in the robot suit. Next to Heather, he easily has the most potential of the seven.

Natasha: Come on, I wasn't gonna leave this guy out. He owned season four from start to finish.

Lily: Even though she's not as bad a person as the majority of her teammates, she _did_ pull some villainous moves.

Jo: While not the most villainous person, she was the most antagonistic. There was no leaving her out.

(Dis)Honorable Mentions: Sierra: Yes, for a time I considered the super-fan as the token good teammate instead of Mike on the grounds that she blew up Chris's plane. That idea was thrown out pretty soon.

Leshawna/Sky: Both girls were also at one point planned to be the token good teammate and like Sierra the idea was tossed out quickly.

Sugar: A minor antagonist in season two, she could have had a little more time to shine here. But ultimately I decided to keep Mike because I'd rather have a villain who wasn't a villain than a villain who as barely a villain.

And now the Heroes...

Bridgette: She was locked in as soon as I saw her in the season four cast. There's maybe two other people who personify heroism as much as her. Plus Bridgette's one of my favorite characters.

Angel: Admittedly, she was only added like an hour before I wrote the first word of the chapter. But there was remarkably few Bridgel moments considering they were the primary couple of last season. And she can serve as the bridge between Lily and Lightning.

Cody: He was pegged for this season as early as when I was planning on him being the winner of RotI. With his elimination being bumped up this may seem like an odd choice, but his rivalry with Jo qualifies in my opinion.

Lightning: The guy who faced off against Natasha in the finale. Seems like he's a fan favorite, he's had several big heroic moments, and he's just darn fun to write.

Victor: Another last minute choice. But he's an overall decent guy who's had some pretty big heroic moments in the past. I'm a little wary of him being the first boot, but I had plans for everyone else.

Kitsune: Season two finalist. Final Five in first season. Main rival of two separate main antagonists... need I go on?

Scarlett: Now I know I said that DJ not being in World Tour was the second most controversial decision, at the time I considered this to be the most controversial one as she was never really heroic on her own outside a couple of confrontations with Mal. But, I came across some Cody/Scarlett fanfics and fell in love (no pun intended) with the pairing. And since I had the opportunity to do it here, I did.

Honorable Mentions: Ezekiel: Was originally in Angel's spot before all the cast predictions made me rethink. Yes he made it far and yes he had his rivalry with Fang, but as he could easily be called an All-Star, I'm not really sure he could be called a hero and he definitely couldn't be a villain.

Sierra: Was originally in Victor's spot, right down to being the first boot. She was clearly a hero during her short tenure, but I just wasn't sure what else I could do with her. And since I'd swapped Zeke for Angel, I needed to lose an original female and both Kitsune and Scarlett were nonnegotiable.

Zoey: I'm honestly surprised at how many people were expecting Zoey to be here as she didn't really have that great an impact on the game in my opinion. At least not to the extent of Kitsune or Scarlett. She was definitely the fourth choice for a female from the first generation, but even in the earliest planning I could only have three.

DJ: Arguably should be here more than Victor. But I knew that spot was going to be the first boot and I just couldn't do that to the guy.

Tyler: Was also considered to replace Sierra, but of the two Victor just seemed more... heroic.

Well, I hope that you all understand some of what I was thinking of with this cast. I think it's safe to say these next dozen episodes are gonna be...interesting.

Let me know what you thought of the cast, the premiere, and the season itself.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDAS Elimination Table:**

 **14th Place:** Victor


	2. Evil Dread

**Author's Note:** A couple of announcements this week. First of all, I'm back on my personal laptop. Guys I'm so frickin' happy about this. Also, I've decided to change the upload time to Thursday afternoons or evenings. And finally, I've been asked about the possibility of covering Total DramaRama in the Randomverse. Now knowing that that's an AU of the Total Drama continuity I'm thinking that if I do this, I can include scenes and/or chapters about the cast later in life. I also have a preliminary cast set up; Duncan, Gwen, Harold, Jude, Kitsune, Leshawna, Malcolm, Noah, Scarlett, Victor, Zoey. So let me know your thoughts.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **Guest #1:**_ Sorry to disappoint you with Victor not making the merge. I really like the idea of the reuniting. Of course some of the less liked All-Stars are going to be trouble. I'm not surprised to hear you rooting for those three, they were quite popular last season. I meant to say 'crunching' it's almost word for word to something Bridgette said in canon.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ I'm not surprised you were so close to getting them all right. I kinda had it set up from day one like that. Honestly, I forgot about Noah when I was making that list. I'll add in why I didn't choose him later but basically everyone in canon talks about choosing to come back and since I made it clear that Noah doesn't want to compete that he couldn't be in this season. The Fang scene was random, your review was when I first noticed that it was the Final Four. This version of Scarlett I think has a lot in common with Cody. A hint for the thing that happened: it actually happened in between seasons 2 and 3, but it wasn't discovered until before season 5. I could see myself doing that in a later chapter, but right now it's not quite going to work considering where I'm going with the two. And I'm back to once a week.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ __That's pretty high praise, let's hope I can keep you feeling that way. I did consider ScarlettxSierra in World Tour, but considering Sierra was previously crushing on Harold it just seemed... weird. But I'm hoping I can get you guys as excited for Scarlody as I am. And since I might not get into it in other bonus clips, Victor set it up with the producers to use one of his family's hotels as the season's Playa des Losers. It's not that odd you considered Zeke for this season, he was supposed to be in this season before I changed it at the last minute. You have interesting predictions, and I seriously didn't notice that thing with the finalists.

 _ **TheChrisanthemum:**_ Thanks! I'm really glad you liked the cast because I know that was one of the (many) complaints people (myself included) had about the canon season. You wouldn't belive how ticked I was that Justin wasn't going to be there... Anyaway I'm glad your okay both with Victor's inclusion and his elimination. Plus he's wasn't made too dumb to live just to justify it, I hope. As always with your premiere reviews commentiong will give too much away, so all I'll say is I hope you enjoy the rest of the season.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ Loving the enthusiasm. Yeah, it's great going back to the original cast. It's probably just as well Sierra didn't make the cut. I don't think I would've gotten away with her being the first boot. While I'm not too sure how exactly Scarlody will go, it will end on a better note than Scourtney. And Zoey's tarot card skills aren't good enough to pick up on disasters of that scale. Yeah, even the villains aren't too happy with Chris putting Mike on their team. And their villains.. I don't think being without Zoey is too much of a hindrance for him though.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ Scarlett was a bit of a wild card this season. But I think she's earned her place as both an All-Star and a hero. Even if she's more of an anti-hero. I didn't see it either when I first saw them paired in a fic, but the two just seem to have a natural chemisrty to me. If it helps, I'm calling them Scarlody. Yeah, that was probably a dead giveaway that Victor was going home, but it's not really a good idea for the first boot to come out of left field. And you have a sound logic for your predictions, but not being able to trust goes for all the Vultures other than Mike.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare :**_ Thanks! And I do have my old laptop back.

 _ **Guest #2:**_ Okay, so I don't really speak Spanish and used google to translate your review. So I'm sorry if my reply seems a little off. I'm glad you liked it and you like Kitsune coming back. Sorry, but I have no interest in pairing Natasha with anyone. However, one could say that CodyxScarlett could qualify as Scourtney 2.0 (boy from Revenge of the Island and Girl from the original cast.) I will say you're not the first one to think Noah and Lily would be a couple, and I can see it. But I do plan on doing a Ridonculous Race and I want to keep NoahxEmma going. That is all I can talk about though, so I hope you enjoy the rest of the season.

 _ **Piecesxoxo:**_ I'm glad you like the cast. And it wouldn't be Chris if he wasn't acting like a jerk.

 _ **Remaining All-Stars:**_

 _ **Heroic Hamsters:**_ Angel, Bridgette, Cody, Kitsune, Lightning, Scarlett

 _ **Villainous Vultures:**_ Alejandro, Heather, Jo, Lily, Matthew, Mike, Natasha

It's only the second episode, but let's see what our All-Stars can dig up.

* * *

 **Episode 02: Evil Dread**

"Last time, on Total Drama!" Chris opened, the series's capstone theme opening up over a shot of Wawanakwa Island. "I welcomed the All-Stars to the newly decontaminated island," the host said, the recap montage starting off with Victor's belly flop from the helicopter into the cluster of other campers in the lake below, and Chris watching the resulting splash from the dock.

"Then, it was Heroes versus Villains," the thirteen teens were shown washed up on shore, then standing with their new teammates – first the Hamsters, then the Vultures, "diving into shark-infested waters," Cody and Lily jumped off the cliff only to be confronted by Fang and his two non-mutant companions, "in search of the _one_ key," the cynic was shown picking a large black key up from the sandy lake bed, "that would open the door to the all-new McLean Spa Hotel, for _winners only_!" The large, high-class building adorned was shown from the outside first, before the camera cut inside to a luxurious room with Greek columns and pictures of the island and host lining the walls, a comfortable modern-looking arm chair standing next to a massage table, and a small polar bear skin rug lying on a fine red carpet before a wood-burning stove.

"Thanks to Heather's attitude," the queen bee was shown pushing Alejandro away from her and in doing so knocking the robot towards the cliff edge, "we learned that inside every robot beats the heart of a hipster." The robot landed in the lake and was attacked by the shark trio, causing it to explode and reveal Matthew to the other contestants. "In _this_ case, Matthew. Unfortunately, even though the Heroes had an early lead," Victor was shown excitedly pushing his teammates one-by-one, getting more tired until he looked exhausted when pushing Scarlett, "it was Victor who cost them their lead _and_ the challenge and Matthew who won it for the Villains," Chris finished as the hipster was shown celebrating, and the whole team was shown cheering in the Peanut Gallery at the elimination ceremony.

"And so it was no surprise that the Heroic Hamsters bid farewell to one of their most kindhearted members," Angel was shown receiving the final marshmallow of the night to Victor's acceptance, "via our newest and most humiliating com- _mode_ of transportation!" The recap cut to the Flush of Shame with the season's first loser already inside it; his former teammates cringed in disgust, Chris pressed the button on his remote, and Victor was flushed away. "The _Flush_ of _Shame_!"

"Who will be next to pop through the pooper?" the host asked the camera after the montage cut away to him and Chef on the dock. "Find out, right now, on Total! Drama! _All-Stars_!"

 **XXXXX**

[Though the overall sequence had been shortened for the season, it opens much the same as it has previously – a shift into letterbox format and a focus on the tops of some distant pines. A stage light, sleek and shining with a price tag still attached, rotates up and turns on; then the focus cuts to an angled shot of a different group of trees as a spotlight, also shiny and new, swings down and turns on; then a small video camera pops out of some burrow next to a spray bottle of some cleaning solution, knocking away a roll of paper towels as it emerges; then a second camera pops out of a tree hollow along with a scrub brush, bar of soap, sponge, and a load of soap bubbles. Pale arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, cutting the scene to the Dock of Shame. The camera flies forward, swinging past the Wawanakwa sign and then the final few posts of the dock, rising up to show the spa hotel as Chris and Chef landed their red helicopter in the common area.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera flies past the helicopter and up the thousand-foot cliff, cresting the peak and diving into the lake below, where Angel plays tug-of-war with Heather over a large treasure chest while the Drama Machine sits and sparks nearby, both girls in their swimsuits.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Angel and Heather set the chest down and to their shock it bursts open to reveal not only a cloud of bubbles and the Mike-onut and several McLean Invincibility Statues, but also a twitching and awkwardly-folded Cody who floats up in his swim trunks alongside the wooden heads. The Drama Machine explodes and the shot cuts to a small patch of bubbles on the surface, then zooms out to show the remaining swim-dressed campers lined up according to their teams – the villains holding red dueling sticks on the left on a wooden raft, a hollowed-out log, another wooden raft, and a green canoe; the heroes holding gold dueling sticks on the right on an inflatable raft, a wooden raft, another inflatable one, and a red canoe. The camera zooms in and moves between them as they clash – vicious Jo against hesitant Victor; smug Alejandro shoving away shocked Bridgette with one hand; Natasha ducking from Kitsune's strike and causing her to fall into the lake; Mike, as Vito, brutally thrusting the end of his dueling stick into Scarlett's stomach; and Lily and Lightning angrily slamming their sticks against one another; Matthew falls from the sky and into the lake, dousing the former almost-couple and the camera.]

[The water dries away from the camera lens showing the campfire and Cody and Scarlett leaning in with eager smiles against the full moon...only for Kitsune to suddenly pop up between them with a cheesy grin, causing the two geniuses to look away with blushes. The camera zooms out further, revealing the other cast members sitting on the stumps around the fire – Angel, Lily, Bridgette, Lightning, Matthew, and Victor on the left; Mike, Alejandro, Heather, Natasha, and Jo on the right. The zoom continues even further, showing the signboard over the firepit's entrance which now read 'Total Drama All-Stars', with the dash replaced by a star.]

 **XXXXX**

A short, dull note opened the episode as the camera zoomed slightly towards the losers' cabin, a red bird flying in front of it as a yawn filled the air. The scene cut inside to show Lightning stretching his arms and sitting up in his top bunk along the left wall, then crack his back and rub it in irritation. "Sha-danged crappy bed," he complained. "How did Lightning last as long as he did sleepin' on _these_?"

"I know," Cody chimed in, the camera panning across to show him lying in the other top bunk. "And knowing there's a spa hotel just a few feet away makes it worse. But I'm looking on the bright side."

"Which is?" Lightning asked, swinging his legs over the side of his bed and sliding down to the floor. The creaky thump of his landing made both boys wince.

"That Jo screwed herself out of it," Cody smiled as he slid down to the floor.

"You gotta point there Smart Guy," Lightning said, flicking away a large red mosquito as it landed on his arm.

\

The shot cut to the left front window of the cabin as the mosquito smacked against it, and the camera panned to the right onto the door to the girls' half of the building. It faded inside to show Angel just waking up with a yawn and a smile, then hop down to the floor to show her in a long white night gown.

"Good morning Bridgey-bear," she said, the camera zooming out to show Bridgette sitting in the bunk below the one Angel had vacated.

"Good morning Angelfish," the surfer replied, the two sharing a chaste kiss and smile that turned mildly embarrassed when a familiar giggling filled the room.

"You two are so sickeningly sweet, I'm gonna get a cavity rooming with you," Kitsune told them as she walked over to them. The still sleepy mutterings of their fourth roommate got the attention of the three girls and the camera.

"That's a fascinating device Cody," Scarlett muttered with a smile. "I have goosebumps."

The shot cut back to the awake girls as they all let out an 'Awww'.

XXX

"I'm really diggin the newbies on my team," Kitsune told the outhouse. "Bridgette and Angel are so dang cute it should be illegal and Cody reminds me of the little brother I always wanted. Lightning's straddling that line between funny and annoying, but I do too so I can see us getting along," she added with a shrug.

XXX

Scarlett yawned and sat up in her bunk, and immediately noticed the looks being shot her way. "Why are you all staring at me like that?"

"Room service, suckas!" Chef suddenly called out, drawing the attention of all four heroes and the camera to the cabin door as a bucket of gruel was shot through it as though by a cannon.

The girls screamed, with Kitsune adding "What the heck Chef?" as gruel splattered the walls, the bucket bounced back to the front of the room, and a sharp and dramatic tune played.

"Heeeeere's _breakfast_!" Chef told them, sticking his head through the hole in the door and cackling darkly as he pulled it back out.

"Thank you Chef!" Angel said sweetly, the shot panning back to show her wiping the gruel off her face and stuffing it in her mouth.

Scarlett growled in annoyance and wiped the gruel off her face as well, but merely let it slide off her hand. "We _must_ win the next challenge and get into that spa hotel!" she declared before the sound of eating drew her attention downward.

An odd tune played as the camera moved to Kitsune scooping gruel up off the floor. "Man," she said after stuffing it into her mouth and grimacing, "this stuff tastes worse than those bull testicles first season..."

Scarlett raised an eyebrow in disbelief, Bridgette gagged, and Angel just smiled uncomfortably.

\

The scene cut back outside the losers' cabin, and as the opening bars of a classical music piece began to play the camera panned to the spa hotel. "Now _this_ is the life," Natasha said in delight before the shot cut inside to him and Mike sitting at opposite ends of a long covered dining table. Four more high-backed red-cushioned chairs sat on the far side of the table between the two, and exactly three fancy glass chandeliers were hanging overhead. The five windows along the back wall were lined with fine maroon drapes, and off to the left side was another table bearing several large fruits and other breakfast foods. "I think I might buy this place once I win the million!" the mastermind said after swallowing another of his sausages. "I woke up at five to watch the releasing of the doves," he added as the camera cut out to show an elderly white butler laying another plate filled with sausages and fruit on the table in front of the chair next to him. "It almost made me believe in the inherent goodness of man."

"Yeah, this is the kind of treatment a genius like me deserves," Matthew said as he sat down next to Natasha. His clothes and hair were looking back to normal, and he was once again clean-shaven, but he now sported an eye patch over his right eye. "And as long as we keep the dead weight focused on the game we'll get it all season."

"I like the way you think," Natasha told him, the two boys clinking their juice glasses together as an eerie organ tune played. "What's wrong with you Mike?"

"What _isn't_ wrong with him?" Matthew replied under his breath.

"Huh?" the comedian said in a distracted tone, looking up at the mastermind. "Just thinking about what Jo's doing on Boney Island."

\

A bolt of lightning flashed across a sky filled with dark clouds, an ominous tune beginning as the camera panned down to a close up of the jock-ette in question. She seemed to be looking down at something with a look of concentration, her eyes moving back and forth. The viewpoint moved back a ways to show Jo perched atop a rock jutting out of a small bay, a stick raised at the ready.

A catfish swam by through the water, and when it leaped into the air Jo whacked it with her stick. It flew across the water and landed on the beach, and the jock-ette smirked. "Hah! I knew surviving here would be easy!" she bragged...before to her surprise one of the island's monstrous native geese flew past her.

It landed on the sand and lifted the fish in its bill, only for Jo to immediately land next to it. "Gimme that fish back!" she said, grabbing her breakfast fish by the tail. She and the bird entered a tug-of-war over it, with Jo getting the upperhand first, only for the goose to flap its wings and drag her back to the left. But after they went off-screen again the sounds of a struggle ensued, and moments later Jo walked back into view with fish in hand.

"Stupid bird," she said. "They're all a bunch of wusses. Let's see, I might not have time to cook this...," she said before a growl caught her attention and she looked back to see a bear sitting next to her. "Bring it on you overgrown tacky rug," she said with a smirk.

The footage skipped ahead to show her running from a trio of bears and screaming.

\

"I've _been_ on a team with Jo," Lily said, the scene cutting from the bears to the cynic skewering a sausage with her fork. "And trust me when I say she is _not_ the kind of person you want to have an immunity idol."

"The same thing could be said about the majority of us," Natasha told her, pointing his fork in her direction. "But I _do_ agree that Jo should not be allowed to be that powerful."

"Then why not throw the next challenge?" Matthew suggested, narrowing his eye. "Vote her off and get the idol out of play."

"And give up all _this_?" Lily asked incredulously as she gestured around her. "Not gonna happen."

"Good point," the hipster conceded. "This was the first night in a year that I fell asleep without passing out due to exhaustion. That robot suit didn't do anything good for my circadian rhythm."

"Yeah," Lily said dryly. "I don't care so I'm going to ignore you now."

\

The scene cut to the parlor that had been shown in the episode's introduction and recap, with Heather sitting in the arm chair with her feet up on a stool and Alejandro lying shirtless face-down on the massage table while the pony-tailed female intern gave a hacking tapotement to his back.

"Quit hogging the masseuse!" Heather complained.

"First come, first serve," Alejandro replied, his tone suggesting a smirk.

"What was that the rule when you dated _Faith_ before flirting with _me_?" the queen bee asked angrily.

The charmer sighed. "Yes, there was a time period between the second and third season that Kitsune and I were a couple," he said, lifting his head and propping himself up on his folded arms. Heather was taken aback by his appearance – he seemed to have had strips of paper placed over his eyebrows. "But we mutually agreed that we were better as _friends_."

"And _when_ were you planning on telling me huh?" Heather asked angrily. "I had to find out on Stalker Girl's blog and-wait...," she leaned closer to him and squinted, "are you getting your _eyebrows_ waxed? Wow."

"They call it _manscaping_ ," Alejandro defended "because it is very _manly_." He suddenly grew angry. "And maybe I didn't tell you because it's not as big a deal as you're making it! I flirted with everyone to get ahead!"

"Well how am I supposed to feel with you always hanging around your ex?" Heather asked.

"If you still don't trust me after all this time," Alejandro said seriously, "then I see no reason to work with you."

"Fine!" Heather said, crossing her arms and turning away.

"Fine!" Alejandro replied.

XXX

"Puh- _lease_ ," Heather mocked in the confessional. "This 'Why don't you trust me?' routine is just a bogus act to make me apologize and be the one who begs _him_ to go out. Well newsflash! I am _not_ falling for him." Her eyes widened and she hastily corrected " _It_! Not falling for _it_!" Her eyes nervously darted around the outhouse.

XXX

"Heather is still the radiant beauty she has always been," Alejandro confessed. "Her glossy locks, her perma-frown, the way the light catches the hair on her upper lip when she yells at me. I know she's not as upset with me as she pretends to be. It's all an act to make me come begging her for a date. But I have the patience of a cocodrilo. A devilishly _handsome_ cocodrilo. I will _not_ break before she does," he said confidently... before his eyes widened and he started to look nervous.

XXX

"Attention, campers!" Chris announced over the camp's loudspeakers. "Iiiiiiiit's _challenge time_!" The shot cut back to the massage parlor. "Get your hineys down to the beach, pronto!" Heather and Alejandro and even the intern massaging him all looked up.

"Great," Heather spat. "Now I don't get to enjoy the masseuse."

"Her hands were truly magical," Alejandro said with a grin that made the intern blush... before she winced as Heather kicked the charmer in the groin.

\

The scene cut to the sparkling lake, the camera rotating up to show the beach as the team logos spun into place on either side of the screen – Heroes on the left, Villains on the right. Both teams were assembling themselves on raised circular platform, the highest and widest parts being in their respective colors. A line had been made down the center of the sand using rocks, and at the far end of the line was a covered platform raised up on wooden stilts. Chris could just be made out standing within it.

Lily hauled herself up to the Villains' platform and sent a tentative wave toward Lightning. The uber-jock, however, merely frowned, and looked away, earning a hung head from Lily.

"Ooh, somebody's _invisible_ ," Chris taunted. "Harsh! This is why TV romance is _never_ a good idea." The shot cut over him, revealing that he'd added a red beret and ascot to his usual outfit, as well as sunglasses.

He looked to the side, and the music became strangely hollow yet still triumphant as the old Boat of Losers drove by with Jo on the back; the jock-ette leaped from the ship, flipped through the air, and landed easily on the Villainous Vultures' platform.

"So," Natasha said. "Did you find the statue?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" the jock-ette suspiciously, her arms crossed as Natasha leveled a glare at her.

XXX

"Yes I _would_ like to know Jo," Natasha griped in the confessional. "That's why I asked! What was I thinking helping her get as far as she did?"

XXX

"I'm stronger than Silent Treatment, Dye Job, Loser McLatin, Hagther, Robo-Dork, and Multiple Mike _combined_ ," Jo told the outhouse. "It doesn't matter if I find the statue or not because if they wanna _win_ , they better keep me on."

XXX

"Bonjour, mes campers!" Chris opened in a pathetic attempt at a French accent, spreading his arms wide. "Some of you will recall our season three Parisian 'find and build a sculpture' debacle."

"Not all of it," Mike said warily. Matthew huffed and rolled his eye.

"Well, _this_ time," Chris continued, ignoring the interruption as the camera cut outward and panned from the back of the heroes to the back of the villains, "our interns have buried 3d puzzle pieces all over the beach, seven pieces per team." The shot cut back to his booth. "Find all your pieces and assemble them on your platform to recreate one of the landmarks visited on our World Tour. First to finish wins."

As he spoke, the shot cut to the Heroes as they looked at one another.

"Since the Villainous Vultures won the first challenge," Chris explained as the shot moved back to him, "they get to dig with shovels! INCOMING!" He raised a hand and called out, he camera cutting down to Chef on the back of the old Boat of Losers in his pilot's uniform. He tossed seven shovels towards the chosen team, and the shot followed them spinning through the air before they reached their targets. Jo and Natasha on the left end of the line caught theirs easily enough, but Heather shrieked and closed her eyes and drew her hands close to her body, leaving Mike to catch the next shovel. Matthew was less lucky, with the fourth shovel's blade smacking into his face as he caught it by the handle, and Lily also cried out in panic at the tool that was hurtling towards her, but Alejandro caught it before she was hit.

"For you chica," he told her, handing the shovel over with a smile that was met with a raised eyebrow and a flat note in the music. Alejandro reached over his shoulders with both arms to catch the last two shovels as Heather walked over.

"Shovel please," Heather said rudely.

"Surely someone as radiant as yourself shouldn't waste time digging in the sand?" Alejandro replied smoothly. The camera cut to Lily as she winced at the sound of something metallic, and followed Heather as she walked by with a slightly dented shovel. The shot followed her gave to a groaning Alejandro, with the imprint of a shovel visible on his face.

"Hey!" Kitsune exclaimed in annoyance, walking to the right across her team's platform with her hands crossed. "Where are _our_ shovels?" She blindly walked off the platform and land on her belly in the sand. Before she could say anything, the sand under her collapsed into a deep moat, sucking her down with a startled cry.

"Aaaaand, getting on and off your platforms will be challenging, due to the moats," Chris explained as the camera panned back right across the Heroes' moat. The shot then cut to the Villains' platform as Jo reached her shovel down and poked the ground with a wary look, the sand promptly collapsing with a puff. "That are filled with-" Chris began to continue before another scream from Kitsune cut him off.

"Aaaaahhh! What's with all the crabs?!" she asked, scrambling up to the top of her team's moat as several red crabs jumped and snapped around her, landing on her back and dragging her back down into the pit.

Chris laughed. "I don't know why, but it gets funnier every time," he said.

"It's not like we can't just jump over the moats," Matthew told his team condescendingly, jumping off the Villains' platform...and getting hit by a spring-loaded plank of wood that popped up the moment he landed and knocked him backwards into the moat. More crabs leaped up and snapped their claws as he cried out in pain, and the camera panned upwards to show all his teammates looking down without a lot of sympathy.

"Aaaand, ya _might_ wanna watch out for booby traps in the sand," Chris added impishly.

"So...what are _we_ supposed to dig with anyway?" Cody asked on behalf of his teammates.

"Sorry, but shovels are for winners only," Chris answered. He laughed again. "I guess you'll have to use hands. Your challenge starts, NOW!" he called out in a booming voice, raising and blowing his airhorn as the music rose sharply into something almost grand and blaring.

\

The camera looked up from below as the Heroic Hamsters formed a six-person circle. "So," Kitsune started slowly, "I'm thinking we should divide the beach into six areas and everybody pick one. Anyone got anything better?"

The perspective rotated to put Scarlett on the bottom of the screen instead of Kitsune. "Well," the brainiac said, "It would be better to split the beach into quadrants so our less physically capable members can team up on a quadrant."

Cody smiled, and the perspective rotated again to put him on the bottom. "So who's gonna team up with who?" the geek asked. "And who's gonna be by themselves?"

"How about I team up with Bridgette and Cody and Scarlett team up together?" Angel suggested another perspective rotation putting her and Bridgette on the bottom. "And Lightning and Kitsune could be by themselves?"

"Fine by me," Kitsune nodded. "Okay guys, let's get digging."

"Sha-woo! Go team hero!" Lightning exclaimed, putting his hand in the center of the circle where it was quickly joined by Cody, Bridgette, Angel, Kitsune, with Scarlett hesitantly looking away.

"That means you too Scarlett," Bridgette told her, the brainiac smiling and adding her hand a moment later.

XXX

"It wasn't a cruel jest," Scarlett said with a soft smile. "The rest of the heroes really do consider me one of them."

XXX

"Strategy people!" Jo shouted, already standing on the beach. "Stra! Te! Gy!" The music turned light and plodding and the camera cut outward, showing Heather and Matthew standing next to her and the other villains scattered around nearby digging in the sand with their shovels. "We should start from one end and dig to the other in a straight line."

"And what if all the pieces are at the other end huh huh?" Heather retorted. "We need _two_ lines that push toward the center. Right guys?"

"As to be expected, you're both _wrong_ ," Matthew told them with an eye roll. " _Obviously_ the best thing to do is to split the beach into six sections with one person ferrying the pieces to the platform as we find them."

"That won't work either," Heather complained. "What if one section doesn't have any pieces?"

"Are you gonna complain or are you gonna listen to me?" Matthew asked.

The shot cut to Natasha rolling his eyes.

XXX

"I don't know what Hagther and the One-Eyed Wonder think they're doing trying to take command," Jo said. " _I've_ led my team to victory more times than they have."

XXX

"Okay," Mike said, " _how_ did Jo make it as far as she did last season? She makes Matthew look like Victor!"

XXX

"The others might not think much of me now," the hipster said, leaning against the outhouse wall with his leg up on the seat, "but I won't let that stop me. This season not only am I gonna win, but I'm gonna use the money to buy this stupid island and make Chris watch as I burn it to the ground as payback for leaving me in that robot for a year!" He delved into maniacal laughter, the outhouse fading into flames against a red background.

XXX

The Hamsters' logo appeared on-screen as the camera panned across Angel and Bridgette all digging in silence further inland, the background music rising rapidly before cutting off into a soft trill. Zooming back from them showed Lightning looking curiously at a blinking red light at his feet. He poked it, setting off an explosion of clothing that blew him back.

"Ewwww, Chef's dirty laundry!" Chris laughed from his covered box.

Though sitting among the scattered clothing with a slouch hat on his head, Lightning's stunned expression quickly faded into a scowl. "Sha-nasty!" he exclaimed, tearing the hat from his head and leaping to his feet.

"Pret-tay, stin-kay!" Chris added.

Lightning just rolled his eyes, the camera suddenly zooming on him as he spat on his hands and rubbed them together. With another dramatic spike in the music he leaned down and dug through the sand impossibly fast.

The camera panned to the right, showing Cody, Scarlett, and Kitsune digging near the shoreline. "Nothing here," Kitsune said with a frown as she finished her hole. "Any luck on your end guys?"

"Nothing over here," Cody called out as the viewpoint cut to his and Scarlett's quadrant. "What about you Scarlett?"

"Sadly," the brainiac said, climbing out of a hole, "I haven't found anything either."

"Great," Kitsune said, rolling her eyes.

XXX

"I hate these kinds of challenges," the goofball confessed. "It could take _hours_ to find all the pieces."

XXX

"What about you girls?" Kitsune called out as the static cut away. "Find anything?"

"Nothing yet!" Bridgette and Angel called back.

"Sha-found one!" Lightning exclaimed to a short triumphant theme, the shot cutting to him as he pulled a large hunk of what looked like white marble out of a hole in the sand. Though the final statue's shape wasn't immediately discernible from the first piece, it at least appeared to have a square base.

\

"Fine, we'll work in a circular motion towards the center," Heather conceded as the scene flashed back over to her and Jo facing each other near the villains' moat.

"No," Jo countered, "start with the corners and move to the center in zig-zags!"

"Wrong again!" Matthew yelled at them, drawing their attention and causing the camera to zoom out to show him, Mike, Natasha, Lily, and Alejandro digging their holes. "We need to spread out our diggers evenly."

"Some team," Mike muttered under his breath.

"Exactly," Heather said quickly and pleasantly. "A team without a leader is like a horse without a head. It just runs around blind."

Matthew rolled his eye. "Yeah, a horse without a head isn't going to run _any_ where."

"And that's why _I_ should be this team's leader," Jo replied.

"No, _I_ should," Heather countered.

"No," Matthew declared as he walked over to the two girls. " _I_ should."

As the three started to argue, Mike's eye twitched. Suddenly he inhaled and hunched over with one eye closed. "What's with all the yellin'?!" Chester asked. "Back in my day we all just dug holes wherever we wanted and liked it!"

"I was wondering how long it'd take for him to show up," Alejandro mused to himself.

The shot cut to Lily rolling her eyes.

XXX

"Yeah," the cynic deadpanned. "Mike's not the only one getting frustrated with this 'team'. Also, don't judge me for what I'm about to do."

XXX

The music turned tense as the scene cut to Lily walking along the beach, the slouch hat Lightning tossed away in hand. She stopped and pursed her lips, and the camera zoomed out to show Chester digging in the sand.

"What do you want?" Chester asked.

"An adventurer," Lily replied placing the hat on his head. Chester inhaled and stood up straight with a smug look on his face. "Okay Manitoba," she said. "We're looking for statue pieces."

Manitoba held out a hand to stop her from talking, then walked three steps to the left and stuck his shovel in the sand, producing a metallic clank. With a wink he dug and picked up a square statue base that looked like it was made from black stone. "G'day Beauty," he said.

"Impressive," Lily told him sincerely.

"I know," Manitoba said, tossing the piece on the villains' platform. "But it looks like the _real_ treasure's right in front of me. Wink wink."

"Oh, I don't think so," Lily told him. She shoved him away from her, causing him to fall backward into the moat with a scream, earning the jumping, snapping ire of the crabs within.

"One booby traps!" Chris said as the series's capstone theme began to play over the sound of Manitoba's pain. "Two puzzle pieces! And two deliciously evil moats. It's still anyone's game, but, it won't be for long. Right here, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode faded back in to the host's close-up. "An hour has passed and the teams are still tied at one-all," he whispered. "Which, raises a pertinent question: _WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG_?!" The camera pulled back as he screamed, showing most of the campers still digging on the beach.

Both teams immediately started to protest, the heroes focusing on their lack of shovels while the villains complained about the sun and heat.

"Blah blah blah, whine whine," Chris mocked, leaning back in his chair as the music ramped up into a more typical challenge arrangement. "Hurry up! I have dinner plans!"

Natasha was shown walking over to Alejandro, the charmer pausing his dig to look up curiously while the mastermind just smirked. "What can I do for you amigo?"

"Nothing, I just need the girls from my season to be a little paranoid and them thinking I'm allying with you will do it," Natasha explained, earning an impressed look from Alejandro as the mastermind bent down to dig and got hit in the face by another spring-loaded board for his trouble. It sent him tumbling backward and into the villains' moat, the resident crabs quickly pouncing on him.

"Beuno," Alejandro said with a calm smile, lifting a piece from his hole uncaring to his teammate's pained yelps.

The shot cut to it landing on the villains' red platform next to the piece Manitoba had found. "And that's _two_ for the Villains!" Chris announced.

Scarlett was shown next, trying to pry a large half-buried piece out of the sand with her hands while Cody worked on a hole nearby. The camera focused in on him as a click gave him pause, and a sudden and rapid beeping caused him to panic. "Look out!" he cried out, turning and pouncing on Scarlett, taking her to the ground with him. The shot cut in for a close-up of their faces, eyes closed in anticipation of an explosion which came weakly and softly. They opened their eyes, and smiled at each other.

"Sorry about that. I guess it was a dud," Cody said sheepishly. A few dramatic notes played as he looked over his shoulder and the camera zoomed out, revealing a long, thin metal pole that was hooked under his shirt, bent around stiffly, and ended in the hole he'd dug. "Or...not?" Cody said in confusion before the pole's tension peaked and it swung back the other way, carrying the geek along the way. He flew into his teams' moat and landed with a cry, a thud, and the now-familiar chorus of pain and claw-snapping. Scarlett winced.

"Yes! Finally!" Lily said in excitement, lifting another bulky piece of carved black stone from a hole. She started to carry it back towards her team's platform, but suddenly stepped on something that caused a small, low bar to swing up out of the sand and sweep her feet out from under her. She gave a startled yelp as she fell backwards, and groaned as the statue piece she'd been holding landed on her chest.

The camera panned to Heather, who had been digging nearby. "Should've watched your step," she taunted, laughing as she lifted another black statue piece from the ground.

"Sha-bam!" Lightning cheered as the shot cut to him jogging across the sand with a hunk of marble in his arms, "Lightning found a-" He was cut off mid-line when a log suddenly shot out of the ground and caught him between the legs, raising him high off the ground. "-nother one," he finished in a high pitched squeak.

" _Nuts_?" Chris asked Chef, holding up a bowl of nuts as both men smiled at the uber-jock's pain.

The shot cut to Angel, who was walking towards the Heroes' platform while dragging a statue piece through the sand – one that looked quite like the head of the Statue of Liberty. She stopped and straightened up next to Kitsune and right outside the moat, and together they threw the piece up. It landed easily, and the two girls slapped five. "Thank you for the help," Angel said sweetly.

"No worries," the goofball said, shrugging halfheartedly. "Now let's find the rest of them."

"Sure thing," Angel said with a smile, walking away and humming a tune to herself.

\

A flash put the focus on Matthew as he struggled to haul a piece along by himself. Upon reaching the moat he found Natasha already standing there, arms crossed and eyebrow raised. "Make yourself useful and get this up there for me," Matthew commanded, holding the piece out to him.

He grabbed it. "Whatever you say," he said with a false sweetness before he heaved the piece into the platform.

"Looks like you're not _all_ useless," Matthew commented as he walked away... stepping on something that sent a spring-loaded punching glove into his stomach. He was pushed into Natasha, and the two villains fell into the moat with the now standard chorus of snapping and pained shouts.

\

The shot cut to Lightning and Cody, the two boys digging separate holes near each other. The uber-jock ended up vigorously and thoughtlessly shoveling sand into the geek's face, causing Cody to stumble forward in a fit of blind and hacking coughs. A sudden close-up of his feet showed him stepping on some kind of hidden pressure plate, causing a cannon of all things to pop out of the sand and fire off. Luckily for Cody he was hit with a cartoonish boxing glove rather than an actual cannonball, but it still doubled him over and knocked him to the ground.

Lightning stopped digging at the sound of the impact, and turned a blank look behind him. "Oh, sorry bro," he told his teammate. "Lightning was so in the zone he totally didn't see you!"

Cody just wheezed out a small cloud of sand.

The camera pulled back from them, showing Bridgette and Angel watching from a distance. "Does Lightning seem... edgier than usual?" the idealist asked.

"A little bit," Bridgette answered. "I think he's still mad at Lily about the way she treated him last year."

"But Lily really _did_ have feelings for him!" Angel protested. "She was heartbroken over how things ended."

"I know that," Bridgette admitted. "But Lightning's my friend and she really hurt him. Even if he's too proud to admit it," she added with a roll of her eyes.

Angel sighed. "Just like Lily's too proud to admit that she actually cared for him."

Bridgette shook her head. "If only we could get them to talk to- wait a minute," she began to suggest before noticing something to the side and furrowing her brow. "What's he doing?" she asked, the music becoming tense, soft, and trilling as the camera cut to a shot of the Villains' area from Bridgette's perspective. It was focused in on Matthew, who was standing above a hole near the border between sides. He looked around with a devious expression, then bent down and started filling the hole back up with his hands.

The shot cut in closer as he finished flinging sand and stood up, only to be faced with a glaring Scarlett standing over him when he turned around. "For the record," she began with a death glare, "that warning I gave you third season applies _here_ as well."

"Or what?" Matthew replied rudely, "you'll try to blow me up again?"

Scarlett gasped, then hung her head.

"That's what I thought," Matthew said. "Now how about you leave me alone and go play nice with all the other heroes? You _might_ convince them not to vote you off that way. Of course I don't care either way."

Scarlett paused, gave the hipster a halfhearted glare, then sighed and walked away. Matthew laughed and started to walk away as well, but a sudden shout of 'Hey!' caused both him and Scarlett to pause.

"What's going on here?" Cody said, arms crossed and attempting to look threatening.

Matthew looked the geek over, then doubled over in hysterical laughter. " _This_ is who you have fighting your battles this season? Oh how the mighty have fallen."

"I think you should apologize to the lady," Cody said sternly.

"And who's gonna make me?" Matthew asked mockingly. "I don't know if you know this, but this 'lady' is a sociopathic murderer _and_ she robbed me of my spot in the finale. Chris was an idiot making her a hero."

Cody got in Matthew's face. "I won't say it again," he said even more sternly than before. "Apologize."

Matthew's eyes widened, then he began to laugh. "Oh I get it. You have _feelings_ for her. How pitiful. I know your first choice would rather date a woman, but I didn't think you'd stoop _this_ low just to get a girlfr-"

To Matthew and Scarlett's surprise, Cody punched the hipster directly in the face. Matthew fell to the sand and covered his nose. "You idiot!" he shouted, standing up and still holding his nose. "You _will_ pay for that, I promise you." He walked away, muttering something under his breath.

Cody still glared at Matthew as he retreated, but his gaze softened when he heard Scarlett say 'Thank you' softly.

"I actually came over here to tell you I found a couple more pieces," the geek explained with a sudden bashfulness. "But then I heard your conversation and... I couldn't let him talk to you like that."

The two heroes walked away, and the camera panned over to show Matthew shooting the two a dark and hateful glare.

XXX

"I will _not_ suffer an embarassment from that weak and pathetic-" the hipster griped before being taken over by a growl and shout of pure rage.

XXX

"You know amigo, pretending to form an alliance is an impressive strategy," Alejandro told Natasha, helping the mastermind dig up another piece of the villains' statue. "However _actually_ forming one would be even better."

"You don't say," Natasha said thoughtfully as they hauled the black rock out of the hole they'd dug. "You're not exactly trustworthy, why should I ally with you?"

"Because," the charmer said smoothly, taking the statue piece from him, "I was the best strategist from my generation, and you are the best of yours. The others will more than likely target us first so we need some measure to protect ourselves."

"You have a deal," Natasha said with a smirk as the two parted ways.

XXX

"Hah!" Alejandro bragged. "I only need to ally myself with two more players and I'll have this team under _my_ control."

XXX

"I think I have a pretty good understanding of how my teammates think," Natasha told the outhouse. "Alejandro and Heather are having a lover's quarrel that's taking thir minds off the game. Keeping them at each other's throats will be beneficial, but they might be more distracted if they get together. I'll have to observe them more and see," he added while rubbing his chin. "Jo and Matthew's egos seem to have taken up the majority of their rational thinking. As such, I don't see them being a threat. Lily's frustration at the state of her relationship with Lightning puts a target on _her_ back as well, considering she's taking it out on the rest of us. And Mike?" He shrugged. "His alternate personalities _do_ make him a threat, but his insistence on teamwork means I won't have to worry about him until the teams merge."

XXX

Then scene flashed over to the Heroes as Cody and Scarlett threw the two statue pieces the former had found up onto their platform, then high-fived.

"So, how many does that make?" Kitsune asked, walking over to join them.

Cody replied by jumping up and grabbing the edge of the Hamsters' platform, then climbing on top of it. "We got, six out of seven!" he called out after taking a moment to count.

"Excellent," Scarlett nodded, the camera cutting outward from her to show that Bridgette and Lightning had come over as well. "Some of us should start working on the puzzle with Cody while the rest of us keep digging."

"Sounds like a plan," Bridgette told her. "You do the puzzle, we need our smartest players working on it," she added. Scarlett nodded and jumped to reach the platform.

"We should be good with the geniuses," Kitsune added with a shrug. "So I guess the three of us and Angel should keep digging."

"Speaking of, where _is_ Nice Twin anyway?" Lightning asked as the heroes looked around, and the shot cut to the idealist in question as she exuberantly ran across the beach.

" _Coming_ ~!" she sang, right before stepping on a hidden plate that sprung back up, launching her towards the lake with a scream. Right before she hit the water a motorboat sped into her path, causing her to bounce off it before splashing down in the water.

"When we did our safety test," Chris told the camera as it cut to him and Chef in the covered box, "that boat wasn't there."

"As if we _test_ these things," his assistant pointed out, causing both men to laugh.

A trail of bubbles was shown moving along the surface of the lake, and when it reached the shore Angel trudged from the water with a look of confusion. "I'd rather not do that again," she said, quickly shaking off the daze and running onto the beach to continue digging along with Bridgette, Lightning, and Kitsune.

The camera pulled back to show Lily watching them from afar, her gaze seemingly pointed at her 'former' crush. A perspective change showed her sighing wistfully, only to stop as Manitoba walked up with a smirk on his face.

"You know," he said suggestively. "I could help take that frown upside down."

Lily huffed. "Walk away, digiri-dunce"

"Just sayin'." Manitoba told her, walking away with a smug look as Lily turned her gaze back towards Lightning.

XXX

"Yeah," Manitoba said in the confessional. "She's a wily one, but that's just how I like 'em."

He suddenly inhaled and returned to Mike. "Uh... aren't you _married_?" he asked.

He inhaled again and returned to Manitoba. "Hush it mate, she doesn't need to know that."

XXX

The music was tense and pounding as the camera panned across the Heroes' statue pieces. "This all looks so familiar but I just can't place it," Scarlett said, the shot cutting to her and Cody standing over the puzzle and rubbing their chins in thought. The brainiac suddenly snapped her fingers, however, and declared "Of course! The Statue of Liberty!"

"Wow, that's obvious in hindsight," Cody added, the two geniuses sharing a high-five.

"Found one!" Alejandro announced as the camera moved to the villains, the charmer holding up what appeared to be the face of a clock while Matthew and Heather stood up with interest in the background. He became quiet as he swiftly counted under his breath, reaching seven and grinning. "That's all of them! Quickly, we must start building!" He took off running, the camera showing him passing Manitoba and Lily, causing them to perk up and give chase once Matthew and Heather had passed as well. Jo and Natasha brought up the rear, passing right in front of the camera.

Alejandro was shown easily leaping onto the platform, but Matthew managed to misstep and had to grab the edge to keep from falling in the moat. He was stuck in his position for a second before Heather ran up his back onto the platform. "Keep still," she told him before Manitoba used him as a ramp as well.

"Thanks mate," the survivalist told him.

"Thanks, teamie," Lily added snidely as she became the third to run up the hipster's back. The camera zoomed in on Matthew face as he grit his teeth and growl in irritation.

"Comin' through!" Jo called as she too used Matthew as a ramp, another piece in her hands.

"Spasibo!" Natasha said as he ran up the one-eyed boy.

Matthew growled, then yelled in pain when a crab jumped up and clamped onto his nose.

The shot cut to the top of the Villains' platform. "Come on people, put this thing together already!" Heather commanded over the fast-paced challenge music, the camera quickly pulling back and panning right over her hectic teammates... and Matthew subtly knocking the piece Jo had found into the moat with his foot.

"Try these two together," Alejandro said, pointing from the large and boxy piece he was holding to a couple other piece lying between him, Manitoba and Jo. The survivalist reached for one of them, only for the charmer to correct him. "No, that one!"

"Shouldn't we try to work from the bottom up?" Natasha suggested, picking up the piece that was clearly the base.

"Hey, that sounds like a great idea!" Matthew declared with a level of enthusiasm that took Natasha off-guard. The hipster grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him in close, then whispered "So it turns out you're not a complete idiot. How about we form an alliance?"

"Considering your chronic backstab syndrome?...no thanks..." Natahsa said warily, ducking under the hipster's arm and walking away with the statue base still in his hands. Matthew was shocked for a moment, then pursed his lips and narrowed his eye in annoyance.

\

The footage skipped ahead to a pan up the villains' partial statue, which had three pieces including the base that fit together perfectly to form the bottom of a square tower. Fourth was the large, boxy piece that Alejandro had been trying to fit with the others, but it didn't seem to work with what was below it. A smaller spire-like piece had been placed on top, and Alejandro was now fitting the clock face into an open hole in the front of the boxy piece.

"It's clearly a clock tower," he said as he stepped back to enjoy what he thought was the finished work. "Big Ben, to be specific."

\

"It's almost done!" Cody as the scene moved to the Heroes' platform, he and Scarlett standing around their nearly-complete Statue of Liberty.

"Yes, but we still are missing our final piece," Scarlett pointed out, prompting the camera to briefly zooming in on the missing right hand before cutting back to the two.

The viewpoint shifted to show Kitsune, Angel, Bridgette, and Lightning still digging at various distance along the Heroes' stretch of beach. "Don't worry guys, we'll find it," the goofball called out to her puzzle-solving teammates.

\

"Is it just me," Lily asked, the music fading out as the camera moved back to the Vultures as the model and the hipster tried to rotate the top of the clock tower to a more stable position on the bottom half, "or is this not fitting?"

"I hate saying this, but she's right," Matthew said as they set the three pieces onto the platform, ignoring them as they fell apart.

"Did we put it together wrong?" Natasha wondered.

"Maybe _Al_ miscounted," Heather suggested with a pointed look at Alejandro.

The charmer scowled at the hated nickname, then shook his head. "No no no, a Burromuerto _never_ miscounts. I found two of the pieces, while Lily, Natasha, Matthew, Jo, and Manitoba each found one. That's seven total. Did one of _you_ leave a piece on the beach?" he asked his teammates accusingly.

"Uh, no," Lily said, hands on her hips in offense.

"Yeah, I made sure my piece landed up here," Manitoba chimed in.

"Don't look at me," Jo said as the focus panned to her, "You all saw me carry my piece up here!"

"Hmph," Alejandro scowled. "Clearly one of you is mistaken. And that means we have to go back down and look for the last piece. _Again_."

The other Villains grumbled, but followed him back off the platform as the music became tense again. The camera cut down to the beach as they landed with Lily coming down last, losing her balance, and falling backwards into the moat. Her teammates ignored the flurry of leaping, snipping crabs that followed, but turned back in shock as they heard her shout "Hey, I found it!"

Seconds later the missing part of the tower landed on the sand, and Natasha walked over to pick it up. "Hold on, isn't this the piece Jo found?" the mastermind asked.

"What the...," the jock-ette said, climbing up to the lip of the moat and looking at the piece, "Someone had to have tossed it in the moat!"

"And sabotage their _own_ team?" Heather asked incredulously. "Who'd be dumb enough to do that?"

"Whatever," Lily said. "Just get it onto the platform so we can win!"

The shot cut over to the Heroes' side as Bridgette reached into the hole she'd dug and with a wide smile pulled out the torch-holding arm of their statue. "Guys, I found it!" she told her teammates, Lightning, Angel, and Kitsune looking over with excited smiles.

"Awesome, girl, throw it long!" the uber-jock told her as she ran past to the cheers of concern and encouragement of her teammates, and the camera cut in close as she stopped and threw the piece towards their platform.

Cody and Scarlett, watched it sail over their heads with growing smiles, an extended flat note giving way to a tune of glory as it landed exactly in its place. The shot zoomed out from the completed Statue of Liberty, showing it bathed in radiant light as the victors cheered.

"The Heroic Hamsters win!" Chris announced from the box he still shared with Chef. The Villainous Vultures groaned, Alejandro just about to slot the final piece of Big Ben into place as Natasha and Jo held the top half and Lily and Manitoba helped Heather and Matthew onto the platform.

"Spa hotel! Spa hotel" Cody and Scarlett cheered, jumping up and down and hugging one another.

"Ehem," Chris said in annoyance, drawing the attention of both camper and camera back to his semi-private seat. "I _do_ require a volunteer for exile duty!" he said with a smile.

"I'll do it," Angel said. "It should make up for how bad I've been at challenges and- Whoa!" She was startled when Chef suddenly grabbed her by the arm, the camera zooming in on her uncomfortable expression before zooming out to show her on the back of the Boat of Losers. It sped away, and the scene moved back to the beach as Lily nervously watched the victorious heroes walk by in the foreground.

"Oh hey Rudy," she called out to the uber-jock when he appeared on-camera, "congrats on winning!" Her 'former' crush stopped walking, but only to scowl at her. Lily was taken aback, but only for a moment. "So, umm, I bet you're really looking forward to spending a night in that spa hotel, huh?"

"Yeah, since I won't have to share it with _you_ ," Lightning said coldly before turning to walk away again.

Lily sagged in disappointment, and a few deep drumbeats were added to the music as she sulkily started walking down the beach as well...only to step on a hidden pressure plate that launched a bag of garbage into the air. Though she gasped in shock Lily failed to dodge the bag as it crashed down onto her, exploding into a mess of rotten fruit, old bottles, and strange juices best left unidentified. Covered in stinking, disgusting filth, Lily could only cough and shudder and cry.

The sound of clapping brought the camera back to the host. "Maybe you should leave being nice to the heroes," he told her. "It just doesn't suit you."

Lily just growled in frustration.

\

The scene faded forward to nightfall, the elimination theme opening up over the usual shot of moonlit Wawanakwa. "Welcome Hamsters!" Chris greeted the victors, the shot cutting to the five non-exiles sitting in the Peanut Gallery with the host standing before them. "Sit back and enjoy the show. Vultures," he turned as a deep note struck, the shot cutting to the seven villains on the stump seats, "it's time for you to vote off your first villain."

"So who do you think is getting the boot?" Bridgette asked.

"Who can tell?" Kitsune shrugged.

XXX

"Jo cost us the challenge," Lily pondered, "but Natasha's... _Natasha_. It's close."

XXX

"I don't know _who_ to vote for!" Mike exclaimed. "I can't trust any of them!"

XXX

"The following players are safe for another day," Chris announced as the static cut away to a shot of him from behind the front row of villains, Chef by his side holding the tray of marshmallows. The camera zoomed in on the papers Chris was holding up, and he threw away the blank cover page to reveal an unmarred photo of...

"Lily. Mike. Matthew. Alejandro Aaaand Heather." One by one the photos were revealed, and the five in question were shown receiving their prizes. "Jo, you're on the chopping block for messing up the challenge. And your horrible attitude."

"This is how _winners_ act," the jock-ette objected, her face falling into a scowl.

"Natasha," the camera panned to the apathetic mastermind, "you're on the block for being completely untrustworthy, which is sayin' a lot considering the team you're on."

Natasha just shrugged.

"And tonight's loser is...," Chris said, the bottom two breaking their glare the music became tense and trilling. The shot moved to the host's bland smile, to Jo's annoyed frown, to Natasha's raised eyebrow, to the final marshmallow, and the down to the untouched photo of Heather as Chris threw it away to reveal the crossed-out photo of...

"Jo!"

The young woman in question gasped. "What? Are you kidding?!" she yelled, the screen rotating about a central axis to transition the scene to the Flush of Shame and the somber farewell theme began to play.

"Are you all _nuts_?!" Jo angrily asked her former teammates who stood with the host on the Dock of Shame while she sat in the massive toilet's bowl. "I was your only hope of winning this season!"

Chris just smiled impishly and pressed the button on his remote, flushing Jo with a spinning scream. "Yeah, they all say that," he said with a laugh as the background music transitioned into the series's capstone. "Who's in line for a porcelain goodbye?" he asked the camera. "Find out next time, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

(Roll the Credits)

\

\

(Bonus Clip)

The clip opened with Jo floating upward out of a pipe, her cheeks bulging as she tried to hold her breath. A slow love song began to play as she gasped for air, then swam over to the concrete walkway lining whatever body of water she'd been put in. "Those idiots," she complained, clinging to the walkway but still mostly in the water. "I bet Natasha had something to do with this! Now I have to figure out where I am!"

She started to haul herself onto dry land, and to her surprise a muscular white-skinned hand reached down to help her up. "You're in Paris" a familiar gruff voice directed her attention upward, the camera panning to follow and zooming out to show the Eiffel Tower standing tall and proud and well-lit in the night.

Jo, dripping wet, scowled. "Great, the City of Wusses," she said before raising her head in sudden realization, then looking to the side as the camera panned over to show her savior. "Wait a minute, Eva? What are _you_ doing here?" she said to a scowling iron woman.

Before Eva could answer, she was interrupted by another familiar voice.

"Umm, loud cough of interruption?" the voice said, clearly female and even more clearly annoyed. "We've just been searching the riverside for the past couple hours. Waiting for you to get here has been like super. Annoying." The camera zoomed out a little bit as Jo looked to her right, rolling her eyes as none other than Amy walked up. "Like, I seriously don't even understand why _we_ had to come pick you up."

"The producers wanted the non All-Stars to make sure the eliminated contestants got back to Canada and-" Eva started before she was cut off.

"And we drew the short straws for this, I was there. I meant like why do they even _care_ about a bunch of losers?" Amy asked with her hands on her hips.

"Well I wasn't thrilled to be stuck with _you_ either," Eva shot back.

Amy just scoffed and snorted.

"Can we just get back to Canada now?" Jo asked impatiently.

" _Fine_ ," Amy huffed. The three surly girls walking off down the foot path.

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** And the season's villain is revealed. I knew Jo was going home this week because, there's really no where to go with her. So rather than having her take a level in dumbass, she gets targeted by Matthew. And if Matthew seems a little... off his rocker, it's only because being stuck in that robot suit affected him a lot more than it did Alejandro in canon.

Regarding Scarlody: It's worth mentioning that while pretty much everyone's forgiven Scarlett for Area 51, she hasn't forgiven herself. It's why she's shocked to be on the hero team and why she was shocked to find out that the other heroes see her as one. It's pretty much what's going to keep her for acting on her obvious feelings.

Also there will be no love triangle with Aleheather. That little revelation was something I had originally planned on dealing with in season three but it seemed too much like recreating the dreaded love dodecahedron in canon so I left it out. But since I needed something for tension between the two villains, I had it discovered in retrospect. I hope that works.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **14th Place:** Victor

 **13th Place:** Jo


	3. Saving Private Leechball

**Author's Note:** Sorry I'm late, I had some family matters to take care of. And for those of you wondering about the next cast: six from TDI, five from RoTI, one from PI, and 2 of my original characters.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **Guest:**_ Wow, you might be the one person who hates Jo more than I do. It's not just Mal, Matthew has no intention to be usurped by anyone. I'm glad you liked Matthew getting punched. I hope Lily and Lightning can make up. And don't worry, Lilning and Scarlody will happen.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Thanks! Cody punching Matthew was a World Tour reference. And I'm glad you like the non All-Stars in the bonus clips.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ It seemed creepy to them too. It's why it didn't last long. I do plan on the two of them making up. I'm not sure the details of Manitoba's marriage, but I read it on the wiki.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ It's certainly fun to think about. I'm glad you like Cody punching Matthew. I said that Matthew solved just as many problems as he created debuting when he did, he and Mal were what I meant. Making the clips interesting is why I added the non All-Stars.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ Well the plan was for her to always end up with Duncan, the possible relationship with Alejandro would've been a minor obstacle. I was really hoping people would like that punch. I did consider Mike for DramaRama, but I decided there was no real way I could do it and not be offensive. Honestly, kind-hearted as Lily is, she's really more focused on how something affects her more than anything else. And for the first time this season, wait and see.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ Yeah, Jo has some issues. The fact that Alejandro used to date Kitsune is an issue, but the fact that the two girls totally hate eaach other is another thing. Actually the robot only affected his mind. The eye was lost somewhere between being trampled, burned by lava, and thrown into the Boat of Losers. I'm glad you liked that Scarlody moment. I am going through with the team swap, but that's all I'll say. Thanks for the advice.

 _ **Sneak13579:**_ Thanks! I'll have to agree that Alejandro vs. Heather was the best in canon.

 _ **Felix Fiori:**_ Sorry, but Google's not making much sense with your thoughts about Natasha or Noah. But trust me when I say Matthew's brand of villainy doesn't much involve outsmarting people.

 _ **WeirdAlFan101:**_ Explained above.

 _ **Remaining All-Stars:**_

 _ **Heroic Hamsters:**_ Angel, Bridgette, Cody, Kitsune, Lightning, Scarlett

 _ **Villainous Vultures:**_ Alejandro, Heather, Lily, Matthew, Mike, Natasha

The teams are tied at six a piece. Perfect time for a war challenge.

* * *

 **Episode 03: Saving Private Leechball**

"Last time, on Total Drama All-Stars!" The recap montage began with Matthew getting smacked into her team's moat by a spring-loaded board, and was followed by Jo and Matthew arguing with Lily forcing Mike to change into Manitoba and the survivalist quickly finding a piece of the Villains' statue. "Our Heroes and Villains went digging for buried treasure, and uncovered a few nasty surprises." Cody tackled Scarlett to the ground away from another booby trap only to be flung around by a long metal pole, a garbage bag landed on Lily, and Chris laughed.

"Matthew tried to villain it up by picking on Scarlett," Matthew was shown berating Scarlett after she confronted him about his supposed sabotage and Cody punching him. "Too bad Cody as a _wicked_ left hook. But in the end Heroic Hamsters were victorious," the six heroes were shown cheering and celebrating alongside their completed Statue of Liberty, "and Jo annoyed her teammates," the jock-ette was shown trying to force the team to follow her command, then Mike and Natasha were shown complaining about her in the confessional and Lily was shown warning the other villains about her in the spa hotel, " _and_ cost them the win. Or _did_ she?" Jo was shown carrying the seventh statue piece to the platform and Matthew was shown knocking it into the moat, then Jo defending herself once the piece had been retrieved. "Either way she earned the royal flush from her teammates." The montage ended with Jo's Flush of Shame, the girl screaming as she circled the drain.

"Twelve competitors remain," Chris told the camera now with him on the dock. "Which one of them will ride the sewer system next? Find out right now, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

 **XXXXX**

[Though the overall sequence had been shortened for the season, it opens much the same as it has previously – a shift into letterbox format and a focus on the tops of some distant pines. A stage light, sleek and shining with a price tag still attached, rotates up and turns on; then the focus cuts to an angled shot of a different group of trees as a spotlight, also shiny and new, swings down and turns on; then a small video camera pops out of some burrow next to a spray bottle of some cleaning solution, knocking away a roll of paper towels as it emerges; then a second camera pops out of a tree hollow along with a scrub brush, bar of soap, sponge, and a load of soap bubbles. Pale arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, cutting the scene to the Dock of Shame. The camera flies forward, swinging past the Wawanakwa sign and then the final few posts of the dock, rising up to show the spa hotel as Chris and Chef landed their red helicopter in the common area.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera flies past the helicopter and up the thousand-foot cliff, cresting the peak and diving into the lake below, where Angel plays tug-of-war with Heather over a large treasure chest while the Drama Machine sits and sparks nearby, both girls in their swimsuits.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Angel and Heather set the chest down and to their shock it bursts open to reveal not only a cloud of bubbles and the Mike-onut and several McLean Invincibility Statues, but also a twitching and awkwardly-folded Cody who floats up in his swim trunks alongside the wooden heads. The Drama Machine explodes and the shot cuts to a small patch of bubbles on the surface, then zooms out to show the remaining swim-dressed campers lined up according to their teams – the villains holding red dueling sticks on the left on a wooden raft, a hollowed-out log, another wooden raft, and a green canoe; the heroes holding gold dueling sticks on the right on an inflatable raft, a wooden raft, another inflatable one, and a red canoe. The camera zooms in and moves between them as they clash – vicious Jo against hesitant Victor; smug Alejandro shoving away shocked Bridgette with one hand; Natasha ducking from Kitsune's strike and causing her to fall into the lake; Mike, as Vito, brutally thrusting the end of his dueling stick into Scarlett's stomach; and Lily and Lightning angrily slamming their sticks against one another; Matthew falls from the sky and into the lake, dousing the former almost-couple and the camera.]

[The water dries away from the camera lens showing the campfire and Cody and Scarlett leaning in with eager smiles against the full moon...only for Kitsune to suddenly pop up between them with a cheesy grin, causing the two geniuses to look away with blushes. The camera zooms out further, revealing the other cast members sitting on the stumps around the fire – Angel, Lily, Bridgette, Lightning, Matthew, and Victor on the left; Mike, Alejandro, Heather, Natasha, and Jo on the right. The zoom continues even further, showing the signboard over the firepit's entrance which now read 'Total Drama All-Stars', with the dash replaced by a star.]

 **XXXXX**

An owl hooted as the scene opened on the losers' cabin, crickets chirping in the dark outside and lights shining within. "Is it just me or are these cabins worse than usual?" Mike asked as the camera zoomed in to the cabin's left and cut inside to the comedian and Alejandro in their bunks.

"It certainly seems that way, amigo," Alejandro told him from the higher bunk. "Hopefully this will be our _only_ visit."

"How is a person supposed to sleep in these things?" Matthew asked, the camera moving to the opposite wall to show him lounging on the bottom bunk with Natasha seemingly asleep above him. "That robot was more comfortable than this!" He punched the supports to the bed and the top bunk broke free and fell on to him, causing both boys inside to groan in pain.

Natasha quickly dug himself out of the rubble and glared down. "Perfect job. _Now_ where are we supposed to sleep?"

Matthew got up a moment later, a number of nails and splinters sticking out of his hands. "CHRIIIIIIIIIIIISSS!" He yelled in anger, stomping on the destroyed bunk and recoiling in pain, hopping on one foot and the other with multiple nails and splinters sticking out of them.

The shot moved back to the other wall and Alejandro and Mike shared a look.

XXX

"One good thing can be said about Matthew," Alejandro told the confessional. "You know _exactly_ what you're getting with him. It isn't much of course, but it's always nice to know."

XXX

The scene cut back outside the cabin doors, and panned to the right onto the window of the girls' side. "I'm surprised you veterans never mentioned how nice it is to last longer than someone who beat you previously," Lily said as the camare zoomed in and cut inside to the two girls in their sleepwear sitting on the bottom bunks on opposite sides of the room.

"Now all we have to do is get rid of Matthew and Alejandro and we'll control this team," Heather answered a little too nicely with a sweet smile. "So why don't you and me form an alliance?"

Lily raised an eyebrow at her. "That's not the way I like playing the game. Sorry."

Heather's gentle smile turned venomous. "In that case, I'll see _you_ in the giant toilet," she said before laying down and turning her back on the cynic.

XXX

"It's not that I think I don't _need_ an alliance," Lily confessed. "It's just that I prefer to do whatever it takes to keep myself in the game rather than eliminating people at will. And right now being a free agent is the best thing. After all, with _this_ many villains on one team it'll only take two people to gain control. Mike is a given target for a voting bloc, and if I don't look too loyal to any one person than _I'm_ a good target too."

XXX

Another round of hooting echoed through the night air as the scene moved back to the common area, and the camera panned over to the source of the noise perched on the railing of a second-story spa hotel balcony. "Sshh, sir," the butler suddenly stepped out and told it, causing the owl to cringe sheepishly and utter another, much softer hoot.

A cut inside showed Cody stretching his arms and yawning as he walked through the green-walled, green-draped communal bedroom in his pajamas. He pulled back the checkered sheets of one of several beds with tall, cushioned headboards, and got in.

The music rose suddenly as Lightning vaulted over in his own nightwear with a cry of "Lightning _strikes_!", rolled in mid-air, and landed on his side on the bed beside the nerd. "How was _that_ for a landing, dude?" he asked his teammate.

"That was pretty awesome dude," Cody answered with a smile.

Lightning flopped onto his back with his hands behind his head. "Lightning could get used to this," he smiled, motioning to the room around them.

"You know it," Cody nodded. "We're livin' the high life now!"

\

The scene cut to the girls' room, where Kitsune was humming happily to herself as she walked to her bed in a white tank top and bright yellow short shorts. She passed by Scarlett, already draped in her long yellow nightgown as she slid beneath her own covers, and looked over at Bridgette still in her usual outfit and crouched on top of her bed. Her roommates watched in silence as the surfer looked over at the empty bed in the room and sighed.

"She's looking pretty down right now," Kitsune told Scarlett softly while sitting down on the edge of the empty bed between the brainiac and Bridgette.

"She misses Angel," Scarlett replied. "I imagine she must be feeling guilty looking at her empty bed while she's in the lap of luxury here."

"Makes sense," Kitsune shrugged. "I'm kinda worried about her myself. Boney Island's not exactly a pleasant place."

\

An immediate flash and dramatic spike in the music took the scene to the island in question, as ominously foggy and skull-shaped as ever. At least six grizzly bears were shown gathered around the base of the well-scratched tree, holding hatchets and bottles of ketchup. The camera panned up to the top of the dead tree to show Angel sitting unscathed and smiling on the highest branch alongside a squirrel.

"Well, the good news is we're safe for now," she told it. "But the bad news is I'm not sure how long that'll be true," she added with a frown. As she spoke she looked away from the squirrel, giving an opening for the rodent to throw an acorn at her head and chitter mischievously. Angel was caught off gaurd and fell to to the forest floor. The sounds of her screams and bears growling and cloth tearing told the story well enough.

\

The footage flashed ahead to morning, the shot cutting from the spa hotel exterior into the dining hall as classical music began to play. The camera panned to the right starting with Cody silently enjoying a plate of bacon and eggs and on to Scarlett, who was looking at a boiled egg with wonder on her face. "I never knew an egg could be so perfectly hardboiled," she said to herself and the camera passed by Bridgette eating a plate of fruit with a sad look and onto Lightning.

"Maple _bacon_?" he asked in glee as he stuffed his face with his breakfast. "Sha-best protein _ever_!" The camera finally landed on Kitsune, who seemed to be more juggling her boiled eggs than eating them.

"That settles it," the goofball said. "I never wanna lose again. Comfortable beds, edible food, the releasing of the doves," as she listed the amenities of the spa hotel the camera cut to Cody and Scarlett nodding to each other and stuffing some breakfast in their pockets then to Lightning and Bridgette doing the same.

"Attention campers!" Chris called out without warning over the camp's loudspeakers. "Forest recon in _five_ , over!"

\

The eleven campers were shown walking through the woods in single-file with their respective team logos above them, Heroes in front and Villains behind. "Listen, I'm sorry about what I said last night," Heather told her lone female teammate as the camera focused in on them. "It's been four seasons and I still need to remember that teamwork is the way to go. Apology accepted?"

"Uh... o...kay," Lily answered as a short but happy tune played.

XXX

"Teamwork?" Heather asked the confessional. "Don't make me barf. I'm _still_ gonna take control."

XXX

Heather moved on ahead of Lily, and Matthew came up from behind. "Look you're the only other competent player on this team," he said, receiving an unamused scowl in return, "and I think this team should be led by you because of it."

"Uhh...thanks?" Lily replied, taken aback.

XXX

"And getting Lily on _my_ side is the way to do it," Matthew said as if he was finishing Heather's sentence in the previous confessional.

XXX

"Because with her and Mike-" Heather added.

XXX

"-I'll have half the team following _me_." Matthew finished.

XXX

"Like I said," Lily told the outhouse. "No one's gonna scheme against the only person willing to work with them. I've just secured my safety until the merge."

XXX

The static cut away this time to show Lily now walking with Natasha, though she seemed to be paying more attention to Lightning who was walking with the other Heroes in front of them.

"Look who's gotten popular all of a sudden," Natasha told his teammate as the camera zoomed in on them, "and yet you're focusing on the dunderhead? interesting."

"You mean the one who beat you in the finale last year?" Lily smugly asked him.

Natasha's eye twitched. "Don't mind me," he said. "I'm just making observations."

"Excuse me Lily?" Alejandro called out.

"Hrmm," Natasha said to himself as the charmer came up to them.

"If _I_ were the one you flirted with like that, then I'd consider it an _honor_ just have worked with you so closely." Lily gave him a look that was half incredulous and half swooning.

"Just something to consider," Alejandro said as he walked past her.

XXX

"Heather and Matthew are trying to lure Lily into an alliance," Alejandro told the outhouse. "And I intend to beat them to it. Then _I'll_ be the one Heather needs," he said with a dark chuckle. "And Matthew!" he added suddenly added with wide eyes. "Heather _and_ Matthew."

XXX

A military drumline began to play as the static cut away to the host, now in army helmet and sunglasses. "At ease, soldiers!" he saluted the arriving campers. "Let's all welcome back exiled Hamster, _Angel_!" The shot panned to the right, showing Angel and Chef driving up in a jeep.

"Angelfish!" Bridgette called out in concern, running over to her girlfriend and grabbing her before the idealist could fall to the ground. "Are you okay?"

Angel, covered in scratches and bruises and a noticeable tear in her sundress, merely smiled weakly. "I'm fine," she tried to placate, "just a little hungry."

Bridgette perked up in remembrance. "Don't worry honey, we brought you some breakfast," she said, pulling a banana out of her hoodie pocket. The camera zoomed out to show the rest of the Heroes happily offering more food – some bacon from Lightning, a hard-boiled egg from under Scarlett, and a piece of toast from Cody.

"You guys are the best friends a girl could ask for," Angel said with a smile, swiping the food from her teammates.

"Kitsune? Where's the food you broght for Angel?" Cody turned and asked, causing the goofball to looked panicked.

XXX

"I kinda... forgot to sneak out some food," she admitted sheepishly.

XXX

"Welcome to today's experiment with your pain thresholds," Chris interrupted, drawing the campers' attention back as a widescreen television was wheeled over next to him. He paused to laugh in delighted anticipation, and Lily, Heather, and Alejandro shared a wary look. "Get ready for an ingenious twist on the war movie challenge from season two." Another military drumline began to play.

"There are two weapon caches in the heart of this forest," he said as a close-up of the television showed a panning live feed of a rather nondescript patch of Wawanakwa's forest. The feed soon cut to static, and was replaced by an image of two crates against a radiant background, each bearing a purple-and-cream leech-shaped logo on the side. "The _big one_ is filled with state-of-the-art paintball weaponry," the larger crate on the left moved closer to the camera and moments later a large, high-tech paintball gun slid into view above it. "And the _little one_ has a bunch of cruddy old paintball slingshots," he added, the smaller crate on the right moving closer before a slingshot appeared above it.

Lily, Heather, Alejandro, and Matthew were shown perking up excitedly. "Whoever gets there _first_ gets their pick," the host explained as the shot cut to pensive Scarlett next to eager Kitsune and Lightning, "and, then you've gotta pick off the competition.

"Sha-can't wait," Lightning smirked darkly at Lily, who was standing next to him and now looking rather concerned.

"You get one point for each opponent you splatter," Chris explained. "First team to completely wipe out the opposition wins, and, one of the losers will get a dishonorable discharge tonight. Flush-o-shame style," he told them with a pair of mischievous finger pistols.

"Paintball again?" Matthew asked. "What are you not _creative_ enough to come up with new challenges?"

"Oh yeah, _that_ ," Chris said, almost sighing in annoyance. "One of the conditions of my parole," he explained, raising a finger to a sharp note in the music, "is that I can't use or be around hard projectiles like paintballs." As he spoke, Chef walked over and out from behind the widescreen. "Sooo, instead, you'll be using...," the shot changed to show the campers watching him, " _leeches_!" To another sharp note Chef held a slimy, squirming leech up close in front of the camera lens, which focused on the worm as the two teams voiced their general disgust.

XXX

"Leeches?" Heather complained. "Chris is really making us _earn_ the million this year. Jerk."

XXX

"As winners of yesterday's challenge," Chris said, "the Heroes get a full _one-minute_ head start."

The shot cut to the two teams as the Villains groaned while the Heroes cheered.

"Ready?" Chris asked as the camera moved back to him and Chef, the larger man now holding a pistol the same purple color as the leeches. "Set!" Chef raised his pistol and fired it with an odd squelching sound as fast-paced challenge music rapidly rose up in the background. Matthew was shown eying the fired projectile with suspicion, only to get hit in the forehead with the leech and grunt in pain.

A timer counting down from 1:00 appeared on the television, and the camera pulled back from it as the whooping and hollering Hamsters ran past.

"You know who could outrun the Heroes even with a head start?" Heather griped to Matthew. " _Jo_! Way to ruin everything Matthew."

"I don't remember forcing you to vote for her," the hipster replied, finally managing to pry the leech from his forehead.

"We may not need to worry," Alejandro said, pointing to the right. The camera panned ahead to show Angel running at a slower pace, then Bridgette and Cody running back to help support her as they ran out of frame.

"That's what _we_ should be doing," Mike told his team.

"Yeah, work together now and _crush_ each other later," Matthew told him. "That's how you normally play isn't it?"

"Huh?" Mike asked.

"You may have the others fooled," Matthew whispered to him. But _I_ know who you really are, Mal."

"Wait do you think-" Matthew walked away before Mike could finish his question.

The shot cut back to the widescreen television as the timer counted down to 0:04. "Villains," Chris called out as the camera panned to him and Chef, "you're up in three!" Chef raised his leech-gun. "Two! One!"

A gunshot rang through the air, and a grin was wiped off Matthew's face as a second leech landed on his head. "Hey!" he exclaimed in annoyance, the host laughing while his assistant blew the smoke from the pistol. The two men high-fived, and the shot pulled back to refocus on the Villainous Vultures beginning their race into the woods.

\

"Alright, time for Lightning to win again, baby!" the uber-jock cheered as the scene cut to the Heroic Hamsters.

"Umm, excuse me?" Angel spoke up from the back of the group while still being supported by Bridgette and Cody, "but where exactly _is_ the heart of the forest?"

"Good question," Kitsune answered, the shot panning ahead to her, Scarlett and Lightning. "One of us should get a better vantage point and look around."

"Leave it to Lightning!"the uber-jock declared, jumping onto a branch of a tall tree and flipping to a higher branch of a nearby one. He continued this until he climbed out of sight and his teammates gathered around the trunk.

XXX

"Okay. Wow," Kitsune said in awe. "Just. Wow."

XXX

Seconds later, Lightning landed on the ground next to them with a slight thud. "This way!" he said, waving an arm for his team to follow. The camera zoomed out to show that they were at a fork in their path, and Lightning lead the Hamsters down the left path into the background and out of sight.

The shot cut back a little ways the other way to show the six Villains arriving at nearly the same spot the Heroes had just stopped at. "Okay, looks like they're taking the left path," Lily said. "If we wanna have a chance of getting to the big crate first we're gonna have to hustle down the other path and hope it's a shortcut."

"Great plan," Heather told her with a thumbs up.

"Go Vultures!" Alejandro cheered as he and his teammates were shown racing down the other part of the fork in the road.

"Let's do this!" Mike added.

\

"Hey, so," Kitsune asked as she slowed down to match pace with Scarlett, "are you gonna tell Cody how you feel? The sooner the better, trust me."

"I... don't feel anything," Scarlett answered after a moment, "it wouldn't end well for me anyway. Not with how I've acted in the past."

"You know," Kitsune said seriously. "The only person who blames you for that is you," she jogged ahead before the brainiac could answer.

XXX

"I... am developing feelings for Cody," Scarlett confessed hesitantly. "He is rather intelligent and we share a lot of interests. But even if he felt the same for me, which I'm sure he doesn't, I doubt he'd be able to deal with being in a relationship with that ax-crazy girl."

XXX

The scene cut to a large open area where the two weapon crates stood, the smaller closer to the left while the larger sat on a small hill further right.

"Alright, let's grab the big one!" Lightning called out as he led the other Heroes into the clearing.

"Not so fast!" Lily countered suddenly, the perspective shifting to show her and the other Villains charging out of the woods at another angle. Their sudden appearance caused Lightning to look to the side in surprise, which in turn caused him to stumble on a small rock jutting out of the hill.

With the brawniest Hamster on the ground and his teammates suddenly torn between helping and continuing on, it wasn't long before the Vultures reached the coveted cache of advanced weaponry.

"Hah!" Matthew laughed as the six skidded into place between their rivals and the crate. "Take that!"

"Great, now we're stuck with the small one," Lightning bitterly said, both now back on his feet and following his teammates back towards the other crate.

"You took a nasty hit," Kitsune said as Lightning passed her. "You okay," the uber-jock either didn't hear her or ignored her.

Cody was the first to reach their crate and tried to pry the lid off but in doing so landed painfully on his back. Only sparing him a moment's glance, Scarlett reached into the crate and pulled out a bucket overflowing with leeches. "There are no doubts of this being the lower end crate," she said in disgust.

"Yeah, this is disgusting," Kitsune said, picking up a leech bucket of her own.

A triumphant tune played as the scene cut back to the Villains, celebrating their half-win around the larger crate. "We're on our way back to victory!" Alejandro said excitedly.

The camera cut to a close-up of the leech logo on the side of their crate, pulling back as Matthew punched it - pulling his hand back and growling in pain- and the paneling fell apart, revealing the weaponry within. There were two parts to it – a large rack that held enough multi-barreled leech guns for the entire team, and a cannon with the leech logo on the side.

"I'll take the cannon!" Heather, Matthew, Natasha, and even Mike declared at once with wide eyes and eager grins. "No, _I'll_ take the cannon!" the four argued, turning towards each other.

"We use it as a _team_ ," Alejandro suggested. "Right, Lily?" he asked the cynic currently standing next to him.

"Yeah, _obviously_ ," Heather added, walking over to the two.

"For once I agree with them," Matthew spoke up as well. "Go team," he tried to say enthusiastically as the camera cut to Natasha rubbing his chin in thought.

XXX

"I think I may have my opening to take control," Natasha mused in the confessional. "Alejandro, Matthew, and Heather are all trying to gain Lily's loyalty which gives her the most power over the team. So all _I_ need to do is gain power over _her_. It will be difficult considering our history, but an opportunity should present itself if I wait."

XXX

"So what's the plan kapitan," Natasha asked.

She stared at him for a moment, then huffed. "Okay then. Off the bat I gotta say this, the cannon is useful, but it's also bulky and bound to slow us down. Whoever had it would just be a sitting duck and if we all carried it with us it'd be too easy to shoot one of our own."

"Hmm...good point," Mike admitted after looking at the cannon and rubbing his chin in thought. "Fun as it looks, it's basically a giant target on our backs. And I wouldn't put it past Chris to count friendly fire."

"But can we allow the Heroes to get their grimy little hands on it instead?" Matthew asked.

"Who cares?" Heather scoffed. "They'd just have the same problems that we would've had."

"So to be clear," Alejandro spoke up. "We're ditching the canon?"

"Yep," Lily said, slinging a leech gun over her back and walking off.

XXX

"It's a gamble," she confessed. "Especially if the other team _does_ wind up using that canon against us, but if it gets the others to stop arguing for ten minutes I'll do it."

XXX

"Now _that's_ what I call pragmatism," Chris laughed, the scene moving to him viewing the confessional footage on one of several monitors in his control tent. He paused the feed, then turned to face the camera as the capstone theme began to play. "The Villains are off to quite the start, but, which team will make it to the finish? Find out when we come back, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed with a pan to the left along a forest path, landing on the Heroes walking through with leech-buckets and slingshots in hand. Cody and Bridgette were still supporting Angel.

"Of _course_ the Villains get leech machine guns," Kitsune complained from the back of the pack behind Cody, Angel, and Bridgette. "How the heck are we supposed to beat them with _these_?"

"Simple," Scarlett said just in front of them.

"We have to be stealthy and hit them first," she and Cody said at the same time.

"Aw, you're finishing each others sentences," Kitsune teased. "But can we keep the flirting to a minimum during challenges?"

The two geniuses both denied any attraction to each other simultaneously and rather over-zealously, then looked away from each other with blushes on their faces.

"Sha-look," Lightning called out from the front of the pack, the camera cutting to him in front of "a cave. Nice Twin can rest in there while we take on the Villains."

\

The scene skipped ahead to Angel sitting down on the cave floor, then panned out to show the rest of the Heroes watching her warily. "I'm sorry I'm holding you back," she told them.

"Don't worry about it," Cody told her. "But just in case, maybe someone should guard her?"

"I'll do it," Bridgette said. "She's my girlfriend after all."

XXX

"Besides," the surfer continued, she'd do the same for me."

XXX

"I gotta say," Kitsune said, "teaming with the alpha couple's making me seriously miss Duncan. I love you babe."

XXX

The music became deep and tense as the scene cut to the Villains, now stalking through the forest in a single group.

"Okay guys," Lily said in a low voice, "we need a strategy."

Alejandro cleared his throat and stepped up alongside the Vultures' leader. "Fortunately, between Natasha and me we should be able to figure out what each of the Heroes will try to do. Know thy enemy, as they say."

"So figure it out already," Lily told him.

"For instance, Kitsune is likely to prove most difficult. She's crafty and not unwilling to resort to tricks in order to win," Alejandro explained confidently. "And the same goes for Scarlett."

Natasha rubbed his chin. "Cody's probably got some plan up _his_ sleeves as well. Lightning will look for and target Lily before anyone else. Angel and Bridgette or more than likely hiding away from the rest of them while Angel recovers from her exile."

"On those notes," Lily spoke up. "I think we should split up."

"Agreed," Alejandro said. "I'll go with Lily."

"No _I'll_ go with Lily," Heather retorted.

"Do you honestly think I'd let either of you go with Lily?" Matthew asked.

"Please _attempt_ to see reason," Alejandro pleaded just before the three villains began to argue.

The camera cut to a close-up a leech flying through the air, then to Alejandro's chest as the leech landed and he yelled in surprise. "I'm hit!"

"Take that _Al_!" Cody mocked as the camera cut to him holding his slingshot. His eyes widened briefly before he ran off into the woods and the Villains were shown firing their guns at him.

As they fired, the shot cut to Scarlett as she carefully line up her slingshot and let it loose, and the camera panned over to the Vultures as Matthew yelped when the leech hit the back of his head. He growled in frustration and snapped his gun in two over his knee. The rest of the Villains turned their fire on the brainiac, but she was unable to get away in time as shown when the camera cut to her on the ground with five leeches on her back.

Chris's laughter rang over the camp loudspeakers, which were shown vibrating with his mirthful message. "That's _two_ points for the Heroes and _one_ for the Villains!"

"C'mon, we gotta find the others," Lily said as the four villains regrouped. "Let's _actually_ split up this time." None of the other villains voiced an objection, and the team ran off to the left into the woods.

\

The footage flashed ahead to Lightning running through the undergrowth under a few scattered leech-shots, looking back over his shoulder and prompting the camera to pan back to show Lily in hot pursuit. Lightning turned his gaze back forward, but in doing so tripped and fell with a startled yelp. The shot cut in close overhead to show him lying on the ground clutching his right ankle and gritting his teeth in pain, his slingshot to the side with a couple leeches squirming away from it.

Lily arrived in seconds, and stood over her crush as she caught her breath.

"What are you waiting for?" the uber-jock asked accusingly. "You've caught me, so just get it sha-over with."

"I...I don't wanna shoot you," Lily told him. "You're hurt."

"That never stopped you before!" Lightning replied with a bitter laugh. "Winnin's the only thing _you_ care about."

"That's...that's not true!" Lily frowned anxiously. "I care about other things, too!" She smiled weakly, then dropped her gun and reached out to take Lightning's hand.

The uber-jock eyed it in suspicion, but hesitantly reached out for it. The camera zoomed in on their hands as they approached one another...until Lightning's was shot with a leech. He recoiled it with a cry of pain as the shot zoomed back out, showing a concerned and aghast Lily standing up and looking back to see Natasha approaching with a devious smirk and a smoking gun barrel.

"You're getting soft Lily," the mastermind said with a smug grin and even more smug tone. "Lightning could've easily turned your guilt and kindness against you had I not come along when I did."

Lightning just eyed the two villains as he tried to pull the leech off his hand.

"And now," Natasha continued, "if you don't use that newfound popularity to _my_ advantage, I'll tell the team about how this point _really_ happened. It's your choice," he said with a chuckle.

XXX

"I have found my opportunity," Natasha confessed. "Lily knows that I'll reveal her treachery if my demands aren't met and at the end of the day, winning is her primary goal. And that's something she can't do if the whole team hates her."

XXX

"Wait," Lightning said in awe. "Lily really _was_ tryin' to do somethin' nice for Lightning?"

XXX

Lily raised a finger and opened her mouth as if to defend herself to her grinning teammate, but before she could begin she was hit in the back of the head with a leech. She dropped to her knees with a cry of disgust, and the camera panned to the left to show Cody pumping his fist and running away.

"Hey guys!" Natasha cupped his mouth with one hand and yelled out. "I found the geek!"

He took off running after Cody, with Mike running out of the bushes moments after to follow. "I'm on my way," the comedian called out as he passed by the fallen former almost couple, sparing a glance their way.

The music rose up again as the scene cut to the Cody running through the wood, easily ducking and dodging and weaving and twirling around every single leech fired his way. "Ha hah!" he laughed triumphantly.

XXX

"I may be small, but I'm fast and light on my feet," Cody explained in the confessional. "Lots of practice from dodging spitballs in math class."

XXX

"How are we supposed to hit him like _this_?" Mike complained as the shot cut to him and Natasha running through the woods.

Natasha smirked, then answered "It'll take a tremendous gymnastic feat to beat him at this point."

Mike inhaled, and changed to Svetlana. "It is time for Svetlana to get gym- _nasty_!" she declared before doing a handstand that launched her into a series of mid-air flips and landed directly in front of Cody. The camera cut to a head-on shot of the back of the geek's head as he skidded to a stop in shock, and Svetlana fired her gun at him. Cody fell backward to the ground with a leech on his forehead.

"That's one more point for the Villains!" Chris announced over the loudspeaker. "Both teams are now tied at three points!"

"Now to find the other three," Natasha commented... just before getting a leech to the side of the head. Svetlana looked to the left in shock, only to get hit with a leech herself.

The music faded back out as the Kitsune walked over to her two 'kills', and Chris came over the loudspeaker again. "This just in, the score is now 5 to 3 in favor of the Heroes! One more point and the Hamsters win!" The goofball giggled to herself as she picked up Natasha's discarded gun and ran off into the forest.

\

"That's not good," Bridgette commented as the scene cut to her standing behind a rock in the cave Lightning discovered earlier as a tense challenge tune began to play.

"I know you're in here," Heather called out from off-screen.

"This is so gross," Bridgette whispered as she loaded a leech into her slingshot. She fired it at where she thought Heather was going, but the queen bee was walking slower than she thought and hit the cave wall just ahead of her.

"There's _one_ loser," Heather said before opening fire. Bridgette cringed and closed her eyes in anticipation for the leeches... that never came. She opened her eyes and the camera pulled back to show Angel, covered in about ten leeches head to toe, in front of her.

"Angel," Bridgette said in shock. "Why did you-"

"No time!" the idealist interrupted. "Shoot her before-" Bridgette was hit by another leech and Angel sighed.

"Five point to both teams!" Chris announced. "It ain't over yet!"

"It will be soon," Heather smirked devilishly. The camera cut to Kitsune readying a leech in her slingshot and letting loose, but she missed.

Heather gasped in shock and turned around, and her shock faded into hate when she came face to face with her season two rival.

" _Faith_ ," the queen bee spat.

"Hagther," Kitsune replied with a grin.

Heather growled and moved to shoot the goofball, but her gun only produced clicks. "Ugh! It's _jammed_!"

"Luckily," Kitsune said with a dark grin, " _mine's_ not," she grabbed the gun she'd stolen from Natasha off the ground and fired, hitting the queen bee directly in the mouth.

"Aggh! Let go of my lip!" she said, her voice slightly muffled by the parasite she was trying to pull off.

"This just in," Chris announced as the music turned victorious, "with a final score of 6 to 5, the Heroes win! But some of them didn't behave all that _Heroically_! _Kitsune_!" he added with a laugh and goofball in question looked up in confusion.

"What'd _I_ do?" she asked.

\

The ceremony theme started strong as the footage skipped ahead to the classic nighttime shot of Wawanakwa, quickly cutting in to the Vultures at the campfire together – Alejandro, Lily, and Natasha in the back row; Mike, Matthew, and Heather in the front.

"Welcome back Villainous Vultures," Chris greeted as the camera zoomed in then panned to him. "Second elimination in a row. heh heh. Way to _lose_. Now get ready to cut someone loose, it's _votin'_ time." He gestured behind him, but the shot cut over to the Peanut Gallery to show Cody, Scarlett, and Lightning in the top tier with Kitsune, Bridgette, and Angel below.

"Who do you think is going home?" Scarlett asked Cody. "I personally think it'll be Heather."

"Unless she can convince them to cut Alejandro or Matthew," the geek replied.

"More than likely _if_ she can do that it will be Matthew," Scarlett told him. "She's still to attached to Alejandro to willingly send him home."

"Yeah," Cody conceded. "You're right." Scarlett looked away with a small blush.

XXX

"Scarlett's really smart," Cody told the outhouse. "And I dig that. She's also kinda hot in a 'librarian with a dark side' kind of way. But honestly, there's like this whole other person underneath all that that I'm just... drawn to, y'know?"

XXX

"Votes are in!" the host announced to a single low beat, standing by with Chef holding the tray of five marshmallows. "But, before I announce our loser du jour," another deep note played as he took the tray form his assistant, "I need a Hamster to volunteer for exile."

"I'll do it!" Scarlett said immediately, drawing the camera over to show her standing up eagerly with her hand raised. Her teammates looked at her with shock.

"But why?" Cody asked, visibly the most upset of them all.

"I have my reasons," she replied hesitantly,

XXX

"I just need a some time away from Cody to get my mind at ease," Scarlett explained. "Then I'll see the absurdity of my feelings and will be able to forget them. Cody's a good friend, and that's all we can ever be," she added with a hint of sadness.

XXX

Chef was shown escorting Scarlett away from her teammates, the camera focusing in on the girls in the bottom row.

"Why do you think she volunteered?" Angel asked.

"Beats me," Kitsune commented dismissively.

"Alrighty then," Chris said. "Onwards, and flushwards. The following Villains are safe," he said, picking up the first marshmallow and tossing it to the losing team. "Mike." The comedian caught his with a cool smile. "Alejandro." The nerd looked up just in time to see his bounce off his forehead. "Matthew, aaaand Lily." Both caught their prizes easily.

"Natasha and Heather, you're on the edge," Chris explained as the bottom two were shown reacting with shock. "Natasha for being a threat and Heather for being the one who lost today's challenge."

The two villains immediately protested, but their simultaneous complaints were indecipherable.

"And tonight's flushee is...," Chris said, the music finally reaching its tensest point, but rather than let the tension build Chris just announced...

" _Natasha_."

"WHAT?!" the mastermind yelled in shock before turning to see Lily mockingly wave her fingers at him. "You were supposed to get the others to vote off Heather!" he accused.

Lily shrugged. "Shoulda, woulda, coulda, and guess what? I didn't."

"Then it's time to fulfill _my_ end of the bargain," he said seriously. "Lily cannot be trusted. She refused to shoot one of the other players in today's challenge and will throw future ones if it gets her in good with the Heroes." The Vultures all gasped and Lily looked sheepish at the four glares being sent her way. Before she could explain herself, Chris stepped forward, halting the goodbye and causing the music to shift into something much eerier.

"But, before we get _flushing_ , I wanna do a little _reshuffling_ ," he said to the Heroes' surprise. "Today, one _Villain_ acted more like a Hero. And one _Hero_ acted more like a Villain. So pack your bags and switch your teams, Kitsune and Lily."

All the campers gasped. "How am _I_ a Villain?" Kitsune objected from the Peanut Gallery as the somber farewell theme began to play.

"And how is Lily a sha-Hero?" Lightning added.

"Natasha already explained Lily for me," Chris said, "but Kitsune's surprising villainy came in the form of stealing from a fallen opponent and shooting another who had no means to defend herself. Plus, those who watched season two know she can scheme with the best of them," he added with a crafty chuckle that startled Kitsune as she rose from her seat. "So, y'know, get moving already!"

With an eye-roll Lily stood up, then walked towards the Peanut Gallery. She exchanged came face to face with Kitsune. "Umm...good luck?" the former Hero told her with an awkward smile.

"Same to you," Lily replied with an almost chuckle before the two girls moved on to sit with their new teams. Kitsune glumly took a seat on one of the stump seats under the scrutinizing gazes of Alejandro, Heather, Matthew, and Mike; and Lily took her seat next to her sister in the bottom row of the Peanut Gallery.

"We're finally on the same team!" Angel said happily, grabbing Lily in a hug so crushing the cynic's face started to turn blue.

"Can't... breath...!" Lily wheezed.

XXX

"Now I have a real chance to make things right with Lightning," the cynic confessed. "Assuming I don't get voted out that is."

XXX

The somber music started over as the footage skipped ahead to the host and Villains gathered together on the dock. "Any final words?" Chris asked the mastermind currently floating in the Flush of Shame.

"You honestly think you've won?" he asked his former team. "You don't make the plans around here. _I_ make the plans! Only I know how this turns out-"

He was interrupted by a faint beep and the toilet's flush.

"Turns out you're eliminated," Chris said once Natasha's arms disappeared into the swirling, splashing water. The series's capstone theme began to play, and he turned to smile at the camera. "Tune in next time, for more sweet, sweet mayhem right here, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

(Roll the Credits)

\

\

A mystical Middle Eastern-sounding tune began to play as the scene opened on an unusual sewer system – signboards filled with hieroglyphics lined the walls, and several support pillars bore the image of a mummy at their tops.

Natasha suddenly dropped from an open pipe in the ceiling amongst some thick and almost sludgy water, but he landed on pavement and the water quickly drained away. He spent a second or two hacking and catching his breath, then looked around. "Where am I?" he asked, turning around and spotting the hieroglyphics behind him. "Egypt? What in the?," he commented, scratching his head. "That shouldn't be possible."

It was then that he heard the skittering and chittering coming from all sides, and the camera pulled back as he whipped back around to reveal scarab beetles on every pipe and wall. "N-n-nice scarabs," he said in rising panic, backing away from the growing swarm.

"HEEEEEEELLLPPP!" he screamed, and the camera panned up to a manhole cover in the ceiling, light streaming in through its cracks and holes.

A familiar male voice gasped, and something moved to block the outside light coming in to the sewer. "Hey, he's in here!" he called out. "Quick, help me pry this open!"

The camera panned back down to Natasha, his eyes clenched shut and his hands up defensively as the scarabs closed in around him. The shot zoomed in as he gulped in fear...and then was suddenly pulled upward.

"You saved me!" he said in relief, the camera immediately cutting to him landing on a sandy street next to an open manhole cover.

"No problem yo," his first savior said, and the camera pulled back to finally reveal himas Gary, standing with a handheld playing Sam on what seemed like a busy Egyptian sidewalk.

"Gary? Why are you here?" Natasha asked, standing up and dusting himself off with a barely hidden look of annoyance his face. "Not that I'm complaining, of course."

"It's a long story 'cuz," Gary explained.

"Yep," Sam added, not looking up from his game.

"Dang yo, how'd you get kicked so soon?" Gary asked.

Natasha smiled. "I was out-gambitted by Lily."

"Seriously?!" Sam gasped.

Natasha chuckled. "Yes. But that's unimportant. I assume you're here to escort me to Canada?"

"Well, yeah," Sam said.

"Then let's be off," he said walking off to the right. Sam and Gary shared a shrug and followed him a moment later.

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** And so it is that we say goodbye to Natasha. I don't have anything against him, but I also don't really have any plans for him and it would be best to get rid of him sooner rather than later.

Interestingly, even if he won season four, Natasha still would've been eliminated at around this time (or possibly sooner). In that case, though, it would have been him being the only villain capable of winning a season that got him the boot.

Another piece of trivia I'd like to share are the votes for this episode. I wasn't able to show it in the story, but Lily was able to use the others jockeying for her favor to get them all to vote for Natasha, with only Natasha and Mike voting for Heather.

The team swaps, I'm not sure what to think myself. Lily was always going to the Heroes as a part of her plot with Lightning. Kitsune however, I feel may be an odd choice. But I do have plans that are best served with her as a villain.

Oh! And don't expect Food Fright next week. My plans for the season work better with it being swapped with Moon Madness. I'll explain why next week.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **14th Place:** Victor

 **13th Place:** Jo

 **12th place:** Natasha


	4. Moon Madness

**Author's Note:** I am so sorry about this being late. And short. But I have what I hope is a good reason. Windows decided it absolutely needed to update once I gotten the chapter written. Unfortunately it couldn't wait the five second needed to save the dang thing, so I lost about half my progress and wasn't feeling like re-writing it during my proofread day. Also, I couldn't remember all the exact things I put in because my notes tend to only make sense at the exact time I'm taking them. Go figure.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **That British Guy:**_ I kinda get what you mean with the team swaps, but it helps make the plots I've chosen go smoothly. Don't worry, Food Fright is next.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ Yes, this is the only episode swap. I'm glad you liked the allusion to Jo. I did consider Lightning becoming a Villain, but I had no idea which Villain would make it as a Hero. Whereas Kitsune, for all her positive aspects has always been a little underhanded. As for everything else, wait and see.

 _ **Guest:**_ Awesome joke. Yep, Natasha was playing some gambit roulette and lost big time. Lily was never going to take the hit even if she did see it. She's kind at heart, but not that kind. I can't take credit for Bridgette's pet name for Angel, I watched Young Justice a lot.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ I was going to make some troll comment about your predictions, but I decided against it. Anyway, I have no plans to use Scarlett doubting herself as a way to swap her. I've already broken that particular cutie and don't really wanna do it again. While I could've kept Natasha longer without him suffering serious villain decay, it just seemed better to ditch him early. As for swapping and eliminations, it's in the post script.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ Yeah, it's so obvious I'm kinda surprised you're the only one who called it. Actually, I'm planning on having both the head-butting and the heart-to-heart. But it's Kitsune, she can't really do something nice for Heather without balancing it out with a comment or prank. You're in luck! The next few episodes will greatly feature one of those pairings.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Thanks! I could have had him use Matthew's sanity slippage to keep himself ahead, but that's a plot that would've gotten old fast.

 _ **WeirdAlFan101:**_ Don't worry, Scarlett will come clean soon enough.

 _ **Remaining All-Stars:**_

 _ **Heroic Hamsters:**_ Angel, Bridgette, Cody, Lightning, Lily, Scarlett

 _ **Villainous Vultures:**_ Alejandro, Heather, Kitsune, Matthew, Mike

We're down by three, and now it's time for a night challenge.

* * *

 **Episode 04: Moon Madness**

"Last time, on a very special episode of Total Drama All-Stars!" Chris began as the scene opened on the island but quickly switched to the traditional recap montage – which started with Lightning climbing a tree to get his teams' bearings to Kitsune's shock. "It was all about _teamwork_ ," Bridgette and Cody were shown helping Angel get through the forest after her exile, "or lack thereof." Lily was shown refusing to shoot Lightning while he was down, only for Natasha to do it instead and then blackmail Lily over it. "Hahaha, awesome plan, Natasha," the host laughed. " _Harsh_ , but awesome."

"The challenge?" The close-up of Chef holding a leech up in front of the camera for the campers to see was shown next. "An epic leechball battle brought out everyone's inner monster." Kitsune was shown giggling over a fallen Natasha and Svetlana; Scarlett shot Matthew from behind; Svetlana flipped through the air to shot Cody's face at point-blank range; and Heather, Mike, Natasha, and Lily all turned their guns on Scarlett.

"Especially Heather," the queen bee was shown hunting down Bridgette and Angel in the cave they were hiding in, "which is why she was in danger to be flushed." Both she and Natasha were shown protesting being on the chopping block during the elimination ceremony. "But, thanks to Lily's newfound leadership position," Matthew, Heather, and Alejandro were shown talking to the cynic as they walked through the forest, "it was Natasha who got the dishonorable discharge." The mastermind stood up in shock, then he gave his parting words before taking the Flush of Shame.

"But," Chris continued over a shot of the remaining Heroes gasping at the campfire, "this paved the way for my brilliant switcheroo! Now Lily's a hero," the cynic stood up with an eye-roll, "Kitsune's a villain," the goofball land her former teammates reacted in shock, "and _I'm_ a genius!" The two girls passed each other by, Kitsune giving awkward encouragement to an amused Lily.

"Oh, it's gonna get _naaaaaasty_!" he told the camera, the montage ending to show him on the end of the dock. "Will the Villains crush the Heroes' winning streak? Find out now, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

 **XXXXX**

[Though the overall sequence had been shortened for the season, it opens much the same as it has previously – a shift into letterbox format and a focus on the tops of some distant pines. A stage light, sleek and shining with a price tag still attached, rotates up and turns on; then the focus cuts to an angled shot of a different group of trees as a spotlight, also shiny and new, swings down and turns on; then a small video camera pops out of some burrow next to a spray bottle of some cleaning solution, knocking away a roll of paper towels as it emerges; then a second camera pops out of a tree hollow along with a scrub brush, bar of soap, sponge, and a load of soap bubbles. Pale arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, cutting the scene to the Dock of Shame. The camera flies forward, swinging past the Wawanakwa sign and then the final few posts of the dock, rising up to show the spa hotel as Chris and Chef landed their red helicopter in the common area.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera flies past the helicopter and up the thousand-foot cliff, cresting the peak and diving into the lake below, where Angel plays tug-of-war with Heather over a large treasure chest while the Drama Machine sits and sparks nearby, both girls in their swimsuits.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Angel and Heather set the chest down and to their shock it bursts open to reveal not only a cloud of bubbles and the Mike-onut and several McLean Invincibility Statues, but also a twitching and awkwardly-folded Cody who floats up in his swim trunks alongside the wooden heads. The Drama Machine explodes and the shot cuts to a small patch of bubbles on the surface, then zooms out to show the remaining swim-dressed campers lined up according to their teams – the villains holding red dueling sticks on the left on a wooden raft, a hollowed-out log, another wooden raft, and a green canoe; the heroes holding gold dueling sticks on the right on an inflatable raft, a wooden raft, another inflatable one, and a red canoe. The camera zooms in and moves between them as they clash – vicious Jo against hesitant Victor; smug Alejandro shoving away shocked Bridgette with one hand; Natasha ducking from Kitsune's strike and causing her to fall into the lake; Mike, as Vito, brutally thrusting the end of his dueling stick into Scarlett's stomach; and Lily and Lightning angrily slamming their sticks against one another; Matthew falls from the sky and into the lake, dousing the former almost-couple and the camera.]

[The water dries away from the camera lens showing the campfire and Cody and Scarlett leaning in with eager smiles against the full moon...only for Kitsune to suddenly pop up between them with a cheesy grin, causing the two geniuses to look away with blushes. The camera zooms out further, revealing the other cast members sitting on the stumps around the fire – Angel, Lily, Bridgette, Lightning, Matthew, and Victor on the left; Mike, Alejandro, Heather, Natasha, and Jo on the right. The zoom continues even further, showing the signboard over the firepit's entrance which now read 'Total Drama All-Stars', with the dash replaced by a star.]

 **XXXXX**

The episode opened on a close-up of the floorboards of the losers' cabin, the background score starting with a deep note and, unusually, a cricket accompaniment.

"Uggh, I hate this stupid gruel," Heather complained, the camera zooming out to show her standing on the cabin's front porch with Kitsune, both girls eating bowls of the standard disgusting slop served to the losers. The lights shining in the windows behind them and the twilight sky signaled that it was around sunset. "And it's all Chris's fault. You hit me with a leech gun, not a slingshot. It shouldn't have counted!"

"There's the Heather I know and hate," Kitsune said with a smile. "Always complaining about how unfair her losses are. Makes up for being here even after I scored my team a second win."

Heather glared at her. "Yeah, well at least I won't have to worry about you being around for too much longer," she said harshly. "Everyone knows you can't be trusted in situations like this."

Kitsune opened her mouth to retort, but both girls had their attentions diverted as Alejandro exited the boys' half of the cabin. "Good evening Kitsune," he said as he stood between the girls and deliberately ignored Heather. "I hope your stay in loser cabin hasn't been too terrible?"

XXX

"It's bad enough my number one choice for an ally is on the other team," Heather complained. "Now I have to deal with Weird Fox Girl again, and Alejandro hasn't said a single _word_ to me ever since the team swap. It's like he's lost interest in me..." she trailed off with a mixture of worry and sadness before she settled into a harsh look. "No one has _ever_ lost interest in me!"

XXX

Heather let out a cry of frustration as the two friends began conversing, then stormed down the steps. Alejandro watched her leave and smirked.

"Why do you keep doing that to her?" Kitsune asked with a sigh.

"It is merely my move in our little tango," Alejandro replied, the background music from his duet with Heather in the Yukon barely audible as he danced a few steps. "A game if you will."

"Be careful Alejandro," Kitsune warned. "Games can be lost." She left and Alejandro donned a pensive expression.

\

A flash took the scene to the spa hotel, cutting inside to show Lily walking around in the dark with a confused face.

Angel could be heard giggling off screen, then Cody hushing her and Bridgette saying "She's coming."

The lights suddenly turned on and the camera zoomed out to show the dining room adorned with blue and purple balloons and streamers, as well as a balloon arch. The non-exiled Heroes were all wearing party hats as was the butler, who was carrying a cake on a platter. "Surprise!" Angel called out happily.

"Welcome to Team Hero Lily!" Everyone, including Lightning, announced as Lily just stood there in shock. Angel quickly darted ahead a put a party hat on her sister's head and a party horn in her mouth, which Lily blew while still looking shocked and confused.

XXX

"Ugh!" Lily complained in the outhouse, still wearing the hat. "I am _not_ a Hero. I know Angel was behind this. She's always trying to bring out 'the kind loving girl' that she thinks I am. Why can't she just accept that she's the better twin?" Lily hung her head sadly and added, "I know I have..."

XXX

"Uh thanks guys," Lily said awkwardly to her mostly smiling teammates. "But can we not do... _this_?" She gestured to the decorations. "It's kinda uncomfortable."

"Don't be silly," Angel said sweetly. "You deserve to be on this team just as much as the rest of us."

"She's, right you know," Bridgette said with a smirk.

"Even Lightning thinks so," the uber-jock said, causing Lily to stop and stare. "What?" he defended. "He does. A villain woulda taken that shot yesterday."

XXX

"Lightning's been doin' a lotta thinkin'," the uber-jock told the outhouse camera. "All he knows is _what_ Lily did to him, he don't know _why_. So I'm gonna find out and decide how I wanna act toward her then."

XXX

The music turned deep and ominous as the as scene cut to Boney Island. "This isn't working," Scarlett lamented as the shot cut to an upward angle of her walking through the pine forest, "I'm just as conflicted as I was before."

She poked a bush with a stick, only for a grizzly bear to stand up out of it and roar at her. She stood up and screamed, but before she could flee a large metallic clamp dropped down and grabbed her by the head. "What is the meaning of this?!" she said in confusion before she was pulled into the air, barely avoiding a swipe from the bear as the sound of a helicopter filled the air. The bear roared at her.

The shot cut outward and upward, showing the clamp Scarlett was attached to hanging from the bottom of the show's helicopter. Chef smiled and flew the helicopter forward to the camera's left, and Scarlett smiled back at him. "Thank you Chef!"

She was promptly flown back-first into the top of a pine tree, and brushed against it hard as the helicopter dragged her onward. Right after she cleared it, however she smacked into another tree, and another, and another. Her grunts of pain were heard even over the roar of the helicopter blades.

\

"Evening, campers!" Chris announced over the camp's loudspeakers. "Gather 'round the starting line for a _biiig_ announcement!"

The shot cut to the five Heroes and Villains gathered along a chalk line drawn on the ground just past the loser cabin. They looked up at the sound of the approaching helicopter, and the camera panned up to Scarlett – still hanging by the clamp, but now covered in leaves and pine needles. Without warning the clamp released her, and she dropped with a scream.

She landed belly-down on the startling line near the gap between her team. "Scarlett!" Cody said from the end of the Heroes' line, crouching down next to her. "Are you okay?"

Scarlett looked up at him and smiled. "I... believe so..." she said shyly.

"Are they _always_ like this?" Lily asked Angel, the two directly behind Cody.

XXX

"I do _not_ like being stuck with the Heroes," Lily complained. "At least with Villains you _know_ who's out to get you. Like Lightning! He spends this whole season treating me like the gum under my shoe and now he's being _nice_ to me? What's up with that?!"

XXX

Good news, you guys," Chris greeted as he walked up to the group, now wearing a pith helmet. "As a special treat, it's time for an extremely dangerous _nighttime_ challenge!"

"And this is good news how?" Mike asked.

"Entertainment value, _helllooo~oo_!" Chris answered with mild annoyance. "This one is gonna be ratings _gold_ ," he added with a smile before turning to the side.

"In a nod to season four's 'haunted forest' fiasco," he explained as Chef pushed a widescreen television cart over, an aerial photo of the island displayed on it, "your challenge is to race to the far end of the island." The shot cut in close to the green X marking the campgrounds, then panned along as a dotted green line wound through the forest, ending with an arrow that pointed to a red X on the far beach. "First team to get every member across the finish line wins," he added as green silhouettes of each individual camper appeared on either side of the ending X, with Heroes on the left and Villains on the right. "And," he walked in front of the television right before it pulled backward, "someone from the losing team _will_ be taking the big flush!" he declared, turning around dramatically.

"Sha-peasy," Lightning smiled.

"It certainly sounds that way, doesn't it?" Chris replied with a mischievous smile as Chef pulled the TV cart away. "But, _tonight's_ full moon is an extremely rare Blue Harvest Moon," he explained as the background music became slightly tenser, "and, let's just say it has an unusual effect on the island's animals."

He laughed darkly, and the Heroes exchanged wary looks. "Heroic Hamsters!" Chris said, drawing the camera back to him. "You won the last challenge, so, you get this map with the fastest route across the island." He held up a map of the island with a thick red X roughly in the center of it.

"Villainous _Dolt_ -sters," he continued as the team in question looked at one another, "you get to wear nifty bacon hats, and sausage tails," Chef walked past holding the meaty items in question, "which should add to the fun when you come face to fang with the island's friendly creatures." The shot cut back to the Villains as Chef finished affixing the protein-rich garb onto Matthew and walked away. "And by friendly, I mean _hungry_ ," the host added with another bout of laughter.

"If the Heroes have a map of the quickest route...," Mike whispered to Kitsune.

"Then we should follow them to the finish," the goofball finished.

The camera panned over to the rest of their team, showing both Heather and Alejandro holding up their sausage tails with wary looks. "She is _so_ going home if we lose," Heather declared.

"Just ignore her," Matthew advised, looking at his own sausage tail. "We'll have enough trouble dealing with Mal."

"I think you mean Mike," Alejandro told him.

"That's what he _wants_ you to think," the hipster replied. Alejandro and Heather shared another wary look.

The camera panned again, now showing Lightning staring at Lily while the other Heroes looked at the map in Cody's hands with mixed interest. "Well guys, looks like we got this challenge in the bag," the geek declared.

"On your mark," Chris said, the shot zooming in on him rapidly as a deep note played.

Bridgette leaned in next to Angel. "I hope you're right," the surfer said in a fearful tone.

"Get set!" Chris called out.

"Yes," Scarlett agreed. "It would not do well for us to get overconfident."

Chris blew his airhorn as the music rose dramatically, and the two teams took off running with a "Sha-yeah!" from Lightning with the Heroes out in front, and a "Woo hoo!" from Mike with the Villains in back.

\

The scene flashed to a long-distance shot of the island, the lights of the campground distinctly absent and the full moon looking rather normal.

"Hey, Mike," Kitsune before the camera cut to her and her new teammate running along at the back of their team's pack, the goofball having replaced her fox accessories with the meat-themed penalty, "you know how you're like the only person on the team people can trust?"

"I... guess..." Mike answered slowly.

"Right," Kitsune said. "I wanna form an alliance."

"I thought you'd form one with Alejandro," Mike told her.

"You don't make it to the Final Two expecting Alejandro to be a loyal ally," Kitsune answered.

"True," Mike said.

"I mean, he'll probably stick with me 'til the merge," the goofball continued. "But it's best that I have a back-up plan."

Mike sighed. "Okay, we'll form an alliance," he told her. "But can we vote out Matthew first? He's kinda creeping me out and he keeps calling me Mal."

Kitsune smiled and shrugged. "Fine by me."

A few more deep, ominous notes played as the camera cut ahead to Matthew and Heather... who ran into a stationary Alejandro. Kitsune and Mike, entranced by their conversation, then ran into Matthew.

"Why are we stopping?" Heather demanded.

"That's why," Alejandro answered as he pointed upwards, prompting his teammates to look up.

The camera cut to the full moon, and an ominously triumphant melody played as it began to turn blue.

"Ooh, cool," Kitsune said in a low but eager voice as a ring of blue light pulsed outward from the abnormal celestial body.

"Guess that's why it's called a 'Blue Harvest Moon'...," Matthew added as the very air around the forest took on a bluish tinge.

A squirrel was shown being pinned to the trunk of a tree by a growling bear, whose other forepaw was raised to punch...until the pulse of blue light passed over them with an odd chime, causing the squirrel to growl ferociously at the suddenly calm bear. A dramatic tune played as the bear backed off in fear, only for the rodent to jump at it. They disappeared off-screen, only the flurry of brown fur and biting sounds hinting at what was happening.

An orange-colored bird flew through the air with a ferocious look on its face, forcing the chubby male intern to scream and close the door to the spa hotel. It was to no avail – the bird had picked up enough speed and power to bust a massive hole in the door and crash through the hotel. The dramatic music continued over another shot of the Blue Harvest Moon, the camera pulling back from it to show a massive horde of angry-looking rabbits. One hopped in front of the lens and roared with an unearthly ferocity.

The pulse of blue light passed over an enraptured Mike causing him to inhale and turn into his most dangerous personality...

"A Blue Harvest Moon," Mal said to himself. "How fortuitous."

XXX

"Seems that this 'Blue Harvest Moon' has brought me back," Mal said with air quotes as a low and tense tune played. "Now that _I'm_ in control, I'll torment these peons a little. But not _too_ much, broken toys just aren't as much fun..." He ended his confessional with a dark chuckle.

XXX

"Uhh, what was that Mike?" Kitsune asked, looking around with a nervous sort of awkwardness.

Mal chuckled as the other Villains gathered around. "Guess again."

"Mal!" Kitsune, Alejandro, and Heather exclaimed in shock.

"I _knew_ it!" Matthew declared in a tone that had the other Villains looking nervous.

"Relax," Mal said with a dismissive hand wave. "I know I can't get away with what I did last time. I'm _completely_ on your side." The other four Villains shared a look, and continued on the path.

"For _now_ ," the troublemaker whispered to himself.

\

The music spiked dramatically as the shot cut to a close-up of some very reptilian legs landing on the dirt. "Okay, this is weird," Lily said as the camera zoomed out, revealing the Heroes standing warily before a rather happy-looking alligator that was wagging its tail against the ground. "Last time I checked alligators weren't _dogs_."

"This moon is extraordinary," Scarlett pondered aloud, walking around the alligator's side while Cody bent down on one knee to cautiously pet the beast's head. "It must be causing the animals to become their opposite!"

"I think you're right," Cody said, standing back up and looking around cautiously. "This challenge is gonna be _weird_ if we have to watch out for the things that are usually small and harmless."

XXX

"Everyone on this team is so smart and athletic," Angel confessed in her usual sweet voice, though her tone and posture showed sadness. "It just makes me wonder what the point of me being here is..."

XXX

The music continued on as a trio of vicious-looking bluebirds shot past a nearby camera like fighter jets, heading straight for the Villains.

"Incoming!" Alejandro called out as warning, the camera pulling back to show him leading his team straight towards their assailants. The birds began to swarm and peck at him and Heather and Matthew, all three yelping in pain as they tried to bat the birds out of the air.

"Get away from me, you buzzards!" Mal shouted angrily as they turned their attention to him fruitlessly swatting at all three.

\

The music turned deep and tense and ominous as a mass growling drew the Heroes' attention, and the camera cut to the approaching pack of vicious rabbits. One of them roared like a wildcat, causing the docile alligator to squeal in fright and duck behind the humans. Lily and Bridgette squeaked and ducked behind Angel, who looked scared for a moment before smiling. That smile turned into a scowl as Lightning stepped in front of her.

"Y'all go on, I can handle a gang of bunnies," he said, looking down at the rabbits in disdain.

Three of them pounced onto his chest and bit down, causing the camera to pan up to the Blue Harvest Moon as Lightning's pained scream filled the air.

XXX

"I totally could've handled that!" Angel complained. "Besides Lightning didn't even _do_ anything but scream."

XXX

"Lightning didn't scream because he was scared," the uber-jock confessed. "He was just tryin' to scare 'em. It's a thing."

The same wildcat-like growl came from outside the outhouse and Lightning let out a high-pitched scream. "Uh, Lightning meant.." he let out some kind of low-pitched battle cry, but it wasn't very convincing.

XXX

"You have got to be _kidding_ me!" Heather cried as she ran back down the path toward the camp, a very malicious looking mallard hot on her tail.

The shot cut to Matthew as he quickly dodged one of the bluebirds. "You idiots are on your own!" he yelled before running away.

Mal walked into the shot with a grin, and grabbed Kitsune's arm as she ran past him. "C'mon," he said. "We gotta get out of here while they're distracted."

"You do realize the _team_ has to cross if we wanna win right?" Kitsune asked pointedly. The shot quickly cut to Alejandro trying to swat at a bird that was pecking at his head.

"¡Vete! ¡Malvaviscos!" the charmer yelled.

"Well it's not like they can blame us if we don't," Mal countered.

"I guess that's a good-" she was interrupted by Mal running away while still holding her "- _point_!" Her bacon hat fell off her head in the commotion and landed on the ground. The three bluebirds swarmed around it, only to be chased away by the mallard who put it on and walked away.

"Finally!" Heather said as the shot cut to the lone two villains free of attacking animals. "Now can we get back to the-" she looked around and noticed that only Alejandro was with her. "Where _is_ everyone?"

"This isn't good," Alejandro commented.

\

The music ramped up in intensity as the camera flashed to Lightning running through the woods with the horde of bunnies right on his tail. Angel, Bridgette, and Lily followed him shortly after with only the former looking focused on the challenge. "We have to hurry!" the idealist yelled.

The shot cut to Cody and Scarlett studying the docile aligator. "That means you guys too!" angel called back. "Escpecially since you have the map!" The two geniuses blinked out of their apparent trance and ran to catch up with their team.

"According to this," Scarlet said after the footage skipped to the six teens running through the forest in a single group and free of bunnies, "we're about halfway across the island."

"That's good," Bridgette said nervously. "The sooner we're out of these woods the better."

"And the rabbits," Lily added with a shudder. "Don't forget the rabbits."

\

"So let me get this straight," Kitsune said as the camera cut to her and Mal running through the forest. "Being trapped in Mike's mind for a year made you comepletely harmless to everyone else?"

"Pretty much," Mal answered unconvincingly.

"Even though you were trapped for a lot longer before you threw my boyfriend out of a plane and framed me for sabotage?"

"What can I say?" Mal said with a shrug and an eye-roll. "I gained a lot of respect for the bug-eyed weirdo."

"Yeah really dude," Kitsune told him. "Do you think I was born yesterday?"

Mal looked taken aback, then smirked. "Fine," he said with a sigh. "We'll do it _your_ way!" With that, he shoved his teammate and she tripped over a small rock causing her to roll down a hill and landed in a gully of some sort.

"MAAAAALLL!" she yelled in anger as she stood up and dusted herself off.

A twig snapped behind her and Kitsune whipped around. "Who's there?" she asked.

She was answered by a single bunny sniffing the air. "One little bunny can't be _that_ bad can it?" she asked nervously.

The bunny let out a terrifying roar.

"I guess it can!" Kitsune yelled in terror as she ran away.

\

Chris laughed as the camera pulled back from the goofball, now on one of the viewing monitors in his control room all of which show various spots in the forest. However the one on the far left showed a tall, skinny figure with a sharp black suit and pale white featureless skin...

He sighed mirthfully and turned his back on the feeds. "Who will make it to the other side of the island?" he asked the camera as the series's capstone theme began to play. "And who's about to become a serving of _teen_ cuisine. Stay tuned to find out, right here on Total!" The shot cut to the mallard wearing Kitsune's bacon hat on a cliff against the blue moon. "Drama!" The scene cut to the dock. "All-Stars!" And finally a long-distance shot of the island.

\

(Commercial Break)

\

A dark tune played as the scene returned to her slowly backing away from a horde of bunnies. "I'm not really a fox," she tried to placate. "That's just an act!" She chuckled nervously as she back into a tree and the shot panned across the bunny horde, one of which was wearing an eye-patch.

She screamed and the bunnies moved to pounce on her, but before they could a familiar tanned hand grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the way. The camera pulled out to show Alejandro was the one that saved her. "Alejandro?" Kitsune asked before smiling and hugging him. "Man am I glad to see you!"

A loud and annoyed throat clearing got their attention, and the camera pulled back some more to show Heather glaring at them with her arms crossed. "If you two are done," she said, "we need to get to the other side of the island before we lose _again_."

"As you wish Heather," Alejandro said with a charming smile.

Heather just growled in response. "Stop agreeing with me!" she yelled as she stormed off. Alejandro's smile fell and he followed after her.

"Uhh...yeah," Kitsune said hesitantly, following her teammates.

\

The shot cut to the edge of what seemed at first to be the edge of a clearing, before the six Heroes arrived and stopped in their tracks.

"A rope bridge?! Seriously?!" Lily said as the shot panned to the right and zoomed out to show a rickety rope bridge extending over a wide gorge. "It's gotta be a trap, we should go around."

"There is a path around it," Scarlett said as she examined the map. "But it looks to be about thrice as long."

"Forget it. I'm not getting on that thing," the cynic replied as she walked back into the woods. "And if you guys are as smart as you say you are, you won't either."

"But the whole team needs to cross the finish line to win," Cody pointed out.

"Plus we'll miss you if you don't come with us," Angel pouted.

"I don't see how going into the woods is any safer than this bridge anyway," Bridgette chimed in with a shudder.

"I'll go with her," Lightning said, jogging back to meet up with Lily.

"Try not to die!" Lily called out to her team from off-screen.

"Good luck Lily!" Angel called back.

XXX

"What, has no one on this team seen a movie before?" Lily asked. "If there's a rope bridge between you and your destination, it _will_ break once you try and cross it. _Especially_ if you're the hero."

XXX

The scene cut to a close-up of a snarling blue-bird, then pulled back to show Mal holding it. "Who wants to help me make someone wet their pants in fear huh?" he asked as Matthew was shown walking by in the foreground.

" _Mal_ ," the hipster whispered under his breath with a surprising amount of hatred.

"Hey Matthew," Mal said tauntingly. "Glad to see you got free from that robot."

Matthew growled with a ferocity that momentarily stunned Mal, then said "I don't know why you decided to drop the Mike act now, but if you get in my way, I'll make you pay."

It was then Mal released the bird he had trapped, causing Matthew to run away.

"I'd like to see you try," Mal said to himself before calmly walking away and whistling his trademark song.

\

"Come on guys," Angel said as the scene cut back to the four Heroes at the bridge. "There's nothing to be afraid of!"

"Except falling to our deaths," Bridgette countered.

"I won't let that happen Bridgey-Bear," the idealist said sweetly.

Scarlett stepped to the front of the group and plucked one of the ropes. It twanged for a moment, but nothing else happened. "It appears safe enough," she declared. "I suggest crossing as quickly as possible and only going one at a time."

"I guess I'll go first," Cody said. He gulped, clenched his right hand into a fist, and ran across the bridge screaming at the top of his lungs as fast as he could. The shot cut from the running geek, back to the girls watching nervously at the start of the bridge, and back to Cody making it across.

"Scarlett's right!" Cody called back. "It's safe!" Just then a ferocious growl was heard further up the path. "Hey are beavers normally nice... or not nice?"

"Why do you ask?" Scarlett replied.

"Idle curiosity," Cody answered as the shot cut to him right next to a trio of beavers, all of which were growling at him. He screamed and ran off further into the woods.

The three girls shared another wary look, then Angel carefully took to the bridge...

XXX

"Do you sometimes get the feeling you're the only person who's capable at the moment?" Angel asked. "I don't wanna sound mean, but its like everyone else doesn't get that we're in a challenge..."

XXX

"So where's Mal?" Heather asked as the scene cut to her, Kitsune, and Alejandro running through the woods.

"I lost track of him after he threw me in a gully," the goofball deadpanned. "Where's Matthew?"

"We thought he was with _you_ ," Alejandro answered.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Kitsune lamented.

\

The shot cut to Matthew growling in frustration as he was being chased by the bluebird. "I am going to _kill_ him for this!" he griped.

The shot cut ahead to Lightning and Lily running the opposite direction with a small group of squirrels on their heels. "Sha-shoo!" Lightning said.

"Get away from us you furry freaks!" Lily added. They were startled by penalty meat landing in their hands - a sausage tail for Lily and a bacon hat for Lightning - and Matthew, not wearing either, running past them and laughing. The two heroes shared a nervous look before being swarmed by the squirrels and bird.

XXX

"What?" Matthew defended. "Now that Mal's decided to make his move against me I need to make sure we win. Those two'll survive what I did and even if they don't, that's just two people I don't have to worry about."

XXX

The static cut to a squirrel flying trough the air and the camera panned to the left to show Lily and Lightning -with scratches and bites all over them, Lightning's jersey slightly tattered and a small rip in the legs of Lily's jeans - wiping dirt off their clothes and hands respectively.

"That takes care of that," Lily said.

"Yeah," Lightning agreed. "But before we go, Lightning's got some questions."

"I might have some answers," Lily replied cryptically.

"Why'd you try an' use me last season?"

"Short answer?" Lily said. "These competitions are popularity contests, and that's Angel's area of expertise. _I_ needed someone strong to carry me to the point where votes didn't matter."

"But you said you wound up actually likin' me," Lightning added.

"I _did_ fall for you, a lot sooner than I thought possible if I'm being honest," Lily responded.

"So why'd you keep plannin' on backstabbin' me?" the uber-jock accused.

"Weren't you just listening?" Lily shot back. "It's the only way people like me can get ahead. I'm not the strongest, or the nicest, or the smartest, and staying out of sight isn't a viable strategy either. I _had_ to manipulate my friends if I wanted to win."

"Friends?"

Lily huffed. "What you think I was pretending to like the people I worked with? I'm a villain, not a monster."

XXX

"Lightning's startin' to think she's neither," the uber-jock confessed.

XXX

"Now let's hurry up and go," Lily commanded as she walked off. Lightning followed after her with a pensive look on his face.

\

"Lily!" Angel called out ahead of the other three Heroes. "Lightning?! Where are you guys?"

"Maybe they're at the finish line?" Cody suggested.

The scene cut back to the rope bridge, where three of the Villains have gathered. "Footprints," Alejandro said. "The Heroes must have gone this way."

"Thanks for stating the obvious, _Blah_ -lejandro," Heather mocked.

Kitsune laughed, and Alejandro glared at her. "What?" she defended. "That was funny. But do you think we should wait for the others?"

Before Heather or Alejandro could answer, they all turned to the right as a new voice chimed in. "There you guys are!" Mal said in a almost-believable tone. "You guys won't believe this, but a _bear_ chased me away."

"Wouldn't a bear be kind with the moon?" Heather asked.

Mal looked taken aback for moment, but shook it off. "I know! Shocked me too."

"It doesn't matter," Alejandro interrupted. "We need to get out of here and win this challenge."

\

A flash took the scene to Chris at the finish line, composed of two logs stuck upright in the ground with a line of bulb-shaped lights strung between them. Angel, Bridgette, Cody, and Scarlett soon arrived from the left and crossed it, the brainiac collapsing onto her stomach in exhaustion while her teammates bent over to catch their breaths.

"Welcome to the finish line Heroes," Chris announced. "But it looks like you're still missing a couple of players."

"Wait," Angel said in confusion and worry. "They're not here yet?"

\

The scene cut to Lightning carrying Lily over his shoulder as he ran through the forest.

"I can run by myself y'know," Lily muttered in annoyance.

"Yeah, but this way Lightning don't have to slow down to keep up with you," the uber-jock retorted.

XXX

"He chooses _now_ to make a logical point?" Lily complained. "Being carried around like some kind of damsel in distress, it was so humiliating!"

XXX

Thw camera cut to Alejandro, Heather, and Mal as Kitsune finished crossing the bridge, and Matthew ran into view. "It's about _time_ you showed up," Heather complained.

"We're almost there!" Lily cried out off screen, briefly catching the attention of both the villains and the camera.

"Hurry Lightning!" Bridgette yelled.

The shot cut back to the villains. "Okay," Kitsune said blankly, "time to run." The five Vultures ran along the path as a tense challenge theme played.

The shot cut up to the Blue Harvest Moon as the celestial body's hue suddenly returned to normal, and as it did so another ring of light pulsed out from it. The golden light soon passed over human and animal alike with a short chime, and the song came to an abrupt stop...

...as did Mal, who suddenly inhaled and returned to Mike. "How did I get out _here_?" he asked in confusion.

"Mike!" Kitsune called from behind the finish line. "Hurry!"

That snapped the comedian back into action. "Right he said," right before dashing toward the finish line... only to be overtaken by Lightning who crossed a mere second before he did.

"And the Heroes win!" Chris announced with glee that quickly disappeared when he added " _Again_."

The six Heroic Hamsters cheered in celebration, Lightning and Lily even sharing a tight embrace for a moment before turning away in embarrassment. The Villains on the other hand were all glaring at each other.

\

The footage skipped ahead to the elimination ceremony, showing the island from a distance before cutting to the blazing firepit.

"Okay, that was an eventful night," Chris said. "Nothing like some confusion and horror to _really_ shake things up a bit, right?" he said over shots of Alejandro and Heather taking their seats and stealing a blank glance at one another before determinedly looking away; Angel hugging her Lily while the cynic looked uncomfortable but did nothing; and Scarlett and Cody whispering to among themselves while pointing at the losing team, the camera pulling back and refocusing to Matthew and Kitsune the object of their discussion. All the campers looked as torn-up and bedraggled as they had at the end of the challenge, though the remaining meat-accessories had been discarded.

XXX

"Well my first challenge on the Villains team went as 'bout as well as you'd expect it to," Kitsune grumbled. "You'd think a bunch of manipulators would understand how to work together."

XXX

"Okay peeps! Each of you is a loser in your own right," the host continued. " _But_ the Heroes won the challenge so they earned themselves another night of _luxurious_ luxury at the spa hotel." The shot cut to show the Peanut Gallery; Lily, Angel, and Bridgette in the top row and Lightning, Scarlett, and Cody in the bottom.

"Lightning volunteers for Boney Island!" the uber-jock said as he stood up.

"Sure, I don't care," Chris shrugged.

"But why?" Lily said in shock.

"I wanna try my luck at findin' that statue," Lightning said before a clamp descended next to him to a triumphant tune. He used it as a foothold and grabbed the rope it was attached to, and the helicopter flew him off into the night.

XXX

"That," he continued in the confessional, " _and_ I wanted to see her reaction. Now Lightning knows for sure that Lily ain't as bad as she thinks. Maybe it's time I forgive her..."

XXX

The camera cut back to Chris at his makeshift podium. "Okay Villains, it's time to vote!"

\

A few drumbeats opened the voting confessional as each Vulture voted quickly and silently – Alejandro first, then Kitsune, Heather, Mike, and Matthew at the end with a sinister expression.

\

The elimination theme began to play as Chris leafed through the stacks of photos he was holding. "Well then," he announced after a second, "this is both shocking _unsurprising_. Alejandro, Kitsune and Matthew, you three are safe," he said, quickly tossing marshmallows to the campers in question from a tray resting on his oil drum leaving both Mike and Matthew looking stunned.

"Matthew," the host said, "you've fallen back on your old habits on insulting your team at any chance you get. Plus, you're kinda scarin' people."

"They _should_ be scared," the hipster replied seriously.

"And Mike," the comedian stiffend at his name. "Looks like Mal isn't as locked away as you let us believe."

"Well no one really asked-" Mike tried to defend before being cut off.

"And that's why you've been eliminated," Chris finished, causing Mike to sigh heavily.

XXX

"I did it," Mathew said quietly before dissolving into maniacal laughter. "I did it! I did it! I did it! I! Beat! _MAL_!

His laughter ended abruptly as he finished his thoughts. "Now _I'm_ the most dangerous person in the game. And I'll take. Them. All. Down." He laughed some more before adding "or out. I honestly don't care either way." He delved into maniacal laughter once more, with the background fading into a fiery inferno."

XXX

The scene skipped forward to the docks, the somber farewell them playing as the Villainous Vultures watched their former fellow tread water in the giant toilet bowl. "It's kinda bittersweet," Mike commented. "I wasn't exactly happy about being put on the Villains but-"

"Don't care," Chris told him, pressing the button on his remote and giving the comedian the Flush of Shame. He let out a surprised yelp before he spun out of sight.

Chris took a deep breath, the turned around to face the camera with his usual smile. "If you think the campers have been through enough punishment, think again!" he said as the capstone theme began to play. "Find out who's next to take the plunge when we return with another all-new episode of Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

(Roll the Credits)

\

\

The scene faded in to a close-up of Mike lying on a sandy beach, groaning as he opened his eyes. "Wh-what happened...," he muttered. "Where _am_ I?" He lifted his head and looked around, then paused in shock. " _Hawaii_?!" he exclaimed, the camera pulling back dramatically to reveal that he'd washed up on the very same beach that the final challenge of season three had taken place on. "Why am I _here_?" he said, the viewpoint taking back its usual position as he started walking around.

"Personally I think it's like so rude of Chris to send you here after getting kicked off," a familiar voice caught his attention. "Also, how _did_ you get kicked off?"

Mike finally seemed to spot the young woman who was talking off to the side. "Sammy? Zoey?" he said in confusion, the shot panning over to show the indie chick and slightly punked-out nice twin standing nearby in her bikini. "What are _you_ doing here? I'm not complaining by the way."

"I'm here to pick you up," Zoey answered. "Although I wouldn't say no to spending a day at the beach, just the two of us and nobody else."

The eliminated comedian smiled. "I'd like that."

"I'm just here to see my friend," Sammy said with a bright smile. "And to remind you not to spend too much time getting back to Canada. But take all the time you need. The longer I spend away from Victor's mom the better."

"I'm... still... confused," Mike said.

"Don't worry about it right now," Zoey said, grabbing her boyfriends hand and leading him on a walk down the beach.

"Okay," Mike said with a dopey grin.

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** And that, dear readers, is pretty much the entire reason why I wanted swapped the episodes. I knew this would be where Mike would get sent home but having it in its regular place would mean either I do two team swaps in a row or have it right before the merge. Neither option seemed good, so I had to do a switch.

Anyway, why Mal's return? Well this was a pretty Mal-heavy episode in canon, even if it's not a well-liked one. And I wanted to give Matthew a 'win' by defeating his biggest 'enemy'. And I especially wanted to show that he's kinda turning into Mal himself (mentally unhinged teens who care more about the prize than the lives of his fellow competitors.) This is the episode that really cements his sanity slippage, but that's not a major plot point this season.

And there's some progress with Lilning. Now he knows a little bit more about Lily and her motives, he willing to forgive her. There are still some bumps in that road, but they're on the way to become official.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **14th Place:** Victor

 **13th Place:** Jo

 **12th Place:** Natasha

 **11th Place:** Mike


	5. Food Fright

**Author's Note:** New chapter, and a heck of a lot earlier than usual. In fact, since this is a holiday week for me, you guys are getting _two_ chapters this week. If all goes to plan, you'll get the next one on Thursday. I'm sorry for the shortness of this chapter, I really can't figure it out. Hopefully it doesn't take away the quality of it.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **Guest:**_ Yeah, Mike's kinda toward the middle of my favorite second gen characters for me too. Thank you for the praise. I actually like this episode in canon too, but I've heard it's not too popular with the fandom. Maybe it has to do with Cameron not going home, the guy gets a lot of hate for some reason. Yep, I thought it'd be a change of pace from the Gwourtney plot to have Lightning (the wronged party) come to forgiveness on his own terms. It's probably gonna throw Lily off for a bit, but they'll get through it. And don't worry, Alejandro and Heather can't hide their feelings for too much longer.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ Really? Mal was such a central part of that episode I felt like I just couldn't leave him out. And that idea for Mike's a little too vindictive considering his personality. The best friend and the love interest are pretty much guaranteed locks for those who have them. And Sammy's not going to change her hair back. As stated in season one, she tried to wash it out but wound up liking it. Here's hoping I can find new ways too bring in Scott's hilarity from the canon season. All the update did was teach me to save often. Which I now do. As for the rest, wait and see.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ Honestly, I haven't really thought of the ramifications of bringing Mal back. It just seemed like something that needed to be done when I wrote it. I wanted to add nice Heather, but couldn't find a place to start it without it being obviously forced. I was lucky enough that Mike wound up on the losing team for his transition to seem natural. All I can say about Lilning is that they will make up. Yeah, Mike definitely got the better end of being eliminated. Yes, Matthew is losing it.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ Like I said to Shrimpimp, I haven't thought that far ahead when it comes to Mal. I may not be able to fit it in the story, but as much as Angel looks up to Lily she's also incredibly jealous of her being smarter and stronger. Ironic because Lily's jealous of how easily Angel makes friends. But nothing serious will come from Angel's doubts. You have a very accurate, and hilarious, interpretation of Matthew right now. Don't worry, Scarlody's getting a moment this chapter. Angel had her head on straight too. Actually, with no way to start or end it organically this time, I had to cut Nice Heather.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Thanks! You won't have to wait long to see Matthew's next move.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ Well, you can't get them all right. I like it in canon too, but apparently that's a minority opinion.

 _ **7jr0u:**_ Please don't leave another nonsense review like this.

 _ **Remaining All-Stars:**_

 _ **Heroic Hamsters:**_ Angel, Bridgette, Cody, Lightning, Lily, Scarlett

 _ **Villainous Vultures:**_ Alejandro, Heather, Kitsune, Matthew

The Villains seem a little outnumbered, can they still pull out a win?

* * *

 **Episode 05: Food Fright**

"Last time, on Total Drama All-Stars!" Chris opened over a shot of the Blue Harvest Moon becoming active, sending its pulse of light through the sky and forest. "The island was bathed in a rare Blue Harvest Moon," the host said, "that turns normally sweet creatures into pure _evil_!" The light was shown exerting its influence on the squirrel that had been pinned to a tree by a bear; the rodent growled viciously and leaped at the bear, and quickly gained the unseen upperhand.

"Totally unsafe to be out after dark in _that_ ," he said as an orange bird ripped a hole in the door to the spa hotel. "Naturally, I decided to make it a _night_ _challenge_." He laughed Cody ran screaming across the bridge, Alejandro dealt with attacking bluebirds, and Lightning was attacked by a gang of bunnies.

"As they raced, the Villains were treated to the appearance of an old friend," Mike was shown changing into Mal. "Who repeatedly left his team in the lurch," the troublemaker was shown throwing Kitsune into a gully and siccing a bluebird on Matthew.

"In the end," the Blue Harvest Moon was shown reverting to normal, then Lightning, with Lily slung over his shoulder, crossed the finish line before Mike, "the Heroes won again, and it was no surprise when the Villains gave their most dangerous player the ol' Flush-a-roo." The Comedian's final farewell was shown next, ending the recap montage.

"But that was then, and this is now," Chris said, now on the Dock of Shame. "And we can't stop it so we gotta top it, right here! On Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

 **XXXXX**

[Though the overall sequence had been shortened for the season, it opens much the same as it has previously – a shift into letterbox format and a focus on the tops of some distant pines. A stage light, sleek and shining with a price tag still attached, rotates up and turns on; then the focus cuts to an angled shot of a different group of trees as a spotlight, also shiny and new, swings down and turns on; then a small video camera pops out of some burrow next to a spray bottle of some cleaning solution, knocking away a roll of paper towels as it emerges; then a second camera pops out of a tree hollow along with a scrub brush, bar of soap, sponge, and a load of soap bubbles. Pale arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, cutting the scene to the Dock of Shame. The camera flies forward, swinging past the Wawanakwa sign and then the final few posts of the dock, rising up to show the spa hotel as Chris and Chef landed their red helicopter in the common area.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera flies past the helicopter and up the thousand-foot cliff, cresting the peak and diving into the lake below, where Angel plays tug-of-war with Heather over a large treasure chest while the Drama Machine sits and sparks nearby, both girls in their swimsuits.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Angel and Heather set the chest down and to their shock it bursts open to reveal not only a cloud of bubbles and the Mike-onut and several McLean Invincibility Statues, but also a twitching and awkwardly-folded Cody who floats up in his swim trunks alongside the wooden heads. The Drama Machine explodes and the shot cuts to a small patch of bubbles on the surface, then zooms out to show the remaining swim-dressed campers lined up according to their teams – the villains holding red dueling sticks on the left on a wooden raft, a hollowed-out log, another wooden raft, and a green canoe; the heroes holding gold dueling sticks on the right on an inflatable raft, a wooden raft, another inflatable one, and a red canoe. The camera zooms in and moves between them as they clash – vicious Jo against hesitant Victor; smug Alejandro shoving away shocked Bridgette with one hand; Natasha ducking from Kitsune's strike and causing her to fall into the lake; Mike, as Vito, brutally thrusting the end of his dueling stick into Scarlett's stomach; and Lily and Lightning angrily slamming their sticks against one another; Matthew falls from the sky and into the lake, dousing the former almost-couple and the camera.]

[The water dries away from the camera lens showing the campfire and Cody and Scarlett leaning in with eager smiles against the full moon...only for Kitsune to suddenly pop up between them with a cheesy grin, causing the two geniuses to look away with blushes. The camera zooms out further, revealing the other cast members sitting on the stumps around the fire – Angel, Lily, Bridgette, Lightning, Matthew, and Victor on the left; Mike, Alejandro, Heather, Natasha, and Jo on the right. The zoom continues even further, showing the signboard over the firepit's entrance which now read 'Total Drama All-Stars', with the dash replaced by a star.]

 **XXXXX**

A deep note opened the scene as it faded into a thunderstorm. A few more accompanied the distant rumbling of the clouds over Wawanakwa, and the shot cut to the loser's cabin as the emblem of the Villainous Vultures appeared on-screen. Another cut put the camera in the boys' side, revealing Alejandro alone on the top bunk to the left, Matthew alone in the bottom bunk across from them, and both sleeping peacefully despite several leaks in the roof.

A sudden slamming noise startled the boys awake. Their door was kicked open by a large, shadowy figure with narrow eyes, who stepped into the room but not quite into view. Alejandro and Matthew screamed in terror, but the figure soon stepped forward again to reveal himself as Chef, carrying a large and bulky bag on his shoulder. He smirked and tossed the bag into the room, and it exploded into a cloud of brown powder that left the boys coughing and cringing in disgust.

XXX

"Powdered gruel?" Matthew asked blankly. "My 'team' has to step up their game. Obviously, I can't carry them like I did third season."

XXX

The scene returned to the girls' room as Alejandro spat a bit of powder out of her mouth. "Disgusting," he complained. "I bet the girls are not treated so cruelly," a loud boom and a shrill scream from the wall behind them got his attention.

"I stand corrected," Alejandro said happily.

XXX

"Yeah," Kitsune deadpanned. "It might actually be more humane to let us starve."

XXX

The static cut to the girls' side of the cabin, both of them covered in powdered gruel and glaring at one another.

"Look," Kitsune said. "We're _severely_ outnumbered by the other team. Can we at least _try_ to bury the hatchet long enough get out of the hole we're in?"

"Fine," Heather agreed with a roll of her eyes. "Whatever."

XXX

"I know she's going to try and send me home if we lose again," Kitsune confessed. "So I'm planning on bringing my A-game this next challenge to make sure we don't. Or at the very least, hope that Matthew or Al screw up and our loss is their fault."

XXX

"As much as it makes me wanna yack up my breakfast," Heather explained. "I actually do have to play nice with Faith. Matthew's completely useless and there's no way I'm trusting Alejandro to side with me over _her_."

XXX

The first movement of Beethoven's 'Moonlight Sonata' as the scene moved to the spa hotel, the logo of the Heroic Hamsters appearing on-screen before the shot cut to a darkened bedroom. Thunder crashed and lightning flashed outside its windows, and the camera panned leftward across the slumbering Heroes – first Bridgette, then Angel, then Lily, and finally Scarlett rubbing her eyes as she sat up in her bed. The brainiac scowled for a moment at the unwelcome wake-up, then schooled her face into something more pensive as she got up and walked out of the room.

The camera cut to an ornate sitting room, then panned down onto Cody at a jet black grand piano, undoubtedly the source of the music. A quick shot of Cody's face showed his eyes closed and his face twisted into something somewhere in between disomfort and concentration, and the camera panned to the left to show Scarlett watching him and clearly impressed.

Cody suddenly stopped, and the camera returned to the normal sideview to show the two teens in the same frame. "Sorry to wake you," Cody said without turning around.

"It's okay," Scarlett replied softly. "You're very talented."

Cody sneered for a second, then schooled his expression into something more cordial. "It was my parents' idea," he explained. "I've been taking lessons since I was six. I hated it, but it helps me focus my thoughts."

XXX

"I just can't figure Scarlett out," Cody confessed. "Sometimes she acts like she's into me, and then when I think I have a chance she does everything she can to keep her distance."

XXX

Scarlett awkwardly rubbed her arm. "Maybe...," she said nervously. "You could teach me how to play?"

The shot cut to as he finally turned around to face her. "We'll see," he said somewhat coldly before getting up and leaving the room. Scarlett watched him go, and sighed.

XXX

"It's for the best," she said. "Just being accepted as a hero is a miracle in itself. I can't expect the cutest guy here to have feelings for _me_."

XXX

"Okay," Chris announced over the loudspeaker, the storm having quickly petered off, "now that the weather's cleared up, get your waterlogged butts to the beach for today's beatdown! I mean...," he quickly corrected, " _challenge_!"

\

The scene immediately skipped ahead to the nine teens assembling in front of the host on a patch of grass just inland from the beach.

"Welcome, contestants," he greeted them. "Before we get started, let's bring back last night's exile – _Lightning_!" He directed their attention upwards with a single pointed finger, and a quick-pan put the camera on the helicopter as Chef maneuvered it over them. The shot moved down to Lightning holding onto the line with his foot on the clamp, and with a confident smirk he jumped down.

He landed in a 'superhero' position next to the other campers. "'Sup y'all," he told them, immediately focusing on Lily. "Miss me?"

"Uh..." Lily replied with confusion. "How was exile?"

"Girl, it'll take more than some hungry animals to take down _Lightning_!" the uber-jock bragged, kissing his bicep and winking at the cynic.

"Good to know," she replied, turning her face away to hide her blush.

XXX

"Since when did Rudy get... _flirty_?" Lily asked the confessional.

XXX

Angel immediately dashed to Lily's side. "What'd you do to get Lightning to want you back?" she whispered.

"I have no idea" Lily answered with continued confusion.

"Oh," Angel replied. "Well this is still great news right?"

Lily pursed her lips, unamused. "No. I just wanted him to stop hating me. I don't know to deal with a guy actually liking me and _not_ wanting something from me."

"Uhh, that aside," Chris said, drawing the camera's focus back to himself, "iiiiit's _challenge time_! Chef didn't have time to cook Team Loser's breakfast this morning, because he was busy making _these_!" With rising excitement he motioned to the side, the shot quick-panning over as a dramatic tune blared to reveal two plates of truly massive syrup-drizzled pancakes atop a wooden platform over a pit of mud. Next to each stack of pancakes was a loudspeaker adorned with one of the team's logos, with the Villainous Vultures on the left and the Heroic Hamsters on the right.

"PANCAAAAKES!" the host announced. "That's right, it's ea-ting-con-test-time!" he added over an image of one of the pancake stacks against a radiant golden background, each syllable causing more and more of the stack to disappear as though being eaten. "Each team member gets _one_ minute to scarf up as much pancake-y goodness as they can," Chris explained as the shot returned to him, taking out a stopwatch and then casually throwing it away. "When a hero's eating time is up," he said softly as the six teens in question were showing watching in a line with rather blank expressions, "they hear this." The Heroes' loudspeaker was shown against a light and airy background as an echoing, almost angelic chorus sounded off from it. "And, the villains get this," Chris added with a bit more edge in his voice, the Villains' loudspeaker shown against a roaring flame as a harsh squeal uttered forth.

"Then, you just have to race through a nausea-inducing obstacle course," the host said with a smile.

"Obstacle course?" Lightning repeated dismissively.

"It's a nod to the Mad Skills course from last season," Chris explained with barely-contained excitement. "The toughest parts, anyway. First, you gotta get past the Bouncy Butts," he said as the camera moved to the right of the pancakes and panned across the large red butt-shaped objects jerking up and down on thick pistons. "They're a _real_ pain. Then, it's on to the Retching Rolling Pin," the camera quick-panned over to the pair of logs strung together along a long metal axle and made to rotate. "And a swift kick from the Grape Crusher," the large rubber boot that had formerly been used as the aptly-named 'Kick Starter' was shown next, with a demonstration of its short but swift kicking motioning.

"Wow Chris, I've got goosebumps," Matthew said sarcastically.

"...really?" Chris said with an annoyed frown. "Huh. I wasn't gonna add this," he said with a false air of unwillingness, "but since _Matthew's_ not impressed," he adopted an eager smile and took out a walkie-talkie, "bring it in!"

The music immediately turned tense and dramatic, and the shot cut upwards and outwards to show not only Chef bringing the helicopter back, but also the massive wooden ring it was now carrying. "Say hello to my metal friend!" the host said in a poorly-done Cuban accent, Chef pressing a button on his control stick to release his payload. The music peaked as the wooden ring landed perfectly on top of a metal pedestal situated on a smaller wooden dock set up in the mud. The machine was wired up to a nearby control panel being manned by the fat male intern, who flinched as the final piece was dropped.

"I call it, the ' _Salad Spinner_ '!" Chris said before the focus moved back to him. "The perfect end to a barf-tastic course."

"How does it work?" Bridgette asked with an uncertain grimace as she walked over to the host.

"Probably painfully," Chris answered with a devious smile. "I don't know, we didn't have time to test it," he explained with a mischievous shrug.

"Nice one, Matthew," Kitsune scathingly told her teammate.

He just snorted. "What, scared that you won't be able to handle it?" he asked.

"Okay, we're on the _same team_ ," Kitsune replied with anger in her voice. "Stop! Attacking! Me!"

"Moving on," Chris said forcefully. "Players have to make it through the course without barfing to get back in line and stay in the game. But, if you puke," the camera quick-panned over to a two-tiered bench sitting under a tall tree, "you're benched! Leaving the other players on your team to eat up without your help. Once your pancake's toast, just complete the obstacle course one last time to win.

"Ready," he said, the shot zooming in slightly as the first deep note of a challenge tune played. "Set," he said, the process repeating itself. "Scarf!" With a blow of an airhorn, the music began in earnest and Angel ran over to her team's plate.

"We need a team leader," Alejandro told Heather as the shot cut to the Villains. "And I think it should be you."

"What?!" Matthew complained.

"As long as we don't lose again," Kitsune shrugged.

"Fine," Heather agreed. "You go first, and you _better_ have a big appetite."

"As you wish," the charmer said as he ran to his team's plate. With his attention focused solely on eating as fast as possible he blindly stuck his hand in between the top two cakes...and yelped as something bit down on them. He withdrew his hand with a scream, and immediately started trying to shake off the rats that had latched onto him.

"Oh yeah," Chris said, now lounging in a deck chair with a coconut drink in hand, "there might be some booby traps and feisty ingredients in those _pain_ -cakes," he laughed.

"Oh my!"Angel gasped before eating with renewed vigor, sticking her entire face into the pancakes as she ate. The camera cut in close to what he was eating, showing several small blue berry-like objects get consumed alongside the oversized breakfast food.

"Eww," Chris cringed and laughed, "dude, you just ate fish eyeballs!" He winced as Angel was heard vomiting.

"And Angel is _benched_ ," the host laughed, and the camera cut to the idealist sitting on the bench and looking quite ashamed. "Who's next?"

"I'm on it!" Cody volunteered, his team cheering him on as he ran past the pair of dazed rats that Alejandro previously dealt with as well as a bear trap and a baseball bat..

It was then that the Villains' signal sounded off. "Eatin' time's over for Alejandro," Chris announced excitedly. "Now, it's _beatin_ ' time!"

The rest of the Villains began to cheer on the charmer as he headed for the bouncy butts, He curled up into a ball and bounced from one apparatus to the next with little complaint.

"Ooh, very nice moves from Alejandro," Chris said. " _And_ he continues to impress on the rolling pins." The shot quickly cut to the charmer running across the aforementioned pins... on his hands.

"Yes!" Heather cheered excitedly, before catching herself and pretending to be apathetic.

Alejandro was shown reaching the giant boot, getting launched forward with a cry of alarm. He landed inside the wooden wheel of the Salad Spinner, the music peaking sharply as the intern threw a switch that started the wheel spinning. The shot cut inside as Alejandro, plastered to the inner wall of the device, was spun round and round at high speed until his cheeks bulged. The ride ended after only a few seconds, a hatch opened in the side of the device, and Alejandro fell out in a heap onto the dock.

"So _thaaaaat's_ how it works," Chris commented.

An ominous chant rose up in the background as Alejandro's cheeks bulged once again, earning a gasp from the Villains and a laugh from the host. The charmer managed to force it down, however, and his teammates let out a sigh of relief. "Tastes so nice, he ate it twice!" the host said mirthfully.

XXX

"Chris will pay for laughing at me," Alejandro confessed with his arms crossed in irritation.

"I sincerely doubt it, _Al_ ," Chris replied over the loudspeaker before laughing again.

XXX

"One-Eyed Weirdo," Heather said to an unamused Matthew. "You're next."

"Why me?" the hipster complained.

"Because Faith's a bottomless pit and we need to save her for last," Heather replied.

The camera pulled back to show Kitsune looking at the two in mild shock. "Did you just _compliment_ me?" she asked.

Heather crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Well it's not like we can afford to fight each other right now."

"Fine, I'll go," Matthew said suddenly, dashing toward the pancakes.

The scene cut to Cody shoveling pancake into his mouth as fast as he could. Suddenly a raccoon jumped out of the meal and latched itself onto the geek's face. He screamed and flailed his arms and ran around in circles.

"The Villains have the lead," Chris announced. "Which means Cody needs to get his butt in gear."

The Heroes' chorus sounded off. "Run, Cody!" Bridgette called out to the geek.

"One second!" Cody replied, finally removing the offending animal and dashing forward. he quickly reached the bouncy butts and stared at them for a moment before jumping at them.

The camera panned over to Matthew, who was also eating as fast as he could. "Uggh," he groaned as he held up a thick piece of cake, his face already covered in syrup, "I'd kill for a kale smoothie right about now." His team's squealing signal caused him to drop his next piece of cake and start running, his stomach bulging noticeably.

"Run Matthew!" Alejandro called from the sidelines. "Run like your very life depends on it! Which it does!"

"And you better actually eat up there," Kitsune warned her rival. "Don't leave me with all the heavy lifting like you normally do."

"Whatever," the queen bee scoffed. "You just worry about doing your part, and I'll do mine."

XXX

"I'll take 'Things That Don't Make Me Feel Better' for 800 Alex," Kitsune deadpanned.

XXX

The challenge music returned in full force as Cody was shown getting kicked into the air by the giant boot. He overshot the spinner completely and landed in a heap on the bench.

"Oh my goodness!" Angel cried. "Are you okay?"

Cody just groaned in pain and the shot cut to Chris laughing. "Next!" the host called out.

"No fair!" Heather complained. "He didn't do the spinner!"

"I'll allow it," Chris said. "His pain was our gain. Which team will finish their barftastic breakfast first? Find out, after the break."

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed on Matthew getting batted from one butt-shaped apparatus to another.

"The Villains are in the lead," Chris announced. "But for how long?"

"I'm on it!" Lily boasted as she ran to her team's pancakes and started stuffing her mouth. The camera then quick-panned to Matthew giving the rolling pins a disdainful frown.

"Don't let the Heroes catch up!" Alejandro warned from the sidelines. Matthew rolled his eye and ran across the pins. The footage skipped ahead to him at the Grape Crusher, but nothing happened.

"I'm waiting," he said impatiently. The shot cut to a mischievous-looking Chris holding a remote with a skull-shaped button. He pressed it, and the boot retracted to the point where it was in front of the hipster. He gave it an awkward look, and two yellow rockets stamped with the host's face came out of the heel. The boot then rocketed through the air and kicked Matthew all the way into the spinner, complete with the usual shot of him with his cheeks bulged.

Matthew was dropped onto the dock with a weary groan. "And Matthew is safe to eat again!" Chris announced.

The camera quick-panned to Lightning and Bridgette cheering on Lily, then cut to the cynic in question. "This is easy!" she bragged before sticking her face in the pancakes... only to recoil when something snapped inside. She pulled her face back and there was a mousetrap attached to her lips.

"You were saying?" Chris asked just before the angelic chorus was heard and Lily took off down the course.

The shot cut to Heather, who was scarfing down food as quickly as she could when the Villains' squeal sounded. She looked up, and was attacked by two crabs that were hiding in her pancakes.

"Are you _sure_ you can do this?" Matthew asked pointedly as the focus shifted to him and Kitsune.

"Of course," Kitsune answered. "I've only lost like one eating challenge in my whole life."

"That better ring true," Matthew warned. "Because if we lose again, you're going home."

"I doubt that," Kitsune told him.

The camera then moved to a close-up of a television screen, now displaying the two team logos side by side with wedges grayed out. "The Villains are two-thirds done," Chris said calmly, using a pointer stick to gesture to the vulture with about a third of the color remaining, "But it looks like the Heroes," he moved the pointer to the much more colorful hamster, "need to up their appetite. Big time."

Lily was shown bouncing off one of the butts, then being knocked into the mud. "You gotta do better than that!" she mocked... only to get crushed by the butt she'd just fallen off of. Heather's journey, on the other hand, seemed to be a bit more smooth; the camera panned along with her to show her arcing awkwardly into the air and falling back down onto the next butt. But while Lily eventually landed on her feet and kept running with bulging cheeks, Heather landed painfully on her belly earning a wince from her teammates. She groaned and scowled, then got back to her feet and kept moving.

XXX

"Ugh," Lily groaned in the confessional. "This is like that time Angel dragged me on that roller coaster after I'd spent an hour and a half gorging on fair food. It wasn't pretty."

XXX

"Do you think I'm gonna let _me_ be the one who loses this for us?" Heather asked defiantly. "No way."

XXX

"Villain Heather is pulling some impressive moves!" Chris announced as the shot cut to the queen bee easily keeping her balance on the rolling log. "And," the camera panned up to the cynic as her face adopted a more sickly color, "Hero Lily's head is turning an impressive shade of green!"

"Not doing so good, are you?" Heather taunted, still maintaining her position on the pin behind Lily. "Looks like you or your sister's going home today." She barked out a laugh, and Lily could contain herself no longer. She vomited forward onto the gap between the two logs, and fell backward into the mud.

"Ohh, and Lily gives the 'Hurl of Shame' new meaning!" Chris said from his chair. "Hit the bench!" he added as the sullen cynic was shown approaching the tiered bench where Angel was already seated.

XXX

"At least she didn't hit a clown this time," Angel said brightly before frowning. "Poor Mr. Giggles."

XXX

"Alright, I guess this one's on me," Bridgette said with wary determination, pushing up her sleeves and dashing forward to the Heroes' pancakes.

"Yeah! You go, girl!" Lightning cheered.

The scene moved to the spinner, already in motion. "And Heather's at the spinner!" Chris called out over the loudspeaker, the camera cutting inside to show the queen bee's cheeks bulging as she went round and round at high speed. The shot moved back to the dock as the machine slowed to a stop, the hatch opened, and Heather was dropped face-first onto the wooden planks. She groaned, and the squeal of the Vultures' signal was heard in the background. "Time for another eater, Villains!" the host announced.

"I'm up," Kitsune said with a smirk, running forward and digging into the the Villains' dwindling stack of pancakes.

XXX

"I always win whenever I have eating contests with by besties back home," Kitsune bragged. "And since one of them doesn't have any taste buds, that's sayin' something."

XXX

An explosion was heard as the camera cut back to the two competitors, the goofball's head and shoulders now coated with a thick green goop. She blinked in confusion, then went back to her pancake. The shot cut in for a close-up of Bridgette's head as she shoved bits of cake into her mouth, then switched to a similar shot of Kitsune. A switch back to Bridgette came just before the chorus signaled the end of her eating period, and she stood up with a concerned look as she noticed something fizzing. She looked down and gasped in shock at the several sticks of dynamite hidden in the pancake that promptly exploded.

Bridgette screamed as she sailed through the air, slightly singed and smoking, and landed in the spinner. and the camera moved inside to show her bulged cheeks as she was flung around at high speeds.

The ride ended, and Bridgette slid out of the hatch onto her stomach. The music faded out slightly as she tried to used a lever in a control box nest to her as leverage to get up, only to accidentally pull it. The music turned ominous and the camera zoomed in to a small light above the lever, which changed from a teal exclamation point to a red skull. "Uh oh," the surfer said.

Her attention was caught by Kitsune screaming as she landed in the spinner and the intern manning the device started it up again. It quickly reached a speed much higher than the previous activations, a red light on the control box flashing and buzzing to the intern's confusion.

"I don't think this is normal!" Kitsune said in panic.

A few sparks flew on the inside of the wheel, and the music peaked as Kitsune was hurled out of the top of the device, and the shot cut to Chris as he began to laugh.

XXX

"For a brief second," Kitsune said as she rocked back and forth while hugging her legs, "my life flashed before my eyes."

XXX

"Looks like the Villains are about to taste victory!" Chris said as the shot cut back to the close-up of the television screen, the two pie chart-logos now approaching a quarter left for the Villains and a a fifth left for the Heroes, "and maybe some old shoes. We put some in their pancakes."

"Enjoy the loser cabin tonight," Matthew taunted Lightning and Cody as the tense challenge music ramped up in intensity.

"Dude don't you know?" Lightning taunted back. "Lightning _never_ loses!" He quickly dashed over to his team's pancake where Scarlett was currently eating. "Come on Smart Girl, tag the Lightning!"

"What?!" Alejandro complained, the shot cutting to him eating his own pancake. "That _has_ to be against the rules.

"Not if one of the Villains tags out too it isn't," Chris replied.

"Tag me Al," Matthew said, having already made his way to the platform.

"Do not call me 'Al'," the charmer complained while tagging the hipster all the same.

"Alright," Lightning said seriously as the camera cut to a close-up of him. "Time for Lightning, to _strike_!" He began voraciously eating his team's pancake and casually throwing aside several non-pancake items including a confused turtle, a shoe, a tennis racket and a pair of shorts.

"The Heroes have stormed back people!" Chris announced over a shot of the television screen. The Heroes' pie chart rapidly draining of color to the point where both teams only had about a tenth of color remaining. "It's neck and neck!"

Lightning took another bite, only to scream in surprise when he was swarmed by bees. Matthew on the other hand, was flailing his arms to remove the insects attacking him. "Stupid fire ants!"

"Hurry up!" "Don't you dare lose!" Alejandro and Heather called out at the same time.

The angelic chorus drew the camera back to an empty plate. "And Lightning clears the eating portion!" the host added as the shot zoomed out to show the uber-jock, covered in bee stings, running away from it.

"You got this Lightning!" Cody cheered from the sidelines.

The camera panned back to Matthew scooping up his team's final crumb of pancake and shoving it into his mouth while he ran. "A flawless dine-and-dash from Matthew, finishing off the Villains' plate," Chris said from his chair. "But can he catch up to Lightning?" The focus returned to the hipster as he made his way across the bouncy butts in much the same way as his previous run, and with a look of fierce concentration he managed to reach the rolling pins while his foe was still on them.

"Hah!" Lightning taunted as he made his way across at a steady pace. "Y'all are gonna have to do better than that if you wanna catch the Lightning."

"i'm gonna make you eat those words!" Matthew countered, his determination becoming even sharper as he bounded across the remainder of the logs. He reached the other side mere paces behind Lightning, who looked back over his shoulder and narrowed his eyes. The camera zoomed out as the two boys raced for the boot, with Lightning still in the lead.

He slid into position as the grape crusher swung back, and with a smug smile waved at his opponent. "Sha bye-bye," he said as the boot swung down.

"NO!" Matthew shouted, diving forward with his arms outstretched.

He was just in time, and wrapped his arms around Lightning just before the boot kicked them high into the sky. "Get off me!" the uber-jock said as a triumphant tune rose up. They landed in the salad spinner, and the music cut out as the machine started up.

The shot cut from close-ups of the other Villains, to Angel and Lily on the bench, to the other Heroes, and lastly to Chris taking a sip from his coconut drink. All had their eyes locked in the direction of the final obstacle with a mixture of dread and hope.

After a long second the shot returned to the spinner slowing to a stop. A hatch on the slide opened up, and Lightning tumbled out with a short scream. The rest of the cast was shown perking up in silent anticipation...and a victorious tune rose up as Lightning lifted his head and gave the camera a dazed and dopey smile, saying "Sha- _done_!" as his eyes spun.

"And the Heroes _win_!" Chris announced over the loudspeaker, and the shot cut to Scarlett, Cody, and Bridgette as they jumped and cheered back at the starting line.

The camera panned to Alejandro and Heather as they scowled in irritation. "We lost?" Heather complained. " _Again_?!"

XXX

"If there's one thing athletes are great at, other than sports, it's carbo-loading," Lightning bragged. "Sha-bam!"

XXX

Matthew chuckled. "So those idiots lost it again. I'm sure they'll try to blame me, but I'm _not_ going home tonight."

XXX

A few deep notes were struck as the scene flashed to the cabins, zooming in on Lily and Cody as they made their way to the winner's abode. "I couldn't help but notice that you haven't made any passes at Scarlett," Lily said. "You haven't lost interest have you?"

"Uhh, maybe?" Cody answered sheepishly. "No," he corrected at Lily's raised eyebrow. "I don't know. It's like she can't decide if she likes me or not."

"Word of advice?" Lily said. "She's probably still got Area 51 issues."

"But that wasn't her fault," Cody protested.

"That's easy to say when you're not the one that almost killed a bunch of people," Lily told him seriously.

"So what am I supposed to do to show her she doesn't have to feel guilty?" Cody asked.

"There's nothing you _can_ do," Lily replied. "Just show her that she's still worth the effort even though she _did_ snap."

"Thanks Lily!" Cody said, quickly wrapping the surprised cynic in a hug. "I think I know what to do!"

"Not a hugger," Lily complained. The camera panned ahead to show Lightning rubbing his chin as he watched the two.

\

The opening chords of the ceremony theme played as the footage skipped ahead to night, the island shown briefly before the scene moved to the campfire pit. The camera passed over the four Villains sitting wary or stoic before the fire, then moved to the Heroes in the gallery behind them.

"Listen up campers," Chris said to the ten. "I have a _shocking_ announcement. According to an anonymous note I received, the Heroes did _not_ in fact complete the challenge."

The four Villains gasped and the camera moved to the Heroes. "But Lightning finished the pancake and the obstacle course first!" Bridgette protested.

"Sha-yeah!" Lightning added. "Lightning ain't no cheater!"

"Still gotta look into it bro," Chris said apathetically. "Stand up and turn out your pockets."

The uber-jock scoffed and did as he was told. And everyone present gasped when he pulled out a small chunk of pancake... except for Matthew who was smirking deviously.

XXX

"Ideally, I would've framed Scarlett for 'cheating', the hipster confessed. "But Lightning was a bit more believable." He chuckled to himself. "I told you I wasn't going home tonight."

XXX

"Lightning didn't do this!" the uber-jock defended. "He swears!"

"Heroes forfeit!" Chris announced. "Villains win it!"

The four Vultures stood up and cheered, and Heather and Alejandro grabbed each other in an tight embrace... before quickly separating and looking away awkwardly.

"Time to vote someone out Heroes," Chris finished while pointing behind him with his thumb.

XXX

The six Hamsters were shown voting at the same time in a six-way split with Lily, Angel, and Bridgette on top; and Lightning, Scarlett, and Cody on bottom.

XXX

"We're down to the final two contestants," Chris said after the static cut away. The camera zoomed in slightly on a shot of the entire losing team, one marshmallow on the host's plate and four more in the hands of Scarlett, Cody, Bridgette, and a very solemn-looking Angel. Bridgette smiled at the idealist but she was distracted, and the camera panned to the front row to show Lily looking extremely nervous and Lightning looking extremely annoyed.

"Who will get the final marshmallow," the host asked. "Will it be...Lily, the pancake hurler," the cynic's anxious, wide-eyed face was shown in a close-up, "or Lightning, the pancake hoarder." The shot panned to the uber-jock, who's face fell into downright anger. "The last marshmallow goes too...," Chris said, drawing it out as the music's tension rose. Lily was shown biting her nails, the final treat was shown sitting motionlessly, and Lightning was shown narrowing his eyes. Chris picked up the final marshmallow right as the music reached its peak.

" _STOP_!"

Nearly everyone present gasped, and the shot cut to the source of the objection – not the two with the most votes, but rather Angel. She was now standing, and took a step forward while her teammates gaped in shock. "Chris, I volunteer for the Flush of Shame," she declared.

"Angel, what are you doing?" Lily asked, her eyes wide.

"I'm doing what's right," she answered. "I truly believe that Lightning is innocent, and I can't sit back at let my little sister get voted off either." She turned back and gave Chris an expectant look.

"Hey, no complaints here," the host smiled ominously, the background score taking a dramatic twist. "In fact, it's the perfect segue into my _next_ announcement," he added as he walked over.

"Which is...?" Bridgette asked warily.

"I've got _another_ surprise twist for you all!" the host explained with a giddy mischievousness. " _Tonight's_ ejected Hero is _tomorrow's_ new Villain!" he said, the camera moving to show his hand motioning to the girl in question, now bearing a positively confused face.

"What?!" the remaining Hamsters said as one, Scarlett and Cody even leaning in to the shot to do so.

"That's riiiight," Chris repeated slowly as the music became low and tense. "Instead of flushing Angel, I'm sending her over to the _Villains_ ' side!"

Nearly everyone gasped dramatically, and the Heroes turned to their former member. Angel merely sighed and walked over to the Peanut Gallery and smiled shyly. "So I guess I'm your new teammate..." she told them as they all sent her glares or smirks that had her shrinking.

"I'm sure you'll all get along," Chris said as he walked over. "Now, I do still need one of you to volunteer for exile, but to allow her to get to know the rest of you, it won't be Angel. So, any takers?"

"Me," Matthew said as he stood up. "I'll do it." The shot cut to him boarding the former Boat of Losers at the dock, and he was whisked away into the night.

XXX

"That wasn't the plan," Matthew complained. "Luckily they're all too stupid to notice what I did. But to keep their superhuman luck from getting rid of me, I'll need to find that statue and fast."

XXX

The static cut away to the fire pit as Lily, Lightning, Scarlett, Cody, and Bridgette walked away with shock still on their faces. The shot panned to the right a foot to show Chris watching them, and he quickly turned his smile to the camera. "The Villains finally win again," Chris told the camera as the capstone theme started up. "But, can they do it _again_ again? Find out next time, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

(Roll the Credits)

\

\

Unlike previous episodes, this clip faded in on Lily laughing in the confessional. "Angel?" she asked incredulously. "A villain? The most evil thing that girl's ever done is drink milk straight from the carton. Which by the way, she spent three days apologizing for."

She suddenly looked worried. "I hope she'll be okay. Angel's a sweetheart, but she can be naive at times."

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** The swap is done, as one person predicted it was Angel who's the new villain. It may seem odd, but I actually have some plans for her. All I'll say is her adorableness will not change. And for those of you wondering, Angel is older than Lily as confirmed this chapter

I hope everyone's okay with me reusing the 'pancake in the pocket' gag from canon, even if I did completely redo how it happened. It's just another of Matthew's sabotage attempts. Sanity slippage aside, it _is_ his Modus opporandi.

We also see some progress with Scarlody, and if you squint hard enough some Lilning as well. At least one of those will be solidified next chapter. Not sure which one and I may just do both.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **14th Place:** Victor

 **13th Place:** Jo

 **12th Place:** Natasha

 **11th Place:** Mike


	6. The Yolk's on You!

**Author's Note:** New chapter today. By the way, Total Dramarama is hilarious. I highly recommend checking it out.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **That British Guy:**_ She very well could be. Yeah, that should be fixed by now.

 _ **Guest:**_ Angel as a Villain will definitely shake things up, depending on if I can get it to work or not.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ No need to worry, Lightning is not going home before he and Lily get together. I'm glad you like the Scarlody scene. And it seems we both have the same view of Cody's home life. Lightning's not getting jealous, that look was more od a 'how could this girl not see she's a hero' than anything else. Angel will discover something about herself before the season's over.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ Fair point. I'm not surprised you didn't guess it. I didn't really foreshadow it so I could still have a shocking moment. It's not often we can say Matthew's a genius, but I can agree that that was. Yeah, he's still planning on taking her out at some point, but he's not so far gone that he can't recognize an opportunity when he sees one. I'm a little shocked you were surprised by Cody being cold to someone, that's pretty much the basis of his relationship with Jo last season.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ Glad you like the couples. I was never planning on doing exactly what they did to Sam, but I always thought of it as he thought it wouldn't matter if he saved a small bit. It's still a major idiot ball though, and I'm trying to _not_ give these guys that. I'm glad I could get you with Lightning, and I hope you like the direction I'm going with Angel.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ That it will. Scarlody will be official by the end, I assure you.

 _ **Remaining All-Stars:**_

 _ **Heroic Hamsters:**_ Bridgette, Cody, Lightning, Lily, Scarlett

 _ **Villainous Vultures:**_ Alejandro, Angel, Heather, Kitsune, Matthew

The teams are tied at five all, what an egg-cellent time to bing back some mutants.

* * *

 **Episode 06: The Yolk's on You!**

"Last time, on Total Drama All-Stars!" Chris began, the recap montage opening with accidentally flipping a switch on the machine's control box. "Heather and Kitsune decided to stop fighting each other and start fighting the Heroes," he said over a clip of the two girls agreeing to a truce. "Meanwhile," Cody was shown talking with Scarlett while playing the a piano, "Cody and Lightning had some role reversals with Scarlett and Lily," he added over a shot of Lightning flirting with Lily to the cynic's confusion.

"At challenge time, giant pancakes were gobbled down," Alejandro and Angel were shown making the initial dash towards their teams' plates, the charmer quickly being attacked by rats. "And, in a few cases," Lily was shown throwing up on the rolling pin, "thrown right back up thanks to a barf-tacular obstacle course." He laughed as Alejandro was shown forcibly swallowing his vomit after he exited the salad spinner. "Way to re-swallow, bro," Chris said.

"The Heroes finished first," Scarlett, Cody and Bridgette cheered, "but! Thanks to Matthew, an uneaten chunk of cake in Lightning's pocket sent them to Loserville," a clip of the uber-jock pulling the cake out of his pocket was shown, then Matthew confession that he put it there, "and Angel volunteered to be the home-bound Hero for reasons unknown," the idealist was shown standing up before Chris could announce the loser. "Just kidding," Chis laughed, "it's totally because of how she sucks at this game," Angel was shown being the first person benched. "But in the final twist, Angel became the newest member of the Villainous Vultures," the rest of the Heroes were shown reacting in shock, and the montage ended with Angel shrinking under the glares and smirks of her new team.

"Only ten players remain," Chris told the camera from some high-up perch. "Which one of them is gonna take a circle-y swim in the the big porcelain bowl?" he asked, the shot zooming out to reveal him standing on the tank of the Flush of Shame. "Find out right here, right now, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

 **XXXXX**

[Though the overall sequence had been shortened for the season, it opens much the same as it has previously – a shift into letterbox format and a focus on the tops of some distant pines. A stage light, sleek and shining with a price tag still attached, rotates up and turns on; then the focus cuts to an angled shot of a different group of trees as a spotlight, also shiny and new, swings down and turns on; then a small video camera pops out of some burrow next to a spray bottle of some cleaning solution, knocking away a roll of paper towels as it emerges; then a second camera pops out of a tree hollow along with a scrub brush, bar of soap, sponge, and a load of soap bubbles. Pale arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, cutting the scene to the Dock of Shame. The camera flies forward, swinging past the Wawanakwa sign and then the final few posts of the dock, rising up to show the spa hotel as Chris and Chef landed their red helicopter in the common area.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera flies past the helicopter and up the thousand-foot cliff, cresting the peak and diving into the lake below, where Angel plays tug-of-war with Heather over a large treasure chest while the Drama Machine sits and sparks nearby, both girls in their swimsuits.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Angel and Heather set the chest down and to their shock it bursts open to reveal not only a cloud of bubbles and the Mike-onut and several McLean Invincibility Statues, but also a twitching and awkwardly-folded Cody who floats up in his swim trunks alongside the wooden heads. The Drama Machine explodes and the shot cuts to a small patch of bubbles on the surface, then zooms out to show the remaining swim-dressed campers lined up according to their teams – the villains holding red dueling sticks on the left on a wooden raft, a hollowed-out log, another wooden raft, and a green canoe; the heroes holding gold dueling sticks on the right on an inflatable raft, a wooden raft, another inflatable one, and a red canoe. The camera zooms in and moves between them as they clash – vicious Jo against hesitant Victor; smug Alejandro shoving away shocked Bridgette with one hand; Natasha ducking from Kitsune's strike and causing her to fall into the lake; Mike, as Vito, brutally thrusting the end of his dueling stick into Scarlett's stomach; and Lily and Lightning angrily slamming their sticks against one another; Matthew falls from the sky and into the lake, dousing the former almost-couple and the camera.]

[The water dries away from the camera lens showing the campfire and Cody and Scarlett leaning in with eager smiles against the full moon...only for Kitsune to suddenly pop up between them with a cheesy grin, causing the two geniuses to look away with blushes. The camera zooms out further, revealing the other cast members sitting on the stumps around the fire – Angel, Lily, Bridgette, Lightning, Matthew, and Victor on the left; Mike, Alejandro, Heather, Natasha, and Jo on the right. The zoom continues even further, showing the signboard over the firepit's entrance which now read 'Total Drama All-Stars', with the dash replaced by a star.]

 **XXXXX**

A simple plodding tune started off the background score as the episode opened on the spa hotel. A cut inside showed a close-up of a plate full of bacon and sausage being carried by Kitsune, the goofball humming happily to herself as the shot pulled back to show her walking over to the meal table.

"Good morning everyone," she said as she passed in front of Angel, the idealist eating her breakfast with a somewhat dejected look on her face. Kitsune stopped in her tracks, and rubbed her chin in thought.

XXX

"Angel on the team definitely takes the newbie target off _my_ back," Kitsune confessed with the same thoughtful posture. "But I can either let her take the votes or try and ally with her. Both options leave me a bit more _open_ than I'd care to admit though."

XXX

"I've been doing a lot of thinking last night," Angel said. "Maybe the reason I was so bad at the game on the Hero team is because I'm actually meant to be a Villain. I even spent some time working on my evil laugh." She demonstrated the laugh, but it sounded more like an adorably mischievous giggle.

"I can't let the others know I'm a real villain now though," she added in an exaggerated whisper. "So I'm pretending to be sad so that one of them will try and ally with me."

XXX

"I never got the chance to ask," Kitsune said to her new teammate. "Are you okay with the team swap?"

"I... guess," Angel sighed.

"Look, being on the Villains' side isn't that bad," Kitsune told her. "You don't have to worry about feeling guilty by voting people off for one."

"Yeah," Heather interrupted, the camera pulling out to show her watching the two with a disdainful look. "Because a goody-two shoes like _you_ won't be around long enough for it to matter."

"Heather please," Alejandro chimed in, the camera pulling back some more to show him sitting down next to Angel with a plate of waffles. "I think Angel's moral compass will be just the thing we need to establish a winning streak." He turned to the idealist and added, "and I'd be happy to help you adjust in any way seniorita," with a charming smile.

Angel let out a strangled gasp, and Kitsune grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the room. "See what I mean?" she asked dryly.

"Great," Heather complained once they left and the camera cut back to her and Alejandro. "They've already bonded. I hate to say it," the background music became noticeably more sinister, "but maybe we should form a temporary alliance to avoid being voted off." She offered her hand and asked "Allies?"

"Agreed," Alejandro said, taking her hand in his and kissing it.

"Gross!" Heather complained, snatching her hand away.

XXX

"She trusts me, hah!" Alejandro bragged in the confessional. "I am just another step closer to eliminating Matthew. Once _this_ gorgeous face no longer needs _that_ gorgeous face, I will win it all!"

XXX

"He thinks I trust him," Heather bragged. "Hah! Once I get rid of Matthew, Al's got a one-way ticket to Flush Town."

XXX

The same simple tune that had opened the episode repeated itself as the scene moved to the loser cabin, where Lily was standing on the front porch. The cynic was eating an apple with a dull look on her face. She turned around when she noticed one of the doors opening and the camera pulled back to show Cody walking out of the boys' side with a cheesy grin.

"Hey, what's up?" the cynic asked.

"Just about to put the last part of my plan to woo Scarlett in motion," the geek answered. "I'm scouting out a spot for a picnic. Chicks dig that."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, good luck with that."

"Thanks," Cody said with a smile.

XXX

"I wish I could say I've been on top of this game," Lily confessed with an air of hesitation, "but honestly I've been confused ever since Chris swapped me to the Heroes. Everyone's coming to me to fix their problems, Lightning's flirting with me, it just don't add up!"

XXX

"Yeah," Lightning confessed with a smug shrug. "Lightning knows Lily's gettin' mixed up by his flirting. Truth is, once he realized she ain't actually a bad person he forgave her. But he _still_ does need to get her back for makin' a fool of him."

He brought a hand to his chin. "... But I messed with her enough. Now it's time to make her Lightning's girl for _real_."

XXX

The static cut away to the inside of the cabin, the camera panning on to Bridgette who was crying and laying face down in her bottom bunk while Scarlett consoled her. "At least she's still in the game," the brainiac said.

"I know, but if we win then she's guaranteed to go home!" Bridgette anguished. "But I don't want to _throw_ challenges either."

"Everything..." Scarlett paused to think of a phrase, "will work out. I'm sure."

"Yeah," Lily interrupted, the camera cutting to show her leaning against the doorframe. "My big sis is a way better ally than anyone else on that team," she walked over to her teammates and sat down next to Scarlett. "And that means she's safe 'til the merge. By the way," she addressed the brainiac, "Cody was looking for you."

"Really?" Scarlett asked giddily, before blushing at the knowing looks Bridgette and Lily gave her and schooling her features. "I'll have to go see."

An airhorn was blown over the camp loudspeakers, startling a seagull that had been nesting in one. "Get your butts to the dock, campers!" Chris announced. "Iiiiiit's challenge time!"

"... After today's challenge," she finished with a glum expression.

\

The scene immediately flashed to the eight non-exiled campers assembled loosely before Chris in the prescribed location. "Welcome all," the host greeted with surprising pleasantness. "Today's challenge involves a trip to the _Fun Zone_ ," he said, narrowing his eyes slyly and laughing. He picked up a party horn and blew it, and a celebratory game show-esque tune played as confetti and streamers rained down over the Villainous Vultures.

"How wonderful!" Angel cheered excitedly, earning annoyed looks from Alejandro and Heather.

"What's the catch?" Heather asked, unamused. "Is the 'Fun Zone' a building that's on fire?"

"Noooo," Chris answered mischievously.

"Room full of angry badgers?" Lily asked from off-screen.

"Would that be fun?" the host said, even more mischievous than before. "You've had it kinda rough lately, so, I figured...," he paused and frowned in thought, "okay, the _lawyers_ figured you deserve a treat. But, if you'd rather do something else...," he said, the music trilling mysteriously.

The Villains were shown frowning at the prospect of another choice, and as one they shouted "No!" as the music peaked.

"Fun Zone it is!" Chris grinned, walking towards the end of the dock. "Oh, here's our ride," he said with interest over the sound of a puttering motor.

A boat backed up to the dock carrying a rather tired-looking Matthew on its back. "I'm back from exile-"

Chris shoved him back into the boat with one hand and stepped onboard. "All aboard!" he called back to the other campers.

\

The fog cleared away from the skull-shaped mountain that gave Boney Island it's name.

"Aww man, the Fun Zone's on _Boney Island_?!" Lightning exclaimed off-screen in disbelief as the island's deep, ominous leitmotif rose up in the background.

"Yup!" Chris replied cheerfully. "It works better as a _surprise_ that way."

\

A flash took the scene to the two teams walking behind the host down a forest trail. "Uggh," Heather complained as she looked around, "I'd forgotten what a _dump_ this island is."

"Come on, now," Chris said. "Maybe _someone_ will finally find the invincibility statue?"

"I spent _all night_ looking for that stupid thing," Matthew complained. "Just admit you made it up already!"

" _Nooo_ , I _didn't_ ," Chris corrected. "It's hidden _in_ the Fun Zone, and, whoever finds it gets to keep it!"

The shot cut back to the campers as they smiled brightly and began to cheer.

\

Yet another flash put the cast in front of a massive crenelated stonework gatehouse set in a high wall made of logs. Several colorful balloons were anchored to either side of it.

"Welcome to the outside of the fabulous _Fun Zone_!" Chris greeted with arms spread wide, an odd yet cheerful tune playing as the camera panned across Heather, Alejandro, Kitsune, and Angel, the former three looking up at the building with dull and wary suspicion while Angel beamed excitedly. "Patent pending," the host added without missing a beat.

"Alright, let's move it people," he said, the perspective shifting back to show him with his remote in hand. He pressed the button, and said "Keep a steady pace."

The metal gate door slid upward with a whir.

\

The scene flashed inside, a deep and ominous chant playing as the teens entered. A few strange-sounding bird calls filled the air, and the camera panned across an eerily familiar landscape – thorny trees with jagged bark jutting out of the base; odd, giant fungi; strange purple cylinder-like lifeforms covered in spikes. The music reached its ominous peak, and with a pleasant wave from Chris the gate slammed back down as the campers turned around, shock on their faces.

"You are now _in_ the _Fun Zone_ ," Chris announced, appearing on a large television screen fixed above the gate and a pair of large baskets bearing team colors and logos on either side below. "Aka, the most dangerous place you've ever been. Your challenge is easy: put eggs," he held up a small egg with greenish spots, "in a basket. Eggs found here in the Fun Zone belong to all the terrifying mutants from season four," he explained, his feed cutting to static before being replaced by a panning shot of several mutant silhouettes – gophers, squirrels, goats, and even an alligator, "who will try to smash your bodies and eat you."

Angel, Kitsune, Cody, Heather, and Bridgette were shown watching with a mixture of dread and disbelief. "How is this _fun_?" Cody asked.

"Umm...it's fun to _watch_?" Chris answered.

" _All_ we have to do is collect the eggs?" Alejandro followed up.

"You'll be _fine_ ," the host said with a mockery of a reassuring smile. "They're only wild, mutated beasts trying to protect their unborn babies! How bad can it get?" His feed cut to static, and then to a picture of the Vultures' basket against the stock golden background. "First team to get six eggs in their basket wins," he explained as eggs appeared in the basket one by one with a popping noise each time.

"And if one of these eggs happens to hatch?" Lily asked.

"As long as you keep whatever hatches _in_ your basket," Chris explained, "it counts. And, as a special bonus, whoever collects the _most_ eggs for the winning team gets a _special_ reward. So? Excited? Huh?" he asked eagerly, only to scowl at the sight of Matthew struggling to stay awake.

"Revenge... stupid...," he mumbled, "idiots..."

Chris pursed his lips, then raised his red megaphone and yelled " _MAAAAATHEEEEWWW_!" so hard it shook the television he was broadcasting over. The one-eyed hipster screamed and fell over in a cloud of dust.

Kitsune, Alejandro, Heather, and Scarlett all pointed at him and laughed, with Kitsune actually double over in doing so.

The camera cut to a close-up of Matthew's face and closed eye as he growled and with a sharp spike in the music, his eye opened and the pupil was replace with a burning flame.

XXX

"They will pay for laughing at me," Matthew declared. "They! Will! All! _PAY!_ "

XXX

"The red basket belongs to Kitsune and the other evil-doers," Chris explained over a shot of the blood red basket blatantly marked with the Vultures' logo, earning a halfhearted shrug from the girl in question. "While the gold basket is for the Heroes," he added as the camera cut to the Hamster-marked basket. "I'd wish you all good luck," he said as the focus returned to the television over the gate, "but, it's bad for ratings, so. I hope some of you get really hurt."

He blew his airhorn, and called out " _Begin_!" as the campers ran into the woods.

The camera immediately focused on Angel as she ran up alongside a more casually-paced Lily. "Hi Lily," the idealist said brightly. "Wanna team up for this? It'll be easier to find the eggs if we're together, and safer."

"We're not on the same team anymore sis," Lily said slowly.

"But...wer're still sisters," Angel said with a confused and worried frown. "And as sisters we should work together."

"Hey, I'm not gonna sabotage you or anything," Lily said calmly. "I just don't wanna work with you and get _myself_ kicked off." She walked away, leaving Angel to hang her head sadly.

She raised it again when she felt some one grab onto her shoulder. "Listen up," Matthew told her dangerously. "You're on _my_ team now. If you cause us to lose, I'll make you _wish_ I'd voted you off, got it?"

Angel could only nod with wide and scared eyes.

The camera cut to Chris and Chef watching the scene, the main man watching a live feed of the Villains from a wooden deck chair atop a small platform. "Is there a psychiatrist on the island?" Chris asked his assistant. "Y'know, in case of... _emergencies_?"

"Not that I know of," Chef answered with a helpless shrug.

"This... could get ugly," Chris said.

\

A flash took the scene deeper into the forest, where Angel was warily walking down a path. "Okay, just gotta keep an eye out for all the hundreds of things that want me dead. No big deal," she said, chuckling nervously. She stopped in his tracks when he heard a strangled grunt coming from nearby. With wide eyes she crept over to a mutant tree and leaned out from behind it, raising her brow at what she saw.

The camera panned over to show Kitsune by one of the strange purple spires that dotted the forest, struggling to remove a tentacle coming from it which had latched on to her face. Angel walked over with a look of panic, grabbed her flailing teammate around the waist, and pulled her loose. "You _really_ need to be more careful," the idealist said, "these mutants are-"

Kitsune turned around, and Angel shrieked and recoiled. "What's wrong?" Kitsune asked as the shot cut to a close-up of her face, now covered in suction cup-shaped welts.

"Nothing!" Angel said quickly. "I was just thinking that you and me should work together this challenge," she recovered. "Since we're the only Heroes on the team."

"Fine by me," Kitsune shrugged. "But fair warning, I'm completely relying on you to get me out of here alive."

"Okay," Angel replied brightly.

\

The scene moved to Scarlett walking through a different stretch of mutant jungle. "Okay," she muttered in thought, "I'm assuming everything I know about normal animal biology's somewhat useless here..."

As she spoke to herself she stopped in front of a large bush, which soon began to rustle. The music rapidly and dangerously peaked as a pair of white-skinned arms reached out of it, grabbed Scarlett around the waist, and dragged her into the foliage as she let out a startled gasp.

"Shhh!" she was shushed as soon as the camera cut to the other side, revealing Cody had pulled her onto his lap. they both looked down, and and looked back at each other with blushes.

"Sorry," Cody said sheepishly. "But it's really dangerous being out here alone in the open like that."

"I realize the toxic waste might have mutated the animals' biology," Scarlet retorted, without making a move to get out of Cody's lap, "but I doubt the psychology would've changed much and-"

The shot cut back to the path as the two campers poked their heads above the top of the bush. Scarlett gaped as the camera zoomed out, showing a massive mutant hermit crab walking down the path she'd been on.

"You were saying?" Cody whispered as the two retreated back behind the bush.

"I can admit when I'm wrong," Scarlett said, sitting on the ground with her back to the leaves and the two were silent for a beat

"Would you like to team up-" "Wanna look for eggs together?" Scarlett and Cody said at the same time before smiling.

Scarlett snorted. "I'd love too," she said before the two stood up and walked away together.

\

The music trilled softly as the focus flashed to a small cliff face, where Alejandro was climbing up to a lone blue egg nestled on a shallow ledge. "Solo un...poco más...," he said as he reached out a hand for it, his finger tips only just touching the edge of its nest. With a grunt he grabbed onto its ledge instead and used it to pull himself higher...only for a piece of stone to break away, causing the egg to lose its balance and roll off the cliff. "Ah, no!" he swore, reaching out to grab the egg with his now-free hand only to fumble again.

A dramatic tune played as the camera followed the egg down, and down, and into the slender hands of Heather. "Egg-cellent work Alejandro!" she called up to her teammate as the shot pulled back.

"Yeah, thanks," Alejandro said with a scowl, dropping down next to her with ease.

\

Another flash put the scene back at the Heroes' basket as Heather delivered the egg, causing a blaring trumpet to sound off. "First egg goes to the _Vultures_!" Chris announced over the Fun Zone's loudspeaker, and the shot cut to Kitsune and Angel listening in an cheering. "You better get your butts in gear, Hamsters!" the host added over a shot of Lily and Bridgette looking up in irritation.

Alejandro and Heather turned back and ran towards the woods, only for the charmer to skid back to a halt. "Hold on," he said, causing his teammate to stop as well. "What's to stop the other team from taking eggs from _our_ basket?" he turned and asked the television.

"Integrity?" Chris answered with a smirk over the live feed.

"So nothing," Heather said, sharing a glance with Alejandro.

"I didn't make a rule that they can't," Chris said, "soooo...I guess they can."

"You stay and guard the eggs," Heather commanded.

"You're the boss," the charmer said as Heather turned around and ran back into the jungle.

"For now," he added under his breath.

\

The scene moved to Scarlett and Cody stalking through the jungle, the geek spotting something off-screen and sticking a hand out for his partner to stop. "Hey, look at that," he whispered, pointing to the left as the music began to trill again. "It's Larry," he said as the camera panned over to the massive mutant flytrap, currently buried in the ground with only his leafy maw, tongue-flower, and a single root-limb sticking up. "And it looks like he's got an egg," Cody added, the shot zooming in to the large, green, dimpled sack being cradled in the plant-beast's tentacle.

"Something is telling me that I don't want to know," Scarlett deadpanned

"Wait here," Cody said, pulling some vines out of the trees around them. "I'll grab the flower and get him to chase me, and you grab the egg and take it back to the basket."

"Uhh...are you sure that...," Scarlett said warily.

Cody finished tied a loop in his vines, and placed a hand on Scarlett's arm. "Don't worry about me, I watch a lot of movies."

The music spiked dramatically as Cody crept out of the underbrush, twirling the vine like a lasso. He roped the flower with ease and yanked it off its fleshy stem, taunting "Can't catch me!" as Larry's leafy maw snapped closed and he ran past with a grin. Larry rose out of the ground and gave chase as the background score became booming and tense, leaving the egg behind.

Scarlett darted forward, hunched over with her wide eyes looking around. She grabbed onto the massive egg case and pulled with all her might until the leafy roots holding it in place snapped, and she fell back on her butt.

Cody looked back over his shoulder at the chasing flytrap, and gulped. "Oh man," he said warily, looking at the flower he'd stolen, "I thought this would make me look a little cooler!" On the last word he tossed the flower like a disc into the jungle, and with a ferocious screech Larry stomped after it.

\

A few unseen birds tweeted as the next flash-cut put the focus on Lily and Bridgette searching on the shore of swamp. "There's gotta be _something_ around here," the cynic griped as she overturned a rock near the dirty green water to find nothing.

The camera panned over to Bridgette, a finger on her lip as she looked around the area. "Maybe we're missing something."

"I _just_ said that," Lily called back irritably, still crouched by the water but oblivious to the trail of bubbles approaching her.

She screamed when Lightning shot out of the water with a cry of 'Sha- _bam_!', unwittingly knocking her backwards and pinning her to the ground.

"Aaagh! What the heck's the matter with you?!" she shouted as she struggled against him.

Lightning blinked and looked down at his quarry. "Aw sha-dip!" He complained. "Lightning was hoping to scare away a mutant so he could get an egg. Oh well," she shrugged, seemingly ignoring Lily's look of annoyed confusion, "Lightning 'll see y'all later!" He charged off with his eyes closed... and slammed face-first into a tree. The camera panned up and the music trembled oddly as an egg fell from a hollow further up the trunk, rolling down the uber-jock and coming to a stop next to Bridgette's foot.

"Awesome," she said confidently, scooping the egg up. "I'll just go take this back. You take care of Lightning" she said with a cheery finger pistol and wink as she walked past Lily, who had gotten back on her feet and was dusting herself off.

"Wha?" Lily said in confusion, turning her head as her partner walked off and the camera panned down to a smirking Lightning.

\

"Hurry, we're almost there!" Cody called out as the scene moved back to the gate, Alejandro still waiting by the Villains' basket with a raised eyebrow.

The two made it to the Heroes' basket, but as Scarlett strained to lift it and Cody moved to help, it suddenly began to squirm and wobble. "Uhh...," was all the brainiac could get out before it exploded into greenish-yellow goo...and several baby versions of Larry that promptly skittered around the ground. Scarlett and Cody groaned, the former covered in goo, and the music took an odd and eerie turn as the camera zoomed in on a particular plant-baby that was walking past Alejandro.

It's face resembled Chris's enough for the charmer to widen his eyes and shudder in horror.

The shot cut to the host and his assistant watching a live feed of the strange plant-baby. He averted his eyes and whistled with failed nonchalance.

The awkward tension was broken by Bridgette, who ran up with an oblivious smile and put the egg she'd found in the Heroes' basket. A trumpet blare lead in to a triumphant tune as Chris was shown on the monitor with a megaphone to his lips. "And the score is one-all!" he announced.

"Alright!" Cody cheered, now mostly cleared of plant-goo. He shared a short high-five with scarlett.

"Score one for our Heroes!" Bridgette cheered.

"Bridgette, would you mind staying to guard our basket?" Scarlett asked. "Otherwise..." she pointed to Alejandro.

"Good idea," Bridgette said as the camera quick-panned to Alejandro's smirking face.

"Cool," the Cody said, the camera panning back to the Heroes as the geniuses ran off into the jungle. "We'll be back with some more eggs before you know it."

The camera lingered on Bridgette as she watched them go. "Such a shame that someone like you is stuck with the simple task of guarding eggs," Alejandro said with a small smile, the shot pulling back to show him standing confidently by the Villains' basket.

"Don't even try to manipulate me," Bridgette replied sharply. " _I'm_ a taken woman."

"Yes," Alejandro chuckled. "Angel spent quite some time singing your praises in between challenges. I must say, she _still_ didn't manage to do you justice."

XXX

"I know he's evil," Bridgette confessed. "But, that _smile_ ," she swooned and fanned herself with her hand.

XXX

The music turned tense as the scene cut to a massive mutant alligator with tentacles for arms stomping through the jungle, then panned down to Kitsune and Angel pressed up against a large rock shielding them from its view.

"Glad I found you," Heather said as she ran up to them. "Matthew's convincing everyone to vote for Angel at the next elimination."

"Really?" Kitsune asked skeptically.

"Don't worry," Heather said as she darted away. " _My_ vote's for Matthew."

The two ex-Heroes shared a wary look.

\

A fast-paced challenge tune started playing as the shot cut to a close-up of a blue egg with orange stripes cradled in Lily's arms. The cynic was huffing as che ran up to the Heroes' basket, sighing in relief as she finally placed the egg alongside the one Bridgette had found earlier.

The trumpet blared again. "That's two eggs for the Heroes!" Chris announced form off-screen, causing Bridgette and Lily to smile and cheer.

"You would not believe what I had to do to get that thing," Lily said.

"Tell me later," Bridgette said, shooing Lily away. The cynic gave her an odd look, but ran back into the forest nonetheless.

The feed stopped there, a pause symbol appearing over it before the camera cut back to show Chris and Chef at their viewing station outside.

"It's hard-boiled down to two eggs for the Heroes, and _one_ for the Villains," Chris said as the capstone theme began to play. "But! The challenge is far from _over-easy_!" he punned again. "Who will win? Your...," he held up a sheet of paper and read it with an awkward smile, "... _quiche_ is as good as mine..." He frowned, and Chef snickered. Chris threw the paper away, and finished with "Stay tuned to Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

As the scene lingered on the zoomed-out shot of Boney Island, Chris said "Yeah, I'm gonna _fire_ whoever wrote that."

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed on a pair of rattle-gulls flying through the mutant forest, the camera panning down to show Angel and Kitsune making their way along the path. "Man, how could you _stand_ living on an island full of these freaky things?" Kitsune asked as she looked around at the bizarre foliage, and even a giant rat dressed in the same outfit the Toxic Rats team had chosen a year before.

"Well to be fair, I was voted off a half-way through the season," Angel said.

"Trust me," Kitsune said. "I completely under-" she was interrupted by a mutant gopher surfacing right next to her and grabbing her leg in the process. ""Whoa!"

Angel screamed, then Kitsune screamed, then Angel ran and broke a stick off a sickly looking tree and ran back to the gopher and started beating it (read, Kitsune) with said stick screaming "Let her go!" She finally managed to hit the gopher and it dug its way back underground, tossing a blue egg with wavy lines in the idealist's hands.

"I got one!" Angel cheered. "Let's go!" she dashed off toward the basket, and the camera pulled back to show Kitsune still lying on the ground.

"You go," she slurred. "I'l catch up."

\

"Nice and easy," Cody said as the scene flashed to him and Scarlett reaching into the nest of a truly gargantuan chicken. The chicken's eyes opened, then another eye on the back of its head, then two on the side of its head, and all looked back at the two geniuses.

Cody and Scarlett screamed against a golden sunburst background, and the view returned to normal as Cody yelled 'Run!'

The chicken gave chase, it's belly opening up to show a mouth full of jagged teeth and a purple tentacle as it roared at the Heroes.

\

The footage skipped ahead to Heather and Matthew putting eggs in the Villains' basket, which had had the one Angel found as well as another plain white one added to it at some point during the skip. "And the Villains are up four to two!" Chris announced

"Phew," Heather said, wiping the sweat from her brow. "I need a break, I'll guard the basket for a while."

"As you wish," Alejandro said with a shrug as he walked off into the jungle.

"If I were you I wouldn't get too comfortable," Heather warned Matthew. "Faith's getting the other two to vote for _you_ next, which _is_ tempting," she added thoughtfully.

"Your point?" Matthew said impatiently.

"But _my_ vote is for Faith," the queen bee finished, ignoring the hipster.

"And I should trust you because?" Matthew asked.

"Do what you want," Heather said as she walked back into the jungle. "It's your funeral!"

"I thought _you_ were supposed to watch the eggs!" Matthew complained.

\

The scene flashed to the giant mutant chicken running and roaring through the jungle, but the camera lingered on a small cave as the mutant ran past. Cody and Scarlett stepped out from behind and looked back the chicken's way.

"I think we're safe," Scarlett said. The chicken's roar was heard again, and the two were once again chased away.

\

A flash took the scene to a large rock formation with Alejandro standing near the middle of it. He rubbed his chin as he looked around for a moment, smirked at something to his left. Up a ways from the ground was Heather, standing on a small outcropping and shaking a large stick like a sword. Her attacker was a flying mutant fire-breathing mountain goat, hovering above her angrily most likely due to the egg in the queen bee's other hand.

"Shoo!" Heather yelled as she ducked under a bout of fire. "Go bug a Hero!"

"Hmm," Alejandro said to himself. "No need to rush to her aid yet."

She brandished the stick again, only to be tackled by the goat and drop along with her prize. She landed on the ground on her stomach with a thud, and rubbed her head. Her eyes immediately went wide, a few dramatic notes being struck as the camera pulled back to reveal the McLean Brand Chris Head lying on the ground before her, between the two broken halves of the egg she'd stolen. "Hello. What have we here?"

"No no no no no!" Alejandro hissed. Heather hid the idol in between two large rocks and walked off, and the camera panned to a smirking Alejandro.

XXX

"I can't hold on to the idol," Heather explained, "someone will see it for sure. I'll stash it away for now, and go back for it later."

XXX

Alejandro just chuckled and said "Pathetic."

XXX

The footage skipped ahead to Heather grabbing the other egg from the nest she'd just been knocked down from. " _There_ you are!" came Alejandro's voice, causing Heather to drop down to ground level to face him. "Find any eggs? _Partner_?"

"Actually," Heather bragged. " _I_ found the invincibility statue. But don't bother picking my pockets, I've hidden it away.

"Don't suppose you'll tell me _where_?" Alejandro asked.

Heather laughed. "Don't you worry your pretty little head. It's safe."

"Okay," Alejandro said with surprising smugness. "I _won't_ worry my 'pretty head'."

"It's an expression," Heather said, turning her back on him. "And I didn't mean it!" she stormed off into the jungle.

"Ooh, wait for me and my 'pretty head'," Alejandro said, jogging after her.

"Zip it!" Heather yelled from off-screen.

\

"I'm reasonably certain we've lost it _this_ time," Scarlett told Cody as they walked through the mutant jungle.

"That's good," Cody said. "I really didn't want to die by chicken."

Scarlett laughed. "That would be mortifying. But we still need to find some..." She paused suddenly causing Cody to do so as well, the viewpoint moving a few feet directly in front of them and pulling back and up as their eyes and smile widened at the barest sight of what looked like a massive nest filled with large purple eggs sitting on the ground.

"Eggs!" they said in sheer delight.

\

"Why are you following me?" Lily asked as the camera flashed to her and Lightning walking through the jungle.

"Lightning's just enjoyin' the view," the uber-jock said, blatantly staring at Lily's backside.

"Okay, what is your deal?" Lily asked sharply. "First you treat me like nothing, then you organize a welcome party, now you're flirting with me? What's going on?! You can't _actually_ want to be with me."

"Why not?" Lightning asked.

"Because I'm a Villain!" Lily yelled.

"So?"

"You're a Hero," Lily continued. "You shouldn't be wasting your time with me. You should be helping old ladies cross the street, or getting cats out of trees or whatever. I'm a manipulator, and a bit of a witch, and I wind up pushing away any guy that-"

Lightning interrupted her rather self-deprecating rant by kissing her. A light tune played as Lily's foot was shown slowly rising in the air.

"Girl, you talk too much," Lightning said.

"I'm never going to care about you more than winning," Lily said pitifully.

"I can deal with that," Lightning said before kissing her again.

\

The scene flashed to the massive nest Cody and Scarlett had found, and the legs of the geniuses in question with Scarlett's in front. "The score is still four to two Villains. But, I see a lot of eggs approaching..." Chris announced. "It's gonna be a close one!"

The shot panned over to the gatehouse, where Angel and Kitsune were celebrating with Matthew. "Make that _five_ to two!" Chris corrected.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Matthew cheered maniacally, the footage and sound acting strangely until the camera pulled back to show Chris and Chef watching the feed at their viewing station.

"You know, next time we should only bring back the _sane_ contestants," Chris told Chef.

"Amen to that brotha," Chef agreed.

Tense and fast-paced challenge music started up as the footage cut back to the gatehouse and Kitsune stuck a wary finger the direction of her former teammates. "What? Is that?" she asked.

"We're almost there," Scarlett said from behind the nest, both her and Cody running as fast as they could.

The camera cut to Bridgette as she cheered in anticipation of the arrival of her teammates while the three Villains stood there with dumbfounded looks, then back to the geniuses. The camera lingered as they ran out of frame and Heather entered with the blue egg she'd found earlier.

"Heather!" Kitsune yelled. "Throw the egg! It's our only chance!"

Heather did as told, and the camera followed the egg past Cody and Scarlett, spinning through the air and into the arms of an awaiting Matthew. He caught the egg, but it broke and a baby flying mountain goat blew a jet of fire at him before flying away.

"Great plan, Kitsune," a singed Matthew said scathingly.

"Ooh, tough break for Team Villain," Chris said from the comfort of his chair outside the Fun Zone walls.

The shot cut over to Scarlett and Cody arriving with the massive nest once more in hand. With a couple grunts of effort they tilted it over their basket, and the large purple speckled eggs tumbled out.

"Sixteen to five!" Chris announced as the trumpet blared one last time. "The Heroes win!" The five teens in question began whooping and cheering in celebration as the triumphant music played once more, their rivals groaning and hanging their heads.

"Now, before we head home," Chris asked calmly over their monitor as the victory music wrapped up, "did anybody leave anything _behind_ , that they'd like to _get_?"

The shot cut outward to show the whole cast as they exchanged confused looks with one another, aside from Heather who quietly snuck away.

\

The scene skipped to Heather sticking her hand in the rock formation she'd hidden her idol in. "Come to Mama..." Heather said nervously to a sharp spike in the music. "Come on," she said to another spike. "Why can't I?" She asked desperately to one last spike before gasping.

\

A low, plodding tune started playing as the footage skipped forward to Chris standing on the beach.

" _You_ took it!" Heather accused, running up to the host and pointing a finger at him. "I _know_ you did!"

"I have no idea to what you are referring," Chris replied blandly. "All aboard!"

XXX

"Of course Chris took my idol!" Heather told the outhouse. "You with your see-all cameras everywhere! Well _what_ ever! I am _not_ the one going home tonight, that I _promise_ you!"

XXX

The footage skipped ahead again to twilight on the cabins, Scarlett sitting on the steps of the spa hotel and writing something on a notebook.

"Hey," came the voice of Cody, causing the brainiac to look up from her work to see him walking over from the right. "Do you have a minute? I wanted to talk to you."

"I'm not doing anything important," Scarlett answered.

"Right, so," the geek said, stepping onto the steps without a second thought, "I just wanted to find out what the deal was with.. well... us..."

Scarlett face fell. "Oh..."

"Yeah," Cody muttered.

The brainiac sighed and looked down, a low but slightly touching tune rising up in the background. "Look, at the risk of sounding horribly cliche, it's not you, it's me." She let out a single harsh laugh. "I mean, I know you feel something for me, and trust me when I say that's it's mutual," Cody's face brightened. "But," his face fell, "the way I am right now? I can't guarantee I'll always be that way. I'm not a girl who's always smiling and happy, I have... issues, and I can't imagine any guy wanting to deal with that."

"I've had a crush on you since season one...," Cody said, sitting down with a serious expression. "And it didn't change after Area 51 aired. You are who you are, not what you do."

"But-," Scarlett said. "I have to go!" she said suddenly, standing up and dashing away before Cody could say anything.

Cody sighed, and a few deep notes were struck in the background music.

XXX

"That didn't go the way I thought it would," Cody said sadly.

XXX

The ceremonial theme began to play as the scene moved ahead to the moon-lit island, the Vultures' logo twirling into place on-screen before it cut to the campfire pit. Chris was leading the Villains into the clearing, and the camera panned past Matthew, Kitsune, and Angel to focus on Heather and Alejandro.

"Just to be clear," the queen bee whispered as deep and/or trilling notes began to play, "we _are_ on the same page right?"

"Of course," Alejandro smirked.

\

"Congrats on the victory, Heroes," Chris said as a few more deep notes were struck, the shot moving to the Peanut Gallery to show Bridgette and Scarlett in the top row and Lily and Lightning and Cody below. "Scarlett, since you tipped over a dozen eggs into your teams basket," the host said as the camera moved to him, "you win a _special_ prize that'll come in handy at the next challenge." A few more deep notes played, and the Heroes shot looks at their sulking comrade. "But, I'm keeping it a secret til then," Chris added impishly to a few long trills. "I mean, why spoil the surprise? Tonight, a Villain goes home. Time to vote." The camera zoomed out to show the five teens in question sitting on their stump seats, the Heather and Alejandro in back with Kitusne and Matthew flanking Angel who sat with an uncertain grimace in the front.

XXX

Heather's voting confessional began with her glaring at the photo she was crossing out. "And this is only because I can't vote for Chris."

XXX

Matthew let out a dark chuckle. " _This_ is for laughing at me."

XXX

"I must admit, she _is_ beautiful," Alejandro said as he caressed the photo he was crossing out.

XXX

"Okay then!" Chris announced as the static cut back to the ceremony, a tray of four marshmallows now resting on the host's hand. "The vote have been tallied, and the following Villains are safe." He picked up the first marshmallow, and said "Angel."

The shot panned to the idealist as she caught her prize with a sigh of relief, then looked behind her. "Matthew. And. Alejandro." The two boys were unsurprised as they received their marshmallows, and Heather grinned in delight.

"Why am _I_ on the bottom?" Heather asked angrily as Kitsune began to smirk.

"Who knows?" Chris replied with an infuriatingly mysterious smile before picking up the last sweet from his tray. "But the final marshmallow goes to..." he said as the elimination theme reached its peak and held there for a few seconds as both teens was shown waiting anxiously. "Heather."

"Hah!" Heather cheered.

XXX

"But as long as she's in the game, it will be that much harder to get Heather to break and beg me to go out with her," Alejandro finished, turning around a crossed out photo of the goofball.

XXX

"And thank you for giving me a believable way to blame you for our loss," Matthew finished with a dark chuckle.

XXX

"Finally," Heather sighed in relief. "Faith's gone."

XXX

"But before we flush the fox lover," Chris said as he walked up to a catatonic Kitsune, "I need a Hero to volunteer for Boney Island."

"I'll do it," Cody said glumly. The shot cut to him boarding the former Boat of Losers at the dock, and he was whisked away into the night.

XXX

Scarlett sighed. "I think I may have made an irreversible mistake."

XXX

The static the scene forward to the docks, the somber farewell them playing as the Kitsune tread water in the giant toilet bowl. "Any final words?" Chris asked the former contestant.

"Let's do this," Kitsune said. Chris shrugged and pressed the button on his remote and gave the goofball the Flush of Shame. She remained silent as she spun out of sight.

"Five Heroes and four Villains remain," Chris said to the camera as the capstone theme began to play. "Who's next to be thrown home from the throne? Find out, when we return with more Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

(Roll the Credits)

\

\

(Bonus Clip)

The scene faded in to the sound of an engine and the front skis of a snowmobile against a field of pure white.

"Uggh, can't this stupid thing go any faster?" a deep and familiar male voice said. "Foxy and me should be reunited by now."

"Yes, I know," another voice said – also male, though with a slightly nasally pitch to it and rather put-upon. "You've only told me once every _five minutes_ since we got to the Yukon."

"Well excuse me for being excited to see my girlfriend!" the first boy said, the camera finally zooming out to show the figures both dressed in heavy parkas and mittens. One boy was shorter and in teal, and also in the driver's seat; the other was in black, and sat behind him.

"I should've found a way to hook on with Wile E. and Sky," the shorter boy complained. "The last thing I want to do is play third wheel in the Arctic Circle."

"Stop complaining already," the taller boy spat irritably. "Why'd you even show up if you don't wanna be here?"

"And listen to Harold and Staci blather on while I'm trying to enjoy the hotel's game room?" the shorter boy said. "Now be quiet and keep an eye out, we should be near the spot Zoey, Harold and I triangulated."

"There it is!" the taller boy said excitedly, pointing forward.

The camera quick-panned over to a telephone pole next to a hole in the ice. The moment the snowmobile arrived the ground began to shake and rumble, and the two riding it quickly disembarked. "And just in time, too," the taller boy said just before water erupted from the hole, carrying a rather annoyed Kitsune with it.

The goofball landed on the snow in a heap, but the two boys quickly ran over to him and helped him up by the shoulders. "Wha...? Where am I?" Kitsune asked blearily, looking from one figure to the other then rapidly shaking his head. "Noah, is that you?" she asked the shorter boy.

The bookworm smirked and pulled down his hood. "You got it, Foxtrot. We're here to-" Noah began to explain before the other boy suddenly and violently shoved him into the snow.

"Is that any way to greet your boyfriend?" the taller boy asked mockingly.

Kitsune blinked. "Duncan?"

The punk pulled down his hood and smirked. "The one and only!" he said with an awkward laugh before smiling calmly. "It's great to see you again Foxy. What happened anyway? I had twenty bucks on you taking the whole thing."

Kitsune's face twisted back into her glare. "Chris put me on the Hero team, then forced me onto the Villains, then the Villains all voted _me_ off. I've had it with that stupid show!"

"I guess now's a bad time to talk to you about that reality show I was asked to do," Noah said, seemingly reminding the couple about his pressance.

"Yes," Kitsune said dryly.

" _You're_ going to compete again?" Duncan asked incredulously.

"What can I say," Noah shrugged as the three got on the snowmobile. "Hearing everyone talk about the new season, it's given me the competition bug." Without another word, the three teens drove out of sight.

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** Not much to say about this episode... Just messing with you, this was a pretty big one. First of all, the idol. Yes, Heather found it and Alejandro stole it, but rather than go after him or even Matthew as was her original plan she went after Kitsune due to their rivalry, and it being her idea to throw the egg. Oh, and I couldn't find a place for it in-story, but Matthew's the one who broke the egg so he could convince the others to vote Kitsune off.

And Lilning is (almost) official! They just need to talk about their kiss but we can go ahead and call it done. I wish I'd been able to add some more of their interactions before hand, but I also think it fits the Lightning's nature for that scene to just come out of nowhere.

Scarlody, believe it or not, is actually closer to becoming a thing. I'm thinking two more episodes before they finally get together.

Oh, the idol will play a part in an elimination, but it won't be for a while. There's a whole plot line dedicated to it and it plays into Angel's confessional from the begining of the episode. Not to worry, Angel's still going to be a complete sweetheart. Her being a 'real' villains was something I wanted to play for laughs.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **14th Place:** Victor

 **13th Place:** Jo

 **12th Place:** Natasha

 **11th Place:** Mike

 **10th Place:** Kitsune


	7. Suckers Punched

**Author's Note:** Last chapter before the merge. I don't think I'll ever get used to how fast these short seasons go. As one of the few episodes this season that people actually like, I'm feeling a bit of pressure. Let's hope I can make it as great as canon.

 **ANNOUNCEMENT:** Sorry for confusing you guys, I really thought I'd mentioned this earlier. Yes, I _am_ doing Ridonculous Race. And I'll be revealing one of the new teams (six extra ones have been added as well as changing the returning ones to fit the universe) every few chapters. The first reveal is the Reality TV Pros, Noah and Malcolm.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **That British Guy:**_ Don't feel so bad, I'd probably guess wrong if I didn't write it. Yep those couples are almost there.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ It makes sense that you linked the title to Kitsune, that's why I chose that for a name. Well to be fair, the Heroes are better at working together as a team than the Villains ! Well deep down I think Cody in canon knew he didn't have a chance with Gwen, but here Scarlett's kinda flip flopping from liking him to keeping him at arm's length. And don't feel bad for confusing me, I'm really dense IRL. Honestly, I didn't consider that to be revenge for Alejandro, but I'm making it canon now that you've pointed it out. As for the rest, 'wait and see'.

 _ **Guest:**_ Even if Kitsune made it to this episode, she'd wind up fighting a dog since that's her major phobia. Kitsune's birth mother ain't leaving prison without going through a morgue first, that's how many years she got. Let's hope I live up to your expectations.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ Which is why I used that as a title. I feel the same way about nice guys trying to be evil. Honestly that's how they _should've_ written Max. Lilning has been a long time coming hasn't it? I actually wanted to see how Heather would do in the later half of the season, and Kitsune didn't really have any plot.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ I can explain the canon title. Alejandro's Spanish, so 'the Spanish opposition' that nobody expected was Alejandro stealing the idol to eliminate Heather. The Lilning kiss was suppose to come from no where. Lightning's rather impulsive. Scarlett still has a way to go before she and Cody can be together, but aren't Cody's attempts to impress her cute enough in the meantime. Sorry to trick you (I'm actually not, I love it when I surprise people with eliminations) but I still have plans for Heather.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ I can assure you, the idol will have quite the journey before being played. If it's played that is.

 _ **Remaining All-Stars:**_

 _ **Heroic Hamsters:**_ Bridgette, Cody, Lightning, Lily, Scarlett

 _ **Villainous Vultures:**_ Alejandro, Angel, Heather, Matthew

We're down to the Final Nine. But one of these guys is about to get knocked out of the game.

* * *

 **Episode 07: Suckers Punched**

"Last week, on Total Drama All-Stars!" Chris opened as the recap montage began on a pan across the mutant jungle of the Fun Zone. He waved to the cast and camera before the metal gate slammed down in front of him, cutting the campers off from the outside world, earning the shock of Kitsune, Cody, Scarlett, and Heather. "The campers were treated to a day in the Fun Zone, where anything can happen except fun," the host continued over shots of Angel and Kitsune hiding from a massive mutant alligator; then Angel screaming as Kitsune was attacked by a mutant gopher; Cody and Scarlett fleeing from a massive mutant chicken; and Heather trying and failing to fend of a flying mutant fire-breathing mountain goat.

"Heather found the hidden invincibility statue," Chris said over a close-up of the idol and the eggshell that had held it, "too bad for her, Alejandro found it too." The queen bee was shown hiding the carving behind a rock and Alejandro smirking as she walked away. "Angel decided to become 'evil'," he said over a clip of the idealist giggling in the confessional. "And Alejandro and Heather formed an alliance," he finished over a clip of the two talking in the spa hotel.

"In the end the Heroes got the victory," the host said as Scarlett and Cody were shown tipping a massive nest full of eggs into their teams' basket. "And, Kitsune was sent to the Flush of Shame," Heather was shown receiving the final marshmallow, "thanks to the two biggest Villains _actually_ working together for a change," he added as the montage ended with clips of Alejandro, Heather, and Matthew revealing their votes in the confessional.

"Can the Heroes hold their lead?" Chris asked the camera, now lounging in a pool chair with a cup of some hot drink in hand. "Will the Villains live up to their name? Will my breakfast get here before _lunch_?!" he called out irritably. "Find out right now, on Total!" The shot cut outward to show him at the side of a pool, palms and bushes planted behind the row of chairs with a large hotel-like building behind him, "Drama!" Another jump-cut revealed that he was at what appeared to be the very resort the losing contestants had stayed at back in season one. "All-Stars!" The final cut showed the whole island from a distance, as usual.

 **XXXXX**

[Though the overall sequence had been shortened for the season, it opens much the same as it has previously – a shift into letterbox format and a focus on the tops of some distant pines. A stage light, sleek and shining with a price tag still attached, rotates up and turns on; then the focus cuts to an angled shot of a different group of trees as a spotlight, also shiny and new, swings down and turns on; then a small video camera pops out of some burrow next to a spray bottle of some cleaning solution, knocking away a roll of paper towels as it emerges; then a second camera pops out of a tree hollow along with a scrub brush, bar of soap, sponge, and a load of soap bubbles. Pale arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, cutting the scene to the Dock of Shame. The camera flies forward, swinging past the Wawanakwa sign and then the final few posts of the dock, rising up to show the spa hotel as Chris and Chef landed their red helicopter in the common area.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera flies past the helicopter and up the thousand-foot cliff, cresting the peak and diving into the lake below, where Angel plays tug-of-war with Heather over a large treasure chest while the Drama Machine sits and sparks nearby, both girls in their swimsuits.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Angel and Heather set the chest down and to their shock it bursts open to reveal not only a cloud of bubbles and the Mike-onut and several McLean Invincibility Statues, but also a twitching and awkwardly-folded Cody who floats up in his swim trunks alongside the wooden heads. The Drama Machine explodes and the shot cuts to a small patch of bubbles on the surface, then zooms out to show the remaining swim-dressed campers lined up according to their teams – the villains holding red dueling sticks on the left on a wooden raft, a hollowed-out log, another wooden raft, and a green canoe; the heroes holding gold dueling sticks on the right on an inflatable raft, a wooden raft, another inflatable one, and a red canoe. The camera zooms in and moves between them as they clash – vicious Jo against hesitant Victor; smug Alejandro shoving away shocked Bridgette with one hand; Natasha ducking from Kitsune's strike and causing her to fall into the lake; Mike, as Vito, brutally thrusting the end of his dueling stick into Scarlett's stomach; and Lily and Lightning angrily slamming their sticks against one another; Matthew falls from the sky and into the lake, dousing the former almost-couple and the camera.]

[The water dries away from the camera lens showing the campfire and Cody and Scarlett leaning in with eager smiles against the full moon...only for Kitsune to suddenly pop up between them with a cheesy grin, causing the two geniuses to look away with blushes. The camera zooms out further, revealing the other cast members sitting on the stumps around the fire – Angel, Lily, Bridgette, Lightning, Matthew, and Victor on the left; Mike, Alejandro, Heather, Natasha, and Jo on the right. The zoom continues even further, showing the signboard over the firepit's entrance which now read 'Total Drama All-Stars', with the dash replaced by a star.]

 **XXXXX**

A pleasant, lilting tune played as the scene opened on the common area, both spa hotel and cabin area included in the shot before flashing to the inside as the Heroic Hamster logo spun into view. Lily was shown waking up with a yawn and a stretch before smacking her lips a couple of times. "Mornin' ladies," she said.

"You're in a good mood," Bridgette teased as the camera cut to her, already dressed with her hands on her hips and a smirk on her face. "Does it have something to do with a certain jock?"

"Maybe?" Lily said with a blush.

XXX

"I still can't believe he kissed me yesterday," Lily gushed. "Between that and Angel somehow making it through last night's elimination I'm felling better than I have in years. Seriously," she added. "No one's lied to me, or tried to backstab me since I got switched to the Heroes, I've almost got a boyfriend, I think I could leave now and be happy."

XXX

A much more subdued tune began to play as the scene flashed to the porch of the loser cabin where three of the four Villains were eating plates of what looked like eggs, bacon, and green toast.

"Okay, toast should _not_ look like this," Heather said in disgust as she leaned against the railing and picked up her discolored slice.

"Too true," Angel said, mirroring the gesture on the steps while Lightning nodded next to her.

"Good morning Vultures," Alejandro said diplomatically as he walked on screen from the right, the rest of his team looking up at him with suspicion. "I know breakfast today may not be ideal, but we must work together as a team if we are to reclaim victory."

Matthew scoffed. "There won't _be_ any teams after today."

"What are you talking about?" Alejandro asked almost warily.

"There's only nine people left," the hipster explained. "We have to be hitting the merge soon. And that's always been where you fail, _Al_."

"I would prefer it if you did not call me _that name_ ," Alejandro told him with narrowed eyes.

XXX

"Last night I dreamt about my older, smarter, better looking brother Jose," the charmer confessed while slumped over before shuddering. "He always calls me 'Al' and I hate it! More than mutant fire beetles and conditioners that don't detangle."

XXX

"I've never understood why you hate being called 'Al' so much anyway," Angel said with a subtle smirk. The camera cut to Matthew as he raised an eyebrow, then to Alejandro as he tried and failed to suppress a shudder. "I mean, there's nothing wrong with the name 'Al', some of the nicest people I know are named 'Al'."

"Goooood soon-to-be-painful morning everyone!" Chris announced over the loudspeaker, grabbing the attention of all the Villains. "Head to the Chrisiseum, prrronto!" The shot cut to the vibrating loudspeaker as the announcement finished up. "Today's challenge isn't gonna hurt itself!"

\

The scene immediately flashed ahead to the two teams walking single-file through the woods – four Villains in front, four Heroes behind. The camera focused in on Lightning and Lily, the former approaching the latter with a cheesy grin.

"'Sup girl?" he asked flirtatiously.

"I'm not your girl yet," Lily said coyly.

Lightning raised an eyebrow. "Sha-what?" he said. "But what about yesterday?"

"I'm an old-fashioned girl, Rudy," Lily told him plainly. "If you wanna be my boyfriend, just ask."

"Okay, then. How would you like to be Lightning's girl?" the uber-jock asked.

Lily gave him an incredulous look, then sighed and grabbed his hand. "I'd like that very much."

XXX

"I originally planned on making him work for it a little bit," the cynic confessed with a shrug. "But the fact that he actually _wants_ me after how I treated him last season, and the fact that he's not terribly bright, meant that I should probably just take him with no fuss.

XXX

"There's something off about Angel," Matthew told the outhouse camera. "There had to have been a reason she kept saying 'Al', there had to have been!"

XXX

A few deep notes played as the static cut away to Matthew and Angel in the middle of the Villains' part of the pack. "So," Matthew said, putting a hand on the idealist's shoulder, "I bet you must be excited about the merge coming up."

"Oh yes," Angel smiled.

"I remember being excited when I made it back in season three," Matthew continued. "But I have to warn you about Alejandro. The guy has no flaws whatsoever." A close-up of Matthew showed him grimace in annoyance. "Usually the only way he's beaten is if he's _distracted_ by something."

Angel gulped, then laughed nervously. "Thank you for telling me."

XXX

"I think Matthew might be on to me," Angel panicked. "Now how would a Villain handle this?"

XXX

Silence reigned as the scene moved to Boney Island, the ever-present fog parting slightly as the camera flew towards it's skull-shaped peak.

"Cody!" Chef called out, the shot cutting to him walking along a lonely stretch of beach. "Time to head back!"

"Ch...Chef?" came the trembling and frightened answer, prompting the large man to look around for its source. "Is that really you?" Chef's brow shot up in surprise as Cody finally emerged from the forest, twigs and bits of leaves in his hair and a few patches of dirt in his almost completely tattered clothes. "It is!" Cody said in delight, running forward and hugging the older man.

"Uhh...," Chef said awkwardly, his wide eyes darting around.

"This is place is terrible, Chef," Cody said, letting go of the man. "It was worse than the Blue Harvest Moon!" Chef just pursed his lips and crossed his arms.

XXX

"Okay, remind me to _never_ volunteer for Boney Island _ever_ again," Cody told the outhouse, his hair and clothes back to normal. "Cody Anderson was _not_ built to go camping."

XXX

"Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa Coliseum!" Chris greeted, a shot of last season's 'Chrisiseum' giving way to the host and non-exiled campers standing inside. Chris himself was standing in what looked like a regulation boxing ring, while to the campers' left and back a ways was a scoreboard at the top of two tall wooden posts.

"A boxing ring?" Matthew asked, unimpressed.

"So we have to... fight?" Angel asked.

"What is your fascination with seeing us hurt each other?" Bridgette asked as the shot moved to the Heroes.

She received no answer, the camera merely cutting back to the ring as Cody and Chef walked up. "Lookin' rough, Cody," the host commented. "Have a good night on Boney Island with all the animals? Give the Fun Zone another visit, or did you not need to?"

Cody just glared at him as he kept moving.

Chef leaned in closer to the host, put his hand up to shield his voice, and whispered "That boy nearly cried when I told him we only had your brand of body spray on the boat." Chris frowned in annoyance.

"H-hey, guys," Cody greeted his teammates awkwardly. "How's it goin'?"

"Depends on how you feel about boxing," Lily replied off-handedly

"Uhh...what?" the geek said warily.

The shot cut back to Chris. "Gree-tings, playahs," he opened coolly. "The recipe for today's disaster is a hearty helping of season one's 'No Pain, No Game' challenge," he explained. "With, a pinch of 'Phobia Factor' for extra zing."

"Not hungry," Heather said.

"Get ready to sink your soon-to-be-missing teeth," the host continued, now walking away from the ring, "into the Wheel of Misfortune." He came to a stop next to a large wooden disc mounted on a wooden post, and the camera zoomed out to reveal that it had been divided using masking tape into eight equal sections. A piece of paper bearing the colored silhouette of something had been taped into each subdivision; clockwise from the ticker at the top were a orange katana, a black music note, a gray robot, the light blue image of a familiar yet unfamiliar man, a dark blue shark, the pink image of a certain current contestant, a green lizard, and the brown logo of the Screaming Gophers.

'The rules are simple," Chris explained. "Spin the wheel, and go a full two minutes with whatever the wheel lands on. Win the match, and earn your team a point. Fights will be judged impartially by Chef," he motioned to the large man as he walked over on the other side of the wheel in his glittery pink evening gown, "and myself. First team to win three battles is the _champ_."

"Alright," Lightning said, "now _this_ is a challenge Lightning was made for. Bring it on, bro!"

Chris snickered to himself. "Oh believe me, it will be brought. Now, leeeeet's get ready to _pum-melllllll_!" he said in a deep fight announcer's voice as a suitably grand theme rose up in the background...only to stop abruptly.

"Whoa, hold on!" Lightning objected. "What happened to the reward you promised Smart Girl?"

The host stared at him blankly, then sighed. "I was hoping you'd forgotten about that," he explained with a twinge of annoyance, "but, being MVP in the last challenge, you don't have to box. _And_ , the Heroes get a point."

The nearby scoreboard updated to show 1-0 in favor of the Hamsters and the Heroes cheered with varying levels of enthusiasm.

"Since the Villains lost yesterday," Chris interjected with his usual smile, "they go first. Who's rumble-ready?"

"I'll do it," Heather volunteered, walking past Angel, Matthew, and Alejandro. A close-up showed her setting the wheel into motion, a game show theme playing as it spun round and round. Chris winked cheekily at Chef, who winked back and pressed a small button sticking out of the ground with his foot.

"Okay Heather," Chris said over a close-up of the ticker at the top of the wheel as the whole thing slowed down, landing on the picture of the orange katana. "Iiiiiiiit's _sumo time_!"

"What did you just say?" Heather asked, her face rising into panic. She looked over at the boxing ring, and a dramatic tune played as a very large stereotypical sumo wrestler was lifted into it via a hidden elevator. He was wearing boxing gloves, and his war cry earned laughs from the male Villains.

"Sumo wrestlers?" Matthew asked in disbelief.

Heather said nothing, accepting a pair of boxing gloves from Chef and slipping them on with a blank look.

The shot quick-panned back to the sumo, who laughed haughtily at the other end of the ring. The camera zoomed out to show Heather entering and walking further into the ring.

She looked back at her opponent just in time to see the punch heading towards her face. It hit its mark with a heavy thud and a dramatic spike in the music, and her teammates gasped. The process repeated as the sumo followed up with a left, and then another right, and then winding his left arm up for the strongest punch yet, pushing Heather into the ropes. Her eyes spun comically and she let out a tired groan, but before she could recover from the repeated blows she seemed to raise up from the ring. The camera panned over to the rest of the Villains to show them gasping, then back to the 'match' to show Heather screaming as the sumo held her high above his head. He moved to throw her out of the ring, but was interrupted by Chris.

"Time's up!" the host announced. "And since Heather didn't land a single punch, the sumo wins! The score is stil one to zero, Heroes!"

"Okay, that was seriously pathetic," Matthew said. "Another loss like that and heading back to the campfire."

" _You'll_ have to step up _your_ game as well amigo," Aljeandro told him.

The hipster rolled his eyes. " _I_ haven't been the one causing our team to lose all this time. That's on _you_ idiots."

XXX

"Okay, so I sabotaged us a couple of times so far," Matthew admitted. "But you'd have to be an idiot to think you could get way with it _now_. And I can't lose before I've had time to expose Angel for trying to be the new big threat. If _anyone's_ going to be a threat this season it's gonna be _me_!"

XXX  
The static cut away to show the five Heroes looking wary. "Okay, that looked... painful," Cody told his teammates.

"Pff, don't worry!" Lightning said, looking unimpressed. "We've _owned_ this whole game and today ain't gonna be different."

"Rudy's right," Lily said, planting a small kiss on his cheek.

"Hero time!" Chris announced, the five campers in question turning towards him as the shot pulled out. "Come on up... _Bridgette_!"

"Why me?" the surfer asked.

"Why not?" the host replied with an impish shrug.

Bridgette just gulped and walked forward. "I hate it when he's right," she said nervously before a close-up showed her hand giving the wheel a spin. The game show theme played again as it went round and round again, the ticker eventually landing on the dark blue shark.

"But no one here's afraid of sharks!" the surfer immediately complained.

"True," Chris corrected impishly, "but _you_ are a surfer. And as such, spend a lot of time in the water. And since we couldn't find a believable way to put your fear of the woods in the ring, we went with Fang." He motioned to the boxing ring, the mechanical trap door sliding open and the mutant shark being raised out of it. Like the sumo wrestler, he was wearing boxing gloves.

Bridgette gulped. "You messed up Chris, I've got no problem with sharks!" she said with a smirk.

"Huh, what are the chances that both Heather _and_ Bridgette would have to face something so personal?" Lily asked in mild amazement as the camera moved back to the other Heroes.

"One in sixty-four," Scarlett answered. "That's assuming each section on the wheel corresponds to one of us, of course."

"Well...okay then," the cynic said.

"Hmm...," Cody said, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes. "It's still suspicious, but there's nothing we can do for now."

\

A dramatic challenge tune slowly built up as the scene flashed to the ring, Bridgette now wearing her boxing gloves and looking confident. "This should be a pice of-"

Fang growled from just off-screen and grabbed her by both shoulders. "Oh no," Bridgette said with wide-eyed panic just before she was dragged over to it. The camera panned to her teammates in discretion as they watched in horror, the sounds of growling, screaming, and punching coming from the unseen ring.

When the shot finally returned to the match the shark was punching a battered and bruised Bridgette into the far left ropes, letting her bounce off, and punching her back in again. After another ricochet Fang wound up a strong left hook that sent the dazed young woman careening back into the ropes, but also caused her to spin around and get tangled up in them.

"Another pathetic loss meant the score's still one to zero in favor of the Heroes!" Chris announced from the sidelines.

The camera cut back to the left side of the ring as Angel tried to pull Bridgette free from the ropes. "Don't worry Bridgey-bear,"she told her, the surfer still dazed and groaning. "You don't have to worry about that mean shark anymore." She sent a stern glare past him, and the shot cut to Bridgette's mutant opponent. Fang looked at her, shrugged uncaringly, and walked the other way.

"Villains, you're up!" Chris announced.

"I'll earn us a point!" Alejandro bragged with a smirk. He grabbed the side of the wheel, and gave it a strong spin as the game show tune began again.

"I hope he gets someone who can put him in his place," Lily quipped, earning giggles and smiles from her teammates and a worried look from the charmer.

XXX

"There's _one_ person I truly don't wish to fight," Alejandro confessed. "And that's..."

XXX

The shot cut to a close-up of the ticker as it came to a stop on the light blue man. "No!" Alejandro gasped, turning his head to the ring. "It can't be!"

A dramatic Latin riff played as Alejandro's opponent appeared in a cloud of pink smoke. He looked like a slightly older version of the charmer. His hair was a lighter shade and styled up, likely with copious ammounts of hairgel, and he wore a simmliar outfit to Alejandro but his over and undershirt were colored dark blue and gray respectively.

Heather and Angel gasped, and the camera cut to Alejandro narrowing his eyes. " _Jose_ ," he said accusingly.

"Ooooh, _doggay_!" Chris said with a mock cringe. "Does Al have what it takes to best his big bro?" he asked the camera. "Or will baby fall down go boom? Find out after the break, right here on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

A deep note played as the episode resumed on a long-distance shot of the island, a bell ringing as the scene moved to a shot of Alejandro facing down Jose from a viewpoint just behind the non-contestant's feet. Buenos Dias, _Al_ ," Jose said mockingly. The perspective moved up to a sideways view of Jose's face as he continued "You look tired and in need of exfoliation."

The focus then moved to Alejandro as he scowled. "I exfoliate once a week!" the charmer defended. "And the only thing I'm tired of is you!"

XXX

"I knew my dream was a sign!" Alejandro cried in the outhouse. "My whole life Jose has been better than me at _everything_! Academics, sports, and yes, even personal grooming. Well not this time," he declared.

XXX

"Enough with the touching family reunion! Start _punching_ each other!" Chris demanded, punching his own fists together as the bell was rang once more.

Jose immediately opened up with a punch to Alejandro's stomach. The charmer tried to return a shot, but Jose merely sidestepped it then jumped back to avoid Alejandro's follow-up. Jose then landed another punch to Alejandro's right arms, and skillfully dodged his brother's rebuttal.

"Why are they only taking body shots?" Lily asked her team. "It's so weird."

XXX

"It is the family code," Alejandro answered in the outhouse while staring at his reflection in a hand mirror. "Not the face."

XXX

" _Never_ the face," Jose finished, staring at his reflection in a hand mirror.

XXX

"Looks like the Villains are gonna be shut out again," Chris said with a smile, "or should I say _punched_ out?" he corrected while miming a punch with his left hand.

Jose quickly stepped forward with a quick right jab, forcing Alejandro to sidestep in the opposite. The charmer quickly countered with a jab of his own, but as before Jose merely dodged them with a mocking chuckle.

"Your technique is almost as embarrassing as the way you chase after the girl with the unattractive personality," Jose mocked as the camera cut to a close-up of Alejandro's scowling face. "Of course I always did have better taste in women than you do..." As he spoke, the view changed to a letterbox format of Alejandro growling in anger as the screen took a slight red tint to it.

The view returned to normal as Jose stopped to laugh, and Alejandro used the opening to deliver a punch that knocked him to the side of the ring. " _That's_ for calling me 'Al'!" the charmer declared. He jumped up and landed directly behind Jose, who was still dazed from the first punch, and delivered another fierce punch to his back. " _That's_ for always hogging the bathroom mirror!"

The next punch was shown in discretion as the camera cut to the five Heroes watching in shock. "And for replacing my soap with a unrinal cake!" Alejandro said from off-screen.

"And _this_ ," the charmer said dangerously as the camera cut to him wheeling both of his arms in preparation for a final blow, "is for calling any aspect of Heather, _unattractive_!" He dashed over to his brother, and Jose could only stand there in fear of what was about to happen. He was knocked into the side ropes by the punches, and his eyes spun before he collapsed onto the mat. The camera zoomed in on Alejandro as he took a knee and raised a fist in celebration.

"Whoa!" a genuinely surprised Chris said from the sidelines. "The Villains get a point! And now we know how Alejandro really feels about Heather." The camera cut to the queen bee in question, who was standing with a gobsmacked expression and a heavy blush on her face.

XXX

"I wasn't touched by that," Heather denied, her blush still visible. "I wasn't."

XXX

"And we're tied one-all!" Chris said, a low and tense trill beginning in the background. "Hero time!"

"I'll go next!" Lightning declared, walking over with stoic confidence. "Time to step up and be a hero to the heroes."

"There's no point in spinning the wheel," Matthew scoffed. "The game's _obviously_ rigged."

"Huh?" the rest of the campers said as one.

"Heather fights her biggest fear," he explained, "the surfer gets a shark, and Al has to fight his bully brother? Only an idiot would think it's all random."

"It does seem a little rigged," Angel chimed in.

"More than a little," Lily corrected in annoyance. "What's the point of even spinning at all?"

Chris huffed. "How 'bout this," he said with an irritated squint. "I guarantee, the next spinner will have a non-specific-to-their-personal-terror-and opponent, okaaaaay?" A few drum beats played as he gave a knowing look and slight nod to Chef, who sighed in disappointment.

"Sha-bam!" he said as he sent it moving, the game show tune playing but the tense trill still present underneath it.

"Just you see, it's gonna be exactly what Lightning's afraid of," Matthew said. A close-up showed Chef stepping on the hidden button, and another close-up showed the wheel slowing down with the ticker pointed to the black silhouette of a music note.

"Actually," Chris said, regaining his usual demeanor, "it's _Matthew's_ biggest fear... or really the thing he told me he hated the most when I hired him to be the mole way back when." He made a sweeping arm motion back to the ring, and the camera cut in close as the next competitor rose up through the mechanical trap door to an intense yet grandiose rock theme. A series of brief shots showed a pair of green tinted glasses; an olive green shirt with a black handprint; a white cap; and a yellow caution sign

"Boybands!" the host finished, the camera pulling backwards to show The Drama Brothers in all their glory.

"Prepare," Harold said dramatically, "to be defeated by our synchronized attacks!"

"Sync-ro-nized attacks!" the rest of the Drama Brothers harmonized.

Matthew shuddered and Lightning chuckled. "Okay, Sha-bring it on!" he said, grabbing the bottom rope that was nearest to him and using it to launch himself into the ring with ease. A pair of boxing gloves were tossed up to him from off-screen, and he caught them without looking away from his opponents.

"Beware heroic newbie," Harold warned. "I have spent three weeks at Punchy Steve's Boxing Camp and as such, my hands are categorized as lethal weapons."

XXX

"Why does he always have to be so dramatic?" Scarlett asked in exasperation. "It's so embarrassing!"

XXX

"Lightning was a little worried about facing four dudes at once, but he wasn't gonna embarrass himself in front of his girl."

XXX

The bell was rang, and tense challenge music swiftly rose up as Lightning charged at the Drama Brothers with a cry of "Sha- _BAM_!"

A rapid flurry of blows ensued, the camera cutting directly from one impact to the next with a jittery note played for each one. First he landed a jab to Malcolm's face; a cross to Trent's; an uppercut to DJ's stomach; and finally the screen cut to black as another punch sounded, then faded in to Harold flying from the ring.

"Man, Lightning got right _villainous_ with that one!" Chris announced as the bell rang. "But a point's a point. The Heroes now lead two to one," he added, the shot briefly cutting to show the scoreboard updating. "Only one more point and they win the whole thing."

Lily, Cody, and Bridgette began to cheer, with Scarlett joining in halfheartedly. "Yeah, go...team..." she said, stealing a worried glance at the direction Harold flew to.

"Rudy, that was awesome!" Lily said giving the uber-jock a hug as he stepped out of the ring and towards her.

"Chris is gonna have to do better than that to stop the Lightning," he bragged, and the camera cut to Matthew rubbing his chin in thought.

\

"Next up," Chris said cheekily, "the great doubter."

"With good reason" Matthew retorted in an annoyed tone. "Not like whatever I get's gonna be a piece of cake anyway..." He spun the wheel, the game show tune played, and seconds later the ticker was shown landing on the grey robot.

"Or a peice of robotic pain," Chris said impishly. He looked to the ring, and a dramatic tune played as the robotic suit Natasha built the previous season was raised up by the hidden elevator. It roared.

"You brought back Natasha?" Lily asked, visibly shaken.

Chris chuckled. "Not exactly," he smiled. "Turns out, Natasha built in an auto-pilot for his robot suit, and since you patched things up with Lightning sooner than expected, we decided to use _it_ for his grudge match.

The bell was struck as the scene cut back to the ring, the robotic suit walking toward a rather nervous Matthew. "Wait a minute," he said as he walked up to it, his gloved fists not even raised. "Weren't you built to fight the dumb jock?" The camera cut to an infrared frontal shot of the hipster's face, then panned to the right to show an indifferent Lightning. The view returned to normal, and the robot activated its jets to fly over to a now screaming and fleeing Lightning.

"I assume that counts," Matthew said with a confident smirk,.

"Eh, why not?" Chris commented blankly. "Score is still tied at two-all. Cody, you're up!"

"Cool," the geek replied, shooting finger pistols to the host.

XXX

"Who knows," he confessed, "maybe I can win the fight and woo Scarlett with my manly charm."

XXX

"Okay Codemeister," Chris said, "are you sure your're up for this?"

"Totally," Cody said confidently.

"Are you _sure_ you don't wanna call it off and give up the point?" Chris asked again.

"Nope," Cody smiled.

"But you could get hurt, badly," Chris said impishly. "And that would be totally embarrassing." Cody turned back to glare at him.

"Okay then," Chris shrugged. "Spin away." Cody spun the wheel, the game show tune played, Chris once again winked cheekily at Chef, who winked back and pressed a small button sticking out of the ground with his foot and seconds later the ticker was shown landing on the brown logo of the Screaming Gophers. "I hope you brought your giant mutant gopher repellent."

A dramatic riff played over an shot of an one terrifyingly large mutant gopher rising up from whatever holding chamber lied below the Chrisiseum. It looked down at the geek and screeched.

Cody, his boxing gloves now on, looked at it with a barely confident expression that completely failed at hiding his fear and panic. "It's just a gopher," he said. "I've beaten them before..."

"Wait a minute," Scarlett said in sudden anger, drawing the camera over to her. "How is _this_ a fair fight?!"

Chris laughed. "Wow Scarlett, you weren't this concerned when your _other_ teammates were in the ring," he said. "I wonder _why_..."

"Lightning can understand puttin' _himself_ up against four people," the uber-jock said with a shrug, "but one dude against _that_ just ain't right."

The bell rang as the shot cut behind Cody, now standing in his corner of the ring facing the giant gopher. It sniffed, then got up on its hind legs, leaned down at Cody, and screeched menacingly.

"L-looks like you remember me," Cody said, raising his hands defensively with barely-contained panic. "But I wouldn't have even _met_ you if it weren't for him!" He pointed to the side and the gopher turned its head, the shot cutting back to Chris as he briefly flinched.

The gopher growled, and the camera moved behind Cody as he cautiously began to sidestep to the right. "Personally, I would've have left you alone. You had a real nice place. So how about I just go over here," the shot cut back in front of him as he pointed further to his left, "and-"

A sharp note played as the gopher turned its head back to the geek. It growled at him, and got back on all fours. "Whoa!" he said quickly, holding his hands back out in front of him. "What'd I do?"

With a screech and a burst of dramatic music the gopher charged. The point-of-view shifted to its own as it stampeded towards Cody, the screaming geek trapped in a corner of the ring. At the last second the terrified boy dropped out of sight, leaving the gopher careening head-on towards the turnbuckle.

The camera cut away to the other Heroes as they winced at the sound of the crash. The shot cut back to the ring, showing the gopher swaying on its feet with stars floating around it's face in a circle and a bump on its head, the turnbuckle and attached post looking noticeably bent. Cody, still wide-eyed with fear, slowly backed away from the rodent and climbed out of the ring.

The bell rang. "And Cody scores a point for the Heroes!" Chris announced from the sidelines. "They might actually have a chance to win this."

XXX

"That wasn't as awesome as I thought it'd be," Cody confessed sheepishly.

XXX

"Great work, Cody!" Bridgette greeted excitedly as the geek walked back over to his teammates, his boxing gloves discarded. "That was totally awesome how you ducked like that!"

"Thanks," Cody smiled. "I-"

Scarlett cut him off by grabbing him in a tight hug. "Please don't do that again," she said softly. "You really scared me."

Cody's smile faded a little. "Hey, I'm fine. Trust me."

Scarlett hastily let go of her crush, and cleared her throat. "Yes well. It's good you're unhurt. You provide an invaluable intelligence to the team." Cody's happiness faded entirley.

XXX

"Maybe I should just give up," he sighed.

XXX

"What. Is wrong with me?" Scarlett lamented.

XXX

"Alright!" Chris said as the scene moved back to him. "Since the last point can win the whole thing, I'll let the twinsies decide who's next. So, who's goin' first?"

"I'll do it," Angel and Lily volunteered at the same time. They looked at one another, then giggled awkwardly. "Don't listen to her, _I'll_ do it," they said at the same time again giggling awkwardly again once they'd realized what they'd done.

Chris gave them an unamused look. "Lily. Spin," he commanded.

\

The footage flashed ahead to the cynic approaching the Wheel of Misfortune. With an almost smug look back at her teammates she gave it a spin, the game show theme playing as the camera quickly cut to the top. It slowed to a stop quickly, and the ticker landed on the familiar pink silhouette of...

" _Angel_?!" Lily said in shock.

"There has to be a mistake somewhere!" Angel chimed in from the sidelines, looking utterly shocked as well.

Chris laughed. " _Man_! I have been looking forward to this match all day. Uh," he said, catching his slip, "uh...I mean...how random?" he said with an impish smirk and shrug.

XXX

"I can't fight my little sister!" Angel complained.

XXX

"And I'm not gonna either," Lily declared in her confessional.

XXX

The static cut away to show the two girls facing each other in the boxing ring, gloves already on their hands.

"I'm sorry, Chris," Lily said from the right. "I'm not doing this."

"Me neither," Angel chimed in from the left.

Chris scowled. "Yeah, I kinda figured this would happen," he said. "So, as a bit of extra incentive," he said, the camera pulling back to show Chef standing next to him with the large widescreen television cart.

"Uh, what's that for?" The girls asked from off-screen.

The host smiled, pulled out his remote control, and pushed the button. A dramatic tune rose up as the television turned on and the shot cut in close to it, the footage taking up nearly the entire screen.

XXX

"Hi hi hi!" Angel said in what looked an awful like an audition tape. The room she was in was painted white littered with flowers in vases, the girl in question sitting on a white bedspread with blue floral designs. "My name is Angel and I've been a _super_ huge fan of Total Drama all three seasons! I'm super nice, and um..." she looked to the left as she tried to think of something. "Okay, so I'm _kind of_ hoping I can find something out about myself on the show. If I'm accepted that is..."

She took a deep breath. "My sister's also trying out. Would it sound mean if I said I hoped only one of us made it? I love my sister, but she's just a _liiiitle_ overbearing. It'd just be nice to spend a few weeks without her smothering me."

XXX

Lily gasped from off-screen. "And just to make things even..." Chris said as the static cut to the next clip.

XXX

This clip faded into Lily sitting on a bed in a room nearly identical to the previous one, but the color scheme was changed from white and blue to red and black and the room lacked any decorations save for a few 80's era rock band posters. "Total Drama audition tape," she said with mock joy. "What are my strengths? I'm genre savvy," she said. "Trusting anyone who makes the cut is a bad idea if you wanna win, so I'm not going to. Watch, I'll be able to see any trick a mile away."

"There's one other thing," she said almost guiltily. "My sister Angel's doing a tape too. Don't let her on, I just don't think she has what it takes to last on the show. And, I'm done here."

She put her hand over the lens and the feed cut to static.

XXX

"Isn't it great to see the bond of sisterhood?" Chris said smugly from off-screen, the camera focused on Lily's deep scowl.

"Yeah," she said bitterly. " _Great_."

"You really think that about me?" Angel asked in a betrayed tone as the shot pulled back to show both girls. "That I'm some silly little girl who can't handle the real world?!"

Lily grit her teeth and growled in frustration. "Says the girl who thinks I'm an overbearing smotherer!" she countered. "And you know what," she added, drawing back a fist as Angel scowled in growing anger, "I changed my mind. I _can_ do this after all."

She drew back her left fist, stepped forward, and hammered Angel with a grunt of rage. The ex-hero hastily threw her arms up to block the hit, and Lily said " _That's_ for not appreciating all I do for you!"

Angel weathered another blow. She dropped her fists, showing her look of newfound determination, and punched at her sister. "You mean like when you scared the guy I liked away back in in Grade 9?!" The cynic raised her arms to block the blow, still glaring angrily.

The shot cut to Lightning and Bridgette watching from the sidelines. "Dang, this is gettin' sha-heavy," the uber-jock commented.

"I know," Bridgette replied. "I wonder how long they've been bottling this up?"

They looked back towards the ring, and the camera cut over to show the two girls still trading punches, both sporting black eyes and a few scuffs. "You love to bring that up," Lily complained as a slow but tense tune played. She threw a punch, but it was weakly blocked. "Nevermind the fact that the guy made Alejandro look like a perfect gentleman! He would've broken your heart!"

"At least I would've learned from it!" Angel countered, throwing a punch and hitting Lily in the face. "Everyone thinks I'm this useless and childish little girl and it's all _your_ fault!"

"T-that's not true," Lily said, a hint of despair on her heavy breaths as she punched Angel in the face. "Everyone loves you Angel, you're everything I wish I could be," she admitted sadly, hanging her head and letting her arms droop. "You're so bright and magnetic, and you always see the best in people who don't deserve it. I just... didn't want you to lose that..."

"Okay, times up," Chris said from off-camera in a bored tone, the bell ringing in the background.

"We're not...done...!" the two girls yelled tiredly.

Angel punched her sister in the face. "Don't sell yourself short," she said, "people like you too! You're always so confident and sure of yourself. I've always wanted to be more like _you_!"

Angel and Lily looked up at one another, and dropped to their knees. "Lily, I'm sorry I said you were overbearing," the idealist apologized, audibly holding back tears. "You're just looking out or me the best way you know how."

"And I'm sorry I said you weren't strong enough to last on this show," Lily said on the verge of tears herself. "Obviously you're handling things on your own just fine."

"You're the best sister ever!" The two girls cried together, and a touching tune played as they leaned forward and hugged each other.

The shot cut to the Heroes watching with soft smiles from the sidelines, Cody even wiping a tear from his eye as Bridgette smiled happily and Lightning and Scarlett smirked.

The focus cut to the Villains, Alejandro and Heather looking at one another and holding hands while Matthew huffed in annoyance and looked away.

Chris sniffed, and even wiped away a tear of his own. "That put a little warmth in my otherwise frozen heart," he said, "But Angel's still standing, so I'm giving _her_ the point." The shot cut back to the Villain boys watching cautiously. "That makes it 3-2. Villains win!" Alejandro and Matthew raised their arms and cheered, with Angel joining in off-screen. The shot panned to the four Heroes as they sagged and sighed in disappointment, Lily joining in off-screen.

\

A flash took the scene ahead to dusk and back to the loser's cabin. The camera panned a little to the right and zoomed in slightly, cutting to Heather waiting at the base of a large tree. She looked around for a moment with an annoyed expression which softened a bit when Alejandro finally arrived from the left, looking both determined and almost nervous.

"Alright, what was so important that you couldn't tell me in the spa hotel?" Heather asked.

Alejandro sighed. "Look Heather, I'm tired of always trying to one-up and beat each other," he said. "I've already, even if it wasn't intentional, told you how I felt. I want to know if you feel the same."

Heather opened her mouth, but Alejandro cut her off.

"And before you say anything, I need to prove it." He held up the small wooden carving Heather had found the previous episode, and she gasped in shock. "I stole this from you because I thought you were going to betray me. It's what we've always done is it not?" Heather looked down sheepishly. "But you didn't, and that made me realize that I'm tired of these games. I want us to work together, _really_ work together."

Heather's face fell into stunned surprise. "I don't know what to say..." she said. "I mean, I guess I feel a little something."

"Heather," Alejandro warned.

"Fine," the queen bee sighed with a smile. "I love you too."

The two leaned in for a kiss, but the camera panned to the right to show Angel watching from behind the loser cabin with a pensive look on her face.

\

The scene skipped ahead again, this time moving to the usual long-distance shot of the island at night. The ceremonial theme began to play, and another flash transitioned the shot to the campfire pit where the five Heroic Hamsters were already seated. A pan across them from right to left showed Lily and Lightning smiling at one another, Cody focused on the host, Scarlett looking back and forth between her lap and her crush, and Bridgette looking back over her shoulder with a small smile.

"Okay," Chris said off-screen, causing Bridgette to look forward again before the shot cut to the host. "Before we send another player to the sewers," the four Villainous Vultures were shown sitting in the Peanut Gallery, girls on the bottom and guys above, "I have a _wee_ announcement to make."

Heather leaned over and in a sing-song voice whispered "Here comes the mer~rge!" The camera panned up to Alejandro, listening in with a brow raised.

XXX

"Between today's show of excellence and my newfound..." Alejandro paused to think of a word, "I suppose alliance _or_ relationship will work. Anyway with Heather and I working together, one of us is _bound_ to win."

XXX

"Tonight," Chris said, a hollow sound playing, "the _winners_ get to choose which player is eliminated from the losers' team." The shot cut to the Heroes as all five began to gasp. "Hold that gasp," Chris interrupted. "Aa~aand," he continued as a tense trill rose up in the background, "the _losers_ are the _choosers_ of which winner goes to Boney Island." The shot cut to the Villains as they listened patiently. "And, the teams are _NOT_ merging!" he finished, and the Villains frowned.

"Now you may gasp," Chris said, and a few deep and dark notes played as the players gasped in a four-way angled splitscreen – Matthew and Alejandro in the upper left; Angel and Heather in the upper right; Lily and Lightning in the lower left; and Cody, Scarlett, and Bridgette in the lower right.

"Aaaand, there it is," the host said with a satisfied smile. "Now. Villains," a deep note played, "who's goin' home tonight?"

The shot cut to the Peanut Gallery as the four Vultures leaned towards one another and began to discuss with hushed voices and Angel said 'But'. Another deep note played earning another 'But', followed by a few more and another 'But', and a few more as the whispering finally came to a single conclusion and Angel gave a soft and saddened "Oh all right.". A high trill, and the camera focused in on Heather as she grinned.

"We've decided," The queen bee said.

" _They've_ decided," Angel interrupted with a scowl.

"Like it matters," Heather scoffed. "The person going home is..."

The music became even tenser as the shot moved from Bridgette and Scarlett, then to Cody, then panned over to Lily and Lightning. The eyes of all five Heroes were wide with fear and anxiety as Heather drew out the announcement. The focus finally returned to her, the camera focusing on her lips as she said...

" _Lightning_."

"Sha- _WHAT_?!" the uber-jock said in shock and horror, wheeling around to look at the Villains and gaping in disbelief. "Why me?"

"Don't take it personally," Heather told him, "it's just strategy. You're the strongest player in the game."

"And you've proven to be able to make a finale before," Matthew said, the camera panning up to him and Alejandro, "despite having no intelligence whatsoever."

"And you're too well connected," Alejandro added. "If we didn't take you out now, we would not have had another chance."

A flat note played as the shot cut back to Lily as she looked upset before taking a deep breath and appearing stoic, then panned to Lightning who frowned before shrugging in acceptance.

"Cool," Chris said as the focus returned to him. "Now, before Lightning takes the Flush of Shame," he said as a high but plodding tune began, "which Villain is going to exile on Boney Island. Heroes?"

"Alejandro!" the four remaining Heroes declared while pointing towards the Peanut Gallery without missing a beat.

A quick-pan to the charmer in question showed him raising an eyebrow in annoyance.

XXX

"Guy's a threat," Lily said with a shrug. "Now that Rudy's gone I need to start thinking about strategy again."

XXX

The somber farewell theme began to play as the scene moved to the dock. "Lightning planned on bein' the first to win two different seasons," the uber-jock said as he floated in the massive toilet's bowl. "But he don't mind bein' voted out because of how athletic he is."

"I'm not letting them get away with this," Lily said, the shot cutting to show her and the rest of the remaining campers standing further up the dock.

"Hold your _bree~aath_!" Chris commanded, holding up an umbrella with one hand and his remote with the other.

He pressed the button, and Lightning was flushed with a yell of "Girl, just focus on yoooouuuuuu!"

The backsplash of his flush shot high into the sky, crashing uselessly over Chris's umbrella but drenching the remaining eight contestants.

"Big brothers! Sister smackdowns! Surprising twists!" Chris told the camera as the capstone theme began to play, closing his umbrella and tossing it away. "Can we top it? You better believe we can! Next time, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

(Roll the Credits)

\

\

(Bonus Clip)

The scene opened on a snowy river running with snow capped mountains in the background as Lightning suddenly surfaced and gasped for air. He spent a few seconds looking around, then said "Okay...this is weird...but at least Lightning ain't dead."

"EXTREME!" came a sudden and excited voice, and Lightning looked up to see Tyler, the jock who made it to Total Drama World Tour's Final Five, paramotoring toward him.

The shot pulled back again to show a Ezekiel paramotoring through the mountains as well. "Be quiet eh," he whispered. "We're in avalanche territory."

"Can someone explain to Lightning what's goin' on?" the uber-jock asked.

"Long story short, the producers are sending people to take the losers to the new Playa de Losers," Tyler explained.

"I gotta say, you seem a lot cooler about losin' than I thought you'd be eh," Ezekiel told his friend.

"That's because he was voted out by the sha-Villians," Lightning explained. "They knew he was a threat and wanted to take him out while they could and Lightning's takin' that as a compliment. So," he looked around awkwardly. "How's Lightning supposed to get home?"

Tyler and Ezekiel just stared at each other. "Darn it," Tyler swore. "I knew we forgot something."

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** And there we have it, like so many of you predicted Lightning takes his leave after hooking up with Lily. He had a good run both last season and this, but ultimately his skills sealed his fate.

At least he finally got together with Lily... That was supposed to be a more involved talk, but I couldn't find a place for it _and_ Alejandro and Heather's. And since the latter is a tad more important at the moment, it won.

Anyway, now we have our Final Eight, the people that will be going to the merge. For two of them, it'll be their first time there. For the others, it'll be another chance to prove themselves in the later half of the game. Either way, I think everyone has something to prove.

For the fights in today's challenge, some came easier than others. Jose vs. Alejandro and Heather vs. Sumo were the easiest ones by far, having been planned since basically the beginning. Same with Angel vs. Lily actually, I think. Lightning vs. Natasha's robot suit was a little harder, but I couldn't think of anything else and didn't want to delay the chapter over a fight that didn't matter in the grand scheme, especially considering he and Matthew wound up swapping fights. Oh, and Matthew is actually 'scared' of boybands that's not something I added for desperation. The gophers were because of Cody's interactions last season, and Fang...well, I was stuck, okay? A reviewer suggested it, and I had no frickin' clue what I was going to use for her. Oh, and the unused space was for Scarlett's fear of lizards, which obviously never came up, just like the bear that was on the canon wheel (presumably for Zoey) also never came up.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **14th Place:** Victor

 **13th Place:** Jo

 **12th Place:** Natasha

 **11th Place:** Mike

 **10th Place:** Kitsune

 **9th Place:** Lightning


	8. You Regatta Be Kidding Me

**Author's Note:** And now we've hit he merge! This episode will wrap up the mid-game part of the season and set the stage for the final stretch. I hope you're ready, because things are gonna be getting...interesting.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **Guest:**_ Thanks. I'm really glad you liked the robosuit because that was a scene I was kinda worried about. I can't answer your question about the merge in canon though.

 _ **TheChrisanthemum:**_ My thoughts exactly on Lightning. It might sound a bit smug, but I really think you'll like what I have planned for the TV Pros.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ Yeah, as much as the big idiot's grown on me, there's just not a lot I can do with Lightning at this point. I'm glad you liked the Drama Bros. I'm actually debating trying to put a reference/cameo by at least one of them in all future seasons. I will say that Angel knowing about the idol will cause some major events. The twins being the last fight was obvious, but you wouldn't believe how long it took me to work it out with them being on separate teams. I actually did plan on Tyler casuign an avalanche, but I couldn't find a way to work it in. As for the rest, 'wait and see'.

 _ **PurpleShadowManipulator:**_ Welcome to the site! I'm glad you like the couples. I was getting worried that they were floating into plot tumor territory. Yeah, Matthew was definitely meant to be a hate sink. My original notes when creating the character had a line that stated 'Someone who makes Amy look sweet by comparison'. Now the Angel plotline is something I'm really glad people like. It was a desperate last addition when I realized having her be the mediator between Lily and Lightning wasn't going to work. Speaking of, Lily is definately in a better place after the challenge than before mentally. But don't worry about Cody, he'll be back up pretty soon. Don't feel bad about talking to the characters. I watch Star vs. the Forces of Evil. I do it too. Aleheather... I can't comment on. I know where I want them to go, but I want it to be a surprise.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ The Ridonculous Race will be in between Pahkitew Island and Danger Island and does not count toward the ten seasons. Matthew's a hipster, even though I don't show it often, and boybands are mainstream. It made sense in my head. I mean, even if Lightning made it to this episode he'd still probably be voted off for how strong a player he is. And sorry, but I'm tight-lipped about the cottage (mansion).

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ No problem. Like I said, Heather vs. Sumo was one of the easier ones to pick, and having her there when Alejandro lets his true feelings slip is the main reason I kept her past the last episode as is all that came from it. I'll admit to being surprised at your surprise at Lightning going home. It seemed like the obvious choice given who was choosing what. Not that far to go to see what happens next.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Well let's hope I can continue surprising you.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ Seeing people be stubborn is rather frustrating. And good job on the merge predictions.

 _ **Remaining All-Stars:**_

 _ **Heroic Hamsters:**_ Bridgette, Cody, Lily, Scarlett

 _ **Villainous Vultures:**_ Alejandro, Angel, Heather, Matthew

But it won't be that way for long, the teams are merging and the game's about to heat up.

* * *

 **Episode 08: You Regatta Be Kidding Me**

"Last time, on Total Drama All-Stars!" Chris opened, the montage beginning with a clip of the Wheel of Misfortune spinning. "A brutal teens-versus-mutants fisticuffs free-for-all proved beyond doubt," the host said as Fang was shown rising up into the boxing arena then doing battle with Bridgette, "that these guys will do _anything_ for a million bucks." Cody was shown avoiding being trampled by a mutant gopher. "Even the twinsies Angel and Lily had to battle it out!" he added jovially, the montage flashing to the two girls sharing an awkward laugh and then having an anguished punch-out in the ring. Chris laughed.

"The Villains ruled victorious," he continued over a shot of Matthew and Alejandro cheering. "But, in a last-minute twist," all nine campers were shown gasping in a four-way splitscreen, then the Villains were shown whispering amongst themselves, "the Villains got to send a loser Hero home, and the Heroes got to send a winner Villain to exile." The Heroes were shown at the campfire. "So, it was see ya tomorrow Alejandro," the non-eliminated Hamsters pointed as one to the annoyed charmer, "and see ya never Lightning." A clip of the uber-jock shouting out as he was flushed ended the montage.

"Eight players remain," Chris said in-person, his back to the clear blue sky. "And none of them are ready for how everything is about to change. Right here! Right now!" The first cut outward revealed the host to be standing on top of the Flush of Shame. "On Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

 **XXXXX**

[Though the overall sequence had been shortened for the season, it opens much the same as it has previously – a shift into letterbox format and a focus on the tops of some distant pines. A stage light, sleek and shining with a price tag still attached, rotates up and turns on; then the focus cuts to an angled shot of a different group of trees as a spotlight, also shiny and new, swings down and turns on; then a small video camera pops out of some burrow next to a spray bottle of some cleaning solution, knocking away a roll of paper towels as it emerges; then a second camera pops out of a tree hollow along with a scrub brush, bar of soap, sponge, and a load of soap bubbles. Pale arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, cutting the scene to the Dock of Shame. The camera flies forward, swinging past the Wawanakwa sign and then the final few posts of the dock, rising up to show the spa hotel as Chris and Chef landed their red helicopter in the common area.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera flies past the helicopter and up the thousand-foot cliff, cresting the peak and diving into the lake below, where Angel plays tug-of-war with Heather over a large treasure chest while the Drama Machine sits and sparks nearby, both girls in their swimsuits.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Angel and Heather set the chest down and to their shock it bursts open to reveal not only a cloud of bubbles and the Mike-onut and several McLean Invincibility Statues, but also a twitching and awkwardly-folded Cody who floats up in his swim trunks alongside the wooden heads. The Drama Machine explodes and the shot cuts to a small patch of bubbles on the surface, then zooms out to show the remaining swim-dressed campers lined up according to their teams – the villains holding red dueling sticks on the left on a wooden raft, a hollowed-out log, another wooden raft, and a green canoe; the heroes holding gold dueling sticks on the right on an inflatable raft, a wooden raft, another inflatable one, and a red canoe. The camera zooms in and moves between them as they clash – vicious Jo against hesitant Victor; smug Alejandro shoving away shocked Bridgette with one hand; Natasha ducking from Kitsune's strike and causing her to fall into the lake; Mike, as Vito, brutally thrusting the end of his dueling stick into Scarlett's stomach; and Lily and Lightning angrily slamming their sticks against one another; Matthew falls from the sky and into the lake, dousing the former almost-couple and the camera.]

[The water dries away from the camera lens showing the campfire and Cody and Scarlett leaning in with eager smiles against the full moon...only for Kitsune to suddenly pop up between them with a cheesy grin, causing the two geniuses to look away with blushes. The camera zooms out further, revealing the other cast members sitting on the stumps around the fire – Angel, Lily, Bridgette, Lightning, Matthew, and Victor on the left; Mike, Alejandro, Heather, Natasha, and Jo on the right. The zoom continues even further, showing the signboard over the firepit's entrance which now read 'Total Drama All-Stars', with the dash replaced by a star.]

 **XXXXX**

The scene opened on the spa hotel, the logo of the Villainous Vultures appearing in the corner of the screen as Angel yawned. A cut inside showed her sitting up in her bed and rubbing her eye, a delighted smile on her face as an airy, almost angelic melody began in the background. "Good morning Heather," she sighed happily, hugging her knees.

"Good morning," Heather said, walking over and taking a seat at the end of the idealist's bed. "I take it you slept well last night?"

"Oh I did," Angel nodded. "These are really soft beds. I just wish Lily and Bridgette were here with me."

"Well don't worry about it," Heather said reassuringly. "I'm sure the three of you wil make the merge and spend all sorts of time together."

"You're right," Angel replied. "You're a lot nicer than the show makes you look."

Heather nodded. "I'm glad someone thinks so."

XXX

"Now that me and Alejandro are working together," Heather explained, "Matthew's going to try and team up with Angel to force a tie if we lose. So _I'm_ 'befriending' her before he can get the chance."

XXX

"Okay, so I think Heather might be trying to play me," Angel pondered. "So I don't think she knows that I know about the idol." She held up the wooden carving. "And I _really_ don't think she knows I stole it last night before bed."

XXX

A few deeper notes transitioned the background score into something ominous as the scene moved to Matthew crouched down against the wall of the boys' room with a glass cup between his ear and the wall. After a few moments of scowling, he growled and threw the glass onto the floor, shattering it.

XXX

"I _was_ trying to listen in on the girls," the hipster explained. "But those stupid walls were too thick! I've got to find someway to get rid of Angel before she takes over the game! But how?"

XXX

The light airy tune from before reasserted itself as the scene cut to the loser cabin. "All I'm sayin'," Lily said as the camera zoomed in on the girls' side and cut inside to the three girls sitting on one of the bottom bunks, "is if you keep flip-flopping on him he's going to lose interest. Is that what you want?"

Scarlett sighed. "No. But if we do end up together and I do something horrible, I'll never forgive myself."

Bridgett put a hand on her shoulder. "True, but if you never try you'll hate yourself even more. The one thing I regret the most about last season is not telling Angel how I felt sooner."

"She's right," Lily said. "Even though Rudy's gone, I'm glad we were together at least for that day. As opposed to Surfer Girl here who didn't get out of bed the entire day after Angel was Hurled last year."

"I..." Scarlett said as she stood up, "will think on it."

XXX

"No more hiding," Scarlett declared. "I am a McGrady. When we want something, we make it happen. And I want Cody."

XXX

An slightly romantic tune played as the scene moved back outside the losers' cabin, Cody now eating a bowl of gruel on the steps. He looked behind him as the right-hand door opened up, and grimaced as Scarlett stormed out.

"You look mad," Cody said. "Did something happen?"

Scarlett took a deep breath. "Yes," she said simply. "Cody, your presence triggers the release of endorphins in my brain. I would like to explore that further with you."

Cody blinked. "Uh... what?"

"I... uh.. well...," Scarlett stuttered.

"For cryin' out loud," Lily huffed as she walked past the two geniuses. "She wants to be your girlfriend!"

Cody and Scarlett blushed. "That is... correct," she said shyly. "But maybe we could take it slow?"

"Yeah," Cody smiled. "I could do that."

XXX

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Cody cheered. "It is _so_ on!" He started playing air, and mouth, guitar.

XXX

"Attention campers!" Chris announced over the camp loudspeaker. "Please gather out front for today's special torture!"

The shot cut to the front of the spa hotel, the campers now gathered together in their teams and standing around impatiently. They looked to the side as Alejandro arrived with Chef right behind him.

"How'd you last on Boney Island without getting a single scratch?" Angel asked the charmer.

"It was all about attitude," Alejandro answered with a smile.

\

The music turned dangerous as the scene flashed to a brown bear roaring, then abruptly stopped when Alejandro said "My your breath is powerful." The camera pulled back to show the charmer standing next to the ursine with a smirk on his face. "It is almost as compelling as your eyes."

Alejandro's face was shown in a close-up with the screen tinted pink as a touching tune played. The camera then cut to the bear, now wide-eyed and smiling in awe. "The only eyes more beautiful than yours are," the view returned to normal and the bear got down on all fours, "those of that gopher."

The camera panned to the left to show the rodent in question, batting its eyes with the same touching tune and pink screen as before. The bear growled and chased after the gopher while Alejandro shrugged and strolled away.

\

"Survival was easy," Alejandro said as the scene flashed back to the present. "Also I have a special way with animals."

The camera panned slightly to the right to show Chris walking up with his signature red megaphone. He reached out and grabbed Angel's shoulder, pulled the girl away, raised his megaphone, and yelled "ENOUGH WITH THE SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION, _AL_!" loud enough to shake the screen.

"I have a big announcement!" he told the camera and cast in his normal voice. The shot cut outward to show him standing between the Villains on the left and the Heroes on the right, both teams facing him expectantly. "Today, the teams are being _merged_!" he said giddily as a high and hollow sound played. The campers gasped. "That's ri~ight! From now on, challenges are for 'individual winners' only, and, everyone is at risk of getting the not-so-royal flush." The two teams were shown more directly, first the Heroes and then the Villains, sharing nervous looks as a deep and ominous chanting played in the background.

The ringing of a cellphone caught Chris' attention, and he pulled his phone out of his pocket. "I have to take this," he told the cast after looking at it, "it's my stylist." A beep signaled his acceptance of the call, and he put the phone to his ear and yelled "Yeah! How come my socks don't match my shirts?"

"Bridgey-bear," Angel practically sang as the shot cut to her skipping over to Bridgette. "Do you wanna work together for the merge?"

"Totally," she replied with a smirk, pulling Angel in for a quick kiss.

"Mind if I get in on that?" Lily asked as she walked up to the couple.

"Of course not!" Angel smiled.

XXX

"Okay, I think I'm in pretty good shape," Angel confessed. "I have the idol, and my girlfriend and my sister are still in the game. I'm pretty sure Heather was trying to form an alliance with me earlier too," she added thoughtfully. "But I don't know if that's still a good thing or not. Either way, I still have a pretty good feeling."

XXX

"It's pretty cool making the merge two seasons in a row," Bridgette confessed with a smile. "Everyone from the Hero team seems to be cool with each other, so I'm not really expecting to be in danger until the Final Five. Unless Alejandro and Heather pull any tricks that is..." she added fearfully.

XXX

"Once again I'm in the merge with two solid allies," Lily said with a confident grin. "Heck I probably would've won last time if Natasha didn't screw me over with that idol. I need to figure out who has it and then get them to play it," she declared. "After that, I'm golden."

XXX

"So, what do you think Chris is gonna put us through today?" Lily asked the blondes as the static cut away.

"Hard to say," Angel mused, a finger on her chin in thought.

The camera panned away to the right, showing Matthew watching them with a thoughtful expression. He looked further to the left and the shot moved to show Cody and Scarlett smiling at each other, then to the left to show Alejandro and Heather speaking in hushed whispers. A short string of deeper notes played as the focus returned to Matthew, who narrowed his eye.

XXX

"Last time I was here I was allied with Mal," Matthew spat the name," and look how _that_ turned out. Anyway, Al and Heather are going to need any ally they can get. That means that I can try and work with them while I come up with a plan to put me in a better postion. That million dollars is _going_ to be mine!"

XXX

The footage resumed on Cody and Scarlett. "So," the geek said, "are you okay with us working together?"

"Naturally," Scarlett smiled, taking his hand in hers.

A few deep, dark notes played as the shot panned rightward on to Alejandro and Heather, watching the former Heroes with smirks. "Hey, guys," Matthew said suddenly, eliciting a eye roll from the queen bee and a devilish smirk from the charmer as he walked over. The hipster seemed to shudder for a moment, but quickly regained his 'cool'. "As much as it pains me to say it, I'm not getting far in the game without an ally," he told the two. "So I don't have a choice but to be your little toadie. That is, if you're interested?"

Alejandro and Heather looked from the hipster to each other. They seemed to have a conversation with their eyes before turning back to Matthew and saying "Deal."

XXX

"We know the weasel is up to something," Alejandro confessed, Heather sitting in his lap.

"But we figure we can use him to get us further in the game," Heather finished. "After all, _we_ have the idol hidden somewhere in the campgrounds."

"So if he tries to betray us," Alejandro explained. "We'll just use the idol to eliminate whoever we were planning on anyway and he'll have lost his window."

"Plus it's not like he's a threat," Heather scoffed. "In fact, I think he's kinda crazy."

XXX

"Mm-hm. Yeah." Chris' words were curt as the scene returned to Angel, Lily, and Bridgette, the three looking to the side as the host returned. "Guy thinks _I'm_ colorblind," he complained, flipping his phone shut as he walked past in the foreground. "As _if_! Aaaaanywho..."

The shot cut to him in a boat captain's hat, standing in front of the widescreen television which was currently displaying an aerial photo of the island. "This week's challenge is a _regatta_ around the island!" he announced.

"What's a regatta?" Lily asked in confusion.

"A regatta," Chris answered, "it's a boat race?"

"So why not just say a boat race?" the cynic asked.

"Because I'm classy, helloooo!" the host countered.

The camera focused in on the display of the island as Chris walked away, showing the dotted line surrounding it. One by one small blue icons bearing each of the campers' faces appeared on the line near the dock – first Heather, then Alejandro, Cody, Lily, Scarlett, Bridgette, Matthew, and lastly Angel - and took off along it, speeding counterclockwise around the island. "First person to successfully circumnavigate the entire island wins immunity," Chris explained, the icons finally reaching the dock again as he finished. "And, a night at the spa hotel. Don't worry," he added as he walked back in front of the screen, "Chef will keep things interesting by providing some...' _obstacles_ ' for you..."

As he laughed, the two groups of campers gasped and exchanged nervous looks – first Alejandro, Heather, Matthew, and Lily; then Bridgette, Angel, Cody, and Scarlett.

"Some of the boats are seaworthy," Chris continued as the map of the island was replaced by an image of several watercraft floating on the water – three speedboats in various colors, styles, and states of disrepair; an inflatable raft; a wooden rowboat; a wooden raft; and even the Boat of Losers. "Some," the host added over a tense musical trill, walking away as the inflatable raft and one of the speedboats fell into the water, "are sink-arific. And! They're all first come, first serve. Starting... _NOW_!" He popped back up into view, and gave the starting signal through his megaphone.

The campers cheered and hollered and a slow but tense challenge theme began to play. "C'mon, sister, let's go!" Angel said excitedly as she and Bridgette raced ahead.

Lily soon ran up behind them. "No offense girls, but my part in the alliance is in votes only," she told them.

Angel and Bridgette looked at one another. "If you're sure..." Angel said warily.

"Don't worry about me sis," Lily said with a smirk. "I can take care of myself.

XXX

"I'm going back to my team Villain strategy," the cynic explained to the outhouse camera. "Having a large number of allies is what got me sent home last year. This time, I'm only _voting_ with any allies I pick up and not _working_ with them. Sometimes it's best to be a free agent."

XXX

The static cut away to show Lily charging ahead of the blondes. "Now do us all a favor," she told them with a confident smirk, "and pretend to be ticked at me for this." To Angel and Bridgette's surprise she sped up, and the scene cut to her reaching the Dock of Shame.

"And _Lily_ takes the lead!" Chris announced from off-screen as the cynic hopped into the red-bottomed speedboat closest to the camera and drove off.

Alejandro and Heather arrived seconds later, hopping in to the purple-bottomed speedboat that had been behind Lily's. "Yes!" Heather cheered as her boyfriend took the wheel.

"And Alejandro and Heather team up by _choice_ ," Chris added, hovering into view with his jetpack as the couple departed. "Despite the whole 'only one person wins' thing. _In_ -teresting."

A sharp note opened for a hectic and dangerous tune as Matthew was shown in close-up jumping in to the next powerboat, an old-looking one in a faded red color. With an chuckle he pulled a mass of wires out of the dashboard and it started to spark with electricity, then leaped to the next craft in line – the wooden rowboat. He bent down and picked up and anchor of all things, then let it fall destroying part of the boat. As it began to sink he let the air out of the inflatable raft, and used it like a trampoline. He landed in the back of the Boat of Losers, strolled into the cabin with another cackle, and drove off as the other four campers ran up to the end of the dock.

"What the heck was that?!" Cody groaned.

"Wait," Scarlett said. "We still have the powerboat!" she said dashing back down the dock.

Angel and Bridgette looked at one another. "Guess we get the raft," Bridgette said.

"Fine with me," Angel replied, and the two jumped on to the wooden raft tethered the very end of the dock.

The shot cut back to Cody and Scarlett in the powerboat. "Ready for the Anderson Cruise?" Cody asked.

"Let's go!" Scarlett laughed as he tried to start his chosen vessel. As soon as he touched the throttle, however, he was electrocuted, and the boat began to sink.

"Now what are we supposed to do?" Cody asked before getting shocked with residual electricity.

"Hey, why don't you guys come with us?" Angel asked, the two blondes having untied their raft and grabbed a pair of long poles to paddle with.

The two geniuses looked at each other, then began to swim to the raft.

The scene skipped ahead to the former teammates paddling away - Angel and Bridgette with the poles, and Cody and Scarlett with their hands. "And the riff-raff ride the rickety raft!" Chris announced. The host laughed as the vessel moved out of sight. "I am hilarious," he told the camera.

\

The scene moved to Lily, speeding along happily until her boat's motor started to splutter and the whole thing slowed to a halt. "Seriously?!" she griped as she tried the ignition to no avail. "This has to happen _now_?!"

"And _Matthew_ takes the lead!" Chris announced as the Boat of Losers drove past in the background, the host right behind it but pausing in mid-air as Lily tried to start her boat again. "But! Will he keep it all the way through coconut alley?"

"Coconut alley?" Matthew repeated as the shot cut to him looking out the cabin of her boat. "What the heck is-oww!" his question was both interrupted and answered when a coconut fell on his head. "Hey. HEY! WATCH IT!" he said angrily, picking up the coconut with his left hand and angrily shaking at the sky with it.

The camera moved above him to show Chef following along in a hot air balloon. He snickered evilly, then bent down into the basket to grab an armful of coconuts. He dropped them all at once, and the shot quick-panned back down to show Matthew, eyes wide, duck back in to the safety of his boat's cabin as coconuts rained down upon where he'd stood. He reappeared moments later, glared skyward, and shook his right fist as she yelled "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!"

Another coconut hit him on the head.

\

"Alejandro and Heather reach coconut alley!" Chris announced from off-camera as the two villains were shown easily speeding along. The shot cut to a close-up of Chef as he cackled softly to himself, then pulled back as he dumped a small basket's worth of coconuts over the side.

The noticeable whistle of something falling was rapidly growing louder as the scene cut back to the boat below. "Que?" Alejandro said worriedly. "What's that?" He and Heather looked up, and the perspective shifted to show the load of coconuts falling towards the camera. The screen momentarily turned black as several red and yellow streaks flashed across in time with the sound of coconut impacts, ad the footage resumed to show Heather getting hit on the head while her partner stood and shook her fist with a shout of "Hey!"

The blows were enough to knock Heather screaming over and out of the passenger's seat and boat entirely. Alejandro gasped as soon as he saw. "Heather!" he shouted in fear, quickly leaning over and grabbing his girlfriend's leg before she fell into the lake entirely. He quickly pulled the girl back into the boat, getting her stable with a short whooping cheer.

"Thanks you," Heather said as the intense music faded out. "I almost got my hair wet."

"I would _never_ allow such a tragedy mi corazon," Alejandro told her, taking her hand in his. "Your hair is beautiful."

"Thanks," Heather smiled and blushed.

"Boring!" Chris exclaimed in annoyance, the shot panning up to him. "Better up the ante, Chef!" he called further upward as a short but dramatic tune played.

The camera cut to Chef as he grinned evilly and held up a stick of dynamite, already lit. "It's times like these when I really love this job," he commented before dropping the explosive with a snicker.

It landed with a clang on the villains' motor, and they only had a short moment to look at it before it exploded. They screamed as smoke filled the area, quickly dissipating to show a close-up of the ruined, sparking, smoking motor. "Ai no!" Alejandro groaned.

\

"Come on... come on... please!" Lily griped as she pounded on her boat's motor, each blowing causing a small puff of smoke to come out of it. "Start already! I'm falling behind!"

"Ahoy! Lily!" came the voice of Cody, the cynic looking up and the camera pulling back as the wooden raft closed in on him.

"Is everything okay sister?" Angel added, the four aboard the wooden raft still paddling along.

"Not really," Lily hesitantly admitted as she walked back up to her boat's wheel. She turned the ignition again, and her brow shot up when the engine roared to life. "Actually, scratch that," she said, the shot briefly cutting to show the raft slowing down as it came up behind the larger boat.

"I'm back in it!" Lily announced, speeding away as the shot cut back outward, leaving a large wake of water behind her that splashed the others. "Sorry!" she called from off-screen as the other four voiced their annoyance and disgust.

"Oh, how are we _ever_ gonna catch up if we don't have a motor?" Bridgette asked from the front of the raft raft.

Cody snapped his fingers. "I have a plan," he said before diving off the back of the raft.

"Uhh...," Scarlett said, watching him hesitantly alongside Angel and Bridgette.

He quickly surfaced and spat a bit of water out of his mouth. "Tie that rope around one of the poles!" he commanded, startling the three girls to do so with nervous expressions.

"Now for the motor," he muttered. The music turned suddenly ominous as the sound of something swimming nearby caught Cody's attention. He turned and looked behind him and gasped, but his shock faded quickly into a devious smile.

The viewpoint moved over his shoulder to reveal Fang swimming lazily on his back through the lake.

XXX

"On the one hand it's incredibly stupid and dangerous," Cody explained. "But if it's our only hope of winning... I mean, it's not like I'm forcing someone _else_ to be shark bait."

XXX

"So far, _everyone's_ still alive," Chris said, flying in to an open patch of sky as the capstone theme started playing. "But, really, how likely is _that_ to continue? Find out when we return, with more Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

A short but ominous tune played as the episode resumed, panning down from the open sky to show Cody waving at Fang from the water. "Hey! Hey! Fang, over here!"

The mutant shark, who had been lazily floating along on his back with his eyes closed, flipped over and gave the human an inquisitive look. It rolled its eyes and started to turn back over, until a taunt caught its attention. "Your mother was a guppy and your dad smells like seaweed!" Cody yelled as the camera cut back to him. He turned back to the raft and yelled "Guys! Hold the pole over the water! Trust me!"

Fang growled angrily, then dove into the water. The shot cut back to Cody as he quickly swam under the raft and resurfaced in front of it, then grabbed onto the pole that the girls were holding out over the water. The ominous music rapidly peaking as Fang suddenly rose up to snap at the geek, only to get caught in the rope that Scarlett had tied earlier. Cody yelped, and the mutant shark's efforts to eat him only resulted at the raft being pulled at a fast pace.

XXX

"Cody better be right about this," Scarlett grumbled. "I did not shove down my insecurities about relationships just for my boyfriend to be eaten by a shark."

XXX

A low but tense tune began to play as the scene cut back to Alejandro and Heather, the latter now pounding angrily on the remains of their engine. Alejandro, standing at the wheel, noticed something approaching from behind them, and both villains watched with wide eyes as Lily passed them by.

"See ya at the finish line, former teamies!" she called out to them.

The former Heroes arrived seconds later, Cody looking warily at the angry shark pulling their raft while Bridgette called out "You're doing great Cody!"

The two villains drooped and sighed in disappointment. "This just in," Chris said as he flew up in the background, attracting their attention. "Matthew still has the lead! And thanks to a riff-raff's new engine, guess who's last?" he asked the two below him.

"Last place?" Alejandro repeated to his partner. "Seriously?!" he added, narrowing his eyes in annoyance as Heather stomped her feet in frustration.

She began to pound on the engine again, grunting out "Come on you piece of junk!" Meanwhile, Alejandro bent over and rooted around next to the driver's seat, and soon came back up with an oar. Heather turned a confused look his way as he dashed forward, and after the boat jerked forward the shot but to the bow to show Alejandro sitting on it, paddling away.

\

The tense tune rose up again as the scene flashed to Matthew speeding along happily in the Boat of Losers. A pan back to the left showed Lily coming up from behind, determination on her face. The sound of something falling alerted her, and she swerved her boat towards the camera just as a stick of dynamite plunged into the water where she'd been and exploded.

"Watch it!" she yelled upwards angrily as she was sprayed with water from the blast.

"I'm tryin'!" Chef yelled back down as the shot cut to him drifting along in his hot hair balloon. "But y'all kids just won't stand still." He dropped another stick, and the camera cut back to Lily as she swerved the boat back to the left. The stick hit the water, and the explosion filled the scene with water.

It soon fell away, revealing a close-up as she turned her gaze back forward and widened her eyes in surprise. "Whoa," she said, a serene melody playing as the camera cut to a slowly-panning shot of a familiar large beige mansion built atop a small cliff, a stairway carved into the rock that lead to a long pier where a pair of sailboats were docked. "Isn't that the place the losers all lived in back in season one?"

"Yeah, Playa Des Losers," the bored and slightly-nasally voice of Matthew said as the serene music faded away, prompting Lily to look up and scowl and the camera to pull out enough to show the hipster in the cabin of his boat. "I'm surprised it still looks this good given how Chris let the rest od the island fall to crap."

"Pfft, as if," Chris said suddenly, flying up above them. "Why would I let a place like _that_ fall into disrepair? It's not like any campers were going to be there again."

"And I've officially stopped caring," Lily said matter-of-factly as the focus moved back to her. "Not like it matters."

"Yeah," Matthew chimed in as the challenge music resumed, the camera zooming out to show he was still ahead of the cynic, "what's important is keeping the lead. Later, loser!" he called back at Lily, laughing as he rode out of sight.

Lily frowned and sped onward, but the camera zoomed out to show Chris hovering in place. The host looked back, and moments later Angel, Scarlett, Bridgette, and Cody arrived on the scene. "Aww man, why couldn't the losers have stayed in that place last season?" the geek whined before yelping when one of Fang's snaps got a little too close for comfort.

"Yeah," Bridgette chimed in, wiping some sweat from her brow as she and the other girls held up the geek. "I thought it'd just been overrun by mutants."

"But if Playa Des Losers has been operational all this time," Scarlett added, looking back in confusion, "why wasn't it used again?"

"Uh, because," Chris said in annoyance, swooping down over them, "the Playa Des Losers thing was only a _one-season_ deal. It was originally my summer cottage, and after the first season was over that's what it went back to being. And good riddance, too, it was _waaaaaay_ too good for you kids."

"Figures...," Angel said bitterly.

"Hold on," Scarlett said, looking up questioningly. "You call _that_ ," she pointed back in the direction they'd come from, "a cottage?"

The shot cut back to Chris. "Duh, what else would it be?"

"Oh, I don't know," Heather interrupted, the host and camera both looking down to show her and Alejandro still trailing behind, "maybe a mansion?"

Chris screwed his face up in disbelief and outrage. "It's _not_ a mansion, are you kidding me? It's a cottage!"

"It's totally a mansion!" Heather countered.

"No," the host sniffed disdainfully, "it's a cottage."

"Non-amigo," Alejandro chimed in as he continued to paddle, "I distinctly remember you calling it a converted mansion during my short stay there first season."

Chris closed his eyes and turned his nose up stubbornly. "I have no idea what you are referring to," he told her plainly before flying off.

\

The scene flashed back to Angel, Scarlett, Bridgette, and Cody. "Hey, so," the idealist spoke up idly, "I was thinking. How about we vote off Matthew?" she asked the others, looking over at them with an almost eager expression. "Huh? Huh? How's that for an idea?"

"Not very good," Scarlett told her almost sharply. "While he _is_ suffering from sanity slippage, Alejandro is the biggest threat in the game."

"Yeah," Cody chimed in," you were on the Villain team. You should know that."

"And now that he's with Heather, he's even more dangerous," Bridgette added.

The shot cut back to Angel as she huffed and looked away with a scowl.

XXX

"But Matthew's trying to get rid of me," Angel said. "I probably should've mentioned that, but then I'd have to explain why I thought that and that would mean revealing that I'm a Villain now and that I have the idol. And something tells me that I should keep that to myself for now."

XXX

"How about this," Cody said as the static cut away to show him in close-up, "if Alejandro wins, then we'll vote for Matthew. Is that cool?"

"Totally," Angel answered happily.

The background music became fast-paced and tense once more as Bridgette pointed ahead with a grin. "We've almost caught up to Matthew!"

Scarlett and Angel grinned grinned, and the perspective shifted to show the camera 'swimming' towards the distant Boat of Losers. As it drew closer, a swarm of small sharp-toothed fish leaped from the water and snapped their jaws hungrily. "PIRANHAS!" Cody screamed in fear, but the shot returned to its usual angle and zoomed in on Fang as he merely opened his mouth and kept on going. The piranhas kept jumping and snapping, but to their brief surprise landed in the mutant shark's open mouth, the jaws promptly snapping shut.

"Does that mean you're not hungry anymore and forgive me for the seaweed thing?" Cody asked pleadingly as the camera panned up to him clinging to the wooden pole for dear life. Fang snapped at him again and he cried "Oh no! I'm the after-dinner mint!" Fang merely smirked dangerously before snapping at him again and the camera panned ahead to the Boat of Losers.

"Time to take out that motor," Matthew said, darting out of the cabin with determination on his face. He grinned, and the shot cut to Cody as he screamed and yelped at Fang's snaps.

He was suddenly hit with a coconut, and the camera cut back to Matthew to show him standing next to the pile of coconuts that had been dumped on him and idly tossing one in his hand. "Time to pay for that punch, Cody!" he shouted before throwing the coconuts one after the other in an almost rapid-fire manner, a quick-pan back to Cody showing him flinching under the barrage and struggling to hold on the the pole.

"Ahahahaha!" Matthew cackled, continuing his assault. "This is what you get for needlessly assaulting me!" he taunted. So focused on attacking Cody Matthew was, he didn't notice Lily speeding by in her boat until she heard her mocking laugh.

He quickly ran back to the cabin and got the boat moving again, and as he left the scene Chris flew into it. "And thanks to Matthew stopping to pull a dirty trick, Lily takes the lead back for herself!"

XXX

"That pathetic geek cost me the lead!" Matthew griped. "Once I take out Angel, I'm coming for you!"

XXX

"Is it just me?" Cody asked, now covered in welts from head to toe. "Or is Matthew losing it?"

XXX

the static took the focus back to Alejandro and Heather. A deep riff played as the charmer continued to paddle the boat forward one stroke at a time, his partner now pounding furiously on the control panel. "Come on you stupid boat! _Work_!"

Another series of deep notes opened for a renewed challenge theme as a close-up showed the villains' engine starting back up again at last. "Finalmente," Alejandro said in relief as the motor sputtered into action. "Let's go!" He bent forward in his seat with his oar behind him, and with a confident smirk Heather took the helm once more.

\

The music continued as the scene cut back to the Dock of Shame, the host now standing at the end of it with his assistant but not his jetpack. "All the boats are in the final stretch!" the host announced as the camera moved in for a close-up. "Who's gonna win tonight's immunity?"

"Almost at the finish line," Lily said to herself as the shot cut to her boat, the cynic blissfully unaware of the clunking noises coming from her boat.

A few louder clunks startled her, and her boat began to slow down. "What now?!" the cynic exclaimed in sudden frustration.

"Ohhhhh," Chris mockingly cringed as the shot cut back to him and Chef, "Lily's chances of winning have _stalled_!" he said as the red-bottomed speedboat slowed to a stop right in front of the buoy marking the finish line. "Just like her motor!" the host added as Lily frantically tried to restart his boat.

"No no no no no, come on!" Lily told the boat in despair.

The shot quick-panned back to Matthew as a pair of cheers got his attention again. "What is it now?!" he grunted, leaning out of his cabin once more. The camera moved to the view from the the deck revealing Alejadnro and Heather coming up quickly behind, causing Matthew to gasp and duck back inside. "No, no, no!" he repeated in anger and disbelief as he looked back forward.

"See you at the finish line amigo!" Alejandro shouted, the perspective moving behind him and Heather.

"Yeah!" Heather chimed in. "We're coming for you, so just give up now!"

The two laughed, and the shot cut back to a close-up of Matthew through the boat's front window. "Not if _I_ have anything to say about it," he jeered, gripping the wheel tightly in both hands. With a heave of effort he he spun the wheel hard to starboard. The camera cut outside just in time to catch the Boat of Losers swerving to the side and ramming against the villainous couple's' purple-bottomed speedboat.

Alejandro and Heather screamed and stumbled, and Heather had to quickly grab her boyfriend by the arm before he fell over the side of the boat. Alejandro quickly regained his balance and let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you," he told his girlfriend as he retook his place at the helm.

XXX

"I'm all for a dirty trick or two to get ahead," Heather confessed. "But me or Alejandro could've been seriously hurt! What's his problem?!"

XXX

The camera cut back to Lily as she repeatedly tried to get her boat started again. "C'mon, hurry up!" Lily implored before Chris and Chef began to hoot with laughter, earning dirty looks from the stalled camper.

A quick-pan back to the left caught Matthew, Alejandro, and Heather as their two boats rammed into one another again. "Stop doing that!" Heather shouted.

"Not a chance!" Matthew yelled back from his cabin.

The shot focused in on Alejandro as he looked behind them. "Uhh, Heather?" he said warily. "We have more problems!" Heather looked back over her shoulder and gasped, the camera panning over to show Angel, Bridgette, Scarlett, and Cody's raft being pulled at a surprisingly faster speed than before.

"Then do something about it!" Heather commanded. Alejandro looked back ahead with a glare and sped the boat onward.

To both villains' shock it collided with something almost immediately, and the shot pulled back to show Matthew and the Boat of Losers directly in front of them. "Thanks for the boost!" the hipster taunted as his ship lurched forward.

"Que malo...," Alejandro muttered as he sped after him.

The tension built up in the music as the shot cut back to Lily growing more nervous by the second as she failed to restart her engine.

A cut back to Matthew, Alejandro, and Heather showed the couple trying to swerve around their former teammate only for him to quickly cut them off each time, cackling with maniacal glee. Lily was shown still trying to start her engine. Matthew pulled a chain hanging next to him that blew his ship's horn, then Lily finally looked back in shock, stood up and into a diving position.

The music peaked victoriously as the camera cut outward again, showing the Boat of Losers crossing the finish line less than a second after Lily dove across it.

"Ooh, Lily wins it by a dive!" Chris announced as a proper song of triumph began to play. "Matthew takes second place! Not that it matters," he added as the queen bee and charmer passed by in front of him, "Alejandro and Heather take third. And last and most definitely least are the riff-rafters," he said as the wooden raft drifted by, the mutant shark pulling now panting in exhaustion. "Despite Cody's attempt at a motor," the host added.

XXX

"At least I won't have to vote off my friends tonight," Bridgette said.

XXX

All eight campers were now assembled on the dock before the host and his assistant. "As winner of today's challenge," Chris said as he idly waved around his captain's hat, "Lily gets immunity and a night at the spa hotel." The shot cut to the cynic as she grinned, with Alejandro, Heather, and Matthew standing behind her looking quite annoyed. "And she can bring one person along with him," Chris added, and immediately all seven other campers leaned in to the cynical redhead expectantly.

"Well obviously there's only one person I can pick," Lily spoke up. The camera followed him as he turned around, smirked, and said "Angel."

The girl in question raised an grabbed her sister in a hug and jumped up and down. "We're going to have so much fun!"

"I'm sure you will," Chris said offhandedly as the focus returned to him. "As for the rest of you, hit the voting booth."

Everyone left, save for Matthew. He looked around deviously, then snuck off as an ominous tune played.

\

A few plodding notes played as the scene cut back to the common area, Alejandro and Heather heading into the loser's cabin while Lily hung back and held out an arm for the others to stop. "Hey, so I'm thinking we all vote for Alejandro tonight," she told them, "he's the biggest threat left in the game and he's not distracted by one-upping Heather anymore."

A flat, sour note played as the shot cut to show Matthew giving her an odd look. "What makes you think I'd side with _any_ of you?"

"Because I-" Lily started to say before a loud explosion shook the screen and caused everyone to turn their heads, Heather and Alejandro even running out of the loser cabin to see. "What the heck was _that_?!"

"MY _COTTA-HA-HA-HAGE_!" Chris yelled as he ran past the campers.

"Cottage?" Heather asked in disbelief. "That was a frickin' mansion!"

"Yeah," Lily said. " _Was_."

"So many pictures of me!" Chris cried as the shot cut to him on his knees and bawling into his hands as Chef rubbed his back in comfort. "Ruined!"

XXX

"Yeah, it's hard to feel sorry for the guy who's more upset over losing his selfies than his house," Lily said. "Just sayin'," she added with a shrug.

XXX

The usual ceremonial theme opened over the shot of the moonlit island, the scene cutting to the campfire pit to show the eight campers already in their seats. "Good news!" Chris announced sadly. "As a reward for making it to the merge, there will be no Boney Island for any of you tonight." All the campers cheered and a few deep notes played. "Do you know _how_ many statues of me were lost in that explosion?" the host asked as the campers stopped cheering suddenly to give each other awkward looks. " _Five_!"

"Can we get on with this already?" Heather asked.

"Before you vote for the first time as individuals," Chris said in his usual demeanor as the shot cut to him. "I have a special announcement," his face turned sour. "It seems the wise guy behind blowing up my cottage-"

"Mansion," Heather corrected.

"-decided to confess," Chris finished, ignoring the interruption. "So _Angel_!" The camera quick-panned to the idealist as everyone gasped in shock. "You are hereby, _dis_ - _qual_ - _i_ - _fied_ ," with each syllable a sharp spike in the music played and the camera cut further in to a close-up of the shocked girl.

"Hold on," Lily said as she stood up. "This girl once destroyed a teddy bear by hugging it too hard and you expect us to believe she blew up your mansion?"

"Cottage," Chris corrected. "And she _signed_ her confession!" The host held up a sheet of paper and Lily snatched it out of his hands, read it, and widened her eyes with shock.

"Angel..." Lily said softly. "This is your handwriting..."

"But I didn't do it!" the girl in question finally reacted. "You can't disqualify me!"

"Hey count yourself lucky Chef's firecrackers technically violate my parole," Chris told her in a no-nonsense manner, "otherwise you'd be leaving in handcuffs instead of a toilet."

Angel just sighed in defeat and a horizontal scene rotation transitioned it to the Flush of Shame.

"You have to believe me!" Angel said in desperation, now floating in the massive toilet bowl while the solemn farewell theme played. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Sorry," Chris said mockingly, the camera cutting to him standing on the dock with his umbrella. "But the evidence doesn't lie."

"W-wait, I-" Angel hurriedly protested, but he was too late. A beep signaled the host's decision, and moments later the idealist was flushed away with a scream.

Chris sighed happily, opening the umbrella to shield himself from the tremendous backsplash. "I love it when justice prevails," he said.

The shot cut to the Final Seven standing on the dock, cringing and hanging backward as they let the toilet water splash down in front of them. "Are you okay?" Cody asked Lily, who was staring down and clenching her fists.

"No," Lily replied, and an ominous melody played as the camera focused on Matthew, grinning widely to himself.

XXX

The scene rippled as the footage moved back in time, cutting to a fancy looking kitchen with a particular focus on a high-end looking gas stove. A white skinned hand turned on all the eyes and the sound of hissing gas could be heard.

The footage cut to an office setting, a photo on the wall of a group of people in the uniform of the United States Navy SEAL, one of which was recognizable as a younger Chef Hatchet. The camera 'walked' over to a filing cabinet and the same white hand opened the top drawer and pulled out a file with Angel's picture in the top right. The footage skipped ahead to the hand quickly writing out a note, then the camera inverted to show Matthew with an evil grin on his face.

A bout of static immediately transitioned to a confessional, the hipster laughing, low and evilly.

After a moment he stopped, smiled darkly, and whispered "No one's taking my place again." The camera zoomed in on only his mouth as he repeated " _no one_."

XXX

"Seven players down, seven to go," Chris told the camera as the footage cut back to the present, the capstone theme beginning as it always did. "Who's next to take a paddle in the big porcelain pond?" he asked, motioning to the giant toilet beside him. "Your guess is almost as good as mine. Find out for sure when we return with another all-new episode of, Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

(Roll the Credits)

\

\

(Bonus Clip)

The scene opened on a long distance shot of Uluru. A didgeridoo played in the background as the camera panned right to a large sewer pipe that had been jutting out of a sand colored rock. A miniature deluge of water splashed out of it, carrying a shocked and forlorn Angel with it.

She laid on the ground and let out a couple of strangled sobs, lifting her head only when she heard a sweet voice say "Oh dear. What happened Angel?" With a look of confusion, the idealist looked up to see her companion.

"Ella?" Angel asked. "What are you doing here?"

"My new friend and I are here to take you to the most _wonderful_ resort. Isn't that right Sugar?" the princess turned behind her and asked.

"For the last time, we are _not_ friends!" the pageant queen corrected angrily. "I'm just here on account o' me drawin' a short straw." She looked at the idealist. "So that big ol' pipe brought you here all the way from the island?"

"Yes," Angel replied weakly. "Chris flushed me down a giant toilet because he thinks I blew up his home!"

"Oh my," Ella gasped.

"I know I was trying to be a Villain," the idealist continued, "but I would never do something so horrible. I guess I wasn't too good on _that_ team either."

Sugar rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. "Now you listen here missy!" Angel snapped her head back up. "If you were out there a'schemin' and a plottin' and then got framed fer blowin' up a mansion, then you someone thought you were a threat. And if someone thought that, you musta been one heck of a Villain."

"So...," Angel said slowly. "I wasn't completely useless?" She quickly jumped up and wrapped her arms around the now startled pageant queen. "Thank you Sugar!"

"Yeah yeah," Sugar said, trying and failing to pry the girl off of her. "Now can we get back to Canada now? I wanna go back to that spa."

The three girls left the scene, but the camera lingered on the pipe that Angel had been flushed out of and the screen faded to black.

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** Okay, I went there. Chris's cottage (mansion) is destroyed and contrary to his belief, the culprit is still on the island. So why did I write that? To explain I need to go back to the first episode of the season. I mentioned that Ezekiel was supposed to be in Angel's place during the planning stages of the season, and this is where he was supposed to be eliminated. In that storyline, Zeke was swapped to the Villains back during the leech challenge and winds up forming an alliance with Matthew only to accidentally destroy the mansion by batting away a firecracker in a panic. Chris would disqualify him and it would become a bit of a running gag that Zeke's always sent home the same day the teams merge.

Now when I replaced him with Angel, I didn't have a clear place on where to send her home. I din't want her to win because even if I had fleshed out her wanting to find her inner strength, it'd still read like she lucked into it just based on her personality. That's something I want to avoid with my finalists. So I revisited the cottage (mansion) explosion and remembered something. Matthew got a contestant disqualified in Danger Island by trashing Chris's trailer and framing her, why not do it here? It's a good way to show how far he's willing to go to win.

Of course there's the idol. Angel stole it from Aleheather - and they actually don't know yet - and now Matthew knows it's up for grabs since she's gone. I mean he's right for the wrong reason, but he still was right about her having it. Will he find it? Don't know yet.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **14th Place:** Victor

 **13th Place:** Jo

 **12th Place:** Natasha

 **11th Place:** Mike

 **10th Place:** Kitsune

 **9th Place:** Lightning

 **8th Place:** Angel


	9. Alien vs Competitor

**Author's Note:** Deep breath... not much to say here so let's get to it.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **Mistress Mysterious:**_ Yes, yes he is.

 _ **Guest:**_ Yeah, last chapter wasn't kind to Angel. If you like Scarlody, then you're really gonna like an even more crack fic pairing in the later seasons.

 _ **PurpleShadowManipulator:**_ I'm glad you're liking the series, and you won't have to wait too long for some of those predictions.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Ursine is an adjective meaning 'bear'. And thanks.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ I'd be surprised if you did see it coming. The idol is somewhere in the campgrounds. The irony behind Angel's eliminations here and last season get better (or worse) when you realize that both were the eighth episode of their respective seasons. And for the rest, wait and see.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ Well he is a hate sink. And Lily doesn't think Angel blew up the mansion, she just knows there wasn't any point in arguing at the time and is more focused on winning than finding out who really did it.

 _ **WeirdAlfan101:**_ Well I can only hope his eventual comeuppance is horrendous enough.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ No worries, Lily is convinced of her sister's innocence. And sorry about the reuniting eliminations thing. It just seems like good plot.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ Matthew doesn't need an ally. Or at least that's what he'll tell you. I wish I could've had her go further, but for the rest of the season to play out that's when she had to go.

 _ **Remaining All-Stars:**_

 _ **Boys:**_ Alejandro, Cody, Matthew

 _ **Girls:**_ Bridgette, Heather, Lily, Scarlett

And now, episode 100...

* * *

 **Episode 09: Alien vs Competitor**

"Last time, on Total Drama All-Stars!" Chris said, the capstone theme playing as the recap started off with Angel and Bridgette asking Lily to work together as all three ran to the docks. "The teams were no more," the eight campers were shown reacting with shock to the announcement of the merge, "and it was a free-for-all race to the floating machines for a regatta to boat around Wawanakwa." Lily was shown boarding her boat, as were Alejandro and Heather, and the clip of the icons circling around the image of the island followed after.

"But, some floated better than others," the host continued as the montage flashed to Scarlett and Cody's first boat of choice sunk with them in it, "for some reason..." Matthew was shown sabotaging the same boat, leading Chris to cough out his name. "And Chef supplied some _dynamite_ entertainment!" Chris added, his assistant dropping a stick of dynamite that blew up Alejandro and Heather's engine.

"Lily won the challenge." The cynic was shown diving across the finish line. "Meanwhile, her sister proved she had what it takes to be a villain after all," he added, getting angrier with each word, as the cast were shown reacting to the destruction of Chris's cottage, "earning her a disqualification and flushing," the idealist was shown protesting her innocence as she was Flushed.

The recap ended there, the scene moving to the Dock of Shame. "Seven players move on," Chris said. "Soon, one more will be gone! Who will it be? Stick around and see! Here, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

 **XXXXX**

[Though the overall sequence had been shortened for the season, it opens much the same as it has previously – a shift into letterbox format and a focus on the tops of some distant pines. A stage light, sleek and shining with a price tag still attached, rotates up and turns on; then the focus cuts to an angled shot of a different group of trees as a spotlight, also shiny and new, swings down and turns on; then a small video camera pops out of some burrow next to a spray bottle of some cleaning solution, knocking away a roll of paper towels as it emerges; then a second camera pops out of a tree hollow along with a scrub brush, bar of soap, sponge, and a load of soap bubbles. Pale arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, cutting the scene to the Dock of Shame. The camera flies forward, swinging past the Wawanakwa sign and then the final few posts of the dock, rising up to show the spa hotel as Chris and Chef landed their red helicopter in the common area.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera flies past the helicopter and up the thousand-foot cliff, cresting the peak and diving into the lake below, where Angel plays tug-of-war with Heather over a large treasure chest while the Drama Machine sits and sparks nearby, both girls in their swimsuits.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Angel and Heather set the chest down and to their shock it bursts open to reveal not only a cloud of bubbles and the Mike-onut and several McLean Invincibility Statues, but also a twitching and awkwardly-folded Cody who floats up in his swim trunks alongside the wooden heads. The Drama Machine explodes and the shot cuts to a small patch of bubbles on the surface, then zooms out to show the remaining swim-dressed campers lined up according to their teams – the villains holding red dueling sticks on the left on a wooden raft, a hollowed-out log, another wooden raft, and a green canoe; the heroes holding gold dueling sticks on the right on an inflatable raft, a wooden raft, another inflatable one, and a red canoe. The camera zooms in and moves between them as they clash – vicious Jo against hesitant Victor; smug Alejandro shoving away shocked Bridgette with one hand; Natasha ducking from Kitsune's strike and causing her to fall into the lake; Mike, as Vito, brutally thrusting the end of his dueling stick into Scarlett's stomach; and Lily and Lightning angrily slamming their sticks against one another; Matthew falls from the sky and into the lake, dousing the former almost-couple and the camera.]

[The water dries away from the camera lens showing the campfire and Cody and Scarlett leaning in with eager smiles against the full moon...only for Kitsune to suddenly pop up between them with a cheesy grin, causing the two geniuses to look away with blushes. The camera zooms out further, revealing the other cast members sitting on the stumps around the fire – Angel, Lily, Bridgette, Lightning, Matthew, and Victor on the left; Mike, Alejandro, Heather, Natasha, and Jo on the right. The zoom continues even further, showing the signboard over the firepit's entrance which now read 'Total Drama All-Stars', with the dash replaced by a star.]

 **XXXXX**

An angelic chorus began as the episode opened on the spa hotel, the hour late and the lights inside all on. A bikini clad Lily was sitting in the hot tub outside, sighing happily as the camera zoomed in. "This is the life," she said. "Once I win that million dollars, me and Angel will live like queens!" she said in an uncharacterisicly giddy fashion.

The shot pulled back slightly as the elderly butler arrived and handed her a plastic cup with a lid and a straw in it. "Thanks, Jeeves," Lily said. "Maybe once I'm rich I'll hire you."

The butler merely turned and walked away without so much as an acknowledgment.

Lily watched him go with a scowl. "Or not." She pursed her eyes just then, and the camera pulled back again to show Chris walking towards her on the spa hotel porch, wearing only a towel.

"Hey roomie!" the host greeted. "Since you sister blew up my house, I gotta stay here."

"Seriously, Angel didn't-" Lily began to say.

"It's no fun for me either," Chris complained. "I lost everything, including my swim trunks." He moved closer to the tub and reached for his towel.

Lily quickly hopped out. "Here! Have it!" she said as she ran into the spa hotel. "For _ever_!"

The camera focused on Chris as he smirked and removed the towel, revealing a pair of knee length swim trunks covered in pictures of his own face, and hopped into the hot tub. "Works every time," he chuckled to himself.

\

A few tense notes played as the scene flashed over to the losers' cabin where Matthew was leaning against the porch railing, watching with a distinctly annoyed look.

"Something wrong amigo?" Alejandro said, suddenly coming up from behind and throwing an arm around the hipster's shoulder. Matthew jumped a little, but just gave the charmer a dirty look and settled back into irritation. "Let me guess, you're upset over losing to Lily yesterday?" Alejandro continued.

"And let _me_ save you some time," Matthew said grumpily as the shot cut in for a close-up. "I'm not sorry for trying to knock you and Heather out of the challenge yesterday. It's the Final Seven and _I'm_ the odd man out. I can't _afford_ to play nice all the time and _you_ can't afford to hold it against me."

"What makes you say that?" Alejandro asked, the camera panning over to show him giving Matthew a half-smug-half-curious look.

Matthew gave him a look of blank disbelief. "You and Heather can't _possibly_ face off against everyone with _your_ reputations," he explained. "The others are too well connected."

"But you're not?" Alejandro asked.

"As if I'd _want_ to be near those idiots long enough," Matthew scoffed.

This seemed to please Alejandro, and he spent the next moment rubbing his chin with a smirk.

Matthew sniffed and rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

XXX

"Alejandro seemed a little _too_ sure of himself back there," Matthew told the outhouse. "But he's always been an arrogant jerk. I need to get into that spa hotel so I can find where Angel hid the idol. That'll make breaking up all these alliances easier."

XXX

A deep note played as the static cut away to a shot of the camp from just beyond the Dock of Shame. The scene faded forward into daytime as a harsh trill played, and the shot cut to the camp loudspeaker as Chris announced "Challenge time! Proceed to the McLean Spa Library, prron-to!"

The scene moved to the loser cabin as Cody emerged from the lefthand door with a grin on his face. As he made his way to the stairs, the shot zoomed in to his foot as the boards he stepped on splintered. With a startled scream he fell forward, landing with a puff of dust just off-screen.

"Aaah! Ow! Ow Ow!" he groaned, the camera cutting to the ground to show him clutching his knee and giving the porch a dirty look.

"Uhh, Cody?" Scarlett asked, emerging from the righthand door with a look of concern. "Are you alright?"

Cody immediately adopted a more suave look. "Yeah, I'm totally fine. Watch out for that broken step by the way."

"What broken-whoa!" Scarlett said in confusion before tripping over the same hole Cody had and falling forward. She crashed into her boyfriend, and they wound up sharing a kiss. The two geniuses smiled and looked away with blushes.

XXX

"That was my first kiss..." Scarlett said almost giddily.

XXX

"That was awesome!" Cody cheered.

XXX

The static changed the scene to the one of the bedrooms in the spa hotel as the sounds of a search filled the air. The camera panned to the right as Matthew was shown rifling through one of the night stands, then pulled back to show Lily in the doorway.

"What are you doing in here?" Lily accused.

"Looking for something that belongs to me," Matthew replied without looking at her. "Something that was stolen."

"And you thought you'd find it in _Angel's_ old drawer?" Lily replied.

Matthew sniffed. "Well after blowing up Chris's house I'd assume petty theft isn't out of the question for her."

"There's no way Angel did that," Lily said tersely. "But if you wanna waste your time, then go ahead." She left the doorway and the camera cut to a frontal view of Matthew's face as he grinned in delight, holding the immunity idol.

XXX

"Jackpot," he said with the same grin.

XXX

The 'Spa Library', as it turned out, was the monitor-filled control room Chris and Chef had initially taken shelter in during the nighttime challenge several episodes ago. Right now, however, the host was absent – the Final Seven stood before only Chef, the large man holding a cup of coffee.

"Where's Chris?" Bridgette asked, standing near the door between Alejandro and Heather.

"Just hush up, you'll see in a minute!" Chef answered, taking a sip.

Matthew, in the middle of the group, looked thoughtfully at those around him before finally focusing on Lily. The cynic noticed quickly, perked an eyebrow, and asked "So, did you find what you were looking for?"

"No," Matthew replied bitterly

A faint but reverent chorus and a triumphant drumroll suddenly rose up in the background, the scene moving to one of the monitors as it cut to static and then to a live feed of Chris McLean. The host blew a pink and green party horn, a similarly-colored party hat on his head. Behind him was a buffet table laden with various breads, meats, sandwiches, drinks, salads, and fruit, with a large four-layered brown cake with vanilla frosting at the middle of it.

"Welcome to Episode _one hundred_ of Total Drama!" he greeted, confetti raining down on him as a trendy tune began to play. He ducked out of the way, revealing the 100-shaped candle at the top of the cake, and the shot cut away to Alejandro, Bridgette, and Heather exchanging bewildered and wary looks. "To celebrate," the host said, walking back in front of the table, "I have an extra-special one hundredth episode challenge." He paused to laugh, and the music shifted into a tense and ominous trill as the slightly-obscured form of Clone rose up from behind the back-right corner of the buffet table. A distinctly nervous look in his eyes, he quickly darted back down then scampered off to the right and out of sight.

Chris finished laughing and took out a sheet of paper. "I hope no one is allergic to...rhinoceroses!" he read with glee. "Or fire. Or poison! Smallpox, gluten..." As he continued to read Clone rose up behind him, his breathing heavy but not enough for Chris to notice. Clone spotted the camera and gave it an extremely pained look and wave before putting a finger to his lips to signal those watching to be quiet.

"Isn't that-" Scarlett said, perking up nervously from the front of the group while Cody and Lily watched in horror behind her.

"...seborrhea, formaldehyde, terror, tree nuts...," Chris continued, oblivious to Clone slowly raising a sack behind him.

The Final Seven all gave frantic and disjointed pleas which, overall, told the host to look behind him and/or watch out.

"Please, don't interrupt," Chris told them. "I'm-"

The music peaked sharply as Clone brought his sack down over him, the list of possible allergies floating down as he hit the ground with a terrified shout. Clone gave the camera another pained look before swiping at it with his hands.

It cut to static, and in shock Chef spat his mouthful of coffee at the monitor the feed had been shown on. A close-up showed the liquid dripping onto the keyboard and console below causing them to spark, and a dark and ominous tune played as the wall of monitors shut off one by one.

"Ah...that can't...aaah!" Chef stuttered in shock, dropping his mug below the table. "New challenge!" he declared, turning to the kids in a panic. "Find Chris!"

"You want us to hunt down Clone?!" Scarlett replied in disbelief. "We barely survived the _last_ time we did that!"

"Hey! If no one saves Chris, there ain't no show!" Chef barked. "Which means no winner, and no million dollars!"

"What?!" Lily exclaimed in shock.

"You can't _do_ that!" Heather added.

"Hold on," Alejandro interjected, holding his arms out to either side and stepping forward. "We accept this challenge," he said, the music trilling tensely as all eyes moved to him, "but _only_ if the one who saves Chris gets immunity from the next vote."

"And they get permanent residence in the spa hotel for as long as they're in the competition!" Heather quickly added.

" _And_ they get to chose who gets exiled to Boney Island," Matthew added.

"Fine, deal!" Chef said. "Just find Chris!"

"Well, last season Clone was living in the mines, right?" Bridgette asked thoughtfully. "He could've taken Chris there."

"To the mine!" Chef declared, thrusting a finger in the air.

\

The footage flashed ahead to the caved-in mine entrance. "Huh," Cody commented as the camera zoomed in to him and Scarlett, "looks like this place is still sealed up."

"Perhaps they discovered another way inside?" Scarlett suggested with a shrug.

"Then find it," Chef said gruffly, tossing flashlights to Cody and Scarlett. "I'm headin' back to the hotel to see if I can get the monitors workin'," he added, pointing a thumb over his shoulder as the shot returned to him, also showing Heather, Alejandro, and Matthew holding flashlights.

Chef walked away, and the camera focused on the three that had been standing closest to him. "Let's hurry up and get this over with," Heather told them.

"Yeah," Matthew replied.

"Who told you you could come with us?" Heather shot with a dirty look.

Matthew rolled his eyes. "I just thought you'd want an extra hand with the other four obviously teamed up," he said. "But if I was wrong-"

"You were," Heather said bitterly as she pulled Alejandro off to the right, and the camera pulled back to refocus on Lily.

She looked in the direction the two had gone, then turned her smile. "Hey, guys!" she called out excitedly, the camera panning over to Cody and Scarlett.

"We should begin our search over here," Scarlett said.

"Good plan...," Cody replied, Bridgette and Lily joining them from the right and left respectively as they left.

The shot cut back to Matthew as he pursed his lips in annoyance. "Guess I won't have any distractions from winning today."

\

Heather and Alejandro were shown following a trail of footprints to a small cave. "Look! This must be where Clone gets in and out," Alejandro said.

"So are we going in or are you going to keep stating the obvious?" Heather asked with a smirk.

"I hope you still have enough dry wit to help us find Chris," the charmer replied effortlessly.

"Let's just go before the others win the challenge," Heather said, unable to hold in her laughter.

XXX

"The others will certainly target me if I lose tonight," Alejandro said. "And if I play the idol then Heather will be eliminated. We have to strive to win every challenge until a bigger threat emerges. Hopefully I can get the others to see how dangerous Lily is right now."

XXX

The music became low and tense as the scene moved to Cody, Scarlett, Lily, and Bridgette walking across a hillside marked with holes. Scarlett crouched down next to one, switched on her flashlight, and spent a couple seconds looking down it. "Hmm...weren't there mutant gophers living around here last year?" she asked the others.

"Yep," Cody answered, suppressing a shudder.

"I think these are probably the remnants of their tunnels," Scarlett explained, lifting his head and light to look at the other nearby holes. "We can probably follow them into the mine."

"Do we...have to?" Bridgette asked squeakily, the camera cut to a close-up of her pacing feet. "It's just that last time I was there I almost-" a dramatic and dangerous tune played the ground suddenly collapsed beneath her, causing her to fall screaming "-diiiiied!"

"Well that was dramatic," Lily deadpanned before jumping down after her.

Cody and Scarlett looked at one another, then jumped down the hole the brainiac had just been inspecting.

\

The background score calmed down again as the scene flashed to Matthew, who was now strolling through a shallow, rock-filled stream. His eyes lit up as he spotted something off-screen, and he smirked. "And there's my entrance," he declared confidently, the camera panning ahead to show the stream running in to another mine entrance.

\

The scene cut to a dirty, misshaped sack as a brown-skinned hand pulled it away to reveal Chris McLean. The stunned though handsome host had been tied up with rope, and curiously his loose hair was sticking upwards. "Hardy-har-har, Chef," he laughed as he looked around in denial. "Yeah, you got me!" The music peaked as the camera zoomed out and flipped around, revealing Chris to be hanging above a large wooden pool of bubbling bright green toxic waste. The room was the very same one Staci and Clone had lived in for a brief period last season.

"...Chef?" Chris repeated more anxiously, quickly spotting his captor standing on the edge of the stone platform looking up at him. "Clone? Haha, hey there...," he greeted nervously. "Looking, uh, good."

Clone just growled, looking down nervously and not meeting his eyes.

"What, uh, whatcha doin'?" Chris asked him. "I thought you and Staci were off in Winnipeg or Halifax or something..."

"They were," came a familiar voice from the shadows as the music rose ominously. "Well, they were until I kidnapped her from Victor's hotel," she said as Chris gasped. The music peaked as the shot cut to a small, shadowy tunnel nearby, and the speaker stepped out of it to reveal herself as Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran... not looking at all the same as when she was last seen in Hawaii - Her hair was frizzled and tied into a messy bun as well as having noticeable brown roots and instead of her normal red gown she was wearing a large and frankly unattractive navy blue jumpsuit.

Chris struggled to contain his laughter.

\

A few bats flew past the camera through a dark and cave-like tunnel, and the shot panned down to show Cody and Scarlett walking through said tunnel. Cody, in front, waved his flashlight around the cave and called out "Lily? Bridgette? Where are you guys?"

"I believe we were taken to different parts of the mine," Scarlett commented, absentmindedly walking up next to Cody.

"Well that's not good," the geek replied.

\

"Come on... why won't this thing work?" Bridgette said in rising panic as the scene moved to her walking through another tunnel, only her eyes visible by the camera and the sound of clicking rather present in the air.

The light finally turned on and Bridgette was shown smiling. In seconds the cut out completely, and the surfer's eyes widened just before she screamed in panic

\

Her scream came loudly over a wall-mounted speaker, the camera pulling back to show it in a high corner of the control room. "We got sound!" Chef declared, his eyes on the speaker as the fat east Asian male intern fiddled with a pair of cords on the ground and the opening drumbeats of the capstone theme played. "Now where's the dang picture?"

The intern pointed at the camera filming them, and the capstone theme began in earnest. "Oh, you want an update?" Chef asked it bitterly. "I got no idea what that alien's up to, where Chris is, or where the kids are at!" The intern stood up straight and Chef sent a glare his way. "And I got no idea how we're gonna find any of that out with the monitors on the fritz!"

The intern cleared his throat. "On Total! Drama! All-"

"FIX THE MONITORS!" Chef demanded over the zoomed-out shot of the campgrounds.

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed to a pair of eyes , presumably Bridgette's, giving the appearance of someone nervously walking through a dark tunnel. A light suddenly turned on and Bridgette screamed while Lily stood there looking unimpressed. "Lily!" the surfer cried.

"It's about time I found you," Lily said. "Angel would've killed me if I let you die down here."

"YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME!" Bridgette yelled.

"It's not my fault these flashlights are cheap," the cynic defended. "Why are you so freaked out anyway? I thought you were scared of woods, not caves."

"Last time I was in this mine both me and the girl I'm in love with almost died of radiation poisoning," Bridgette explained. "So I'm not exactly thrilled to be back here, especially since we're probably being _hunted_ again."

Lily just stared at her blankly. "I guess that's a good point. But we need to keep moving," She went on ahead, and Bridgette followed shortly after with a nervous look on her face.

\

"I'm kinda amazed at how calm you are for this," Cody said as the scene cut back to him and Scarlett.

"Thank you," Scarlett replied sheepishly. "But I'm not that calm. Frankly, I'm terrified."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Cody asked.

"Because we need to win this challenge," Scarlett said idly as her eyes darted around the barely-illuminated tunnel. "And it's never a good idea for me to give in to my emotions. Bad things happen when I do that..."

"You know, I know it's hard to get past what happened in Area 51," Cody turned and told her as a touching tune began to play, "but you're going about it the wrong way. Bottling up your emotions just makes it easier for the dam to break." Scarlett looked at him with silent interest. "I know what it's like to feel like you're going through Hades alone," he said, taking her hand in his. "But you're not alone, you have family and friends who love you. And... I do too."

Scarlett let out her breath. "Cody... I..."

"Did I say that last part out loud?" Cody asked with wide eyes.

"Yes," Scarlett said with a shy smile.

Cody smiled back at her, and they walked off together still holding hands.

\

"Are you a janitor now?" Chris laughed, the scene flashing back to him hanging over a vat of toxic waste, Blaineley glaring at him. "Man," he sighed. "After the day I've been having I really needed that laugh."

"Hmph," Blaineley sniffed. "Big talk coming from someone who's about to be dropped into a vat of toxic waste. Let's see how easy it is for _you_ to get a job in the industry after that." Chris gasped in terror.

"S-seriously," Chris shuddered before settling into a scowl. "Why are you doing this Mildred? Are you too jealous to let a little serious injury, international humiliation, and losing any hope you ever had of getting another not-crappy job in the business slide?"

"Jealous?!" Blaineley repeated angrily.

"You heard me," Chris shot back.

"I'm not doing this out of jealousy, you idiot," Blaineley growled, "I'm doing it because your stupid show ruined my career! Thanks to you the only job I could get was a janitor in one of Victor's hotels!"

"Hey, it's not _my_ fault you ticked Trent off enough to be put on the show that you wound up being voted off of after two episodes," Chris told her with a mocking grin. "Anyway, shouldn't you be trying to mutate _him_?"

"Who do you think I'm going after when I'm finished with you?" Blaineley asked.

Suddenly, a Clone started growling and the shot cut to the alien gibbering and saying something largely unintelligible.

"Now what?" Blaineley griped.

"If I had to guess, that'd be the campers coming to rescue me," Chris answered.

"Hah!" the hostess-turned-contestant-turned-ex-contestant-turned-janitor bragged. "I can handle a bunch of reality show rejects!"

"There's just _one_ little problem with that theory," Chris told her. "You've only dealt with _former_ contestants. _These_ guys still have a shot at a million bucks and will do _anything_ to get it."

"They can try," Blaineley sniffed, still unimpressed. "Clone!" the alien stood up at attention. "Bring them here. Now."

"Ih," Clone said before he scampered off.

\

"I really don't like this" Bridgette said as the scene flashed back to her walking behind Lily.

"I know," Lily said with a hint of irritation as tense music began to build and a silhouette appeared on the wall behind them. "You've said the same thing about every five minutes since we went down here. Now can we focus on _not_ getting kidnapped please?" She lowered her head and palmed her face, and thus missed the shadowy figure of the very thing she'd been worried about dart silently between her and the camera.

"Yeah, you're right," Bridgette said, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. By the time she'd opened them up again, Clone had darted past her as well. "So do you think they could be in the same room as last year?"

She was answered by a sudden piercing scream, and she gasped in alarm as she looked ahead. The perspective moved to ground-level, showing a single unlit flashlight lying on the ground. Bridgette moaned in fright and inched away from it.

XXX

"I... closed... scream... Lily... gone..." Bridgette whimpered while rocking back and forth and hugging her knees.

XXX

The scene returned to the control room, Chef overlooking the intern as he worked on his hands and knees under the main table. He pulled on a cord, and with a long electronic bleep the monitors turned back on.

"We got picture!" Chef said, pumping a fist excitedly. The camera cut in for a close-up of each monitor, showing Lily trapped behind the bars of a shabby-yet-effective wooden prison. "What in tarnation is-?" Chef began to say before the focus panned to the left, showing Chris dangling over the pool of toxic waste with Blaineley standing by on the stone platform.

Chef gasped.

XXX

"Girly... Chris... trapped... Chris... toxic..." Chef whimpered while rocking back and forth and hugging his knees.

XXX

"We need to figure out our next target," Heather said as the static cut to her and Alejandro walking through another cave-like tunnel. "I think we should send home one of the geeks."

"Agreed," Alejandro said. "We need only two votes. Matthew is an obvious choice as well as easily discarded, wich means we must lure either Lily or Bridgette over to us."

"Lily's not the most trusting person in the game," Heather pondered. "But _Surfer Girl_?"

"Excellent," Alejandro smiled. "With her girlfriend gone she will easy prey for my false flirta- OW!" his planning was interrupted by Heather whacking his head with her flashlight. "What was that for?!"

"As long as we're together, your flirting days are done," she explained. "Fake or otherwise."

Alejandro scowled. "Fine," he said, "we'll think of another way to lure her out of her alliance in the limited time that we..." He closed his eyes as he walked forward, and as such wasn't paying attention to where he was going

"Haaaaaave!" he screamed as he suddenly dropped, the camera pulling back to show him falling down a sharp slope.

Heather's brow shot up in surprise and concern. "Alejandro!" she yelled as she jumped down after him.

\

"I think we might be lost," Cody said as he and Scarlett walked through another mining tunnel. "Hey, you hear that?" he added, becoming aware of the muffled screams that were growing louder.

The music quickly grew tense as they entered a larger room, peaking as Heather and Alejandro came sliding down and out from a nearby sloping tunnel. Their screams caught Scarlett's attention, and both geniuses looked back just in time to see the villains crash into them.

All four were groaning in pain as the dust settled. "Glad we ran into you," Heather said, ignoring the glares from the other two.

"We need to discuss tonight's vote," Alejandro added.

"We don't have anything to discuss," Cody told them, "We're voting for Matthew."

The other couple simultaneously raised an eyebrow as the got up and dusted themselves off. "Oh?" Alejandro asked in a not-quite-feigned curiosity. "And why is that?"

"Because he tried to feed me to a shark yesterday," Cody explained.

"There is also the matter of his complete lack of loyalty," Scarlett added. "This isn't even getting into the numerous personality flaws that I'm sure we've all noticed."

Alejandro and Heather shared a brief look. "Well as long as it's not us," the queen bee said as she and Alejandro walked past the geniuses to the right, "we don't care _who_ you vote for." They were of course, completely unaware of the shadow of Clone dropping down behind them...

The camera panned to Cody and Scarlett, the geek giving the villains a suspicious look. "How much do you wanna bet they're planning something?" He asked as the music rose up ominously.

Heather's and Alejandro's screams rang through the tunnel, earning a gasp from both Heroes as they turned and looked with wide eyes in direction they'd gone.

\

The scene cut to the control room, then angled close-up of the geniuses still visible on the far-right monitor. Chef was now eating what looked like mint chocolate chip ice cream straight out of the carton, his eyes still locked onto the image of Chris on the middle monitor. The intern rose up from below the table and gave him a stern look, prompting Chef to say "What? I eat when I'm stressed!"

An odd note played as the intern ducked back down and the feed on the right monitor switched to Lily, Heather, and Alejandro in the wooden cage. A close-up panned from it to the feed of Chris, Blaineley no longer in sight. Suddenly and to a dramatic riff the an ax swung down at the rope, fraying it a bit and visibly startling the man.

Chef gasped. "Aww man, that gag?" he said before looking down at his heaping scoop of ice cream. "...we're gonna need more ice cream..."

\

"Impressive!" Blaineley said, now standing next to the vat that Chris was currently dangling over. "I guess even lowly janitors have _some_ useful skills."

"So you still haven't gotten that it was this attitude that got you fired in the first place?" Chris asked drolly.

" _You_ treat people the same way!" Blaineley pointed out angrily.

"True," Chris conceded. "But _I_ never pretended to not be anything else. _Your_ persona on the other hand revolved on being a nice and amiable young woman. And three of those things don't really _apply_."

A tense riff played as the camera cut to the nearby cage to show Heather pulling Alejandro back to his feet. "Are you alright?" she asked as he rubbed his head.

"More importantly," Lily chimed in, "Where's Bridgette?"

"Haven't seen her," Heather answered mockingly. "I guess your little Hero friends only care about you when you were useful to them."

Lily frowned in annoyance. "Hardly means anything coming from you..." she muttered under her breath.

\

The camera flashed to Cody and Scarlett walking through the caverns, still holding hands. Before either could say anything, the ground shook and opened up just below Cody. The geek let out a scream as he fell, but luckily was able to grab a hold of an old plant root in the wall of the hole he'd fallen in. "Uh, Scarlett?" he asked nervously.

"Cody!" the brainiac gasped as the view cut to show her face as she looked down. "I'll go get something to lower down! Stay there and don't let go!" she dashed off without another word.

XXX

"Where else could I have gone?" Cody asked the confessional. "And why on Earth would I let go?"

XXX

The static cut to the root straining under Cody's weight and the geek sending a desperate look upward. "Scarlett?" he asked even more nervously than before.

"Well, well, well," a nasally and masculine voice said, the camera cutting to show Matthew looking down in the hole Cody found himself in. "Isn't this something?"

"Matthew?" Cody asked. "What did you do to Scarlett?!"

"Nothing yet," he replied, his tone sounding annoyed yet honest.

"Then..." Cody paused. "Can you help me up?"

"I can," Matthew answered, earning a smile from the geek. "But I won't," the smile turned into a shocked gape. "You see, after you punched me and later cost me my lead in the boat challenge, I'd say this is fitting. Plus seeing you squished will make getting revenge on Scarlett for stealing my million easier. And even if I _didn't_ hate you two with every fiber of my being... there's nothing in it for me. Have a soft landing," he mocked as he turned around.

"Yeah," he deadpanned as the camera cut to show his front as he walked away. "That landing won't be soft." The music spiked sharply as Clone's hands reached down and pulled Matthew up and out of frame.

\

The scene cut to the fat intern, emerging into a pile empty mint chocolate chip ice cream tubs. Another bounced off his head, and the camera pulled back to show Chef standing over him. "We're outta ice cream," the large man said with a hint of danger in his voice that was matched by the background score. "Total Drama will _not_ end at Episode 100!" he declared, pulling out the pasta-blaster he'd used last season and cocking it. He turned and stormed out of the room, leaving the intern to shrug helplessly at the camera.

\

Matthew was tossed unceremoniously and rather roughly into the cage, and Clone slammed the door shut before the other three captives could get out. The alien muttered something under his breath, and Matthew picked himself up and scoffed. "What kind of party is this supposed to be?" he asked.

He was answered by something brown and gooey hitting him in the face, the other three captives weren't safe from Clone's barrage either. "Please tell me this is fudge," Heather pleaded.

Lily hesitantly swiped some of the stuff with her finger and put in in her mouth. "It's fudge alright," she said. "Doesn't taste that great though," she added.

"Still, it beats the alternative," Alejandro commented.

The camera quick-panned away from the captives to show Clone standing next to the table with the hundredth episode feast as he pelted the off-screen captives with fudge. He was met by cries of surprise and pain.

\

The scene flashed to Cody still hanging by the root, which was now sounding like it was close to breaking. "Uh... oh..." he said just before the thing snapped, sending him hurtling toward the ground.

The hollow drip of water resounded through the cavern as Bridgette walked along an underground pond. "How am I supposed to find Chris down here anyway?" she asked herself, seemingly unaware of the sound of something falling.

She was quickly made aware when Cody landed directly on top of her, creating a cloud of dust that covered the screen.

The dust soon settled to show a close-up of the geek as he coughed into his fist, then looked down. "Bridgette! You saved me!"

"Guess I did," Bridgette said woozily as she rubbed her head and stood up. "Where's Scarlett?"

"We got separated," Cody explained. "I think Clone took her. Where's Lily?"

"Clone," Bridgette answered. "And I have no idea where he took her."

"Well this part of the mine looks familiar," Cody said thoughtfully. "I think I could figure it out from here."

"Great!" Bridgette smiled. "Let's go save our friends!" The two smiled, then ran off to the right.

\

"Cody!" Scarlett cried as the camera cut back to the top of the hole the geek had fallen through, then pulled back to show the brainiac running with a length of rope in her hands. "I'm here!" She looked down the hole when she received no answer and gasped.

"Cody..." she said tearfully, her head in her hands stopping her from noticing Clone leaping out of the hole to grab her and the scene cut to black...

\

The scene faded back to Scarlett rubbing her head in the cage. "Finally, someone who's not evil or insane," Lily quipped. Scarlett looked up in surprise and the camera pulled back to show all the previous captives aside from Matthew crowded around her.

"Great, now we're stuck relying on Surfer Girl and the Alpha Geek to get us out of here," Heather complained.

"Pretty sure we're only relying on Bridgette," Matthew scoffed. "I doubt Cody's able to help _anyone_ right now."

"What did you do to him?!" Scarlett accused, her eyes taking a red tint.

"Nothing," he defended. "I saw him hanging and then I got snatched by the freak over there."

XXX

"So he expects me to believe an apex hunter chose to go after him when there was helpless prey not ten feet away?" Lily asked the outhouse. "So not buying it."

XXX

A few deep notes played as the scene flashed back to a close-up of Chris hanging upside-down as he suddenly dropped and inch, giving a startled gasp. "No no no, not the hair!" Chris said in panic as the camera panned down to show his hair hanging just inches above the toxic waste.

"You know," Blaineley mused from next to the vat, "there's a special comfort in knowing you're close to working the same nothing jobs _I've_ be forced to do. Maybe we could form a union." She paused to chuckle. "I'd have to be the face though."

"Okay... startin' to get a little scared here~," Chris almost sang in thinly veiled terror, taking a deep breath. "HEEEEEEE~EEELLLPPP!" he sang again, a tense challenge tune rising up in the background.

The shot cut to Cody and Bridgette creeping through a different tunnel, somewhat decorated with red and green streamers. "Streamers," Cody said. "From the party Chris wanted to throw. Looks like we're going the right way."

"HEEEEEEEELLLLPPPP!" Chris's voice rang through the air.

"Sounds like we're going the right way too," Bridgette said in an odd mix of fear, calm, and determination. Chef ran past the two Heroes and into the room where everything was happening.

The scene skipped to him arriving on the raised stone platform. "Chris!" he called out, taking a few bounding steps forward to the edge of the rock and kneeling down with a growl. "Alright girlie, show's over!" he said, shooting off a blast of extra-spicy spaghetti.

The camera followed the pasta blob through the air, and Blaineley barely ducked in time before it landed in the waste without even a splash. "Guess again!" she countered, pulling a small orange pistol out of her uniform and shooting it, forcing Chef to dive backward to avoid the purple-fletched dart coming at him.

"What in tarnation?" Chef asked, standing back up in shock only to get hit by another dart and fall back over in a daze.

"Tranquilizer darts," Blaineley explained, lowering her weapon. "Honestly, Chef I knew you'd show up to protect your meal ticket sooner or later. You should've taken my offer a show when you had the chance."

"C-come on. Can't we talk about this?" Chris frantically said.

The shot cut to Cody and Bridgette arriving to the scene, unnoticed by all. "I'll distract them, you go save Chris," Cody whispered.

Bridgette sent him an uncertain look. "But-"

"You're the second most athletic player in the game," Cody said. "You need immunity more than I do." He dashed off to the stone platform and waved his arms around. "Hey Mildred!" he called out.

"Clone get him!" Blaineley yelled.

The shadow of Clone dropped down behind Cody, causing him to freeze. "CHEEGA NALA QUEESTA" the alien said, standing up and grinning darkly. He tackled Cody to the ground and the two began a struggle off screen.

Blaineley smirked in triumph...until a glob of spaghetti pinned her to the side of the vat of waste. "But?" she asked, her answer coming in the form of a quick-pan to Bridgette holding Chef's pasta bazooka.

The five captive campers cheered. "Quick!" Heather said. "Let us out of here!"

"No, let _me_ down from here!" Chris interjected as the camera panned over to the vat. Chef continued to lay unconscious on the rock nearby. Chris was unceremoniously tossed onto him a few moments later.

"Oww!" Chris complained. "Coulda been a little more gentle!"

"Well..." Lily said, standing with the other mildly bewildered campers still in the cage, "I guess that takes care of everything."

"I guess so," Alejandro added, all of them looking at the platform, where Bridgette was dragging an unconscious Cody out from under an equally unconscious Clone.

XXX

"For the record," Chris told the outhouse camera, "I would like to state that I, Chris McLean, was never afraid of that sad, pathetic failure of a host name Blaineley or her pet alien. Sure, it _looked_ like I was scared a few times back there," he shrugged, "but I was _fa-king_!" He pointed to himself with a smug grin. "I would say that that dramatic performance is worth at least _five_ Gemmies."

He held up five fingers, but a sudden Clone-like growl caused him to wince and shiver in fear. He ran from the outhouse with a cry of "HEEEEEEEEELLLPPP!", an ominous chant playing as Matthew leaned out from behind the small building to giggle in delight.

XXX

It wasn't the usual elimination theme that rose up over the traditional long-distance shot of the island at night, but rather a drumroll that opened into something much more victorious. "Bridgette wins our never-to-be-repeated, or spoken of again, challenge," Chris announced. The seven campers were already seated before him, boys in the back row and girls in the front. Chef was by his side holding the end of the rope that was now tying a rather bruised Clone to Blaineley.

"She saved all of us, and more importantly she saved _me_ ," the host said with a wide and vain smile. "So, I'll honor the deal Chef made," he motioned to his assistant who rolled his eyes. "The spa hotel is yours," he told the surfer who smiled in silent excitement. "Who's heading for exile on Boney Island?"

"Heather," Bridgette said with a smirk.

"Seriously?" the queen bee griped.

"Now to find out who's heading home," Chris said, his smile undiminished as the triumphant music came to an end.

XXX

One by one the Final Seven voted. First Bridgette, then Cody, Scarlett, Matthew, Alejandro, Heather, and finally Lily.

XXX

"And the following All-Stars are safe," Chris announced as a metallic trill transitioned the background score into the usual ceremony theme. "Bridgette," the surfer oddly enough let out a breath of relief.

"Alejandro," the charmer raised an eyebrow as his name was called.

"Lily," the cynic let out a breath of relief herself.

"Heather," the queen bee smirked at her name being called.

"Aaaaand Cody," the geek smiled, then sent a nervous look toward Scarlett when he realized she'd yet to be declared safe.

"Matthew," Chris announced, the shot cutting to him holding an unmarred photo of Cody. "You're on the block for refusing to help Cody when he could've died. Seriously not cool man."

"And I'm supposed to care _because_?" Matthew asked in annoyance.

"And Scarlett, you're the only one here who's won a season and you're also one of the smartest players the game's ever had."

Scarlett said nothing, her eyes wide in nervousness.

The music peaked as the camera cut from Scarlett to Matthew, then back to Chris as he dropped the picture of Cody to reveal a crossed out photo of...

"Scarlett."

Cody, Bridgette, Lily, and especially Scarlett gasped in shock. "But how's that even possible?" Cody asked. "We all voted for Matthew!"

"Not according to these," Chris said, holding up a stack of photos, presumably the evening's votes.

"It's fine," Scarlett said as she stood up. "I wanted to see how long I'd last without being carried, and this is as far as I go." She walked over to Cody and kissed him on the lips to a light tune. "I didn't want our only kiss on the island to be an accident," she explained as he sat there with a dopey grin. "And about what you told me in the mine... the feeling is mutual." With that she walked toward the dock.

XXX

The confessional consisted of Matthew taking a crossed out photo of himself out of the voting box and replacing it with a crossed out photo of Scarlett.

"Revenge on Scarlett for stealing my place in the finale third season, check," he said. "Revenge on Cody for all he's done to me this season, check. Making sure the Heroes never trust each other again. _Check_."

XXX

The somber farewell theme began to play as the scene transitioned to a zoomed-out shot of the Flush of Shame. "So...," Chris opened mockingly, standing with Chef and Clone next to the giant toilet, "does the failed masterminds have any last words?"

He looked up at the bowl, and the camera panned over to show Blaineley and Scarlett floating in it, the former host still tied up. "I'll get you for this, McLean!" Blaineley yelled.

"No you won't," Scarlett told her bluntly.

"For once," Chris said with a smile, his remote and umbrella already in hand, "I agree with a contestant." He pressed the button, and the screams of their swirling descent came down from off-screen. He opened his umbrella, the back-splash washed over it, and he looked at the alien cause of the day's trouble. "You're next"

"Ih," Clone said sorrowfully, still dripping wet. The scene skipped ahead to Clone being flushed down the toilet.

Chris cleared his throat as the shot returned to him, and the capstone theme began to play. "Yeah, not how I wanted to celebrate the 100th episode of Total Drama," he told the camera. "But, you can't say that wasn't _totally dramatic_. Plus, I didn't become a horrible mutant," he pointed his thumbs at himself, "and that's most important. Here, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

(Roll the Credits)

\

\

(Bonus Clip)

The scene opened on a calm patch of water as Scarlett surfaced with a gasp, Blaineley following suit a couple second later and a foot or two away. "Where are we?" the older woman asked in irritation as Clone surfaced right next to her.

"Newfoundland, if I'm not mistaken," Scarlett answered. "Though I can't even begin to guess why."

"Wow, I'm already tired of being here," Blaineley groaned. The shot cut outward to show a rocky coast in the background, a lighthouse standing tall on one of the rocks.

"I suppose rescue should come soon," Scarlett mused.

As if on cue, a ship's bell sounded and a fishing boat pulled up between them."Ahoy Scarlett," a familiar voice said, and the camera panned up to reveal Harold and Sierra looking over the side of the ship.

"And Clone and Blaineley," Sierra added, leaning over and pulling Scarlett out of the water.

Once the brainiac was safely on deck, her two saviors left to the other side of the boat. "You guys too," Harold said in a scolding tone as he and Sierra leaned over and hauled up Clone and Blaineley. "Staci was really worried about you. And made sure we all knew it."

"Bootchie Boo," Clone sighed.

"Finally," the blonde said in relief as they were set down on the deck. "Now be a dear and untie me, will you?"

She was ignored as the two rescuers went to the newly eliminated All-Star. "Good to see you Scar," Harold told his twin. "So how-"

"Tell me everything!" Sierra demanded, grabbing the brainiac by the shoulders and startling her.

"I..." Scarlett blushed. "I have a boyfriend now."

"WHAT?!" Sierra screeched. "That is so _awesome_! Who was it?!"

"Cody," Scarlett answered. Harold shook his head and walked off.

"Oooh," Sierra said, clearly impressed. "He's cute. Tell me everything!"

"Well it started when Chris placed me on the Hero team..." her detailing the events faded out as the scene faded to black.

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** And thus the end to Scarlett's arc. At least until Random Drama: The Finale. She was an interesting character I think, and one of my favorites over the course of the series. But, like Chris said she'd already won a season and I didn't want her getting too far. Plus I knew I wanted some vote rigging to play in this one and Scarlett was the logical choice for him even with his hatred of Cody. Especially with his hatred of Cody. But hey, they kissed and both dropped the 'L' word. So it's all good right?

And the idol. Matthew has it now, but I need it to still be floating around. I really think you'll like where it ends up before being played and honestly, I'm enjoying the gambit pile-on of it constantly being stolen.

But I'd also like to point out that Cody's reaction to the vote will be present next episode, as it's a big part of that challenge's B-plot.

Let's see now...well, how about I talk about Clone and Blaineley. Originally I was going to have it be Sugar in retaliation for snubbing her on two different seasons; it's why the the last bonus clip was what it was. But then Derick Lindsay mentioned Blaineley in a review, and I felt it was a better idea. I don't know, I like when bad people blame others for their misfortune when it was clearly their own fault.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **14th Place:** Victor

 **13th Place:** Jo

 **12th Place:** Natasha

 **11th Place:** Mike

 **10th Place:** Kitsune

 **9th Place:** Lightning

 **8th Place:** Angel

 **7th Place:** Scarlett


	10. The Obsta-Kill Course

**Author's Note:** Here we are, the final third of the season. It's pretty much all downhill from here, folks! The game's just gonna keep heating up as we approach the final episode, and I hope you're all excited to see how things turn out.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

 **ANNOUNCEMENT:** Two things I need to address. First, the reason Clone was helping Blaineley is because she tricked him into thinking she had kidnapped Staci and his compliance was paramount to her safety. The bonus clip was supposed to suggest that Blaineley's statement about kidnapping Staci wasn't true. I'm sorry for not being clearer. Second, for everything in this chapter to go smoothly, Alejandro can't have been the one exiled last week. Instead, this chapter will assume that it was Heather. I will of course update the previous chapter to show the change.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **WeirdAlfan101:**_ Matthew also blames Cody for costing him the lead in 'You Regatta Be Kidding Me', even though he stopped specifically to try to knock Cody into the jaws of a shark.

 _ **PurpleShadowManipulator:**_ I'm glad you liked Scarlett this season, her elimination notwithstanding. Blaineley being the captor was one those things that seems obvious only in hindsight. You knew it would happen and still got mad, it's like a real TV show! Only one way to find out who's next

 _ **Guest:**_ I'm glad you liked the last episode. Here's hoping you like this one too.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Scarlett's become one of my favorite characters too. All because I asked 'what would happen if she wasn't eliminated after snapping?'

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ Why Clone helped is explained in the announcement. I'm a horrible persone, I specifically added in the hanging Cody scenes to make it look like he was taking Cameron's route. I'm glad you like the mythology gags I put in, I really do love those. As for the rest, wait and see.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ Yeah, it was a little cruel of me to have him mirror Cameron's canon path like that. Yeah, Blaineley's had a real hard time since World Tour ended. Matthew's definitely crossed into ax crazy territory. The Aleheather banter is what I suspect they'd be like if they'd gotten together during a competition, where they didn't have the lack of pressure that turned them into sickingly sweethearts.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ Explained in the announcement.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ I'm really glad I indulged my inner shipper of Scarlody. It made her exit that much better (or worse depending on your view). Aleheather banter just seems like something they'd do. Well Stitch is the awesomest alien. Why wouldn't I base Clone's speech on him? Only one way to find out who goes next.

 _ **Remaining All-Stars:**_

 _ **Boys:**_ Alejandro, Cody, Matthew

 _ **Girls:**_ Bridgette, Heather, Lily

Time for some general mayhem (*Salutes General Mayhem*)

* * *

 **Episode 10: The Obsta-Kill Course**

"Last time, on Total Drama," Chris began alongside the capstone theme, the recap montage opening with a clip of Bridgette and Lily walking through a tunnel together; it was followed by a clip of the host blowing a party horn as part of his initial televised celebration. "We celebrated our one hundredth episode with a surprise guest appearance," Clone nervously looking away from the host and Blaineley taunted Chris as he hovered over the toxic waste. "And, a kidnapping of the host-y kind," Chris added, most of the campers screaming out a warning before Clone through a sack over the vain man.

"But I stayed strong," Chris continued, the next clip showing him screaming for help, audio included. "Hey! Who put that there?" he objected, the clip continuing on to show Chef's arrival.

The host cleared his throat, and the montage flashed to Lily confronting Matthew as he looked through Angel's nightstand. "Matthew stole the idol that Angel stole from Al," he was shown holding up the idol with a dark grin. "And Scarlett proved to be _quite_ the klutzy kisser," the brainiac was shown tripping over a broken step and accidentally kissing Cody.

"Okay, someone is _so_ getting fired!" Chris said in annoyance as the clip of him screaming for help was played again.

"Chef is a stress-eater," the large man was shown eating mint chocolate chip ice cream straight out of the carton, the intern emerging into a pile of empties; "Matthew left Cody hanging," hipster was shown mocking Cody as the geek hung for his life; "Bridgette stopped Blaineley's scheming," the surfer was shown aiming the meatball bazooka at the failed hostess; "Matthew rigged the votes," the hipster was shown switching a vote for him with a vote for Scarlett; "Scarlett got the Flush," the brainiac disappeared into the Flush of Shame, ending the rapid series of clips.

Once again, the clip of Chris screaming for help played – but only briefly, before the feed cut to static. " _That_ is _it_!" the real Chris said, the camera pulling back to show him pulling a cord out the widescreen television cart now located in the spa hotel's massage room. "Luckily," he told the camera with his usual smile, "nothing gets me out of a bad mood faster than upping the 'ow' factor in a challenge. Stick around to see who goes down," he pointed at the camera, "right here! On Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

"TELL THE EDITOR TO MEET ME AT THE _FLUSH OF SHAME_!" he yelled over the long-distance shot of the island.

The scene cut to Chef sitting in the control room, the ending shot of the intro footage on the central screen. He turned it off, then snickered to himself.

 **XXXXX**

[Though the overall sequence had been shortened for the season, it opens much the same as it has previously – a shift into letterbox format and a focus on the tops of some distant pines. A stage light, sleek and shining with a price tag still attached, rotates up and turns on; then the focus cuts to an angled shot of a different group of trees as a spotlight, also shiny and new, swings down and turns on; then a small video camera pops out of some burrow next to a spray bottle of some cleaning solution, knocking away a roll of paper towels as it emerges; then a second camera pops out of a tree hollow along with a scrub brush, bar of soap, sponge, and a load of soap bubbles. Pale arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, cutting the scene to the Dock of Shame. The camera flies forward, swinging past the Wawanakwa sign and then the final few posts of the dock, rising up to show the spa hotel as Chris and Chef landed their red helicopter in the common area.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera flies past the helicopter and up the thousand-foot cliff, cresting the peak and diving into the lake below, where Angel plays tug-of-war with Heather over a large treasure chest while the Drama Machine sits and sparks nearby, both girls in their swimsuits.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Angel and Heather set the chest down and to their shock it bursts open to reveal not only a cloud of bubbles and the Mike-onut and several McLean Invincibility Statues, but also a twitching and awkwardly-folded Cody who floats up in his swim trunks alongside the wooden heads. The Drama Machine explodes and the shot cuts to a small patch of bubbles on the surface, then zooms out to show the remaining swim-dressed campers lined up according to their teams – the villains holding red dueling sticks on the left on a wooden raft, a hollowed-out log, another wooden raft, and a green canoe; the heroes holding gold dueling sticks on the right on an inflatable raft, a wooden raft, another inflatable one, and a red canoe. The camera zooms in and moves between them as they clash – vicious Jo against hesitant Victor; smug Alejandro shoving away shocked Bridgette with one hand; Natasha ducking from Kitsune's strike and causing her to fall into the lake; Mike, as Vito, brutally thrusting the end of his dueling stick into Scarlett's stomach; and Lily and Lightning angrily slamming their sticks against one another; Matthew falls from the sky and into the lake, dousing the former almost-couple and the camera.]

[The water dries away from the camera lens showing the campfire and Cody and Scarlett leaning in with eager smiles against the full moon...only for Kitsune to suddenly pop up between them with a cheesy grin, causing the two geniuses to look away with blushes. The camera zooms out further, revealing the other cast members sitting on the stumps around the fire – Angel, Lily, Bridgette, Lightning, Matthew, and Victor on the left; Mike, Alejandro, Heather, Natasha, and Jo on the right. The zoom continues even further, showing the signboard over the firepit's entrance which now read 'Total Drama All-Stars', with the dash replaced by a star.]

 **XXXXX**

The scene opened on the spa hotel, the camera zooming in on Cody, Lily, and Bridgette standing on the porch. "Well one of you _had_ to vote for Scarlett last night!" Cody said, pacing between the two. Both girls followed him with their eyes, Bridgette in concern and Lily in disdainful apathy. "So just tell me the truth."

"It wasn't me Cody," Bridgette said.

"Well I figured you didn't do it," he said, eyeing Lily.

"What?" Lily asked with a glare. "You think _I_ did it?"

"Well you _were_ a villain," Cody pointed out. "And you've planned on voting off people you supposedly care about before."

"If I _had_ too," Lily defended. "What good could've possibly come from me backstabbing you guys yesterday?"

XXX

"Chris said Scarlett had the most votes," Cody told the outhouse camera. "So one of the girls had to have voted for her! And stuff like this is right up Lily's alley! I know it had to be her."

XXX

"Well don't expect me to work with you if you won't tell me the truth," Cody said, storming off.

"And don't expect me to work with _you_ as long as you keep judging me!" Lily shot back, storming off a different direction.

Bridgette gave the camera a helpless look and let out a very undignified groan.

\

The camera cut to inside the boys' half of the loser cabin, Alejandro and Matthew already in the middle of a tense discussion.

"You honestly expect me to side with you over Heather tonight?" Alejandro asked in a warning tone.

"Just hear me out," Matthew said, holding up his arms in a placating gesture.

XXX

"Overheard Heather bragging in here before Scarlett went for her little swim," Matthew explained with a chuckle. "Apparently, she or Alejandro are guaranteed to win this season because they have the idol," he held the carving up to the camera. "Which means they don't know that _I_ have the idol and stole it from Angel... I think..." He rubbed his chin in confusion. " _Is_ it theft if the person doesn't technically own it?" He shrugged. "Ah it doesn't matter. My point is I now have the leverage I need to break up the only other alliance in the game."

He leaned against the outhouse wall and chuckled. "There will be no doubts on who the biggest villain is after _I'm_ through today."

XXX

"If you and Heather are so close," the hipster continued his pitch, "then why was I able to steal this from her?" He tossed the immunity idol to Alejandro, who caught it with a gasp.

"Where did you find this?" the charmer asked.

"Lifted from Heather after I heard her bragging about it in the confessional," Matthew lied easily with a shrug. "Said she was planning on using it to save herself."

"Maybe... you just misheard her," Alejandro suggested with an air of uncertainty.

"Maybe you're right," Matthew conceded. "Of course the only way to know for sure is to let her carry out her plan. But we should use this opportunity to _our_ advantage," he leaned in to whisper something in Alejandro's ear, and the charmer nodded in understanding.

A high-pitched whine filled the air as the camera cut away to an angled shot of the camp loudspeaker. "Attention maggots!" Chris announced over it. "Last one to the beach drops and gives me fifty! Hup hup hup!"

\

The scene flashed to Chris, now wearing his army helmet and sunglasses. Several people were panting heavily just out-of-sight. "At-ease, maggots," the host said, the camera pulling back to show the five non-exiled campers approaching in various states of exhaustion, with Alejandro in the front followed by Bridgette, Lily, Cody, and Matthew in the rear. "It's about time you got here. I was starting to get bored."

Heather arrived just then, escorted to the end of the line by Chef in his drill sergeant uniform. "Glad you could join us, Heather," Chris told her. "You know the deal: last one _here_ equals push-ups _there_ ," he said, raising a finger and then pointing it at the ground in front of him.

"How is that fair?" the queen bee protested. "There's no way I could've gotten here sooner, I was exiled on Boney Island!"

"You mean," Chris whipped out his red megaphone, "I WAS EXILED ON BONEY ISLAND, _SIR_!" The booming order was accompanied by a military drumline, and Heather sent the host a withering glare.

XXX

"I. Don't. Do. Push-ups," Heather explained haughtily.

XXX

"Fine, we'll skip the basic training," Chris said as the shot cut back to the other campers, the camera panning to the left to show Heather rejoining them. "Now listen up worms! Chef's boot camp challenge in season one was tough." The perspective inverted to show the host from behind and between Lily, Cody, Matthew, and Heather. "But this is season _five_ , and things are about to get a whole lot more _hurt-y_ with..." He smirked and pointed two finger pistols to the side, "The Chris McLean Obsta-kill Course!" A short but grand theme played. "Patent pending," he told the camera.

The shot quick-panned over to a large field of tires, high columns with red flags sticking out of the top in each of the far corners. "To win this full-on race challenge and avoid getting flushed," Chris explained, "first, you'll have to conquer the 'Fun Tires'." Another quick-pan to the right revealed a tall wooden slope with four ropes hanging down it – one red, one black, one brown, and one gray. "Get through them, and you're on to the 'Rope Slope'!" The black rope crackled with electricity, and the camera zoomed in on the brown and gray ones – the gray looked normal, while the brown seemed a little hairy. "Some ropes are less reliable than others," the camera panned up to the top of the slope where the ropes were tied down, "so choose wisely. But," the shot panned to the left to show the red and black ropes, the latter clearly just a long and poorly-insulated power cable, "not too wisely. That'll spoil the fun. For me."

A third quick-pan took the focus to what appeared to be nothing more than a long set of rust-colored monkey bars set up over a pond. "Next, the ' _Snapping_ Bars'!" Chris said in delight.

"Shouldn't that be 'Monkey Bars'?" Bridgette asked nervously from off-screen.

"It'll make sense soon. Trust me," Chris answered before the camera moved from the bars to a seemingly ordinary meadow dotted with rocks and bushes. "Then, it's on to a pleasant run through the ' _Duck_ and _Cover_ '," the host continued. "Come out of that alive," the shot cut back to him, "and you're in for a _real_ treat."

Matthew scoffed. "Is that all?" he boasted.

"Ohhh~hhhh," Chris said in interest, causing the hipster to raise an annoyed eyebrow. "In that case..."

Matthew just rolled his eyes.

"Everyone has to wear a heavy pack for the whole challenge!" Chris added happily to another drumline, the camera cutting to the campers as Chef wordlessly dropped six large brown backpacks in front of them. They immediately groaned and chastised Matthew, who looked like he couldn't care less. "Abandon your pack," Chris told them, "and you'll face a _bruuutal_ penalty. Seriously," he laughed, "this is gonna be awe-some!"

The shot cut pack to the campers as they began to disperse, Alejandro and Heather heading off to the left while Matthew went off to the right and Lily approached Bridgette and Cody. "What are _you_ doing here?" Cody said coldly.

"Are you seriously giving up a numbers advantage over something you think I did?" Lily scolded.

"You're the only one it could've been!" Cody yelled.

"After my sister and boyfriend were ousted?" Lily yelled back. "Do you really think I'm that heartless?"

"Asks the 'former' villain," Cody muttered under his breath.

Lily's glare implied that she'd heard him. "You know what?" she asked, getting in his face.

"Whoa! Time out!" Bridgette yelled, separating the two by getting between them. "Let's build bridges not walls. Otherwise the Villains are gonna _cream_ us."

Lily and Cody were still leveling their glares at each other. "Fine," the said tersely.

XXX

"I know I'm a Villain," Lily said. "But I'm a _pragmatic_ one. Voting out Scarlett would've hurt my chances of making the finale, but I totally would've done it in the Final Five. _My_ problem with Cody is how he acts like I'd vote off anyone just for the fun of it."

XXX

The static cut away to Lily walking back to the right, her eyes rolling and her face tired. This was intensified when Matthew came into view, a devious smirk on his face. "Well well well," he said quietly, "looks like somebody's not as popular as she thought."

"Go away," Lily replied tersely.

"Don't think I will," Matthew told her. "You see, I need you to get those idiot Heroes to vote for Alejandro for me."

"Isn't he your _ally_?" Lily asked. "What game are you playing?"

"The same one you are," Matthew replied. "The only difference is that I'm _good_ at it."

The shot cut Lily's mildly dumbfounded expression, then pulled back as Matthew placed a hand on the cynic's shoulder. "Anyway, do this and you've got yourself a solid ally going into the Final Five." Lily gave him a narrow-eyed and suspicious look, but he just walked away laughing.

XXX

"Now to explain my plan to all you idiots at home who can't follow," Matthew said to the outhouse camera. "I'm getting the idol out of play and setting up a scenario where no one in the game trusts anyone. This will make it easier for me to get to the point where votes no longer matter where I'll easily win every challenge due to my vastly superior intellect."

XXX

"Tell me you just saw Lily talking to Matthew," Cody whispered to Bridgette as the focus moved back to them. "She's up to something, I just know it."

"Cody," Bridgette said reassuringly, "Matthew approached _her_."

"And that doesn't worry you?" Cody asked with a hint of incredulity. "They're both Villains."

"She was only given that title because she doesn't let herself get distracted by the personal stuff," Bridgette told him.

Cody narrowed his eyes at the cynic. "If you say so..."

\

"On your marks!" Chris called through his megaphone, the opening bars of a tense challenge theme playing as the shot cut to the Final Six lined up at the starting line. "Get set!" Chris said, and the campers got into running positions as he raised an airhorn. "Go!" he called out, blowing the horn.

The campers ran off, with the two closest to the host - Matthew and Lily- taking the early lead into the field of tires. "This is easy," Matthew boasted. The camera pulled back to show Lily running along a few steps behind him...before a sharp and ominous jingle played. A wooden post shot up out of a tire right in front of her, causing her to slam into it and cry out in pain.

"Hah!" Matthew looked back to mock, the sharp jingle playing again as he suddenly fell straight down. "AAAAAAAAhhhoowww!" he screamed, the shot cutting outward to show him sinking into a tire with one leg still pointing straight up into the air. "My _foot_ is touching my _face_!" he complained, another wooden post and an oversized boxing gloves springing out of tires around him then retreating back inside.

"You dung beetles didn't think Colonel McLean would give you a straight-ahead challenge, did you?" Chris asked over a batter loudspeaker attached to a pine tree.

Alejandro and Heather were next, the charmer easily racing in to the lead. "Andale mi amor!" he said, doing a mid-air somersault over an oversized boxing glove, only to be caught in a sudden jet of water that shot out of the next tire.

He cried out in alarm as he was tossed around on top of the geyser, while Heather just laughed. "Good lu~uck!" she called out jovially...just before getting launched into the air by a second geyser a few tires away. "Are you kidding me?!" Heather complained.

XXX

"This is the one challenge I was hoping _not_ to have to do," Bridgette confessed with crossed arms and a roll of her eyes. "I mean, if I wanted to join the army I would've."

XXX

The fast-paced challenge tune resumed as Bridgette and Cody ran through the course, jumping over, stopping short of, and weaving between obstacles; they soon passed Alejandro and Heather as they fell back down from their geysers. "Watch out for that beaver," Cody called out to his former teammate, causing her to pause just long enough for a beaver to stick its head up out of the tire she was about to step over, bite at the air, and sink back down.

Bridgette gave the tire an incredulous stare, then continued along the course. "Hammer coming up," Lily warned, the geek stopping to shoot her a glare and caused him to miss getting hit by a wooden mallet that had sprung up in front of him.

"Thank you," Cody bitterly said as the passed Matthew trying to pull himself free.

You're welcome!" Lily said as they ran out of the tires.

"Cody and Lily are in the lead," Chris said as he drove up in the jeep with Chef, "and heading for the Rope Slope. This oughta be good," he said, clasping his hands in anticipation.

The two reluctant allies quickly reached the ropes and started to climb the two on the left – Lily on the red one, Cody on the black one which unbeknownst to him was crackling with electricity. A close-up showed him pausing and peering closely at what he'd grabbed, and in a suspicious tone he asked "What kind of rope is this?"

"What's the hold up?" Lily called down to him, now a few feet above him. "Get stuck or something?"

" _No_ ," Cody looked up and replied, moving his hand further up and promptly getting electrocuted by the exposed wire. Lily winced, and Cody slid back down to the bottom with a short yelp.

Chris laugh over his megaphone. "Oh man, I didn't think someone would find my favorite rope _this_ quickly!" he said as Cody rubbed his right hand and scowled. "I call it ' _The Zapper_ '."

"You okay down there?" Lily called out in mostly genuine concern.

"Yeah," he called back up to her. "You keep going, I'll catch up."

Lily turned her head to the rope she was holding and sniffed it. "Licorice?" she said in confusion. "Hey Cody! Make sure Bridgette doesn't take this one!" She took a large bite of the rope, then climbed up to the top.

The shot cut back to the bottom, and Heather began to climb the brownish rope. She soon caught up with Cody. "Hey!" she called out as quietly as she could while still catching Cody attention.

"What do you want Heather?" the geek paused to ask.

"You want Lily gone right?" the queen bee whispered. "Agree to join me in an alliance and I can make that happen."

Cody furrowed his brow. "I'll think about it. By the way, make sure there's nothing wrong with your rope," he said before climbing up and away.

"My rope?" Heather asked in confusion, moving closer to the one she was holding. She sniffed it, and recoiled immediately. "Uggh, what is thing made out of?"

"Dog hair," Chris answered with a laugh from off-screen.

"Figures," Heather muttered in disgust before climbing onwards.

The shot cut back down to the bottom as Alejandro and Matthew arrived at the base of the slope. "Hold on, was Heather talking to Cody just now?" the hipster asked, casting a suspicious eye upward.

"Seems that way," Alejandro said suspiciously, grabbing hold of the dog-hair rope. "But we _are_ always looking for allies."

"Hrmm...if you say so," Matthew said sarcastically.

XXX

"Heather really is making this too easy," Matthew confessed.

XXX

The footage skipped ahead to show Alejandro about halfway up with Matthew at the bottom of the electric cable. "What are you waiting for," the charmer called down, "climb!"

"Just worry about yourself _Al_ ," Matthew said as he began to climb...only to get shocked when he touched exposed wire moments later.

Back on the ground, Chris laughed from the safety of the jeep. "Oh man, two people in one challenge? I shoulda used The Zapper before!"

"Gotta hurry up," Bridgette said to herself as she ran past. She quickly reached the rope slope, and chose to jump onto the dog-hair one. "I'm just gonna ignore the smell," she said just before she came upon Bridgette.

"D-don't get comfortable," the hipster wheezed, slightly smoking but still holding on to the poorly insulated cable. "Alejandro-" Though the surfer paused to give him a questioning look, Matthew was cut off by another surge of electricity.

"Tell me later, I have to keep Lily and Cody from killing each other," Bridgette said before climbing onward.

A third surge of electricity hit Matthew, and he groaned.

The shot cut back to Chris and Chef as the capstone theme began to play. "Will _anyone_ survive the Obsta-Kill Course?" the host asked the camera. "Will Matthew become a human hot dog? Will I laugh no matter what? Yes to that. But, for all the other answers, stay tuned to Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed on a shot of Cody hanging from the rust-colored monkey bars, several angry snapping turtles floating viciously in the pond below. "Cody is first to reach the 'Snapping Bars'," Chris announced from off-screen by way of megaphone as the short young man crossed. "Followed by Lily, and Heather!" The camera panned over to the start of the obstacles, showing Lily hanging from the bars by all four limbs while Heather climbed up the ladder leading up to them.

A close-up showed a turtle leaping and snapping at the cynic's foot, missing but causing the girl to yelp anyway. "So _that's_ why they're called the 'Snapping Bars'," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Hilarious."

Heather took one look at the two ahead of her and scoffed, then climbed to the top of the bars and cautiously walked across them.

It was then that Alejandro arrived. "Que en el ...," he asked upon seeing the snapping turtles.

"These lovely little creatures are what give the Snapping Bars the name," Lily said, trying to kick off a turtle that had latched onto her right foot. "Your girlfriend decided to go over."

"Oh," Alejandro said blankly. "Well in that case, I will as well," he said, heaving himself up through a gap in the bars into a handstand on top of them.

"Show-off!" Lily said, as the charmer slowly hand-walked over the bars. With a dramatic tune over a close-up of her foot she kicked the turtle she'd back into the water, then made her way across.

"We need to discuss tonight's vote," Alejandro whispered as the camera cut to him catching up with her. "I suggest eliminating Bridgette."

Heather's brows shot up in surprise. "Why?"

"Because she is the glue that holds together the alliance of her, Lily, and Cody," Alejandro explained. "Eliminate her and we will control the game."

The queen bee's face became thoughtful. "I guess you have a point. But the only way that would work is if we got Matthew to our side _and_ used the idol. And I don't want to do that yet."

"You don't?" Alejandro asked, his tone level and indecipherable.

"No," Heather replied, unaware of the look Alejandro was giving her as she kept her eyes forward. "I don't."

"Then I'll find another way," Alejandro said, somersaulting over her and taking the lead.

To his surprise, he soon came upon a pair of hands holding on to the bars. "Cody?!" he said in shock. "Weren't you ahead of us?" he asked the geek, right before the camera zoomed out to show the him practically covered in snapping turtles.

"Trying...not...to die..." Cody said, his tone an odd mixture of pain, panic, and exhaustion. "Can't...hold on... Arms...too numb..." he said, the panic becoming more and more evident with each word. To a dramatic twist in the music, his fingers finally failed and he plunged into the pond below.

His screaming quickly alerted Lily, a quick-pan showing about caught up to Heather, both were watching in concern. "Crap," the cynic griped, letting go of the bars and falling into the pond. Her splash flung several angry turtles into the air, and the shot cut to Alejandro as he yelped and stood on one hand to avoid his fingers getting bitten.

"Thanks for the lead!" the charmer mocked before flipping back upright, running along the bars, and jumping down to solid ground with ease.

The shot lingered on the pond's edge as Lily soon trudged over carrying Cody under her arm, both covered with swollen bruises. She got to dry land, walked two steps further, and collapsed.

"Haha!" Chris laughed as he and Chef arrived in the jeep. "Alejandro takes the lead! While Cody and Lily might be out of commission."

XXX

"It's not like I was in the lead to begin with," Lily confessed with a shrug. "And even though he's been acting like major jerk, I _do_ think of Cody as a friend. No way am I letting him get eaten alive by a bunch of turtles."

XXX

The shot cut to Heather, still cautiously walking across the bars with turtles trying to jump up and snap her.

"Ohhh," Chris called back from the jeep via his megaphone, "and here comes the last place losers!"

The focus returned to the start of the bars just as Matthew and Bridgette arrived, the surfer supporting the hipster from under his arm. "You should've taken the lead. Idiot," Matthew said with a bit of a groan.

"Well it's not like I was gonna let you just stay there and get electrocuted," Bridgette replied, her tone thoroughly annoyed as she helped him climb the ladder up to the bars. "That's just not who I am."

"Believe me, I know," Matthew replied, quickly starting to swing along with Bridgette following behind and several turtles trying – but failing – to snap at his butt. "It's why I'm surprised you've lasted this long."

"Hey," Bridgette complained as they continued onward at a steady pace, "there's nothing wrong with having a good attitude."

Matthew scoffed. "There is when you're going up against the smartest and most athletic players in Total Drama history. There's not a single person left in the game that hasn't pulled _some_ kind of trick on another. Take Lily, she claims to be your ally, but she'll openly admit to not trusting you. Sounds like a recipe for a backstab to me."

Bridgette frowned, the camera briefly cutting to a close-up of her unintentionally kicking away a turtle as it jumped up at her. "Lily wouldn't do that," she said. "She's changed. She just doesn't want to admit it."

Matthew rolled his eyes. "Or she's playing you and won't admit it so she can honestly say she never lied to you. But I'm not the one heading for the toilet if I'm wrong," he looked back over his shoulder and told her with a mocking look.

"You're just trying to mess with my mind," Bridgette told him sharply. "And I'm not falling for it."

"Your funeral," Matthew said, turning back and resuming his crossing with a smirk on his face.

XXX

"I need a back-up plan in case Alejandro doesn't fall for my little trick," Matthew explained.

XXX

The static cut away to reveal Cody and Lily getting back to their feet, still covered in bite marks. "Why did you do that?" Cody asked.

"I need your vote to turf Alejandro," Lily said as they began to run forwards once more. "Can't do that if you're dead."

"Of course," Cody spat as they entered the rock-and-bush-filled 'Duck and Cover'.

As they came upon a particularly large rock they received their answer, a blunt tone playing as they skidded to a halt and gasped in horror.

Alejandro was kneeling on the ground, three blood-bloated leeches attached to his face. "Madre mia..." he slurred woozily.

"Looks like he couldn't handsome his abs out of _everything_ ," Lily joked.

The sound of Chris laughing over the megaphone drew their attention, and the camera, to the right. "Yeah, I kinda forgot to mention," the host said as he sat on another, larger rock. Chef was standing behind him with a multi-barreled leechball blaster at the ready. "This is Chef's favorite place to unwind with some leechball target practice! So, you better _duck_ , or you better find _cover_. Oooor you'll end up like Alejandro over there."

He laughed again, and Chef fired. The shot cut to Lily as the leech hit her in the face, earning a yelp of disgust. She quickly yanked it off, and to her surprise Cody grabbed her by the arm. "Come on!" the geek said, pulling her along behind the next rock formation. A few moments later, the camera zoomed in as they poked their heads above it then quickly ducked back down as a round of leeches shot through where they'd just been.

"Didn't you evade like half the shots we took at you in the leechball challenge earlier this season?" Lily asked as as the viewpoint moved behind the rock.

"Yeah, but Mike wound up taking my by surprise."

"Mike's not here," Lily pointed out. "Now one of us needs to go so we don't lose the lead and I think it should be you."

"I'm agreeing," Cody said, "but only because I don't want you to win." The perspective shifted back to in front of the rock as Cody dashed out to the right, ducking under another flurry of leechfire, and Lily ran out a few seconds after him.

"And Cody takes the lead!" Chris announced via his megaphone, the shot showing Matthew running into the zone as fast as he could, with Bridgette and Heather behind him though closer to the camera.

The scene then skipped ahead to Matthew and Alejandro, now hiding behind a bush as the one-eyed young man hastily pulled the bloated leeches from the charmer's face. The moment the last one was off Alejandro shook his head rapidly and smiled. "Gracias amigo!"

"No problem," Matthew replied. "I'm just surprised that Heather didn't stop to help you."

"She went ahead to see if she could gain Cody's loyalty," Alejandro explained.

"You mean the guy currently in the lead?" Matthew asked. "As in, the one person she needs to be faster than in order to win the challenge? She could be cutting a deal to switch to _their_ side and take you out."

Alejandro growled. "Shut up Matthew!"

Matthew raised his hands defensively. "Hey, I'm trying to help you. After all, if you get the boot, I'm next." He stood back up and ran off, prompting Alejandro to frown and run off as well, both dodging a few leeches fired their way.

\

The scene cut to a larger rock formation being pelted with leeches. Bridgette raised her head above a smaller part of it, then ducked down before another volley hit the stone.

"Seriously? You wanna vote out _Cody_?!" Bridgette asked Lily in disbelief, the perspective shifting to show both girls in hiding. "Why? I thought you'd _changed_."

"Look I have my reasons okay?" Lily answered. "Namely, there's no way we can convince him I _didn't_ vote for Scarlett and it's not a good idea to keep someone around who hates your guts. Also, I don't mean vote him off _now_. I meant _after_ we boot Al."

"Lily..." Bridgette asked slowly. " _Did_ you vote for her?"

"No," Lily answered tersely. "Look, I probably would've done it later on, but there was no reason for me to ax one ally and alienate another so soon. That sounds like something Matthew would do," she pointed out.

The two girls' eyes widened to a metallic clank. "You don't think...?" Bridgette asked.

\

The music became tense again as Cody stood up from one set of rocks and bushes, looked around, then ran over and dove behind the next before a hail of leeches hit where he'd been. "Alright, almost there!" he said with a confident smile, standing back up and making a break for it...only to get his backpack snagged on the next large bush.

"That can't be good," he said, stopping to look back at it and thus leaving himself open to Chef's next round. The leeches plastered the side of his face and arm, and he staggered back a few steps with a disgusted groan.

It was then tha Heather arrived on the scene. She noticed the geek, and the leeches still attached to him. "You want some help?" she asked. "Y'know, between friends?"

"Um you've only spoken to me like three times," Cody said as he grabbed two at once and pulled them off with a grunt, "counting this one."

Heather gave him a blank look. "Fine. I wanna know if you're on board with voting off Lily tonight. She's manipulative and untrustworthy."

Cody sighed, pulling off the final few leeches. "And you aren't?" he asked.

"I haven't betrayed anyone," Heather pointed out.

"I'll think about it," Cody said before taking off, Heather following suit a moment after.

The camera panned to the left to show Matthew watching from behind the bush with a grin. He stood up, ran off...and promptly got snagged by a bush as Alejandro passed him by. "Uggh...," he said, tugging at his pack as Bridgette and Lily ran past him with smiles. "Aww, forget it, I'll just take the stupid penalty," he said, slipping off his backpack and running off again.

\

The music became tense as the scene moved to Heather and Cody heading to the end of the course, two teens becoming more and more confident as they ran...before suddenly skidding to a halt in shock. "What the!?" Cody exclaimed, his voice echoing as an overhead shot showed a few bits of earth falling from the edge of a cliff to a river far below.

"Told you you were in for a real treat!" Chris said, the camera cutting outward to show him standing on a lower cliff at the other side of the river. A pair of lines ran across the chasm, tied to the trees high above the teens and running into the forest beyond the host. "This is it, maggots," he said as the tense music resumed, "the final obstacle! All you gotta do is get to where I'm standing, _alive_."

"How do you expect us to do _that_?!" Heather asked in disbelief.

"Helloooo? Backpacks?" Chris replied, gesturing to his back.

The shot cut to Cody and Heather's packs landing on the ground, the two rifling through them as the challenge music resumed once more. "What the?" Heather said, taking out an odd belt, a rope, an a helmet.

"We're ziplining," Cody explained as the camera zoomed out, showing him already in his gear. "Which is kinda obvious in hindsight."

"Excellent!" the sudden voice of Alejandro called out, attracting both teens' attention to him already in his camping gear. "I grew up ziplining chasms _three times_ this size!"

They ran over to the edge of the cliff, and a close-up showed Alejandro hooking his rope onto the upper line. "I'll go first!" he told Heather with a happy salute as the shot pulled back out, and jumped off.

Heather gave Cody a withering glare. "Time's up little man. I hope you make the right choice tonight!" she said, hooking herself onto the upper line and jumping off. The camera followed her for a few feet, then lingered long enough to show Cody sliding down as well on the upper line.

The shot cut to Alejandro sliding along with a smile on his face, and the camera pulled back slightly to show the other two behind him with Heather quickly gaining ground on the charmer. A cut back to the cliff showed Lily, Bridgette, and Matthew all arriving at the same time, the girls dropping their packs while the hipster scowled in annoyance.

"You didn't say we were gonna _need_ our packs!" he called out angrily to the host.

Bridgette palmed her face while Lily turned an mocking look onto the hipster. "You ditched your pack?" she asked in disbelief. "Way to go."

"Told you there was gonna be a penalty, bro!" Chris called out from the other side.

XXX

"Whatever," Matthew scoffed. "I had to do the same thing in the Amazon and turned out fine."

XXX

The music started building as Matthew pulled the belt from his jeans, strung it over the lower line, then jumped down. A deep note played as the shot cut outward in time to catch Lily and Bridgette zipping off, and the music starting in earnest shortly after that.

"The race for last place begins," Chris said, now standing in front of a checkered finish banner, the two ziplines running through it, "as the race for first is about to end!"

"Alejandro looks unbeatable," the charmer was shown zipping along comfortably, "but wait!" The charmer looked behind him, first questioningly and then in shock as he noticed Heather approaching rapidly along the same line.

"Slow down!" he called out to her.

"I don't know how!" she replied apologetically. "Why am I doing this so fast?!"

XXX

"We decided to grease the equipment in some of the packs," Chris confessed with a grin. "What? Every part of the challenge has to be up to my usual standards."

XXX

They both screamed, and moments later they slammed into one another and spun around together. "Que mala suerte!" Alejandro exclaimed as they slowed down and the music quieted slightly.

"Thanks for the win Heather!" Cody said as he sped past them on the other line.

"What do we do now?" the queen asked in slight panic before the camera cut to a close-up of their ropes, now twisted together and straining under the combined weight.

"Fall..." Alejandro groaned just before the buckles attached the ropes to the line were forced open. The camera cut backwards as the two dropped with a scream into the river below.

The challenge music rose up again as the scene moved back to the finish line. "Alejandro and Heather's epic screw-up takes them both out," Cody slid past him and under the banner, "meaning Cody wins immunity!"

Heather growled as she floated in the water, Alejandro floating beside her with a scowl on his face.

XXX

"Moment of truth," Alejandro said with a deep sigh. "Either I can trust Heather or not..."

XXX

"As much as I want Lily to pay for booting Scarlett," Cody confessed. "I can't. Not when I promised the girls I'd vote for Alejandro. But maybe I'll be lucky and he has the idol. I mean, I can't just ditch them over something personal. Can I?"

XXX

The static cut away to show Lily and Bridgette and Matthew zipping down past Chris, Cody, and the finish line with a startled scream, crashing off-screen together as a tense tune built up.

Chris laughed. "Bonus ouchies! You can count your bruises while I'm counting the elimination votes tonight. Cody's safe from the Flush of Shame," the young man frowned uncertainly, "so, who's going home I wonder?"

Cody brought a finger to his chin in worried thought as the tense music became louder. Alejandro looked at Heather in mistrust as they swam to shore, and Matthew smirked as Lily and Bridgette had a hushed conversation.

\

"Okay," Chris said as the ceremonial theme began against the backdrop of the moonlit island. "I'm sensing a little _tension_ here tonight," he said as the shot cut to the campfire pit, enough of the stump seats having been removed in order to cause the Final Six to entirely fill up the remainder – two in back, four in front. The campers had divided themselves into their pre-merge teams, the Heroes sitting on the left and the Villains on the right, the back row occupied by Lily and Matthew. "So, it's time to air things out a little with a _vote_ ," Chris said with his usual grin.

XXX

"No matter who loses, I win," Matthew said as he crossed out a photo with a smirk.

XXX

Lily was next, opening with a sigh and a shake of her head. "Angel and I used to pretend we were voting for you back in season one," she told herself before making her mark.

XXX

"It's nothing personal," Heather said next as she crossed out an unseen image. "Just strategy."

XXX

"Hopefully, this'll be for the best," Cody said as he cast his vote, keeping it secret from the camera.

XXX

Bridgette sighed. "For once, I won't feel guilty about casting a vote."

XXX

"I'm safe either way," Alejandro told the camera. "But I need to know if I can trust Heather."

XXX

A few deep notes played as the ceremonial theme restarted itself. "And the following campers are _safe_ ," Chris announced. "Cody. Heather. Matthew. and Lily." A split-screen formed showing Bridgette and Alejandro looking distinctly nervous. "Bridgette and Alejandro, both of you are the most athletic players in the game," the host said as the split-screen parted to show a close-up of him with his hands behind his back. "But one of you aces is about to get _trumped_ and be sent home in the royal flush."

The safe campers all groaned at the pun hurricane.

Chris scowled, then announced that the eliminated camper was...

" _Alejandro_."

No one reacted... until Alejandro scowled and stood up. "I'm not going _anywhere_ ," he told the host in a dangerous tone, producing the immunity idol. "I've got diplomatic immunity."

"Yeah, just regular immunity Al," Chris told him with a tired tone. "Guess that means Bridgette's gonna be surfing the porcelain wave machine," he said as the camera cut to her gaping in shock.

"But...but why me?" Bridgette asked, still in shock as she looked at Lily.

"Don't look at me," Lily said. "I voted for Alejandro like we decided on," she said, motioning to the charmer.

"It's simple," Heather said. "With you gone there's no way Cody and Lily will work together."

At this Alejandro started chuckling. "And since Matthew tried to trick us into breaking up, we decided to use all of your plans to _our_ advantage."

The shot panned to Lily as her eye began to twitch. "Are you kidding me?!" she exclaimed. "I got screwed over by _another_ idol?! Just so you could stick it to the guy who rigged the votes last night?!"

Alejandro and Cody and Heather gasped in shock and the shot cut to the young man in question, a dull note playing as he rolled his at the angry faces glaring at him. "Pretty big accusation to make without proof," he scoffed. "Unless you have any?"

"Well... no..." Lily deflated as Bridgette laid a consoling hand on her shoulder. "But how else could it have happened?"

"It still doesn't change _tonight's_ vote," Chris interrupted, drawing all attention back to him, "Bridgette's going home, and Cody's got a night in the spa hotel with the person of his choice."

All eyes moved to Cody. "Uhh...," he said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, "I guess I'll pick Lily," he said uncertainly.

"Gotcha," Chris said. "Now who's spending the night on Boney Island?"

"Matthew," Cody answered with a bitter hatred in his voice.

"I guess you just can't take the fact that someone's better than you," he sighed as he stood up to be escorted.

\

The somber farewell theme began to play as the scene rotated into Bridgette floating in the Flush of Shame, a look of resignation on her face. "Cody? Lily? Do me a favor and keep working together after this?" she asked her former allies.

"Don't worry," Cody said, both he and the cynic looking upset as they watched from the shore, "We will."

"And we'll add you to the list of people we're winning for," Lily added.

Chris pressed the button on his remote, and Bridgette was flushed with a scream. "Will Cody and Lily actually fulfill the promise they just made?" he asked the camera as the capstone theme began to play. "Or will yet another Hero take a swim in the sewers? Find out next time, when the Final Five," he held up five fingers, "become the Fortunate Four," he lowered one of them, "on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

(Roll the Credits)

\

\

(Bonus Clip)

The scene opened up on what looked like a large sewer pipe jutting out into what looked like a large lake or pond surrounded by ice. The pipe began to rumble ominously, and a few metallic clangs heralded a torrent of water rushing out of it, Bridgette just visible getting swept along.

"Uggh, Chris!" she coughed and spluttered in anger, the shot cutting to a close-up as she resurfaced in calmer waters. "Where am I...?"

"Sweden." a calm, apathetic, and familiar voice asked as a few ripples past through the water and around Bridgette. Her eyes went wide, and she smiled as a pale-skinned hand was lowered next to her.

She took it eagerly, and the shot cut to Gwen pulling her up onto the back of a large, somewhat Viking Longship-like boat. "Wow, you're _the_ Gwen!" Bridgette said in awe. "I'm your biggest fan!"

"Well, I don't hear that everyday," Gwen said.

"Seriously girl?" another voice said just before Leshawna stepped in the shot. "Two seasons of hosting and you're shocked you have fans?"

"Leshawna?!" Bridgette exclaimed. "Why are my two favorite Total Drama contestants meeting me here? Not that I'm complaining."

Gwen laughed. "Angel told us how you were big fans and we decided to be the ones to take you back to Canada and get to know you."

"I haven't seen someone _that_ devoted to their girlfriends since.. well... _our_ boyfriends," Leshawna commented. "Now what's on your mind girl?"

"Can you autograph my hoodie?!" the surfer blurted out before covering her mouth. "Crap! I didn't mean- Well I wouldn't mind but-" She growled in frustration and her rescuers just shared a laugh.

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** And thus falls Bridgette, sent home by the main antagonist once more. The elimination in this episode (and the next) were tough to figure out; namely how to send both home in their respective slots _and_ have the idol into play. But giving Matthew essentially a gambit roulette set the stage well enough - He, Cody, Bridgette, and Lily all voted for Alejandro since they're of the belief he's the biggest threat (aside from Matthew, who wanted the idol out of play and everyone to hate each other) . Alejandro and Heather voted for Bridgette because only she has the ability to keep Cody and Lily from fighting. Alejandro plays the idol. Bridgette goes home. Alejandro thinks Heather tried to betray him. Too bad it didn't work and now everyone actively hates him. Even more bad that he's incapable of noticing.

So, yeah. I hope you enjoyed Bridgette's clip. I wanted to play on the canon friendship those three had (even going so far as to use some of the same lines she used in the Brunch of Disgustingness, where the three started said friendship) but with Bridgette appearing in a different generation of campers, I decided to make it seem like those two were her favorites on the show and she gets a little star-struck.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **14th Place:** Victor

 **13th Place:** Jo

 **12th Place:** Natasha

 **11th Place:** Mike

 **10th Place:** Kitsune

 **9th Place:** Lightning

 **8th Place:** Angel

 **7th Place:** Scarlett

 **6th Place:** Bridgette


	11. Sundae Muddy Sundae

**Author's Note:** We're almost at the end! I will admit, I was shocked to find out how hated this episode was in canon. But then again I've always hated Courtney ever since season one and felt everything that happened here was deserved. Anyway, let's hope I've done better for you guys.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

 **ANNOUNCEMENT:** So I apparently worded the last post script wrong. Alejandro's in good standing (for Alejandro at least) with everyone else. It's Matthew that everyone hates for various reasons.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **WeirdAlfan101:**_ Yep, the bones clip was a season one reference. I can say without a doubt that if I was factoring in how I originally wanted Cody to place, he'd have been long gone.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ I would say I'm sorry to trick you like that, but we both know I'm not. I actually never considered the idea of Gwen picking up Cody. As for the rest, wait and see.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ It was hard to send Bridgette home, but it had to be done. Matthew _thinks_ he's controlling everyone. But with three (or two) other villains way less egotistical than he is... I don't know, I think it's funny to see him not in as much control as he believes. To be fair, I actually class Lily as somewhere between anti-hero and anti-villain. That's actually my favorite bonus clip of the season, though this episode's a close second.

 _ **keyblademaster avenger:**_ I do enjoy writing mind games. Let's hope I can make this episode better than canon.

 _ **Guest:**_ I did not notice that connection. I personally don't get why this and the next episode are so hated (I _definitely_ get the finale) but I'm pretty sure I can do better based on how people talk about the canon ones. I can confirm a lack of charts, bear crap, and reset buttons though.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Thanks. It's a little funny that all it took for Matthew to be a decent villain was him losing his marbles.

 _ **PurpleShadowManipulator:**_ I think this may be the furthest a couple has gotten on any season I've done. That was exactly what I had in mind writing Cody last chapter. But neither of them want to break their promise to Bridgette. You've got some very interesting ideas for the next few chapters. Of course there's only one way to know if you're right.

 _ **Guest #2:**_ They'd all make good finalists, but interesting predictions.

 _ **ultron emperor:**_ Don't worry, Matthew'll get what's coming to him.

 _ **sneak13579:**_ Great thoughts on the Final Five, but I have to comment on Matthew. I don't see him so much as a Scott rip-off as much as more of a canon Scarlett that doesn't see the need to hide. I doubt Scott would do anything that could lead to the death of a competitor, which Matthew has attempted twice now.

 _ **TheChrisanthemum:**_ Cody does seem to be one of the more popular All-Stars

 _ **The Aspiring Fanfic Fanatic:**_ Chapters this close to the finale kinda have to be eventful. Alejandro's always had a target on his back. He's Alejandro. Man, I'm still shocked people hate this episode. But I've already admitted my bias. It's still a bit early to be discussing finalists.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ Really? The idol was pretty much the only way I could think t get rid of Bridgette.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ Awesome predictions. Looks like everyone _except_ Bridgette was expected to go home. Weird how that happens...

 _ **Remaining All-Stars:**_

 _ **Boys:**_ Alejandro, Cody, Matthew

 _ **Girls:**_ Heather, Lily

I scream, you scream, we all scream because everyone hates this episode so bloody much!

* * *

 **Episode 11: Sundae Muddy Sundae**

"Last time, on Total Drama All-Stars!" Chris opened over a clip of Cody crossing the well-named 'snapping bars'. "Cody and Lily had it out over Scarlett's elimination," the cynic and geek were seen arguing in several short clips, "and Matthew tried to convince Alejandro that Heather was turning on him." The hipster gave a smug confessional, then was shown giving the idol to the charmer and claiming to have stolen it from Heather.

"Meanwhile, Heather tried to get Cody to vote out Lily," the queen bee was shown talking to Cody in on the Rope Slope, then during the Duck and Cover. "Which played right into Matthew's plans." Another of the hipster's confessionals was shown, followed by him talking to Alejandro during the Duck and Cover, pointing out how Heather had not helped him. "What can I say," the host laughed over a shot of the one-eyed villain smirking, "the dude was _smoking_ it." He laughed again over a clip of Matthew being electrocuted by a poorly-insulated cable being used as a climbing rope.

"The Final Six ran the brutal Obsta-kill Course," the host continued as the montage flashed to the campers beginning their race. "And proved that the old saying is true: whatever doesn't kill you, makes you really, really sore." Bridgette was shown running face-first into a surprise pole popping out of one of the tires; Alejandro and Heather were shot into the air by sudden geysers; and Cody was electrocuted by the same 'rope' that would later catch Matthew. Chris laughed.

"The winner?" Chris asked as a clip of Cody ziplining through the finish line played. "Cody, thanks to Alejandro and Heather's little twist-up." The next clip, of course, showed the couple colliding on the zipline, getting tangled together, and falling off in a rather hilarious fashion.

"And thanks to all of Matthew's 'masterful' manipulations," Alejandro was shown playing the idol when it was revealed he had the most votes, causing Chris to correct "okay it was really due to Al having the idol. Anyway, Bridgette was sent home" The surfer, and her main friend and ally, reacted with shock at the news. "Bye bye, Betty!" Chris laughed over a shot of Bridgette being flushed.

The montage ended with a flash, the scene moving to Chris on the end of the dock. "Only five players remain," he said. "Who will live to play another day? And who will go sight-seeing in sewer city," the shot cut over to the massive toilet, "via the dreaded Flush of Shame? Find out right here," the camera returned to Chris, "right now, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

 **XXXXX**

[Though the overall sequence had been shortened for the season, it opens much the same as it has previously – a shift into letterbox format and a focus on the tops of some distant pines. A stage light, sleek and shining with a price tag still attached, rotates up and turns on; then the focus cuts to an angled shot of a different group of trees as a spotlight, also shiny and new, swings down and turns on; then a small video camera pops out of some burrow next to a spray bottle of some cleaning solution, knocking away a roll of paper towels as it emerges; then a second camera pops out of a tree hollow along with a scrub brush, bar of soap, sponge, and a load of soap bubbles. Pale arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, cutting the scene to the Dock of Shame. The camera flies forward, swinging past the Wawanakwa sign and then the final few posts of the dock, rising up to show the spa hotel as Chris and Chef landed their red helicopter in the common area.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera flies past the helicopter and up the thousand-foot cliff, cresting the peak and diving into the lake below, where Angel plays tug-of-war with Heather over a large treasure chest while the Drama Machine sits and sparks nearby, both girls in their swimsuits.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Angel and Heather set the chest down and to their shock it bursts open to reveal not only a cloud of bubbles and the Mike-onut and several McLean Invincibility Statues, but also a twitching and awkwardly-folded Cody who floats up in his swim trunks alongside the wooden heads. The Drama Machine explodes and the shot cuts to a small patch of bubbles on the surface, then zooms out to show the remaining swim-dressed campers lined up according to their teams – the villains holding red dueling sticks on the left on a wooden raft, a hollowed-out log, another wooden raft, and a green canoe; the heroes holding gold dueling sticks on the right on an inflatable raft, a wooden raft, another inflatable one, and a red canoe. The camera zooms in and moves between them as they clash – vicious Jo against hesitant Victor; smug Alejandro shoving away shocked Bridgette with one hand; Natasha ducking from Kitsune's strike and causing her to fall into the lake; Mike, as Vito, brutally thrusting the end of his dueling stick into Scarlett's stomach; and Lily and Lightning angrily slamming their sticks against one another; Matthew falls from the sky and into the lake, dousing the former almost-couple and the camera.]

[The water dries away from the camera lens showing the campfire and Cody and Scarlett leaning in with eager smiles against the full moon...only for Kitsune to suddenly pop up between them with a cheesy grin, causing the two geniuses to look away with blushes. The camera zooms out further, revealing the other cast members sitting on the stumps around the fire – Angel, Lily, Bridgette, Lightning, Matthew, and Victor on the left; Mike, Alejandro, Heather, Natasha, and Jo on the right. The zoom continues even further, showing the signboard over the firepit's entrance which now read 'Total Drama All-Stars', with the dash replaced by a star.]

 **XXXXX**

A soft tune with just a hint of underlying tension began as the episode opened on the spa hotel, the scene soon cutting inside to the dining room. "So Bridgette thinks that Matthew rigged the votes against Scarlett?" the Cody asked Lily as the camera panned on to him following her to the table, a plate of food in each of their hands.

"Pretty much," Lily said with a hint of impatience. "She also thinks he had something to do with Chris's mansion blowing up."

"It was a cottage!" Chris's muffled voice protested from off-screen.

"So why don't we tell Chris?!" Cody exclaimed.

"Because we have no proof," Lily explained after a forceful sigh. "And even if we did, I wouldn't."

"Why not?" Cody asked. "Don't you want revenge?"

Lily spun around on her heel to face him. "Yes," she said simply. "But I also want to win, and I can't do that as long as Alejandro's still here. Luckily, I have a plan..."

XXX

"I'm not going along with Lily's plan because I want to," Cody confessed. "It's a little underhanded for my tastes, but I'm out of allies and options. Being the last Hero in the game means I have to do what it takes to stay in the game."

XXX

"I can't let myself get cocky or distracted by revenge," Lily confessed slowly. "That's what got me sent home last year about this time. I have to play strategically if I'm going to win, _especially_ as long as Al _and_ Heather are still here."

XXX

The static ended, putting the scene back in the dining room as Lily brought her fork from her mouth. "But we have to be careful," she said as she pointed her fork at Cody. "We need to figure out Al and Heather's next move and counteract it. _Without_ getting messed up by Matthew."

\

The music turned ominous as the scene flashed to Boney Island, the fog parting as the camera slowly flew towards the skull-shaped mountain.

Another cut put the focus on a tall pine tree, the base of its trunk covered in claw and tooth marks. The camera panned upward to reveal a scratched and bruised Matthew sleeping face-down on a branch. Most of his arms and legs dangling freely, the camera zoomed in as he began to murmur.

The entire scene shimmered, transitioning to a strange pinkish sky filled with clouds, an odd but serene tune playing in the background. A pan down showed Matthew lazily drifting through, floating with his hands behind his head and a calm look on his face as though he were simply lying in bed.

"This is how a genius like me _deserves_ to be treated," he sighed. "Nothing to bother me and everything I could ever want. Money," a familiar-looking briefcase full of cash poofed into existence next to his head. "Food," several dishes of garden salad and a coconut drink appeared below him, and he causally grabbed the drink and took a sip out of it. "Hot guys..."

Another poof, and a very muscular and attractive tan-skinned man wearing only a pair of black shorts and bow ties appeared in front of him, carrying a large palm leaf and fanning him. "And I've almost made it." He sighed in content again...

...and was promptly punched in the face. The sky and music turned dark and treacherous, and the camera pulled back out to show the man– slowly fading into an image of a, fully dressed, Mal – smirking at Matthew with his arms crossed. "Do you really think you have what it takes to win?" the image asked him.

"Because I'm the smartest person in the game!" Matthew told it angrily.

The image of Mal sniffed. "You're kidding. You're nothing but a cowardly weasel that only made it this far because no one was paying attention to you." As he spoke he grew larger and larger, the perspective shifting to look down at Matthew as he gaped at the ever-increasing shadow. The camera moved behind him to show the image of Mal towering over him like he were some little bug, and with malevolent chuckle he just flicked the hipster away.

The camera followed him as he flew screaming backwards across the darkened sky until he collided with the suitcase full of money, now closed tight. "The million dollars," he said, quickly clinging to it excitedly...until it started to inflate like a balloon. "Huh?" was all Matthew could say before it burst into a flash of light, which quickly faded to reveal the massive disembodied head of Scarlett.

"I'm hardly surprised," the image of Scarlett said, glowering down at Matthew. "I picked up on his numerous personality flaws his first day on the plane."

The background faded to black, and Mal's disembodied voiced just let out a reverberating chuckle. "I'd say hs fate third season was deserved," Mal said.

"On that, we're agreed," Scarlett's disembodied voice said.

"Totally," Cody's voice said, and all three began to laugh.

"Ih," Clone chimed in, adding his voice to the laughter.

One by one, the voices of all the original cast voiced their agreement to Mal's statement and laughed at him, the hipster's face looking more and more frightened as his posture became rigid.

He struggled to move, and his eye opened all the way in pure panic and horror. "No! NO!" Matthew cried out in terror as the 'camera' pulled back to show he was once again trapped in the Drama Machine.

"NOOOOOO!" he screamed in a robotic voice, the scene shimmering in the middle as he woke up...and discovered he was falling in real life.

He hit the ground on his back with a painful thud. The camera moved above him as he groaned...and the shot zoomed in as his eyes snapped open again, now full of fire. "I will not lose!" he declared angrily, pounding the ground beside him angrily as a few ominous chants pulled the scene back out to the skull mountain of Boney Island.

\

The music faded into a more standard background tune as the scene flashed back to the common area. Another cut took the focus to Cody and Lily walking together through the campgrounds. Upon reaching the loser cabin they stopped, and moments later Alejandro and Heather walked out of their respective sides to face them.

"I take it you're here to make a deal?" Alejandro asked.

"How'd you know?" Lily questioned. Unseen by all, Cody rolled his eyes.

"Pah-Lease," the queen bee said matter-of-factly, "after last's night's little show, Matthew's _got_ to be on your hit list.

Lily sighed. "Fair enough. You're right. me and Cody," she gestured to the geek standing beside her and awkwardly waving, "came here to make a deal with you two."

Alejandro shared an amused look with his ally. "What kind of deal?"

"The four of us are getting rid of Matthew tonight," Cody answered. "And nobody else."

Alejandro and Heather shared another look. "Obviously," Heather said. "I mean, he's crazy."

Lily crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Yeah well, there's more to it than that. The four of us have to make sure Matthew doesn't win immunity tonight, and we all have to vote him out. We can't let that little weasel hang around any longer and try to mess us up again."

Alejandro rubbed his chin and nodded. "Reasonable."

Alejandro and Heather shared one last look, and nodded. "Deal," they said together, Alejandro shaking Cody's hand and Heather Lily's.

The two former Heroes left the scene and the music turned ominous as both Heather and Alejandro revealed they had crossed their fingers behind their backs.

"You realize they were lying?" Alejandro asked.

"I know," Heather responded with a smirk. "But what's important is that they think we were telling the truth."

\

The scene cut to Lily and Cody making their way back to the spa hotel. "You do realize they were lying right?" Cody asked skeptically.

"Duh," Lily replied. "But as long as they think we weren't we're good."

XXX

"The one thing I noticed about Heather and Al while we were teammates-" Lily started.

XXX

"There's something about Heroes that makes them so easy to fool-"

XXX

"-they're just so transparent in their goals," both finished in side-by-side confessionals.

XXX

"Attention punching bags!" Chris called out over the loudspeaker. "Please gather in the forest clearing, and bring your padded undies, cause today's challenge," the shot cut to a scowling Matthew being driven in on the back of Chef's jeep, "is a butt-kicker."

As the jeep passed by the other four campers, Chef shoved Matthew out. "Aagh!" the hipster shouted in alarm as he landed in the dirt. He growled in annoyance, then looked up as the other four walked past him. "Hmph. Looks like you lost your chances of winning, I survived last night _easily_."

None of them reacted, simply walking onward without so much as a glance Matthew's way.

The shot cut in for a close-up as Matthew raised a brow in confusion.

\

A flash took the scene to Cody and Lily walking side-by-side down the forest path, a plodding tune playing in the background. They barely turned their heads as Matthew came running up alongside them, but soon looked forward again.

"Hey Heroes," the hipster greeted them. "Just wanted to let you too know that if you're looking for a third to help vote off one of the evil couple, I'm your guy."

Lily smirked, but Cody sped up without taking his eyes off the path ahead. "You've got yourself a deal. But so I can keep up appearances..."

The shot moved in front of them as Lily gave him a narrow and angry side-eye, then turned around and kneed him in the crotch. The shot returned to the usual side-on view as Matthew dropped to his knees with a squeal of pain, and Lily continued on with a mirthful chuckle.

The camera panned back to Alejandro and Heather, and after a few yards they smirked at one another. "Man she's really selling it," the queen bee said.

"Like you wouldn't have done the same," Alejandro said, and the two laughed.

\

The scene flashed forward to show all five campers standing along a line of chalk, a small flag to the side of it along with Chris, an aerial map of the island on a widescreen television, and the two slender white interns looking ragged and drooping in exhaustion.

"Behold!" Chris declared, motioning to his underlings as a harsh and hollow note played. "My sad, skinny interns!"

The girl with the ponytail moaned. "I totally forgot to feed them this week," Chris explained, walking over between them and putting his hands on their shoulders.

Matthew barked out laughter, earning glares from Cody and Lily.

Chris laughed as well. "I know, funny right? So, today's challenge is a race to make a delicious sundae, and serve it up to good ol'...whatshisname," he looked at the long-banged male, "and whosits...over here," he looked at the girl.

XXX

Lily started her confessional with a smug chuckle. "Yeah, Angel had to kiss a lot of frogs before meeting her Princess Charming. All those 'Break-Up Sundaes' made me practically an expert. Maybe I should open an ice cream shop if I win..."

XXX

"So," Chris said as Chef walked by in front of him carrying a stack of bowls, "to make this fun, for me, you'll have to travel to the most dangerous parts of the island to procure the ingredients of this dessert." He backed away as the camera zoomed in on the aerial photo of the island, a quartet of dark red X-marked circles appearing at various points with small blinking arrows pointing from them to specific landmarks: the thousand-foot-high cliff; the old mess hall; and two parts of the forest far from camp.

A flash of static cut the scene to a pan up the giant hill, its slope now covered in snow. "Your ice cream awaits at the top of the diving cliff," he explained, the camera reaching the top to show a generator-powered cannon-like device spewing ice and snow into the air. "Which the ice machine has been making nice and slippery for a while now."

Another bit of static took the scene to a bowl of cherries sitting on a flat rock in the murky swamp. "The Maraschino cherries are perched on a rock in the swamp," Chris explained, the camera pulling back to show more of the logs and cattails that ringed the greenish water, a chorus of frogs just audible below his voice.

"You'll find crushed peanuts in the old cafeteria," the host continued as the static brought the focus to a panning shot of a bowl of nuts sitting on an old oil drum in the middle of the decrepit building. "And, the final ingredient, chocolate sauce" another bit of static, and the camera panned leftward across a close-up of a bubbling brown pool with some sort of plant growing in the middle, "can be found in a pool surrounding a recently-planted mutant fire flower." The camera stopped on the foot of a bear, then pulled back as it stuck its paw into the pool and took a lick of the chocolate. The tubular orange flower reared back and shot fire at the bear, burning away its fur and leaving it confused and sizzling.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Heather complained as Chef handed bowls to Cody and Lily next to her.

"What can I say," Chris said, "prison changed me! For the _better_ ," he laughed. "The first person to have their sundae completely consumed by the interns wins," he explained as he walked back towards the campers and the interns, who had collapsed onto the ground. "On your marks," he told them, reaching into his back pocket.

A few drum beats played over a close-up of him raising his airhorn. He blew it.

The shot cut back outward to show the campers eyeing him warily. "What are you waiting for, they're hungry!" he yelled at them with a brief motion to his fallen interns. "Scram!" Tense challenge music rose up as he blew his horn again, the campers finally running off. He blew his horn at them again as they passed by out of annoyance.

The camera panned ahead to show Matthew taking the early lead. "I hope you're all ready to lose!" he boasted confidently as Cody ran up along side him.

"The interns are gonna eat my sundae," the geek boasted back, "but _you're_ gonna eat those words!"

A pan back to the left showed Lily, then Alejandro, then Heather at the very back. "Come on, Cody!" Lily shouted to her ally. "Trip him up! We gotta make sure he falls behind!"

The shot cut back to Cody as he sighed and rolled his eyes.

XXX

"I know I would've said something snarky to her if this was last season," Cody said, "or even last week, but Matthew tried to kill me, tried to leave me for dead, and sent Scarlett home. He needs to pay."

XXX

Cody scowled determinedly as he looked back at Matthew. "Good advice," Matthew said, the shot cutting to his feet to show his foot sticking out in front of Cody's.

Matthew laughed as he continued running, Cody falling down and out of sight behind him.

XXX

Matthew sighed. "If that's the best they can come up with I don't have to worry about anything."

XXX

"Later," Matthew called back to his foes, "losers!"

The camera quick-panned back to Lily, who was helping Cody back to his feet. "It's up to you two!" she called out to Alejandro and Heather, and the camera panned back to the right to show them listening.

"We can play dirty," Heather said, " _and_ do it better."

"We should consider other options," Alejandro said, as he sped up.

XXX

"Sometimes it's better to be honorable," Alejandro said before chuckling. "I can _obviously_ best Matthew in anything physical. Why waste time trying to stop him?"

XXX

The scene cut to the snowy hillside, the challenge music quickly ramping back up as Matthew trudged upward and onward. "Almost...there...," he said, taking heavy steps.

Alejandro rushed past just then, knocking him into the snow. "Pardon me," he said as he continued on.

Matthew pushed himself out of the snow with an angry sputter. "Hey! Watch where you're going!"

The handsome teen ignored him, quickly reaching the top of the cliff. "This just in," Chris announced over the camp loudspeaker as Alejandro ran past the ice machine, " _Al_ is first to reach the ice cream!" He grinned at the sight of the ice cream, which had been shaped into a snowman with vanilla base, chocolate chest and arms, strawberry head, licorice scarf, various toppings for the face and a cone for a hat.

"Victory is mine," Alejandro said confidently as he tried to skid to a stop and grab one of the scoops sticking out of the snow...only to slip onto his butt and slide onwards with a wail. "Or not!" He slid all the way off the edge, but a close-up showed him grabbing on to an icicle just in time. The shot cut outward to show him hanging by one hand in the open air, and he gulped. "Ay Dios Mio," he muttered to himself in fear. "HEEEEELPPP!" he yelled, his voice echoing.

The shot cut back to Matthew, snickering as he scooped ice cream into his bowl. "See you at the finish line," he said, watching as Heather ran past with a concerned look on her face.

"Matthew has scooped up first place!" Chris announced, the hipster dropping his scoop and running back the way he'd came.

"Oh, great..." Cody muttered as the shot cut to him and Lily climbing up on their hands and knees.

Matthew reached the edge, and with a taunting cry of "Look out below!" he jumped into the air and started sliding down on his back. He barked a mocking laugh at the former heroes as he passed them.

"Why you!" Lily growled, trying to lunge out at her former teammate only to slip and fall. She yelped as the snow under her started to slide back down the hill, only for Cody to reach back and grab her by the arm.

"Remember the plan," he told her.

"R-right," Lily stammered.

XXX

"Never thought I'd be the one who needed calming down," Lily mused.

XXX

"Thanks," Lily told Cody, and the two resumed climbing.

The shot cut to the cliff's edge, Heather sitting at the end of it with her bowl on the ground and her arms reaching down. "C'mon, almost got..." she muttered, the camera panning down to show Alejandro, his bowl on his head, trying to reach out to her. "Just a little more!" she added, the camera zooming in as Alejandro grunted and stretched, their hands getting closer and closer.

A triumphant tune rose up as they finally clasped, Alejandro exclaiming "Finalmente!" as he was rapidly pulled to safety. The shot cut to Heather as she brought him up, only to lose balance at the last second and fall backwards from the effort.

Alejandro landed on top of her, their lips pressed together. A sweet, lilting tune played as they stayed that way for a couple seconds, before Alejandro pushed himself up with a blush that was matched by his companion. "We have more important matters to attend to mi amour," he joked.

"You started it," Heather said with a mix of bashfulness and irritation.

"Uh, excuse me?" came the mildly annoyed voice of Lily and the challenge music with it, the shot panning over to show her and Cody getting their ice cream. "One of us needs to actually _beat_ Matthew, remember?" she told them as her partner dropped his scoop and ran off.

"Such big anger from such a little woman," Alejandro commented as he ran back to the ice cream snowman. He arrived just as Lily left, and began to to scoop.

The camera followed Lily as she ran back to the slope. "With any luck something will slow Matthew down," she called out. "But we need to _be_ there to take advantage of it!" She jumped off and slid back down the snow, and moments after she left the bear that had been rendered hairless by the mutant fire flower earlier rose up from the far side of the hill, a curious look on its face. "And don't think I didn't hear that!" her voice echoed after she'd left.

Alejandro arrived at the ice cream snowman just as Heather was getting her last scoop of strawberry. "You go on ahead," he said at her questioning look. "This won't take long."

"If you say so," Heather nodded before running off.

The shot focused in on Alejandro as he bent down and tried to pull a scoop from the ground, only for it not to budge. "How is it stuck?" he groaned before reaching for the one next to it and pulling it out with ease.

He stood up, saw the naked bear happily licking at the chocolate ice cream, and blinked. "Nice bear," he told it with a charming grin. It merely gave him a slightly enamored look as he proceeded to take scoops of the vanilla and chocolate, but as he tried to take a scoop from the strawberry head he accidentally pushed it slightly.

The music struck a few deep and tense beats as the head wobbled a bit, then finally dropped onto the bear's head. It immediately reared up on its hind legs and roared in anger, and Alejandro gulped.

XXX

"I would like to point out," Alejandro stated rather calmly, "that I did _not_ in anyway show fear by screaming or running away. And I most certainly didn't trip on a patch of ice and slide down the hill ungracefully."

XXX

The frogs and crickets were still singing as the scene moved to the cherries on their rock in the middle of the swamp. Matthew grunted in disgust as he waded into view, saying "It's like being on the Dirtbag bus again," as he made his way to the next ingredient.

"Matthew's first to the cherries!" Chris announced over the loudspeaker. "Will he keep his lead?" he asked over a close-up shot of the hipster plucking a cherry from the top and putting it on his ice cream. "Not if _Snappy_ has anything to say about it!"

"Snappy?" Matthew asked in confusion, looking around as the camera zoomed back out. An alligator promptly rose to the surface next to him and growled. Matthew screamed in fright, but the shot quickly cut to Lily swinging blindly down on a vine and landing on the alligator.

"That should minimize the damage done to my favorite vest," the cynic commented.

"Thanks for the save," Matthew told her tauntingly, prompting the cynic to look down at the alligator she'd landed on and gasp in surprise.

"Whoa! What the heck is _that_ doing here?!" Lily cried.

"Distracting you," Matthew said with a smirk, running past Lily...only for the cynic to grab him by the back of his t-shirt and pull him back.

"You'd have been better off if you hadn't _told_ me you were distracting me," Lily said as she threw Matthew down into the water near the cherries. "Later loser," the cynic added, taking a cherry and adding it to her ice cream. "Used your own catch-phrase against you!" she said in a mocking tone as she raced back to shore.

"And _Lily_ takes the lead!" Chris announced as Matthew resurfaced with a splutter. He looked at his ice cream and gasped, a close-up revealing that it had been partially melted by the swamp water and that the cherry had disappeared. The shot cut back up to his face as he narrowed his eyes and growled.

XXX

"It's not enough to beat them," Matthew said with an eerie calm. "I have to _DESTROY THEM_!" he finished, suddenly getting frighteningly angry with each word spoken.

XXX

The static cut away to show Cody and Heather making their way through the swamp, the latter standing on a floating log. They soon reached the flat rock they'd been directed to...only to find it barren and empty with no cherries in sight. They gasped.

"What the? Where are the frickin' cherries?!" Heather asked in shock. "Did we take a wrong turn?"

Cody looked around frantically. "No, this looks like the right place," he said before wading closer to the rock and checking around it.

"Maybe we should just use something else," Heather suggested off-camera as Cody noticed a few small bubbles on the surface of the water near the rock.

"No, wait," he called back, the music rising as the upturned bowl the cherries had been in broke the surface of the water. Cody took it out, revealing a frog under it, and examined the empty, dripping vessel with a critical eye. "Looks like the cherries fell into the water," he said, the shot pulling back to show the queen bee standing beside him.

"How?" Heather asked.

"Matthew if I had to guess. It's an easy fix though," Cody said, setting the bowl back on the rock then reaching down into the water. After a few seconds of searching he pulled up a handful of cherries.

"Ewwww...," Heather said in disgust, taking one of them before Cody put the rest back in the bowl.

"Just rub off the water and you'll be fine," Cody said, rubbing a cherry of his own on his shirt.

"Whatever...," Heather said, giving him a strange look before dropping the cherry on her own ice cream.

XXX

"What?" Heather asked the camera. "We were behind enough as it is, and I don't have a lot room to work with," she gestured to her outfit. "Besides, those interns aren't gonna care about a little swamp water."

XXX

A sharp dramatic note played as Snappy was shown approaching again, the shot cutting back up to Cody – his cherry now on her ice cream – taking notice immediately. "Err...nice gator?" he tried to placate as the music continued building, backing up slowly through the swamp as it continued to approach him at a low hiss. "You don't wanna eat me do you?" He flashed it a wary smile.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed as it suddenly dove down, then lunged out of the water at him as the music peaked.

A pause icon appeared on the scene.

\

"Wow," Chris said as the opening notes of the capstone theme played, "he's just _swamped_!" He walked in front of the scene, laughing at his own joke and holding a remote. "Who will survive the sundae challenge?" he asked, the camera jumping backward to show him standing in front of the widescreen television. "And who's about to become _tomorrow's_ wildlife leftovers? Find out after the break, on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

The episode resumed from the paused scene of Cody and the alligator. The music boomed intensely as the alligator lunged with open jaws, and a cut to the geek showed him averting his eyes and drawing back a punch. "Haa!" he cried out pathetically, the camera following his fist as it connected with the alligator's lower jaw. The beast was knocked away with a startled whimper, landing off-screen with a splash.

"Wow," Cody said, breathing a little heavily, "I really do have a killer left hook..." The background score trilled ominously as he grunted, lifting her leg with a squelching sound and turning around.

And then a scream came through the trees, the music spiking as Alejandro arrived at a terrified pace and dove into the swamp. The hairless bear, still chasing him on its hind legs, blindly tripped over a rock and flew even further. A cut back to Cody showed the bear surfacing next to him just as the alligator returned with an angry growl; with a roar and a harsh tune the bear pounced on the alligator and started wrestling with it.

With a blank look Cody slowly backed away to the right, and soon bumped in to Alejandro coming from the opposite direction. "Whoa!" he said, whirling around in surprise. "Oh, Alejandro, it's just you. Anyway, gotta go!" he called out over a quick-pan over showed the two predators launching themselves into the air over the bowl as they continued to furiously fight.

XXX

"I will never understand why people get so upset over a simple desert," Alejandro commented.

XXX

The next confessional was given by the hairless bear, now holding an ice cream cone with a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of vanilla. It tried to lick it only for the ice cream to fall off, and it roared in anger.

XXX

"And _Lily_ is the first to enter the crushed nut zone," Chris announced over the loudspeaker as the cynic ran up the steps and into the old mess hall, "where she'll face-off against the newly rebuilt Total Drama Machine."

Lily, who had been about to take a scoop of crushed nuts, paused and looked upward with a nervous frown. "The Total Drama What-Now?."

Challenge music rose up as the camera cut to an upward-angled shot of the shadowy form of an advancing robot. With a whir it revealed itself as the old robot that had once been Matthew's prison, though its eyes were now glowing red and it had a large wooden mallet in place of its right hand. It raised the mallet to strike, but Lily quickly ducked around toward the camera with a startled "Whoa!"

The mallet hit the floor hard enough to send a flew splintered boards up into the air, but Lily simply jumped around behind it. A shift in perspective to behind the bowl of nuts showed the cynic pop back up and grab a few, the viewpoint returning to its usual position as Lily darted away towards the kitchen and the machine turned to follow her.

A quick-pan back to the entrance showed Matthew creeping in to the room with a devious smile, easily dashing over to the oil drum the nuts were on. "Come to Matty...!" he said, waving his fingers eagerly as he prepared to grab his next ingredient.

Only for the shot to pan back to Lily, her back to the wall as the robot approached. With a grunt and a strong kick to the machine's front she knocked it backwards on its wheels, and Matthew looked up with a questioning grunt just in time to see it slam into him. "As ,y boyfriend would say, sha-bye-bye!" Lily taunted as she ran back through the room, the camera following her to show her passing a screaming Matthew as he fled back to the right, the robot right behind him.

The shot cut to Matthew running through the swinging saloon doors into the kitchen, the Machine entering moments later. There was a great crash of metal from off-camera, and soon after a terrified Matthew vaulted over the counter Chef had once served meals at and ran back into the room. "I'll make her pay for that...," he muttered, finding his anger again as a close-up showed him grabbing a handful of crushed nuts, then shoving the bowl onto the ground. "I'll make them all pay!" He ran out the door, and straight into someone outside.

"Watch where you're going!" Heather grunted, the scene cutting outside to show her and the hipster on their butts on the mess hall porch as they both stood up.

She tried to push past him, but he grabbed her arm. "Wait," he told her with smug expression. "You know what happened yesterday was good strategy. Let's work together and win this thing."

Heather scoffed indignantly. "I'm sorry, and why should I believe anything you say?"

"Because, with Al not trusting you, you're out of allies," Matthew mocked. Heather just crossed her arms and gave him a disbelieving look.

Heather grabbed his t-shirt and shoved him against the door frame. "If you think you can frame me and get away with it," she hissed at him in a close-up, "then you've got another thing coming."

"I'm not hearing a 'no'," Matthew said with a grin.

"Just get out of my way," Heather said, throwing him to the side and walking into the mess hall.

The camera cut to a close-up of Matthew, who had landed on the steps and was now rubbing his head. An ominous tune played as he opened his eyes, and smirked.

\

A flash took the scene inside the cafeteria as Heather noticed the nuts scattered on the floor. "Seriously?" she said, groaning in annoyance as she crouched down and began to pick them up a few at a time. She was quickly distracted by a metallic whir, and screamed as the Total Drama Machine charged at her from the right, its mallet raised high. "You have _got_ to be _kidding_ me!" Heather yelled, running back and forth across the room with the robot right behind her.

"What the heck...?" Cody asked in confusion as he walked into the room, looking from Heather and the robot to the nuts spilled on the floor.

\

A jet of flame hit a large boulder just before Lily got behind it. "And _Lily_ is the first to reach the chocolate fire zone!" Chris announced as the challenge music resumed.

"That's what I like to hear!" the cynic exclaimed.

"But Matthew is hot on his heels and fueled by crazy," Chris continued, the shot cutting in closer to Lily as she giggled to herself, "so, it's still anybody's game!"

The camera pulled back as Matthew ran past, muttering angrily to himself. "They're all going down. I'm the only one who's gonna win the million...whoa!" he said in shock, coming upon the mutant fire flower which stood just a few inches taller than him. "Since when do flowers get _that_ big?!"

"That tends to happen when they're left on a toxic island for a few months," Lily told him, joining him on the edge of the chocolate pool. "It's common knowledge really..."

Matthew sneered at her, but before he could reply the flower reared back and shot another burst of flame their way; the two screamed and ducked, then Matthew ran forward and around the pool. The flower's attention followed him and it soon shot another blast of fire that Matthew had to hastily jump to avoid, only for it to catch his shoes alight.

As the hipster shrieked and tried to put out the small fire on his feet, the shot cut back to Lily to show her staring blankly at Matthew while still crouched down. She shrugged, then scooped up some sauce with her hand and dumped it on her ice cream.

"Lily exits the chocolate fire zone," Chris announced as the cynic ran past Matthew, who had put out his feet but now had to contend with blast after blast from the fire flower's signature weapon, "maintaining her lead!"

The flower stopped attacking, freeing up Matthew to glare and growl angrily in the direction the cynic had gone.

\

The scene flashed back to the mess hall as Alejandro finally arrived in the doorway. He lingered there to catch his breath but was only able to do so for a moment before something caught his attention that cause him to gasp and scramble out of the way.

The Total Drama Machine, now sparking and smoking, sped through the open door. Alejandro looked from it to back further into the room, and the shot cut to Cody holding a small motherboard with an antenna on it.

"That should take care of that," he commented before noticing Alejandro dashing over with an impressed look on his face.

"What did you do?" he asked the geek.

Cody shrugged. "Not much. The robot ran into a wall and some parts fell out of it. I just made up a quick remote and sent it away so I could get the nuts. But I'm not sure where my sundae is," he said, scratching the top of his head. "Or Heather, for that matter," he added, looking around with a frown.

"Well there's a sundae over there," Alejandro said, attracting the attention of the geek and the camera to the empty oil drum, which had tipped over at some point. "And I imagine Heather took advantage of the distraction to get the nuts and go," he added as the shot cut back to them.

\

"Crap...," Matthew muttered as the scene flashed back to him taking cover behind a rock, the mutant flower shooting fire at him. "I gotta figure out how to get past that thing, stall the others, and catch up to Lily before she wins."

He looked around in a panic, and the camera pulled back as he spotted something to reveal a fairly large stone sitting on the ground. "That'll work," he said, picking up the stone and abandoning his hiding spot. With a smirk he threw the rock at the plant, somehow landing directly into the flower's 'mouth'. "Take that!" he told it before crouching down and scooping up some chocolate sauce.

Matthew ran away cackling, leaving the plant to bulge and inflate as its fire built up, unable to get past the rock. The music peaked dramatically, and the fire flower exploded. A trio of gasps were heard as the smoke began to clear, a close-up of the edge of the smoldering pool showing three pairs of feet arriving. "Seriously?!" Heather exclaimed as the camera pulled back to show her, Alejandro, and Cody looking down in sheer disbelief. "What did he do now?!"

"Looks like he overcooked the chocolate sauce," Cody said, getting down on one knee and scooping up a handful of blackened clumps. "We'll have to find some other topping," he added, dropping the lumps and standing back up, "unless you think the interns have a taste for coals."

"...well they are hungry," Heather said, looking down uncertainly at the smoldering remains of the pool.

"That would only slow the interns down," Alejandro said with a scolding frown. "The point is to make something that can be eaten fast."

"There's some berry bushes on the way back," Cody said. "We can grab some on the way and squeeze them for juice. Come on!" he said, waving for the villains to follow him as he ran off.

XXX

"And now I only have to beat _one_ person," Matthew bragged.

XXX

The music became harsh and repetitive as the static gave way to Heather, Cody, and Alejandro racing down the path with their ice cream.

A quick-pan ahead showed Lily running along as well, apparently alone. "C'mon, almost there!" she told herself, before to her shock Matthew came running up alongside her.

"Looks like you weren't smart enough to find the shortcut!" he yelled tauntingly, laughing as he passed the momentarily stunned cynic. The shot cut to him whooping in celebration as he crossed the finish line barely a step ahead of Lily, Chris watching with an impish smile while Chef just stared and the two interns moaned hungrily.

Cody, Alejandro, and Heather complained as they crossed moments later.

"I win!" Matthew exclaimed excitedly. "Eat up, intern!" he added, thrusting his bowl of ice cream under the male intern's nose.

"About that..." Chris interrupted, stepping over and earning Matthew's attention. "I lied! The _real_ challenge is that you have to eat your _own_ sundaes," he explained over the tense opening bars of the ceremony theme, a pan across the faces of the others showing Cody, Heather, Alejandro, and Lily all smiling at their bowls and voicing their relief and delight.

As the camera moved back to an angry Matthew, Chris added "First to finish wins immunity." Matthew glared as Chef stuck a spoon into his sundae, then moved along down the line to do the same for the others. "Everyone else is on the chopping block. So," the female intern moaned in the background, "dig in!"

The shot immediately cut to Lily, Alejandro, Cody, and Heather quickly digging in happily, then back to Matthew as he looked at them angrily.

XXX

"Even after _everything_ I did to ruin their ice cream," Matthew complained to the confessional camera, spreading his arms wide, "they're still eating it? And smiling?!" He growled in frustration, throwing his arms up then crossing them irritably. "Why don't they just give up?!" he asked the camera.

XXX

Another shot of Matthew's competitors showed them wordlessly and happily scarfing down their sundaes, then the scene panned back to Matthew as he took a deep breath, then raised his bowl to his mouth.

He began to chug.

"Whoa-ho-ho," Chris laughed as the camera pulled back enough to show him and Lily, "looks like Matthew's pulling out all the stops on this one!" The comment caught the cynic's attention, and she shrugged before taking larger spoonfuls and eating at a faster pace. "The rest of you better hurry up if you wanna beat him!"

The focus moved back to the other three as they abandoned their spoons with nervous looks to one another and began to chug as well, but it was to no avail. "F-finished!" Lily called out to their shock. The camera cut back to her holding up an empty bowl while Matthew had only the small spoonful left. He growled and threw his bowl to the ground, shattering it.

"Boom!" Chris said, a short tune of victory playing. "Just like that, Lily wins the challenge and immunity!"

Lily cheered as the other four groaned and growled in anger, annoyance, and disappointment. "Grr...I hope the brain freeze takes you out," Matthew snapped at her.

"While Lily starts thinking of who she's gonna vote foe," Chris told the others as he walked towards them, "the rest of you eat up. You're not getting anymore food until you finish what you thought was good enough to feed my interns."

The four looked at one another. "Looks like skipping the chocolate was a good idea," Cody commented before resuming his eating at a more leisurely pace.

XXX

"I'm pretty sure Matthew's gonna side with us tonight," Lily told the outhouse with a smug grin. "I played the part of how he was the only one in the game smart enough to win and begged him to not vote for me or Cody. The best way to deal with Matthew is to play to his ego."

XXX

"I've got Matthew's vote locked down," Heather bragged. "All I had to do was remind him he had no allies left and the only way to get some was to vote with Alejandro and I. The best way to deal with that little weasel is to play to his self preservation.

XXX

A trio of quick, deep notes played over the traditional long-distance shot of the moonlit island. The scene soon cut to the campfire pit where the cast had gathered: Cody and Lily on the left, Heather and Alejandro on the right, Matthew all alone in the back row and still looking angry, and Chris standing by at his oil barrel podium.

"Elimination time!" the host announced as another deep note played. "Tonight, Lily has immunity and the rest of you all have reasons for going home." Chris paused to chuckle as the camera panned to the front row. "Will it be Cody or Heather, our unknown variables?" The two in question were shown looking nervous. "Or will it be Matthew, public enemy number one?"

The shot cut to the boy in question. "Those claims can't be proven!" he said.

Chris just shrugged. "How about Alejandro then," he suggested, the shot cutting to the charmer as he suddenly stiffened. "He _is_ Total Drama's original villain after all, and a pretty cutthroat one too. Might be a good idea to get rid of him while the gettin's good." Alejandro glared at him. "But hey, it's not my call to make. It's you guys', cause it's time to vote."

XXX

"Cody and Lily want me to side with them," Matthew mused. "Al and Heather want me to side with _them_. Which side should I pick?"

XXX

The static took the scene to the Flush of Shame, the somber farewell theme playing as Chris stood at the edge of the dock.

"Allright," Chris said with a smile. "I've tabulated the votes. And with three votes to two, tonight's loser is..."

The camera panned up and to the left to show the person sitting in the toilet was "... _Alejandro_!"

"You made a big mistake Matthew," Alejandro told the hipster with crossed arms and a glare.

"Easy for you to say when you're the one going home, _Al_ ," Matthew taunted, walking right up to the bowl to do so. "And good job not using your final words to say something to your girlfriend."

Alejandro opened his mouth to say something, but was unceremoniously flushed. Matthew gave the camera a rather smug look that turned into a groan of disgust as the toilet's backsplash washed over him, the host raising his umbrella to shield himself as always.

"Okay then," he said as a deep note ended the somber farewell song, the camera cutting to the side as he closed his umbrella and walked up the dock with Matthew right behind him. "Congrats on making it to the Final Four," he said as they reached Cody and Heather. "Lily, the spa hotel is all yours," he told the cynic as she joined the group on camera. "Because from now on," Chris continued as he walked past the four giving him questioning looks, "winners can't take anyone along with them."

"That sucks...," Lily said with a small frown.

The camera cut back to Chris as he stepped onto the shore and stopped. "Only four competitors remain," he told the camera as the Final Four filed past behind him. "Who's gonna stay, and who's gonna get flushed away? Find out next time, on an all-new Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

(Roll the Credits)

\

\

The scene opened on a sewer pipe sticking out of a section of the Great Wall. The music rose dramatically along a deluge of water carrying a screaming Alejandro . Gasping for air the moment he hit the ground, he soon spluttered and looked up. "Qué en la tierra? How did I get here?"

As he spoke to himself the camera panned out to show Staci arriving on a rickshaw being pulled by Beardo. "Like Alejandro!" Staci called out, causing the charmer to stiffen, "There you are!"

"Staci?!" Alejandro asked in shock. "And..." he looked to Beardo, but obviously didn't know his name.

"This is Beardo!" Staci said excitedly. "He doesn't talk much, but he's been really great at listening to my talk about my family."

The camera quickly cut to show that the beatboxer was wearing earbuds, and loud rap music could be heard playing from them.

"But come on!" Staci continued. "We're taking you back to Canada to stay at a five-star resort!"

"If I must..." Alejandro sighed as he walked over to and got in the rickshaw.

"I've been telling Beardo about the Great Wall," Staci continued as Beardo started pulling the rickshaw out of frame. "Did you know that it was built by my great-great-great-great-great-great..."

Alejandro just let out a resigned sigh as Staci kept saying 'great' and the scene faded to black.

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** People were expecting either Alejandro or Heather, and I chose to get rid of everyone's favorite charmer. Honestly, I just felt like it was his time to go and I couldn't really think of anything else for him to do.

As for the challenge...not much to say. Lily had to win, for reasons that can't be disclosed yet. Once again, things didn't quite go Matthew's way - his attempts at sabotage didn't really mean much, the reveal of Chris lying turned his win into a loss.

The Final Four have been decided. I wanted all four of them to be seen as reasonable finalist choices. You have Cody, the gadgeteer genius and only original Hero left, Lily, fan favorite and on the receiving end of quite a bit character development, Heather, who made it this far on pure bitchiness - an impressive feat considering the cast - and Matthew, one of the only ones who 'worked' to get to this point. Sure, maybe not all combinations would work that well, but both in-story and within the context of the series in general, all four of them are viable and deserving (in certain regards) contenders for a spot in the finale. Who will the Final Two actually be? Well, you'll just have to wait and see.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDRotI ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **14th Place:** Victor

 **13th Place:** Jo

 **12th Place:** Natasha

 **11th Place:** Mike

 **10th Place:** Kitsune

 **9th Place:** Lightning

 **8th Place:** Angel

 **7th Place:** Scarlett

 **6th Place:** Bridgette

 **5th Place:** Alejandro


	12. The Bold and the Booty-ful

**Author's Note:** We're almost at the end! I will admit, I was shocked to find out how hated this episode was in canon. But then again I've always hated Courtney ever since season one and felt everything that happened here was deserved. Anyway, let's hope I've done better for you guys.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **PurpleShadowManipulator:**_ You've got some interesting predictions. But there's only one way to know if you're right.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ To explain why no one voted for Matthew, both alliances decided to use him as a swing vote to ensure they'd have a numbers advantage in the Final Four. The reason why I had Lily win will be explained this chapter though. I guess from that perspective it could be annoying in canon, but God I've always hated Courtney so much I was literally cheering at every misfortune she suffered when I first watched it. She just always seemed like a irredeemable bitch to me.

 _ **Guest:**_ Thanks for the praise, but we'll have to disagree on whether Courtney deserved what she got. I'm glad the look into Matthew's mind was so unsettling. I was worried that his sanity slippage wasn't coming through the way I attended. And for next season; 6 from TDI, 5 from RotI, 1 from Pahkitew, and 2 from Danger Island.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Thanks!

 _ **That British Guy:**_ Interesting predictions. Let's see if you're right.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ Not quite time for Matthew to go yet. Also, let's assume cartoon physics are in effect as the reason no one's getting sick from the ice cream. There are a lot of good options with this Final Four. Sadly, you have an episode in between now and the finale. Good news is, this is that episode.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ Well only a couple more episodes to see if you are. That's exactly what I was going for with that dream. There's no way I can answer your question about the finale without giving too much away.

 _ **Remaining All-Stars:**_

 _ **Boys:**_ Cody, Matthew

 _ **Girls:**_ Heather, Lily

Does anyone even read this bit? I bet you don't. I can say anything I want here and no one will notice. Watch. Boobs. See?

* * *

 **Episode 12: The Bold and the Booty-ful**

"Last time, on Total Drama All-Stars!" Chris began, the recap montage leading off with clips of the Final Five racing down a forest path as they headed towards their ice cream, followed by Heather fleeing in terror from the Total Drama Machine. "The Final Five went on a slippery, saucy, sundae shopping spree with extra 'are you _nuts_?!'" Lily and Matthew screamed and ducked out of the way of a fire flower's blast; Matthew jumped back down the snowy slope of the thousand-foot cliff after procuring his ice cream and slid past Cody and Lily; Mathew placed a cherry on top of his sundae; Alejandro accidentally angered a hairless bear; and Alejandro and Cody picked up crushed nuts off the mess hall floor.

"Speaking of slips," Alejandro, Heather, Cody, and Lily were shown making their deal, "four of the campers made a deal to take out Matthew, only to slip up when Matthew started playing dirty." The hipster's eyes were shown narrowing angrily as he looked at his partially melted sundae, then the footage skipped forward to show Heather and Cody arriving to find the bowl of cherries gone. Matthew was shown knocking the bowl of crushed nuts to the floor next, and then causing the fire flower to explode thus ruining the pool of chocolate sauce.

"But despite all his efforts," Lily was shown kicking Matthew in the crotch, Alejandro passing him on the snowy slope, and Lily getting past the fire flower while Matthew tried to put himself out; "it was Lily who managed to win the challenge." The hipster was shown crossing the finish line, then the cynic was shown holding up his empty sundae bowl. "And thanks to both alliances betraying each other, Alejandro got the watery boot," Alejandro was shown being flushed.

"Four players remain," Chris said as the montage ended, the scene flashing to him on the dock under the starry night sky, "but not for long." A loud wet fart came from off-screen, causing Chris to laugh awkwardly and rub the back of his neck. "Okaaaayy... Who's going to the finale," he asked before another fart interrupted him. "And who's going to get a bacterial infection if _someone_ doesn't stop using the Flush of Shame?!" he asked angrily towards the toilet, the camera moving backward to show it being used by none other than Sasquatchanakwa.

The yeti lowered the newspaper it was reading and growled at the host. "Seriously bro," Chris told it, completely unintimidated, "we put people in there!"

He resumed his usual smile as the camera cut back in for a close-up. "It's all-or-nothin' time," he told it. "Right here on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

One last loud, wet fart echoed over the lake, leading to a disgusted "Eeeewwwwww!" from Chris.

 **XXXXX**

[Though the overall sequence had been shortened for the season, it opens much the same as it has previously – a shift into letterbox format and a focus on the tops of some distant pines. A stage light, sleek and shining with a price tag still attached, rotates up and turns on; then the focus cuts to an angled shot of a different group of trees as a spotlight, also shiny and new, swings down and turns on; then a small video camera pops out of some burrow next to a spray bottle of some cleaning solution, knocking away a roll of paper towels as it emerges; then a second camera pops out of a tree hollow along with a scrub brush, bar of soap, sponge, and a load of soap bubbles. Pale arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, cutting the scene to the Dock of Shame. The camera flies forward, swinging past the Wawanakwa sign and then the final few posts of the dock, rising up to show the spa hotel as Chris and Chef landed their red helicopter in the common area.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera flies past the helicopter and up the thousand-foot cliff, cresting the peak and diving into the lake below, where Angel plays tug-of-war with Heather over a large treasure chest while the Drama Machine sits and sparks nearby, both girls in their swimsuits.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Angel and Heather set the chest down and to their shock it bursts open to reveal not only a cloud of bubbles and the Mike-onut and several McLean Invincibility Statues, but also a twitching and awkwardly-folded Cody who floats up in his swim trunks alongside the wooden heads. The Drama Machine explodes and the shot cuts to a small patch of bubbles on the surface, then zooms out to show the remaining swim-dressed campers lined up according to their teams – the villains holding red dueling sticks on the left on a wooden raft, a hollowed-out log, another wooden raft, and a green canoe; the heroes holding gold dueling sticks on the right on an inflatable raft, a wooden raft, another inflatable one, and a red canoe. The camera zooms in and moves between them as they clash – vicious Jo against hesitant Victor; smug Alejandro shoving away shocked Bridgette with one hand; Natasha ducking from Kitsune's strike and causing her to fall into the lake; Mike, as Vito, brutally thrusting the end of his dueling stick into Scarlett's stomach; and Lily and Lightning angrily slamming their sticks against one another; Matthew falls from the sky and into the lake, dousing the former almost-couple and the camera.]

[The water dries away from the camera lens showing the campfire and Cody and Scarlett leaning in with eager smiles against the full moon...only for Kitsune to suddenly pop up between them with a cheesy grin, causing the two geniuses to look away with blushes. The camera zooms out further, revealing the other cast members sitting on the stumps around the fire – Angel, Lily, Bridgette, Lightning, Matthew, and Victor on the left; Mike, Alejandro, Heather, Natasha, and Jo on the right. The zoom continues even further, showing the signboard over the firepit's entrance which now read 'Total Drama All-Stars', with the dash replaced by a star.]

 **XXXXX**

It was still night as the episode opened, the camera zooming in slowly to the steps of the loser cabin where Heather was sitting, staring up at the sky. Cody was standing behind her with a slightly awkward expression.

"Smart move teaming up with Matthew to get rid of Alejandro," the queen bee said without looking at him. "Real villainous..."

"I didn't do it to be a villain," Cody protested. "I was just-"

"Thinking strategically?" Heather finished. "There's no shame in it. In fact, you're the only one left who _hasn't_ tried that in a previous season."

The camera cut to Cody, who looked positively disturbed.

XXX

Cody nervously looked around before beginning his confessional. "Heather was right," he said. "I really _am_ the only Hero left in the game. I know Lily and me are allied, but that's only until Matthew gets sent home. I'm just a little worried on what will happen after that..."

He took a deep breath. "But I shouldn't. This season proves I would've made it pretty far if I hadn't been accidentally voted off last year, and I'm the smartest person in the game now that Alejandro's gone. I think it's time I show everyone that Cody Emmett Jameson Anderson is a force to be reckoned with!"

XXX

"I _had_ to throw the little geek off his game," Heather confessed. "Alejandro wasn't just my boyfriend, he was my only reliable ally!" She brought a hand to her chin. "It's a little odd that he lasted as long as he did though," she shook her head. "Anyway, I was in this exact situation back in season two. The difference? The other three won't team up against me. While they fight each other, I'll just make my way to the Final Three, then win the finale and the million." She finished her confessional by crossing her arms and adopting a smug expression.

XXX

"Okay, I taking _only_ this confessional to celebrate making it past the Final Five," Lily said with crossed arms, "I know I would've at _least_ made the Final Three last time if it wasn't for Natasha getting that idol," she scowled and rolled her eyes. "But that's not important anymore. I've got the spa hotel all to myself, and that's where all the unedited footage for the show is kept. I just need to avoid Chris long enough to get the evidence that Matthew rigged the votes to get rid of Scarlett."

She let out a heavy sigh as she uncrossed her arms. "This has been a... trying few weeks. But now that I'm this close to the end, I _can't_ let myself get distracted by _anything_. I'm not a remarkable person and I need every advantage I can get my hands on. Then, I can win the money... and start an ice cream shop with Angel. I'm thinking of calling it 'Divine Delights'."

XXX

The scene cut to a long stretch of hallway lined with portraits of Chris. The camera panned to the left to show Lily poking her head out of a door and looking from left to right. Satisfied by what she saw, she slowly opened the door she was hiding behind and crept out of it. A deep groan caught her attention and caused her to stiffen up, and she whirled around to see Chris walking down the hall.

"I am so. _Bored_!" the host complained. "I miss my cottage!"

"That was a mansion," Lily said, her face rather unimpressed. "But I was kinda in the middle of-"

"Did you know the soap here is made out of _soap_?!" Chris interrupted, causing Lily to raise an eyebrow. "What am I a peasant?" the cynic rolled her eyes. "And six hundred thread count sheets?! It's like sleeping on _sandpaper_!"

"Wow, I never stopped to think how hard it was for you," Lily deadpanned. "I'd _love_ to chat some more, but I'm having..." she paused to think of a word, " _feminine_ troubles."

Chris's eyes widened. "Yeah, you go deal with that," he said while slowly backing away. "I'll just go... anywherebuthere!" he shouted as he ran out of sight.

Lily chuckled. "Works every time. Now where's that control room...?"

\

The scene flashed ahead to Lily poking her head through the doorway of the spa hotel 'library'. She tiptoed inside and sat at the chair in front of the monitors. On the desk were two bins of discs labeled 'EDITED' and UNEDITED'.

"This might take some time," she said to herself as she picked up a random disc and popped it into the tray in front of one of the monitors. The feed turned to static which soon overtook the screen.

XXX

"The others might not think much of me now," Matthew said, leaning against the outhouse wall with his leg up on the seat, "but I won't let that stop me. This season not only am I gonna win, but I'm gonna use the money to buy this stupid island and make Chris watch as I burn it to the ground as payback for leaving me in that robot for a year!" He delved into maniacal laughter, the outhouse fading into flames against a red background.

\

"Ideally, I would've framed Scarlett for 'cheating', the hipster confessed. "But Lightning was a bit more believable." He chuckled to himself. "I told you I wasn't going home tonight."

"Not letting _that_ one go," Lily commented over the footage.

\

The scene rippled as the footage moved back in time, cutting to a fancy looking kitchen with a particular focus on a high-end looking gas stove. A white skinned hand turned on all the eyes and the sound of hissing gas could be heard.

The footage cut to an office setting, a photo on the wall of a group of people in the uniform of the United States Navy SEAL, one of which was recognizable as a younger Chef Hatchet. The camera 'walked' over to a filing cabinet and the same white hand opened the top drawer and pulled out a file with Angel's picture in the top right. The footage skipped ahead to the hand quickly writing out a note, then the camera inverted to show Matthew with an evil grin on his face.

A bout of static immediately transitioned to a confessional, the hipster laughing, low and evilly.

After a moment he stopped, smiled darkly, and whispered "No one's taking my place again." The camera zoomed in on only his mouth as he repeated " _no one_."

"I _knew_ it wasn't her!" Lily commented again.

\

"Well, well, well," a nasally and masculine voice said, the camera cutting to show Matthew looking down in the hole Cody found himself in. "Isn't this something?"

"Matthew?" Cody asked. "What did you do to Scarlett?!"

"Nothing yet," he replied, his tone sounding annoyed yet honest.

"Then..." Cody paused. "Can you help me up?"

"I can," Matthew answered, earning a smile from the geek. "But I won't," the smile turned into a shocked gape. "You see, after you punched me and later cost me my lead in the boat challenge, I'd say this is fitting. Plus seeing you squished will make getting revenge on Scarlett for stealing my million easier. And even if I _didn't_ hate you two with every fiber of my being... there's nothing in it for me. Have a soft landing," he mocked as he turned around.

"Yeah," he deadpanned as the camera cut to show his front as he walked away. "That landing won't be soft." The music spiked sharply as Clone's hands reached down and pulled Matthew up and out of frame.

\

The confessional consisted only of Matthew taking a crossed out photo of himself out of the voting box and replacing it with a crossed out photo of Scarlett.

"Revenge on Scarlett for stealing my place in the finale third season, check," he said. "Revenge on Cody for all he's done to me this season, check. Making sure the Heroes never trust each other again. _Check_."

XXX

The footage returned to Lily, taking a disc out of the tray and smirking. "Hello insurance policy."

XXX

"Last year I would've taken this straight to Chris," Lily confessed. "That sort of impulsiveness got me sent home. I think, this time I'll wait until the right moment. Like say, _after_ Matthew's made a complete idiot if himself trying to win a challenge."

XXX

"Goooooood _morning_ , Final Four!" Chris announced over the loudspeaker, a drumline opening for an intense background score as the sun rose over the common area. "Gather on the dock, pront-o-roo-nio!" The shot cut to an upward angle on the loudspeaker itself before the host continued. "Iiiiiit's _crunch_ time!" he said as a bird flew singing past in the background. "And by that, I mean you're about to get crunched." He laughed.

The Final Four were shown walking onto the Dock of Shame, the camera cutting in closer as Matthew caught up to Heather. "So, was loser cabin as crappy for you as it was for me?" he asked as she glared at him.

"Not really," she said tersely. "I'm all rested up and ready to crush you in today's challenge."

"Haha, yeah...," Matthew laughed sarcastically. "I figured you'd be more willing to work with me instead of against me this time. You know, band together and force a tie with the loser Heroes. Play fair and all that crap, err, stuff..."

"And what would _you_ know about playing fair?" Heather told him accusingly.

"About as much as _you_ do," Matthew replied in an accusing tone of his own. "Face it, you _need_ me if you want a shot at winning."

Heather got in his face and gave him a glare that had him shrinking. "The only thing I _need_ from you is to get flushed."

XXX

"Geez, you'd think I'd get some appreciation for taking out the biggest threat in the game," Matthew scoffed. "Not like it matters, I've been in control all season and now it's time for me to get what I _should've_ gotten back in season three. That million will be mine."

XXX

"Ahoy maties!" Chris said in a pirate accent, a jaunty pirate song beginning in the background as he approached the dock on the end of the Boat of Losers. "Come to me, faithful bird!" he added in his normal voice as they reached the dock. He hopped of the boat, and the camera panned over to its cabin as Chef Hatchet emerged wearing a bright and garish parrot suit.

"Man, I look ridiculous..." he muttered.

"Oh come on," Chris told him, "stop pouting. You look great and you know it."

Chef just snorted in contempt.

"Hey, if you don't wanna be here, then-" Chris began before Chef walked back into the boat's cabin, turned the engine back on, and pulled away. "THAT ISN'T WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY!" the host yelled as a short dramatic riff played.

He sighed as he walked over to the Final Four. "Sorry," he told them as a sad tune began to play, "it's just that life's so hard in the spa hotel. I'm sick of roughing it! And since I'm craving the comforts of home, I've come up with a _special_ challenge," he said, the campers exchanging wary looks. "Your mission? To retrieve one of four valuable pieces of _pirate_ loot stashed somewhere on the island."

Matthew scoffed. "Yeah, because this dump's _loaded_ with valuable stuff."

Chris huffed in offense. "There's plenty if you know what you're _lookin_ ' for!" he exclaimed in his pirate voice, a jaunty sea shanty playing in the background.

XXX

"Chris isn't exactly the most humble person," Cody said. "Whatever he thinks is valuable is probably something that involves him in some way."

XXX

"To determine who searches for what," the host continued as he walked past the Final Four, the camera quick-panning down to a covered table at the other end of the dock upon which four small treasure chests sat, "each player will choose one of these four treasure chests," he said as he reached the table and motioned to the chests. "Arrrrr-hrr-hrr!" he growled like a pirate, another sea whistle playing in the background.

"Lily, as the winner of the last challenge," the shot cut to the Final Four as the cynic raised an eyebrow, "you get to go first."

"Cool," Lily said, rubbing her hands together in anticipation as she walked down the dock. She opened the chest on the far left. From it came a card bearing a blue image of the host's wide grin...and a blast of black pepper straight into her face. "What the heck?!" Lily exclaimed before sneezing.

"Excellent!" Chris said as Lily rubbed her nose before sneezing again. "Lily, you must go to the crumbling, life-threatening dangerous remains of my former cottage and bring back an intact portrait of _moi_ ," the host explained.

XXX

Lily sneezed. "Crumbling, life-threatening, _and_ dangerous?!" she exclaimed before sneezing again.

XXX

Heather was up next, and her lips were pursed in annoyance as she reached for the second chest from the left. Electricity surged through her the moment it was open. "Stupid Chris," she muttered, rubbing her hand in pain as a card bearing a red footprint popped out of the chest.

"Heather, you must bring me the yeti," Chris told the queen bee.

XXX

"A yeti?" Heather complained. "Seriously?!"

XXX

Third was Cody, who approached the second chest from the right with caution. A few deep notes struck as he opened it to no apparent effect, only for him to hesitantly lean over and look inside and received a spring-loaded boxing glove to the face for his trouble. "Perrr-fect!" Chris said as the geek toppled over backwards, and the camera cut in close to show the picture of a diamond taped to the glove.

"You must bring me the McLean Diamond," he explained. "Which can be found on or near the abandoned pirate ship." The shot cut to Cody, sitting up and rubbing his head in pain. "Which just happens to be guarded by our old pal, _Fang_ ," he added impishly.

Cody eyes popped open, and his expression fell into an unamused glower. "What?" he asked in shock. "I have to fight the shark while Lily just has to find some art? How is _that_ fair?" he asked indignantly, motioning back towards the others.

"Hey, there's no ' _fair_ ' in ' _pirate_ '," Chris pointed out, still smiling impishly.

"That means the last one's mine," Matthew said as he walked over to the chest on the far right. "What's in it?" he asked, looking down at the chest.

"Nice try, but the choice isn't official until you see for yourself," Chris told him.

Matthew huffed. "Fine," he said, opening the final chest and reaching in... and immediately withdrew his hand with a wail of pain. The shot cut to a close-up of the snapping turtle that was biting him.

Chris laughed at him. "Okay!" Chris said as Matthew tried to pry the turtle from his hand, the camera focusing on a card rising out of the chest that depicted one of the golden statuettes handed out in season two. "Matthew, you must bring me the long-lost original Gilded Chris statuette," the host explained.

"Okay, so where is it?" Matthew asked with a grunt as he finally dislodged his attacker and threw it into the lake.

"If I knew it wouldn't be 'long lost', now would it?" Chris countered, earning a frown from the hipster.

XXX

"So Chris has no idea where I can find my loot?" Matthew asked. "That just gives me sanction to sabotage everyone else."

XXX

"Helpful hint," Chris told the four, all of them now gathered in front of the table of chests, "think fast and work even faster because _two_ of you are going home today."

The music that had been trilling ominously rolled into something more dramatic as the Final Four gasped in shock. "What happened to the Final _Three_?" Cody asked.

Chris laughed. "Yeah, we're skipping it this year," he said. "Whoever comes back last, or worse, empty-handed, goes directly to the Flush of Shame." The shot cut to Lily and Heather as they listened intently. "Whoever brings back their loot _first_ wins a guaranteed spot in the finale," the girls shared a surprised look, and the camera panned over to the boys doing the same, "aaaa~aaand, gets to select which of the remaining two walks the plank into the Big John tonight."

"All clearrrrr?" he asked, once again adopting a pirate accent as the jaunty sea tune played again. "On your marrrrk!" The four didn't budge, and he sighed. "Oh, just go," he told them, taking out his airhorn and blowing it as a grandly dramatic tune played.

\

The scene flashed to the old half-built pirate ship set used for the first part of the season two finale.

"Just find the diamond and get out," Cody told himself, the camera zooming in and panning left to show him jumping from stone to stone on the way to the ship.

The footage skipped ahead to him cautiously poking him head out onto the deck from stairs leading up from inside the ship. His wide eyes darted around while he kept one hand on the wall, and yelped in surprise when Chris's voice came – loudly and without warning – over the camp loudspeaker.

"AND CODY'S THE _FIRST_ TO REACH HIS PIRATE LOOT ZONE!" the host announced, the geek he'd startled looking up to see a pair of speakers attached to the ship's main mast. "THE HEAT IS _ON_! I HOPE MY LOUD VOICE ISN'T GETTING FANG'S ATTENTION!"

"What are you doing?" Cody hissed angrily, still standing warily at the top of the stairs.

"THEY'RE CALLED _LOUD_ SPEAKERS BRO," Chris told him. " _DEAL_ WITH IT!"

Just then the shot cut to the two bathrooms on the other end of the deck as a toilet flushed. The wooden door on the left swung open with a squeak, and Fang stepped out from within. He grinned, though not as wide as usual.

Cody gulped. "Umm...nice shark?" he said warily, trying not to panic as he held out his hands in a calming gesture. "I'm sorry about insulting your mother a few days back. Just let me get the diamond and I'll be out of your hair."

A couple sharp notes played as Fang opened his mouth wider, revealing the shining jewel stuck to his teeth. Cody gulped.

XXX

Cody palmed his face and groaned.

XXX

A sharp, dramatic tune played as the static cut back to Cody screaming and scrambling back down the stairs to the lower part of the ship as Fang ran after him.

\

The music faded out as the scene flashed to a close-up of a trail of large humanoid footprints in the dirt. "How am I supposed to _find_ that big ape?" Heather asked, the camera pulling back to show her following along the tracks but looking everywhere but at them.

"Heather is zeroing in on the yeti," Chris announced, drawing the camera and the queen bee's attention to a nearby loudspeaker. "But, bringing him back might be a bit harder, especially if he hears Heather coming."

"Well," Heather said, the camera cutting back to her as she looked towards the loudspeaker then back at the trail, finally noticing the tracks. "Looks like I'm going the right way after all."

She strolled down the path.

\

"Okay, almost there," Lily said as the scene flashed to her running along a stretch of beach close to the forest. "Just gotta find an intact painting. There's like a hundred in the spa hotel _alone_. This is gonna be a piece of cake!"

She stopped and gasped, and the camera quick-panned to the burned and debris-littered wreckage of the host's mansion. "Me and my big mouth," the cynic groaned as the camera panned to the right to show more of the rubble.

XXX

"Chris seriously thinks Angel did _this_?!" Lily asked.

XXX

"And Lily reaches my beloved cottage," Chris announced, his voice breaking as Lily walked through the wreckage. "Treat her gently Lily. Gently," he added as a bit of wood fell and barely missed her.

"Whatever," Lily said, rolling her eyes.

A few dramatic notes played as the camera moved ahead of her, showing a portrait of Chris in his pirate costume half buried in a pile of rubble.

"Jackpot," she said in a sing-song voice, running up to the painting and beginning to pull it out, "Come on." She grunted, the portrait being a bit more stuck than she believed.

An eye opened up behind her and Matthew suddenly appeared from the shadows with a pipe raised above Lily's head, the cynic completely unaware.

A beep, and a pause sign appeared over the scene.

\

The camera backed away to show the footage being watched by Chris in the control room. He jumped back and gasped. "Whoa! Where did _he_ come from? That guy is seriously starting to freak me out," he said as the capstone theme began to play. "What does Matthew have planned?" he asked the camera. "Will _any_ one survive? You stick around and find out, _I'm_ going to the panic room. Here on TotalDramaAll-Stars," he said quickly as he sped out of the control room.

\

(Commercial Break)

\

Another round of deep, dramatic notes reopened the background score as the episode resumed on an exterior shot of the destroyed 'cottage'.

"Let go already!" Lily said as Matthew prepared to whack her over the head and a sharp note played in the background. "I don't have time for this," another note. The camera cut to the painting she was trying to remove as it began to tear, and with another sharp note she tore the thing in half and unwittingly hit Matthew in the face just as he move to strike her.

She turned around at the sound of canvas hitting flesh, and the camera pulled back to show the hipster rubbing his face and glaring at her. "What are _you_ doing here?" Lily asked with a glare of her own.

Matthew rolled his eye. "Looking for that Chris statue, what does it _look_ like I'm doing?"

Lily gave him an unconvinced look. "You mean the one that was 'long lost'?"

"This is _still_ the best place to look," the hipster replied. "Like Chris would actually _lose_ something that looks like him."

Lily sighed in defeat. "That's actually a good point."

"Now we can help each other look for the loot," Matthew suggested.

Lily let out a quick laugh. "You're kidding right?" she asked. "I wouldn't work with you if my life depended on it. I know _everything_ you've done this season and trust me when I say I'm not letting you get _any_ further."

XXX

"In hindsight," Lily confessed dryly. "Letting him _know_ that I know was probably a mistake."

XXX

"I don't care if you stick around, but stay outta my way," the cynic continued as she walked past a wooden column that was still standing.

"Same goes to you," Matthew said as he kicked the column.

Lily looked up in surprise as the music spiked yet again, and a large assortment of rubble fell down on her and burried her. "Uh-oh," Matthew said in a completely insincere tone. "You should've stayed outta _my_ way," he told the cynic.

Whatever Lily said was muffled by the rubble, but it clearly was angry and had two syllables.

"That should keep you busy long enough for me to find that statue," Matthew said as he walked away, Lily still shouting from under the rubble.

XXX

"One down," he said, "two to go."

XXX

The static took the scene to Heather walking down a forest path, the music low but tense. "Oh sasquatch," the queen bee called out, "where are you?"

After a few more seconds, she slowed to a stop with a frown on her face. "How am I supposed to find that thing?" she asked herself, putting her hands on her hips and looking around. "Let's think about this," she started rubbing her chin, "what do yetis like? They're big, hairy, and have anger issues, so..."

A dramatic riff played as she gasped in realization, and chuckled. " _Food_."

\

" _Shockingly_ , nobody has gotten close to retrieving their loot," Chris announced over the loudspeakers as the scene flashed back to the pirate ship set. "Better hurry up, folks," he added as the camera cut in closer to the crow's nest on the foremast where Cody was now sitting, "before I get bored," he ended in a stern and annoyed tone.

Cody looked up in contempt, then turned a worried look back down. A pan to the deck below showed Fang, now wearing sunglasses, lounging on a beach towel. He yawned, and the diamond in his teeth sparkled.

"Well, at least I still have time to think of something," Cody told himself as the shot cut back to him.

XXX

"Fang's a shark, but a _mutant_ one," Cody told the outhouse. "All I have to do is find some way to cut a deal with him."

XXX

"Hey," Cody leaned over the side of the crow's nest to call out, the camera panning down to show Fang raising his shades in mild interest. "I was just wondering, what are _you_ getting out of keeping that diamond from me?"

Fang smiled darkly and struck an open palm with his fist.

"You seriously wanna beat me up?" Cody asked worriedly. Fang locked eyes with him and nodded his head. Cdy gulped. "And I totally get it. _But_! If you let me have the diamond, I can win this challenge. Which means I can go on to win the finale tomorrow, and then I'll be have a million dollars." The shot cut back to Fang as he listened intently. "I could easily repay you for helping me out here."

Fang rubbed his chin in thought for a moment, then smiled... and rammed the foremast, sending Cody crashing through the ship with a scream.

XXX

"There went that plan," Cody chuckled nervously.

XXX

The static cut away to show Cody lying in a pile of splintered wood, before the shot panned right to show Matthew watching with a grin on his face.

"Looks like I got here just in time," Matthew muttered. "You seem to be having a bit of trouble," he said loud enough for Cody to hear.

Cody picked himself up and glared. "More so now that _you're_ here," the geek replied.

"Hey at least you _know_ where your loot is," the hipster said.

Cody sighed. "Just tell me what you want so you can go."

"You'd have better luck bringing Fang to Chris," Matthew told him.

"Why are you helping me?" Cody accused. "Are you trying to get me eaten or something?"

Matthew gasped indignantly. "How could you accuse me of something like that?!"

"You tried to kill me!" Cody replied. "More than once!"

A quirky note played as Matthew stood there with a blank expression. "Okay, I _did_ , but it's not in my best interest to do so _now_. Just let me help you and when you win, you can take me to the finale."

Cody looked up at the hole he'd just fallen through, smiled, and shook Matthew's hand. "Deal."

XXX

"It'd take way to long to find Heather and sabotage her," Matthew explained. "And being a Hero, Cody's going to honor our deal."

XXX

"He seriously thinks I'm gonna honor the deal after all the crap he's pulled this season?" Cody asked. "How big of an ego does this guy _have_?"

XXX

The static cut away to the rubble Lily had been burred in, and the cynic - covered in soot - pulling herself out of it. "Oh I am _so_ showing that DVD to Chris once I find my loot!" she yelled out.

She looked down and gasped."No. Way!" she said in excitement, rummaging through the rubble and pulling out a painting of the _Ecce Homo_ that had Chris as the titular man. "No rips!" Lily cheered, "Just a little dirt."

She tilted her head and shrugged. "Eh, Chris just said it had to be intact, not clean. Anyway, time to get my spot in the finale!"

\

A sweet, lilting tune played as the scene flashed to a close-up of a bird's nest filled with a trio of speckled white eggs.

Then Heather's grinning face popped up behind it as the music spiked dramatically. "Hello eggs," she told them, the shot moving backward as she picked up the nest with one hand and clutched the trunk of the tree with the other, "time to get me a place in the finale."

The shot cut to the forest floor as the queen bee landed with ease. She raised her free hand to her mouth, started walking to the left, and hollered "Oh yeti! I have some nice _eggs_ here for you, so come and get 'em!"

A rustling in the bushes just ahead of her caught her attention, and a few deep notes played as Sasquatchanakwa rose up out of them wearing a chef's hat and apron. It grunted curiously, and its eyes widened as the camera zoomed in on the eggs Heather was carrying. The yeti held out his hands and grunted hungrily for them, but Heather just sniffed.

"Sorry," she told him with a mocking tone, "but if you want these eggs you gotta come with me."

Another dramatic spike in the music accompanied an angry growl from the yeti, and with a bellowing roar it ran for the queen bee. Heather screamed and ran off with Sasqutachanakwa in hot pursuit, tense challenge music rising up in the background.

\

The scene cut back to Matthew, standing over Cody near the foremast while the geek built a snare trap.

"Lily and Heather have _both_ found their loot," Chris announced over the loudspeaker, capturing the attention of the boys, "meaning Cody and Matthew had better hurry up unless they wanna lose out on the race for first place."

"So all you have to do is lure Fang to the rope," Cody explained, "and I'll release the counterweight that will hoist him up."

"Ans why do _I_ have to be the one who's playing bait?" Matthew complained. "This seems more like a ' _you_ ' job."

Cody growled. "Because you can trust me more than I trust you. Besides, only the smartest person can get that shark to do something he doesn't want to do."

Matthew sniffed and smiled. "Good point. Maybe you aren't as dumb as I thought you were."

"Gee," Cody said with barely-concealed contempt. "Thanks..."

\

"Okay," Heather said as a flash took the scene back to her once more, still carrying the nest full of eggs through the woods, "we're almost there. Once we're on the docks, I'll give you the eggs," She looked back over her shoulder, and the camera panned back as Sasquatchanakwa raised his arms and roared in fury.

Heather screamed. "Then you can blame the person I'm taking you to!" she told the ape-man to no effect.

\

The camera flashed to Matthew standing next to a snare trap with a bucket of fish in it. "Hey Fang!" he yelled before dashing behind the mast. Fang showed up, grabbed the bucket, and walked off with no effect.

"I knew you'd find a way to screw it up!" Matthew yelled back at Cody, now standing in the trap.

"Change of plans!" Cody yelled down as he activated the trap.

"Huh?" Matthew said as he looked down at the rope. He gasped, and was hoisted in the air.

"Hey Fang!" Cody yelled down. "I have someone for you to beat up on, now can I have the diamond?

The camera cut back down to Matthew, now with the mutant shark standing next to him. He nodded, and then opened his mouth and pulled the gem from his teeth. He tossed it to the geek, who caught it easily.

"Have fun!" Cody said as he jumped to the deck of the ship. The camera flashed to the geek running off screen from below deck.

"Don't you _dare_ leave me here!" Matthew yelled from off screen before the sound of punches and his screams of pain were heard.

\

The feed of Cody running through the forest shifted upward as the screen split, the lower half splitting again to show Lily on the left and Heather on the right, both running towards the middle with their assigned treasures at hand or right behind them.

"Cody, Lily, _and_ Heather are bringing their loot to the dock," Chris announced over the loudspeakers as all three campers looked up and listened, "while Matthew seems a little _tied up_." The top half split to show Cody on the left and Fang using Matthew as a punching bag on the right.

He laughed, then the scene cut to the control room as he shut off his monitor. "Okay, I guess we should head back to the dock to see who wins this," he told the camera.

\

A flash took the scene to the start of the Dock of Shame, where Chris was looking at his wristwatch impatiently. The sound of running and panting caused him to look to the left, and Lily ran on screen with her loot in hand.

"I'm here!" the cynic said through in between pants. "I'm here!"

"That was faster than I expected," Chris commented grabbing the portrait. "Lily wins again!"

"Yes!" Lily cheered.

The shot cut to a close-up of Chris as he tilted his head and looked at the portrait. "There's just a little bit of dirt on it," he said as he started to wipe it off, "but I can-" he gasped and the camera cut to the now smudged portrait.

Lily looked over his shoulder and gasped."Don't look at me," she said. "It was intact when I brought it here!"

"My portrait!" the host cried. "This is all _your_ fault! You're _OUTTA THE GAME_!"

"What?!" Lily complained. "You can't do that! I got here first!"

"With a damaged portrait!" Chris shot back.

"Wait!" Lily said, somehow pulling a DVD case out of her back pocket. "Watch this," she told him. "I promise you you'll be madder at what's on this than you are at me."

"Fine," Chris said tersely, grabbing the case. " _If_ this lives up to your hype, I _might_ let you back in the game. _Might_."

The tense challenge music in full force once again, the viewpoint shifted to show Heather and Cody racing towards the dock – and Chris and Lily – with the yeti closing fast behind them.

"Heather and Cody are neck-and-neck," the host announced excitedly as the two drew nearer, only for Sasquatchanakwa to roar one last time, lash out with one of his massive hands, and narrowly miss grabbing Heather. Heather stuck her leg out in front of Cody, the geek yelped as he fell to the ground, and Heather ran onto the dock and past the host without looking back. "But thanks to some last-second foul play from Heather, _She's_ is the first to reach the docks!"

The shot cut back to Heather as she breathed a sigh of relief, the tense challenge music ending with a few swift beat. The yeti was up to her, snatched the nest, blew a raspberry, and walked off.

He was followed by Cody walking up to the host with the diamond in hand. "Looks like Matthew's out," he said with a grin.

"Not necessarily," Chris replied. "Speaking of, where _is_ Matthew?"

He was answered by Matthew suddenly slamming down on the dock next to them, his eyes unfocused and clothes in tatters. The camera panned over to Fang, who dusted his hands together then walked off with a grin.

"And he comes back empty handed," Chris said disappointingly. "But depending on what Lily brought me, he may still have a chance."

"No he doesn't," Heather said plainly.

\

"Well gang," Chris said as the scene flashed to nightfall at the docks, "I've had time to look at the DVD Lily gave me and I, as host, cannot overlook the flagrant disregard for the rules and safety standards that I worked so tirelessly to create."

"Just get on with it," Heather complained from off-screen.

Chris scowled. "Anyway, for demolishing my house, rigging votes, attempting to kill a fellow competitor, coming back last during this challenge, _and_ being too injured to compete anyway, I hereby disqualify Matthew from the competition."

The camera pulled back to show Matthew floating in the bowl of the Flush of Shame with bandages wrapped around his head and wearing a straitjacket. "I swear I will make you all pay for robbing me of another finale!"

"Just flush him already," Cody said, standing with Chris, Lily and Heather nearby.

"Gladly," Chris told him before pressing the button to flush the toilet, Matthew disappearing down it with a muffled scream. "Now," he said, "Lily saved herself from the instant flush, but since she brought me a damage portrait Heather's the one who gets the vote. So," he turned to Heather as a few deep notes were stuck, "who to Flush next? It all comes down to who you want to battle in the finale. Lily," the shot cut to the angry-looking cynic, "or Cody," the camera panned to the worried-looking geek.

XXX

"They're both so pathetic," Heather confessed. "How's a girl to choose?"

XXX

Heather grinned as the somber theme returned. "I choose to flush... _Cody_."

The shot cut to the boy in question as he closed his eyes and sighed miserably.

"Both of you are weak competitors," Heather explained. "But Cody's pretty smart and Lily's only strength is making allies. Which is something that's useless in a finale. It's nothing personal it's-"

"Just strategy, I get it," Cody said, looking down. "It sucks that I wasn't able to win for Scarlett," Cody continued as he moved past Lily, Heather, and Chris and over to the Flush of Shame. "But at least I beat Matthew. That's gotta count for," he grunted as he pulled himself up, "something, right?"

"...yeah," Lily said as the shot cut to her watching sadly.

Now floating in the oversized toilet bowl, Cody smiled weakly. "Hey Lily, you mind adding me to the list of people you have to win for?" he looked at the cynic.

The shot cut to Lily as she sniffed away a tear. "Not at all," she told him.

Chris pressed the button on his remote the moment the focus moved back to him. He smiled as Cody spun out of sight with a scream, then walked back over to the remaining campers as the capstone theme began to play. "We _have_ our _finalists_ ," he said, motioning to the pair. "Who will rule victorious, in the _toughest_ ," he flexed both arms, " _roughest_ ," he raised one arm, "million-dollar challenge ev-er! Tune in to find out next time, on the season finale of Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

(Roll the Credits)

\

\

(Bonus Clip)

The world was quiet save the faint sound of the wind as the scene opened on some random rocky beach. Something emerged from the water with a splutter and a cough nearby, and the camera panned to the right to reveal it as Cody. With a faint groan he swam to the shore and collapsed on the ground. "Where am I?"

"Rapa Nui," Matthew's voice replied, causing the geek to turn and give him a look of disgust. The camera quickly pulled back to show ten moai statues that looked suspiciously like the previously flushed all-stars. "Chris just _had_ to send me to the place where he stole _another_ victory from me." The shot cut back to the two boys.

"There they are!" cried a familiar voice, a dramatic score rising up as Cody and Matthew looked to the right in shock, the camera moving and panning to show Trent walking along the beach with his guitar case on his back. "Over here!"

The scene flashed ahead to DJ and Trent helping the two boys get to their feet. "Man, I can't believe you got the boot," Trent told Cody. "The way Scarlett goes on about you, I half expected you to be able to part the seas. What happened?"

"I was the bigger threat to Heather," Cody answered. But more importantly," he turned back to DJ and Trent, "what's going on? I'm kinda feeling a little overwhelmed right now."

"No surprise there," DJ commented as he grabbed Matthew and slung him over his shoulder. "Between losing, and then suddenly turning up here and being met by some people you don't really know, no way you aren't feeling more stuff than you can handle right now."

Trent smiled. "It's simple. The producers wanted to make sure the losers didn't y'know _die_ after being flushed down a giant toilet so they sent us all out in pairs. We both volunteered to pick up whoever was sent home before the finale."

"Oh, well...thanks for the help, I guess," Cody said, looking down awkwardly.

"Are you...gonna be okay?" DJ asked in concern. "Because you don't look like you are."

Cody sniffed, then broke out in laughter. "Better than _him_ ," the geek said with a point to Matthew. "I'm pretty sure he's going to prison after this is over."

"What?" Matthew asked flatly.

"He's right dude," Trent said. "Chris is just delaying it until his parole's up in a few months, but you're going to be locked away fro a _loooooong_ time."

The other three boys laughed at the look of fear and horror on Matthew's face.

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** And there we have it, folks! The finale is set at Heather vs. Lily, so take your bets and make your predictions! I'm pretty interested in seeing who you all think the helpers were be; the only clue I'll give you is that I tried to keep them as 'balanced', in a way or three, as canon did.

The episode was, I think, really really odd looking back on it. Particularly the stuff with Lily and Chris. I think I tried too hard to get everything to fit (why everything went down that way will be explained). I fell like it backfired but as always you're the better judge of that than I am. Although I really hope you like what Cody did to Matthew, and Lily by extension.

Let's see...the challenge itself was actually pretty interesting. When it comes to divvying up the treasures, Matthew getting the statuette was pretty obvious as I wanted him free to mess with the others if need be while having a believably low chance of winning. Cody getting the diamond was to set up the punching bag bit with Matthew and Fang; Lily getting the portrait was because I wanted to avert what happened in canon and she seemed the best choice; which left Heather. Now, as I was writing this, Lily was planned to win and she'd eliminate Cody because she'd try harder in a finale against Heather than one of her friends. It's something that's completely in character for her but something told me it'd not go over too well with you guys. But by the time I'd realized that, I'd already set up the bit where she gives Chris the DVD. So I decided to have him eliminate her and she used the DVD to save herself. Chris agrees to not boot her, but gives her victory to Heather out of spite and she boots Cody because he's a bigger threat than Lily. I'm still a little wary, but it is what it is...

So...yeah, Heather vs. Lily. They're both pretty similar (female villains that are popular with the reviewers for one reason or another) and satisfy the girl v girl finale I know we've all been wanting to see in canon. But they're both pretty different as well. Anyway, I hope you're all looking forward to the finale. I know I am.

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDAS ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **14th Place:** Victor

 **13th Place:** Jo

 **12th Place:** Natasha

 **11th Place:** Mike

 **10th Place:** Kitsune

 **9th Place:** Lightning

 **8th Place:** Angel

 **7th Place:** Scarlett

 **6th Place:** Bridgette

 **5th Place:** Alejandro

 **4th Place:** Matthew

 **3rd Place:** Cody


	13. The Final Wreck-ening

**Author's Note:** Finale time. I have to admit, this is the most nervous I've ever been about a final episode but here we are. Next week is the start of the third generation of campers, but now it's time to see who the true Total Drama All-Star is.

 **ANNOUNCEMENT:** I know you guys are u[set that Cody won't be in the final season, but, this is _not_ the last time I'll write him as a contestant, that particular honor will go to Ridonculous Race. Both he and Beardo will be teamed up there and labled "The Outcasts", a name that will change if someone comes up with something better.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

And to answer some reviews:

 _ **Guest:**_ Sometimes when I'm at a complete loss, I'll look to it for inspiration. And sometimes, during that I wind up typing it out and forgetting to do the necessary changes. I'm a scatterbrain.

 _ **Guest #2:**_ There will be an even number of competitors during Random Drama: The Finale.

 _ **WeirdAlFan101:**_ Gotta love when the world is in balance. And I'm actually glad you don't have a preference as to who wins, that's what I consider a good Final Two combination.

 _ **TheChrisanthemum:**_ True, but he will be in Ridonculous Race.

 _ **Guest #3:**_ Like I was really gonna let Matthew in the finale. Sorry to boot Cody though. And the lack of Shawn will be explained in the post script. Here's hoping I can live up to your expectations.

 _ **Mistress Mysterious:**_ I didn't like Matthew either. And I created him.

 _ **PurpleShadowManipulator:**_ Glad I could make Matthew suffer for you. I'll admit, I didn't see those particular similarities with our finalists. But they work. Here's hoping you enjoy the finale.

 _ **Gucci Mane LaFlare:**_ Thank you!

 _ **ultron emporer:**_ Silver linings and all that.

 _ **StarHeart Specials:**_ That was pretty much the reaction I was expecting to the finalists. And you just made me sad thinking about the last of most of these characters.

 _ **Shrimpimp:**_ Whoa, that was pretty dark. Are you a writer for the DC movie verse? Jokes aside, sorry about booting Cody. At least he'll be in Ridonculous Race. Actually my hatred of Courtney stems back to her acting like a hypocritical bitch in season one.

 _ **That British Guy:**_ You did better than I did predicting the canon season.

 _ **The Aspiring Fanfic Writed:**_ I'm glad you like Matthew's karma. Well I wasn't gonna boot Cody without giving him some sort of win. And I sure as heck wasn't gonna have Lily share Gwen's fate. I mean, I thought it was funny, but I know I'm in the minority there. I actually planned on Lily double-crossing Cody, but decided against it at the last minute. I hope I can make the finale as enjoyable as the rest of the season.

 _ **Derick Lindsey:**_ Man, you guys really didn't like Matthew did you? I guess Lily as a finalists was a little obvious in hindsight. The lack of Shawn will be explained in the post script. Interesting predictions, but sadly since I'd written the finale at the time of your review, I can't add it in.

And in case you've forgotten, the finale will be _**Heather**_ vs. _**Lily**_ in Random Drama's most dangerous challenge so far.

* * *

 **Episode 13: The Final Wreck-ening**

"This season, on Total Drama All-Stars!" Chris began along with the capstone theme over a long-distance shot of the island. The recap montage opened with a shot of the original two teams lining up on the beach for the first challenge, followed quickly by a shot of Victor's initial introduction by way of a belly flop into the lake below that scattered the other contestants. "Fourteen competitors returned for another shot at one. Million. Dollars," Chris said over a close-up of him holding up the suitcase full of prize money.

"Your favorite Heroes and Villains battled for supremacy," Lily vomited during the rolling pin portion of the pancake-eating challenge, nearly hitting Heather; Kitsune didn't react to being covered in green jelly during the same contest; and Matthew got kicked into the air by a giant rocket propelled boot, "in our most painful and grueling challenges ever." The Total Drama Machine was attacked by a trio of sharks; Matthew threw coconuts at Cody in an attempt to knock him into shark-infested water; and Lightning was attacked by a group of bunnies during the Blue Harvest Moon..

"And, it was a season full of mind-numbing _surprises_ ," Chris said over a clip of Cody punching Matthew in the face. "Lily abandoned her teammates to help Lightning," the cynic was shown offering a hand to a wary and suspicious Lightning before the uber-jock was shot with leeches. "Angel blew up my house," the host was shown announcing the idealist's confession to everyone's shock. "Scarlett was given the boot by her allies!" The geek was shown reacting with shock to Scarlett's elimination, and the brainiac seemed somewhat accepting. "And Matthew was right there, the man behind it all." A few quick shots showed Matthew smirking evilly, knocking a piece of their sculpture off the Villains' platform, and switching a vote for him with a vote for Scarlett. "I know, shocked me too," Chris said over clips of the hipster falling on his face after being freed from the Drama Machine, breaking his leech gun over his knee in anger, and getting electrocuted in the Obsta-Kill course. "The guy's seriously lost his marbles!" the host finished over shots of the hipster laughing against a fiery background, yelling at Angel in the Fun Zone, and smiling as he walked away from Cody after refusing to help him.

"In the end, though, Cody gave Matthew what was coming to him," the geek's 'failed' trap attempt was shown, ending with the villain getting used as a punching bag by Fang, "only to be flushed alongside him." Matthew was shown being flushed, with Cody's departure right after ending the montage.

"After _twelve_ killer challenges," Chris said, standing on the dock in his baby blue tuxedo, "we're down to our _Final_ Two players. Who will take home the million dollar prize?" he asked, motioning to the right. The camera pulled back and panned over to show Chef Hatchet standing by with the suitcase of prize money; he opened it, but rather than the lid popping up the bottom dropped out, causing the cash to fall onto the dock. "Aww, dude!" Chris scolded as Chef smiled sheepishly.

The host cleared his throat and adjusted his bow tie. "Will it be _Heather_ , the queen of mean?" he asked as the queen bee's smirking portrait slid into the entire right half of the screen, a blazing fire behind it. "Or _Lily_ , the princess of pragmatism?" The cynic's smirking portrait took over the left side of the screen, a tornado raging behind it.

"Find out right here," Chris continued as the scene returned to him, "right now, on the season finale of! Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

 **XXXXX**

[Though the overall sequence had been shortened for the season, it opens much the same as it has previously – a shift into letterbox format and a focus on the tops of some distant pines. A stage light, sleek and shining with a price tag still attached, rotates up and turns on; then the focus cuts to an angled shot of a different group of trees as a spotlight, also shiny and new, swings down and turns on; then a small video camera pops out of some burrow next to a spray bottle of some cleaning solution, knocking away a roll of paper towels as it emerges; then a second camera pops out of a tree hollow along with a scrub brush, bar of soap, sponge, and a load of soap bubbles. Pale arms clap a film slate in front of the camera, cutting the scene to the Dock of Shame. The camera flies forward, swinging past the Wawanakwa sign and then the final few posts of the dock, rising up to show the spa hotel as Chris and Chef landed their red helicopter in the common area.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera flies past the helicopter and up the thousand-foot cliff, cresting the peak and diving into the lake below, where Angel plays tug-of-war with Heather over a large treasure chest while the Drama Machine sits and sparks nearby, both girls in their swimsuits.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Angel and Heather set the chest down and to their shock it bursts open to reveal not only a cloud of bubbles and the Mike-onut and several McLean Invincibility Statues, but also a twitching and awkwardly-folded Cody who floats up in his swim trunks alongside the wooden heads. The Drama Machine explodes and the shot cuts to a small patch of bubbles on the surface, then zooms out to show the remaining swim-dressed campers lined up according to their teams – the villains holding red dueling sticks on the left on a wooden raft, a hollowed-out log, another wooden raft, and a green canoe; the heroes holding gold dueling sticks on the right on an inflatable raft, a wooden raft, another inflatable one, and a red canoe. The camera zooms in and moves between them as they clash – vicious Jo against hesitant Victor; smug Alejandro shoving away shocked Bridgette with one hand; Natasha ducking from Kitsune's strike and causing her to fall into the lake; Mike, as Vito, brutally thrusting the end of his dueling stick into Scarlett's stomach; and Lily and Lightning angrily slamming their sticks against one another; Matthew falls from the sky and into the lake, dousing the former almost-couple and the camera.]

[The water dries away from the camera lens showing the campfire and Cody and Scarlett leaning in with eager smiles against the full moon...only for Kitsune to suddenly pop up between them with a cheesy grin, causing the two geniuses to look away with blushes. The camera zooms out further, revealing the other cast members sitting on the stumps around the fire – Angel, Lily, Bridgette, Lightning, Matthew, and Victor on the left; Mike, Alejandro, Heather, Natasha, and Jo on the right. The zoom continues even further, showing the signboard over the firepit's entrance which now read 'Total Drama All-Stars', with the dash replaced by a star.]

 **XXXXX**

A deep drumroll lead into a grandiose theme, the episode opening on a shot of the spa hotel before cutting inside to a pan across what looked like some kind of home spa. A relaxed sigh preceded Heather's appearance on-screen, sitting in a mudbath with cucumbers on her eyes. "Well it's been a long time coming," she told herself, "but tomorrow I'll be leaving this island with a million dollars."

XXX

Heather was filing her fingernails as the confessional began. "It took me four seasons," she told the camera, "but I'm _finally_ about to win. Lily may be easier to beat than Cody, but I'm still not going to underestimate her. I've worked too hard to lose now."

She put the nail file in her back pocket. "I mean sure she's had some good ideas in the past," she said, waving her hand in a dismissive fashion, "but she's never had to deal with being completely alone in the game like I have. There's no way she's going to last without allies."

She crossed her arms, then gave the camera a haughty look. "This season belongs to me."

XXX

A muted version of the previous grandiose theme began to play again as the scene moved to show Lily walking through the forest.

The camera cut in close as she breathed in deeply and deflated a bit. "This doesn't feel as good as I thought it would," she said to herself. "But I don't know why."

XXX

"I just don't get it," the cynic confessed, "I made it to the Final Two. This is what spent all last season working for and this one too. I mean, I _was_ kinda looking forward battling with Cody but-" she gasped. "Maybe that's it. Making it this far isn't as fun without going against a friend. It doesn't matter either way. After losing the way I did last season and everything that happened this time, I'm itching to show that I've got what it takes to actually win. Heather may not be who I wanted to go against at first, but that just means I need to work twice as hard."

She let out a breath and looked down sadly. "I owe it Angel to win after I couldn't stop someone from messing with her again. I owe it to Cody to carry on when he couldn't. I especially owe it to Lightning after his last words to me. But most of all," she raised her head, an intense look in her eyes, "I owe it to myself to prove that I am _more_ than my flaws."

XXX

"Good morning, finalists!" Chris announced over the camp loudspeaker. "Meet me in the forest clearing, and get ready to diet!" He paused. "Sorry, typo," he corrected. "Ready to _die_!" he said, a sharp note playing on his correction.

\

The scene flashed to the Final Two walking along the path at a leisurely pace. "So, uh, thanks again for taking me to the finale with you," Lily said.

"No worries," Heather told her with a smug smile. "It's the least I could do after Chris cheated you out of your win. Besides," she said as she slightly increased her pace and got ahead of her opponent, "like I said last you're hardly a threat."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "You know," she said, speeding up to pass her by a step, "I _was_ brought back as a Villain right?"

Heather raised an eyebrow, increasing her speed to pass her once more. "And then you became a Hero, complete with losing your competitive edge."

"I did _not_ lose my edge!" the cynic replied, getting ahead again. "Just because I've toned down on the scheming doesn't mean I didn't earn my right to be here!"

The queen bee chuckled a little bit and patted Lily's head. "Sure it doesn't."

XXX

"I think I just found my motivation," Lily confessed through gritted teeth.

XXX

The footage resumed on a shot of the Final Two standing before a dark magenta curtain suspended between two trees. Chris was standing in front of it, and Chef was standing by his side.

"Congratulations on making it to the finale," the host began. "It's something you'll regret for the rest of your lives," he said with a frown as the shot cut in for a close-up, "which will likely be rather short, since this final challenge is _sooo_ vicious," a sharp note was struck as the camera cut in closer, " _sooo_ brutal," another sharp note and another cut closer, " _sooo_ savage!" A dramatic tune played as the Final Two exchanged a worried look. "That our lawyers said we had to change it," the host admitted as a few lighter, almost joking notes played and the two campers let out breaths of relief.

"So...you made it less deadly, right?" Lily asked.

"No," Chris answered with a smile, "but we told _them_ we did." He laughed, then turned to Chef. "High five!" he said, jovially raising his left hand.

Chef just stared at him, and he faltered. "People gonna _die_ ," Chef said.

"Yeah," Chris said, putting his hands on his hips in mild annoyance, " _those_ people." He motioned to the Final Two, who shared another wary look. "Combatants, choose your weapon!"

He motioned to the curtain, which opened to reveal a wooden wall with numerous weapons mounted to it. Many of them were ranged: Chef's pasta blaster, a harpoon gun with a fish stuck on the end, a couple different models of paintball guns, a bow and arrow set, a multi-barreled leech gun, a slingshot, and even the Mike-onut were joined by Lightning's makeshift mace from the previous finale, and his concave trash can lid, and an oven mitt of all things.

"So, what'll it be?" Chris asked before the camera moved in for a downward panning close-up of the weapons. "Meatball bazooka? Bow and blunt-tipped arrows? A leech gun? A slingshot? Or...why is there an _oven mitt_ there?!" he asked incredulously.

The shot zoomed out a little as Chef ran over and grabbed the mitt. "...there was an extra hook," he sheepishly told the camera.

Another close-up showed Heather grabbing the leech gun, then Lily taking the slingshot.

\

"Now that you've got your weapons," Chris said, the finalists standing next to him getting a feel for what they'd chosen, "you'll need them to pop these balloons." The camera followed his motion up and to the side to show a number of large orange balloons floating in the air. "Each one contains a previously-flushed All-Star," the host explained as the shot panned on to the right, showing all twelve of the balloons.

"Wait? what?" Heather exclaimed in dull shock.

"They _can_ breathe in there, right?" Lily asked in concern.

"I don't know," Chris shrugged. "Ask our classic competitor Shawn, he filled them." He motioned to the side again where The Zombie Conspiracy Nut was sitting around with an open box of balloons, a stand-up bicycle pump, a gargantuan can of beans, and several unlabeled gas tanks.

"For the record," Shawn told the camera. "The beans are for breakfast. I didn't actually try to fill the balloons with farts."

He let out a loud fart... and a balloon inflated to the point of exploding.

"Okay, so I did it to fill Matthew's," he admitted sheepishly.

The shot cut back to Heather and Lily as they shared an odd look.

"You have thirty seconds," Chris told them as the focus moved back to him. "Any All-Star you shoot down, becomes your helper. Aaaaaand," he said, raising his airhorn as the two readied their weapons, " _GO_!"

He blew the airhorn, and the music began to rise into something hectic and stilted as the two began. Lily was first, drawing back and firing her slingshot with one eye closed, then the shot moved to Heather as she unleashed a barrage of leeches.

"That didn't work," Lily grunted in disappointment after the rock sailed right past three of the balloons.

The shot cut to a single leech flying through the air and striking one of the balloons.

It burst, and Kitsune fell screaming into the large patch of shrubs below. "You have got to be _kidding_ me," Heather complained before Lily frowned and fired another stone.

It slammed into a balloon and popped it, sending Cody screaming downward. "That's just rude," Lily commented before readying another stone.

The shot cut to Heather watching her opponent with a scowl, then going back to firing. "Come on, Give me someone I _want_ this time!" she said to herself.

Lily looked at her and frowned, then hipchecked Heather. "Why don't you take a break?" she asked as the queen bee was knocked to the ground as she fired another leech. Lily gasped, and the camera immediately cut close to follow it as it struck a balloon.

A familiar Latin riff played as the balloon burst, revealing none other than Alejandro Burromuerto. He smiled and winked at the camera in a close-up, then tucked himself into a ball as he fell into the bushes.

"Yes!" Heather cheered as the shot cut back to her and Lily.

"Heather picks up Kitsune and Alejandro," Chris announced with an impish smile. "Lily," he turned to the side, "you _might_ wanna hurry up."

"Gee, why didn't _I_ think of that?" Lily said with an annoyed scowl before firing her slingshot again. The stone popped a bubble to reveal Lightning, who let out a surprised shout before he fell.

Lily smiled, and the airhorn was sounded again. "Time's up!" Chris announced. "And time to see if any of them survived the landing," he added with a chuckle before walking towards the bushes.

"Hold on," Lily said with a concerned look, giving him pause. "Shouldn't we get the others down first?"

"Already covered," Chris said. The camera cut to the balloons as without warning, large globs of pasta and sauce were fired at them popping and releasing all the losers except for one as the shot only grazed it. But before another could be fired a gust of wind blew it up and into the sky, the furious voice of Matthew screaming " _MCLEEEEEEAAAAAAAAANNNNNN_!" from within.

"So _that's_ why you wanted us to tie them down first," Chris said as the shot cut back to him and Chef - holding the meatball bazooka - staring at the sky blankly.

It was then that a ringing came from the host's pocket, and he pulled out his cellphone. "Huh, it's the lawyers!" he said, checking the screen. He looked around shiftily, then smiled. "I'm gonna let it go to voicemail...," he said, putting the phone back in his pocket. "Okay! Let's go!" he said as he walked away.

XXX

"I feel kinda bad bringing Cody in as a helper when he was so close being here himself," Lily admitted.

XXX

"Alejandro and Kitsune," Chris announced over a shot of the four helpers and seven others standing up in the bushes and rubbing various parts of their sore bodies, "you will be helping Heather." The shot cut to the twelve of them walking over to the host and finalists. "Cody and Lightning, you're on Team Lily. But, you four are here as helpers. _Only_. Meaning, you can't win."

Alejandro just shrugged.

"Meaning no money," the host clarified.

The charmer once again didn't react.

"Zero money," Chris told him. "Plenty of pain." Having had enough of Alejandro's calmness, he yelled directly in the charmer's face with a megaphone. "ALEJANDRO! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"

Alejandro shrieked in displeasure. "Yes Chris. I hear you," the charmer told him. "I'm perfectly fine with the rules."

Chris huffed. "Fine, just take your happy relationship and ruin my show." He sighed and palmed his face. "As for the rest of you," he addressed the non-helping losers, "there's a season five wrap party in the spa hotel."

The seven former all-stars headed to the spa hotel while cheering, while Cody and Kitsune grumbled.

XXX

"The others get to party," Kitsune complained. "But _I'm_ stuck possibly dying to help someone I don't even _like_ win the million. How's _that_ for fun?"

XXX

The footage skipped ahead to show the finalists, helpers, and host riding through the forest in an open-topped tram. Chris was standing in the front wile the female intern drove; Lily, Lightning, and Cody sat in the second car; and Heather, Alejandro, and Kitsune sat in the third.

"Lily, Heather," the host began, "this season I decided to come up with something reeeeally danger-uhhh," he hesitated, "I mean, _special_. Yeah! Special!" The shot cut to the two teams watching with mild annoyance and disbelief. "For the both of you. Say hello," he turned and motioned ahead of them as the tram came to a stop, "to the final challenge of Total Drama All-Stars!"

The music rose ominously and the shot rapidly pulled backed to show a massive, rounded, three-tiered stone structure with ladders at various points along the side of each level. A moat of something bright green surrounded the base of it, the air above the first level was glowing a faint red, and at the very top was a smaller structure like a crenelated castle archway. "The _Moats_ of _Doom_!" the host said, laughing as bolts of lightning struck the area.

A six-way split-screen showed the finalists and helpers gasping dramatically as the music spiked.

"Each level has a sliver of safe-ish ground," Chris explained as the shot moved closer to the base of the structure and slowly started to pan up, "where you'll find tools to help you survive the insane dangers that await you in each moat."

The shot cut to the first moat, filled with a familiar bubbling green substance. "The first moat, at ground level," the host explained, "is filled with toxic waste. You _might_ wanna avoid falling in," he said as a fly buzzed into view and dipped down into the bubbling waste. "Unless you wanna get a job as a circus freak." The fly emerged, now gigantic.

"Moat number two is," Chris continued as the shot panned up to the next moat, filled with something orange and smoldering, "boiling hot _lava_!" The mutant fly flew over and tried to dip down into it, only to catch on fire and fly off with a shriek.

Another quick-pan upward put the camera on a thin patch of murky, plant-filled water. "The third moat is just plain-old swamp water," Chris said as the fly reappeared once more, soaking its flaming body in the water. "But, what lies beneath...," he added as Fang suddenly shot up and swallowed the fly whole, "will _definitely_ kill you."

The shot cut back to Team Lily as Lightning and Cody gasped.

XXX

"Not only am I pretty glad I didn't make the finale," Cody confessed, "But I'm actually wishing I wasn't chosen as a helper. Heck, I'd even take floating off into the sun like _Matthew_."

XXX

"Lily, Heather," Chris said, the finalists and their helpers now disembarked, "if you _somehow_ survive all three moats, you must say goodbye to your helpers and go it alone as you storm the castle." He motioned up to the top of the tiered structures, a quick-pan taking the scene to the crenelated four-arched castle with Chef standing at the top under a cloudy sky. "Take your life in your hands as you fight your way past the Mad King," the shot zoomed in on the large man, dressed in a spotted fur cloak and a golden crown and drinking from a thermos of coffee.

"I am the Mad King," Chef said unenthusiastically. "Argh." He poured some more coffee into the lid from the thermos and took a sip.

"If you get past the Mad King and find the strength to pull the Sword of Victory from the stone," the shot panned down to a golden-hilted longsword sticking out of a stone below the castle arches, " _you_ are the _true_ Total Drama _All-Star_!" A short tune of victory played as the sword gleamed in the light. "And the winner of," the shot cut back to the excited host, "One! Million! _Dollars_!" The open case of prize money was shown against a glittering and radiant background, coming closer to the camera with each word.

"Subject to all applicable taxes and other offsets required by law," the host added quickly under his breath.

"So? Excited?" Chris asked impishly over a shot of Team Heather looking rather shocked.

"Never thought I'd miss running through a minefield as a finale challenge," Kitsune commented. "This is probably the most dangerous finale ever."

"Actually, I'd say it's about on par with the one from season three," Alejandro said. "But no matter," he told his teammates. "We shall overcome these obstacles, and make Heather the winner of this season."

Heather looked at Kitsune warily. "As long as everyone's on-board with this," Heather said.

Kistune shrugged. "I'm contractually-obligated to help you. So I will," she admitted. "Besides, you losing after all this time because I sabotaged you wouldn't be satisfying," she said with another shrug.

"I'm holding you to that," Heather told her.

The focus panned over to Lily, watching the three with an annoyed scowl. "Let's hope I can win this thing."

"Girl, hope ain't got nothin' to do with it," Lightning pointed out as the camera panned over to include him and Cody in the shot.

"He's right," the geek chimed in. "You have to give this your all, and show the world you have what it takes to win."

"You're right!" Lily said determinedly, raising a fist in the air. "Only one person's gonna win, and it's gonna be me!"

"Wow," Chris said as the camera cut back to him. "Will anyone survive the final challenge?" he asked as the capstone theme began to play. "If yes, who will be our winner? Find out right after the break, here on Total! Drama! All-Stars!"

\

(Commercial Break)

\

High, tense music began to play as the scene faded back in to the Moats of Doom, the two finalists and their helpers now far apart with Heather's group on the left, Lily's on the right, and Chris in the middle.

"Good luck, Lily!" Heather called out mockingly, the shot cutting to a close-up of her, Kitsune, and Alejandro getting into position. "You're gonna need it!"

"So will you!" Lily replied, matching her tone and smirk as the shot moved to her, Lightning and Cody standing ready.

"On your mark!" Chris said through his megaphone. "Get set!" His shot moved to the left third of the screen as the remaining portion was divided horizontally between the two groups. "Go!" He blew his airhorn, and the campers were off to a low challenge theme.

A close-up of the bubbling toxic goop panned up to show Heather, Alejandro, and Kitsune arriving at the edge of the first moat, a bamboo pole on the ground nearby. "Great. It's too wide to jump across," Heather complained, throwing her hands in the air.

"And toxic enough to eat through pretty much anything," Kitsune added, the shot panning over as Alejandro picked up the bamboo pole with a curious look.

"Well start looking for something to get us across," Heather commanded as the arch-villain gave the pole a cursory bending, and smiled at is resilience.

"I have just the thing," Alejandro said, rejoining those he was helping and holding up the pole. "We can pole vault across!"

Heather and Kitsune shared a small smile.

\

Another close-up of the toxic waste gave way to a shot of Lightning, Lily, and Cody, the former two now holding bamboo poles of their own. Lightning grunted and tried to snap his only to fail, but he smiled. "Okay, looks like these are pretty strong. Maybe we can use 'em as stilts?"

"Then let's go!" Lily said excitedly, moving to stick her pole into the waste.

"Wait!" Cody shouted, grabbing both Lily and Lightning and pulling them back. "We can't rush into this," he said to their annoyed and confused faces. "Do you guys wanna be mutants?"

Lightning looked at him blankly. "Not... really..."

"So just give these to me for now," Cody continued, taking the poles from the other two, "and we'll figure out how to do this safely."

"Alright, but we gotta be quick about it," Lily said with a hint of worry in her voice.

\

A flash took the scene back to Heather as she ran towards the the moat with pole in hand, Alejandro and Kitsune crouched down right at the edge. With a grunt she slammed the end of the pole down between them and vaulted over, Alejandro grabbing the pole the moment she let go of it so that it didn't fall into the waste. Heather landed on the other side with a grunt, quickly standing up from her slight crouch.

"Got it!" she called out to her helpers.

"Go on ahead, we'll be there soon!" Kitsune replied as the shot cut to her and Alejandro, the latter still holding onto the pole.

\

The scene flashed to what looked like a home theatre in the spa hotel. The room was decorated with red and gold streamers, and a buffet table was set up against the wall. The seven non-helpers and Shawn were watching the finale as a live feed on an insanely large flatscreen television.

"Looks like Hagther's got this in the bag," Jo told the others.

"No," Angel declared forcefully. "Lily's going to win this."

"Wanna bet?" Jo asked with a smirk.

"As a matter of fact," Angel smirked herself, pulling out a hundred dollar bill, "I do."

"I'll take a piece of that action," Bridgette chimed in with a ten.

"Fine, everyone who wants in bet something," Jo told the couple, "and whoever wins, everyone who bet for them splits the pot. Deal?" everyone muttered their agreement.

The camera cut to a coffee table as several hands placed bills on it.

\

"And Heather is done with the first moat," Chris announced using his megaphone as the scene flashed back to the challenge, "taking the lead! Lily better hurry up if she wants to stay in this!"

"Sha-duh," Lightning muttered in close-up before the shot zoomed out and revealed Lily clinging to his back with her legs wrapped around his waist and Cody holding on to Lily's waist. "Alright girl, you all tight back there?"

"As tight as I can be," Lily answered nervously.

"I'm good too," Cody called out.

"Then let's do this thing," Lightning said confidently, picking up the two poles they'd found. A close-up showed that footholds had been tied about two-thirds of the way up each one. The shot pulled back again as he charged forward and threw the two poles so that they landed upright side-by-side at about the middle of the moat. They immediately began to hiss, but Lightning was able to jump onto them then use them to leap the rest of the way to the other side, Lily and Cody screaming all the way.

They landed with a thud in a heap in front of a ladder, and Lightning raised his arms in victory. "Boo-yah! Lightning is the stilt-jumping champion!" he boasted as Lily let out a strangled whimper and slid off his back and Cody picked himself up.

"Okay, let's never do that again," she said as she took a breath. "Now get moving!" she said, pushing the jock towards the ladder.

"Sha-yeah!" Lightning said brightly as he began to climb.

\

The background score lightened considerably as a flash put the shot back at the Peanut Gallery, all watching the finale.

"See?" Angel smugly asked the others. "Lily's catching up."

"Catching up is still losing," Jo replied.

"She's got a point," Shawn chimed in with a shrug.

\

"Welcome to level two!" Chris announced as Lightning climbed up to the moat of lava, then turned around and helped Lily up as well. "The finalists are now tied," he added to Lightning, Cody and Lily's confusion, "and no one's died. Yawn." A pan to the right showed Heather, Kitsune, and Alejandro standing on the thin ledge and looking around in confusion. "Let's go people!" Chris commanded.

"How are we supposed to cross?" Heather asked her helpers. "The only _tool_ around here is _this_." She bent down, and picked up a pink pogo stick.

"Then it'll have to do," Alejandro told her. "Just build up some momentum and hop across."

Heather gave him a dry look. "Tell me you're joking."

"Well what else are you going to do?" Kitsune asked her. "Especially now that you're not in the lead?"

Heather glared at her, then looked uncertainly at the pogo stick and groaned.

\

"Okay, think," Lily told herself. "There has to be a way across."

The shot pulled back a little to show Lightning and Cody looking around with a frown. "Man, there ain't nothin' up here," the uber-jock complained. "No poles, no jetpacks, not even any really big rocks!"

Cody scrunched his face up in confusion. "...really big rocks?" he repeated questioningly.

"Yeah," the uber-jock said. "Lightning could toss 'em into the lava and use 'em as steppin' stones."

"Kinda like a bridge, huh?" Cody said with a thoughtful smile. "That's actually a pretty good idea."

"But all we got around here is a buncha useless pebbles," he said with a frown as he looked around again.

Lily's expression became sly. "Yeah, but that's not the _only_ thing we can use to build a bridge," she told him, pointing down.

Lightning's brow rose in surprise as he looked at what she was pointing at, and the camera panned down to show the ladder they had climbed.

\

The music cut out as the scene flashed to Chris, standing by the first moat with his phone ringing in his hand. He wordlessly answered it and was greeted by angry, unintelligible shouting. "True," the host said, "I should've known better. But we only lost one, and the fans hated him anyway." The person on the other end yelled some more, the camera panning a bit to the right as an unseen intern presented the host with a cup of coffee. Chris nonchalantly took a sip. "Well," he told the person on the other end of the line, "my optometrist tested that, and it turns out _my_ hindsight is actually quite bad."

The other person yelled so hard that Chris winced and moved the phone away from his ear. "Oops!" the host said, casually tossing the phone over his shoulder and into the moat as whoever he'd been talking to continued to yell. The phone sunk into the waste with a hiss of smoke.

\

The challenge theme resumed as the shot cut back to Heather, still looking at the pogo stick she was holding. "Slow her down," she said.

Alejandro grinned. "We're on it," he said, motioning over his shoulder.

"What?" Kitsune asked in confusion just before he grabbed her shoulder and drug her off.

The scene immediately cut to a close-up of a ladder standing apparently freely in the air. It was then lowered over the lava moat, and the shot zoomed out to show Lily holding the base of it with Cody and Lightning on alert behind her.

"Not so fast!" Alejandro shouted as he ran up to them.

"Quick, get moving before it burns up!" Cody urged Lily.

"But-" Lily tried to object before Lightning outright shoved her forward, forcing her onto the rungs of the ladder.

"No time," he told her, sliding in between Alejandro and Kitsune and the base of the ladder and moving as he did to keep his path blocked. "You have to win this!" he looked towards Lily, and the cynic sighed before finally running.

That moment of distraction allowed Alejandro to push him to the ground, but before he could make it onto the ladder it started disintegrating into ash. All four helpers gasped, and the music briefly became dangerous as the camera followed Lily across the rapidly-crumbling ladder. Just before the wood under her feet fell away she jumped, and the music turned triumphant as she landed safely on the other side. "Holy crap!" the cynic cried with a hand on her chest.

"Hah!" Cody barked out a laugh as the shot returned to him looking back at Alejandro. "You failed."

"True, we weren't able to stop Lily," Alejandro sighed, the perspective rotating so that the camera was looking up at him. "But we _can_ stop her from having helpers."

Kitsune chose that moment to make her presence known. "I'm just here to help Heather," she said. "I'm not planning on sabotaging anyone."

Alejandro snorted. "Please, chica. And how exactly do you plan to rejoin her? Face it, at this point the best way to help Heather, is to _hinder_ Lily."

"Not if _I_ got anything to say about it!" Lightning growled before tackling Alejandro to the ground.

As the two continued to fight off-screen, the camera panned to the right to show Kitsune and Cody watching in helpless apathy.

\

The shot cut back to Heather as she looked at the pink pogo stick one more time and groaned. "I can't believe I have to use the pogo stick," she told herself.

"Keep in mind," Chris called out from a lawn chair on the ground below, "not all of these items were tested for safety. And, by ' _not all_ ', I mean _none_." A telephone began ringing faintly off-camera. "Each one is a deathtrap just waiting to-" He was cut off when the female intern arrived baring a new cellphone. She answered it for him and held it to his ear, and the person on the other end yelled. "Should I reword that?" he asked it.

\

"Yes!" Angel cheered back at the spa hotel. "Lily's in the lead!"

"Too bad she's out of helpers," Jo pointed out.

"And Heather still has _hers_ hanging around?" Natasha asked.

"It's still too early to decide who has the clear advantage," Scarlett mused to herself.

\

A flash took the scene up to the final moat, the camera looking out at the edge of the tier as Lily hauled herself up. "Lily makes it to level three!" Chris announced, prompting a whooping cheer from the cynic. "Heather better spring into action!" he added as the shot cut down to the queen bee determinedly bouncing up and down on the pogo stick.

She growled. "Here," she said, the camera in a fixed position close-up as she sprang up. "I," she sprang up again. " _Come_!" She came up, went back down again, and with the next spring upward the shot zoomed out to show her arcing over the moat towards the edge of the third level. Screaming, she let go of the pogo stick in mid-air and just barely landed in the swamp water.

The scene panned down and to the left, showing Lightning and Alejandro wrestling on the ground. "Sha-let go!" the jock cried as the charmer had him in a headlock.

"Hah! Not a chance," Alejandro replied. "You will be free from my grasp when I _choose_ to let go of you."

\

The music became tense and ominous as the scene flashed back to the third moat as Heather swam over to an annoyed-looking Lily with a cocky look on her face. "Still here?" she asked. "Guess you decided to give up."

"No I didn't," the cynic shot back in annoyance, "This seaweed just happens to be the only place the sharks won't come after me."

"Sharks?" Heather repeated in confusion before swimming next to her rival. "As in more than one?" The camera pulled back to show about five regular shark fins circling around a patch of seaweed that contained the two finalists. "CHRIS!" she shouted in anger. "I thought we were just gonna have to deal with Fang up here!"

The shot cut to the host, still standing at ground level. He laughed into his megaphone, then said "Yeah, well, Fang hasn't really been as big a threat as he used to be, so, I decided to add something extra to the third moat. And the sharks from the first episode still had some time left in their contract." He laughed again. "Don't know why they won't go into the seaweed though."

"Well, guess that means we're in the clear," Heather said with a small smile.

"Yeah, but how are we supposed to get to the other side of the moat like this?" Lily asked.

As Lily finished speaking the shot panned to the left, where Fang had removed one of his teeth and swam over to the finalists with a menacing smile.

\

The challenge music resumed as the scene cut back to Lightning and Alejandro, the uber-jock throwing punches and knees at the arch-villain that only served to force him backwards along the rim of the second moat with a lazy expression.

"Such an admirable attempt to get past me," he taunted as he turned a punch aside with his arm. "And with so little regard to your own health!" he added with wide eyes as he stepped back from another punch. "But surely you must have realized by now that you cannot defeat me?"

"Lightning never gives up," he said as he continued his assault, "and he never surrenders!"

"So I see," Alejandro said, raising an eyebrow as he continued to block, dodge, and step backwards.

"What's the matter," Lightning asked, "too scared to fight back?"

"Not really, to be perfectly honest," Alejandro admitted. "I really have no need to change how things are."

Lightning narrowed his eyes, paused, and gasped "Wait a minute, you're just stalling!"

The camera cut to Cody and Kitsune as the geek's face into a cocky smirk of his own. "And as long as you two stall us, Heather has no helpers. And we think _she's_ going to lose in a one-on-one battle."

Alejandro snorted in contempt. "Please, you're bluffing!"

"I kinda have to agree with the newbies," Kitsune chimed in. "Heather's not much of a 'do-it-yourself' girl. Also, shouldn't one of them have won by now?"

The four helpers stopped in their tracks and a simultaneous scream from the third tier caught their attention.

"Heather!" Alejandro cried out in concern.

"Lily!" Lightning cried out in fear.

The four looked at each other. "Truce?" Cody and Lightning asked.

"Truce," Alejandro and Kitsune agreed.

\

The music became even more intense and dramatic as the scene flashed back to Lily and Heather huddled together in a much lighter patch of seaweed, Fang still grinning as he cut away at the plants protecting the girls.

"Okay, now's a good time," Heather said.

"For what?" Lily asked incredulously.

"A plan to get us out of here," the queen bee replied. "You're supposed to be this amazing clever player. Use it!"

"Well unfortunately I don't have any ideas," Lily replied with a twinge of annoyance in her voice.

"You are totally useless!" Heather shouted.

The music spiked suddenly as Fang was shown cutting down another bit of seaweed.

\

"That does not look good," Victor commented solemnly as the Penut Gallery all sat on the edges of their seats. The background music continuing on.

"No wonder the lawyers didn't green light this challenge!" Bridgette cried.

"Alejandro thinks this is on par with third season's finale?" Mike asked. "What did Mal have to _do_?"

"It could be worse," Shawn chimed in. "They could be _zombie_ sharks." The background score stopped on a quirky note and the camera pulled back to show everyone glaring at him and he looked back in confusion. "What?"

\

The scene cut back to the finalists with just the barest minimum of seaweed surrounding them. The five regular sharks and Fang all surfaced, grinned, then swam at them as they held each other and screamed.

Luckily, a shout caught the attention of everyone present. "Excuse me!" The sharks and the camera turned to show Alejandro standing at the edge of the moat. "Feast your eyes," he said, "on _this_!" He pulled his shirt of and the camera zoomed in on his glowing bare chest.

To Fang's confusion, the normal sharks swam over to the charmer with heart-shaped eyes. But before they could get close enough to do anything, Lightning surfaced from under the water and punched one in the nose with a cry of "Sha-bam!"

The other sharks were shaken from their trance, and moved to attack the uber-jock. However, with a sharp spike in the music Lightning was shown punching another shark in the gut against a green sunburst background; then a third in the teeth against an orange sunburst; and finally grabbing the fourth by the tailfin and slamming it into the fifth against a red sunburst.

"Who's up for another round?" Lightning asked with a smug grin.

The normal sharks, now all sporting black-eyes and missing teeth, all quickly swam away while barking like seals. Fang, having seen all of this, turned from the uber-jock to the finalists, then took a stack of papers and tore them in half before swimming away with his normal bretheren.

XXX

"Just this once," Lily confessed with a lovestruck expression, "I don't mind being a damsel in distress."

XXX

A calm, almost lilting tune played as Heather and Alejandro kissed, and the camera panned over to show Lily and Lightning doing the same.

"I knew I made a smart choice falling in love with you," Lily told her boyfriend before nuzzling his cheek.

The shot cut to Cody and Kitsune back at the edge of the second moat. "I guess we weren't needed after all," the geek shrugged.

"Everybody _stop_ ," Chris yelled, the music suddenly becoming tense and plodding as he flew over to them on his jetpack. "This is the _finale_. It's supposed to be about pain and betrayal, and _pain_ ," he told them. "Not hugs and kissing. _PAIN_!"

Lily and and Heather shot him a dirty look, then kissed their boyfriends again.

Cody and Kitsune just shrugged and shared a one-armed hug.

"That's it! New rule!" he said, the camera following him as he flew upward and the music becoming faster. " _Anyone_ who gets the sword out of the stone wins the million dollars."

The shot cut back to Cody and Kitsune looking up in shock. "This might seem out of character," the goofball said, "but I can't stand the idea of losing to Heather so... sorry!"

"About what?" Cody said before Kitsune pushed him to the ground and started climbing up to the third moat.

"This, is _much_ better," Chris said with a dark eagerness.

"You two should probably leave before anyone gets any ideas," Alejandro told the Final Two.

"You're not going to stop us?" Lily asked suspisioucly.

"Maybe if Heather wasn't a finalist," the charmer admitted with a shrug. "But as I've stated in the past, I have no desire to betray her."

"Quick, get going!" Lightning yelled over to the finalists.

The shot cut back to Lily and Heather, both looking stunned. They turned their gazes towards one another, and smirked as the background music started to rise up again, eerie at first before becoming intense and dramatic and even dangerous.

"See you at the top!" Lily taunted.

"Yeah, I'll be the one with the sword!" Heather replied as the two swam in opposite directions – Lily to the left and Heather to the right.

The camera panned back to Alejandro, looking in the direction the Final Two had been with a smile that turned into a groan when Kitsune arrived. "Do you _really_ think you can get past me?" he asked.

" _And_ me?" Lightning added as the camera pulled back to show the boys had her surrounded.

Kitsune looked from one to the other, and sighed in defeat.

XXX

"Whoa," the goofball said, "I almost turned into my grandma for a second there."

XXX

The music was deep and dramatic as the scene moved to the two finalists climbing the final ladders in split-screen, Lily on the left and Heather on the right.

Heather screamed as soon as she reached the top, ducking back down to avoid a blast of pasta. The shot zoomed out as Chef fired off another two blasts, then moved back in again as Heather grit her teeth and jumped up onto the final platform. She gracefully rolled into cover behind a nearby rock before the spot she'd been standing on was hit with pasta.

Chef was shown turning his focus back to the left and firing, the shot cutting to Lily standing on the raised rim of the tier as she quickly ducked under the blast. "Whoa!" she exclaimed, landing on the ground and running off with a bright, cocky grin.

"Ooh, some impressive maneuvers from Lily _and_ Heather!" Chris said in excitement, the shot cutting to her flying over to Chef as the 'king' fired a few more pasta volleys in Lily's direction. "And unimpressive shooting from Chef," the host scolded, causing Chef to shoot him with pasta instead, hurling him away.

The camera panned down to the sword and zoomed out to show both finalists racing towards it at about the same speed. "I'm _not_ losing this time!" Lily cried out.

The shot cut back to Chef as he grinned, took aim, and fired, the camera following behind the pasta ball as it sailed straight towards the cynic. Lily's eyes widened and she screamed just as the blast hit her. The shot followed her as she hit the ground with her head covered in pasta, then panned back to Heather as she continued her run.

The music ramped up even more as she ran, determination in her eyes as she jumped and ducked out of the way of Chef's pasta blasts. She soon reached the miniature castle, and the shot briefly cut to Chef as he gasped in shock and the music cut out.

With an almost ethereal shimmering sound, The Queen Bee pulled the Sword of Victory from the stone and raised it skyward, a close-up showing it gleaming against a radiant sky. "I did it! Finally!" she cheered, seemingly overwhelmed by excitement as a triumphant melody began to play.

The shot panned to the right a little ways to show Chris landing nearby with the briefcase full of prize money in hand. "Heather wins the million dollars!" he announced as he walked over to the ecstatic queen bee.

"Congrats," The Cynic said with a heavy sigh and weak smile as the shot cut to her wiping pasta off her face. "You won."

The sound of the bazooka firing drew the camera back to Heather to show that she'd been hit with a pasta blast, quickly wiping it off her face and glaring upwards at Chef. "Hehehehe...," the large man snickered before noticing the attention he'd attracted. "Uh, I was just cleanin' it and it went off," he lied.

"I'm so proud of you mi corazón," Alejandro said as he and Kitsune suddenly walked over from the right.

"Looks like you finally got one over on me," Kitsune said with a smirk.

"Thanks," Heather told them with a happy smirk, accepting a hug from Alejandro and a handshake from Kitsune. "I still can't believe I fianlly did it!"

The camera panned onto Chris as his cellphone rang, the triumphant music cutting off. He frowned, took it out of his pocket, and groaned. "Uggh, it's the network," he said before answering it. "Yyyees?" He was greeted by another round of angry yelling. "Uh-huh?" he replied with a smile and a nod. A pan to the left showed Lightning and Cody arriving with frowns on their faces. "Uhh-huh?" the host repeated off-screen. "Okay!" he said excitedly as the camera cut back to him. " _Done_!"

"They're _so_ happy," he told the cast as he ended the call, "that they wanna go _straight_ into a new season with an all-new cast!" As he spoke, faint but ominous music began to play...

An explosion suddenly went off, shaking the entire area. The shot cut to the stone pedestal the sword had been stuck in to show steam billowing forth from the crack, and the shaking didn't stop.

"Umm...," Chris said with wide, nervous eyes, "what's going on?"

"Uh Chef," Cody asked as the shot cut to him and Lightning, the uber-jock looking around anxiously, "What did you use to make those moats?"

"A fracking machine," Chef answered with a hint of confusion and alarm in his voice.

"Sha-whoa!" Lightning said in shocked disbelief. "You can't say that on TV!"

"No, a fracking machine is a hydraulic drill," Cody explained. "But using one on an island _this_ small is _incredibly_ dangerous!" the geek added with growing panic. " _Especially_ with all the mining tunnels!"

"Why?" Chris asked as steam spurted out of the sword-stone. "What...what could happen?"

He was answered by a jet of water spurting out of the stone. "THE ISLAND IS _SINKING_!" Cody cried out in terror, an ominous note playing over the screams of all around him...

The music cut out abruptly as the scene moved to Sasquatchanakwa whistling contently as he walked along the Dock of Shame with a rolled-up newspaper under his arm. As he reached the Flush of Shame the earth began to rumble and shake, and the grand yet ominous ' _Dies Irae_ ' section of Mozart's requiem began as water suddenly gushed out of the bowl.

Another waterspout sent the confessional outhouse flying into the air, and a third shot out of one of the mine entrances. A buck deer looked up from the grass it was grazing on with a worried look, only for a yet another sudden geyser to erupt under a nearby rock and frighten it away. More water came bursting out of a tree hollow as a raccoon and a rat ran past in opposite directions, with more and more spouts appearing in the distance as a bear, a rabbit, and a bull moose fled in terror as well... and a squirrel maniacally cackling as it held up a sign of the Earth exploding.

The scene moved to the old mess hall as water broke through the windows and chimney, a violin being played poorly nearby. The door burst open, and the three remaining interns rode out riding the torrent on a fold-out table – the girl out front holding a mop like a weapon; the fat boy in the middle trembling in fear; and the long-banged boy in the back holding on to a bucket. The common area was shown next, the loser cabin nearly submerged save for the roof and the spa hotel showing only the second story. Water was gushing from every window, and had even busted a massive hole in the roof of the cabin. The spa hotel's butler was revealed as the violin player, standing in the middle of the screaming Peanut Gallery on a spa hotel balcony before another spout of water engulfed them all.

The camera cut outward to show the entirety of what remained of Wawanakwa, half-flooded and still spurting water. A deep drumroll played as the whole island shook one last time, leading into a tremendous and dramatic crash as it abruptly sank the rest of the way, sending up a gigantic backsplash.

A fast yet dark tune started playing as the scene moved down to the water, now filled with all sort of rubble – wood, tires, furniture, bottles, dead fish, branches, and Chef sipping coffee out of his thermos. Bridgette surfaced with a gasp and a splutter, followed by the rest of the Peanut Gallery except for Shawn.

"Can someone explain to me what just happened?" Bridgette said with a hint of panic.

"You all owe me and Shawn money," Jo replied. Angel glared at her. "Hey, the bet was clear," Jo told them.

Natasha huffed in disgust. "I think we should be more worried about how we get home," he told them before noticing the finalists and their helpers floating by on the roof of the loser cabin.

"One thing's for sure," Lily said. "I'm _not_ coming back to this show again unless I have to."

"Agreed," the others said, and as they floated out of frame the outhouse floated in with Chris sitting on it and holding the case of money.

"Well, that's it for our _very_ first All-Star season," he said with a friendly wave as the series's capstone theme began to play. "But, don't worry~! We're coming back with a brand new cast! And I guess a brand new island, too," he added with a thoughtful look around and chuckle. "Until next time, I'm Chris McLean, and this has been Total!" The shot jumped backward a few feet. "Drama!" Another backward jump showed the roof of the loser cabin floating by. "All-Stars!" The final jump-cut showed more floating debris.

Then the music rolled into something far more fun and energetic as the camera pulled back, and the Boat of Losers drove past with countless forest animals on board – bears, deer, squirrels, raccoons, skunks, rabbits, moose, turtles, alligators, and even seagulls. The horn was sounded, and the boat sped off with Shawn towed behind it on water skis.

"Hey!" Heather yelled out. "Where's my money?!"

\

\

\

 **[THAT WAS ONE WAY TO END THE SEASON]**

 **[BUT HERE'S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED]**

\

\

\

The music was deep and dramatic as the scene moved to the two finalists climbing the final ladders in split-screen, Lily on the left and Heather on the right.

Heather screamed as soon as she reached the top, ducking back down to avoid a blast of pasta. The shot zoomed out as Chef fired off another two blasts, then moved back in again as Heather grit her teeth and jumped up onto the final platform. She gracefully rolled into cover behind a nearby rock before the spot she'd been standing on was hit with pasta.

Chef was shown turning his focus back to the left and firing, the shot cutting to Lily standing on the raised rim of the tier as she quickly ducked under the blast. "Whoa!" she exclaimed, landing on the ground and running off with a bright, cocky grin.

"Ooh, some impressive maneuvers from Lily _and_ Heather!" Chris said in excitement, the shot cutting to him flying over to Chef as the 'king' fired a few more pasta volleys in Lily's direction. "And unimpressive shooting from Chef," the host scolded, causing Chef to shoot him with pasta instead, hurling him away.

The camera panned down to the sword and zoomed out to show both finalists racing towards it at about the same speed. "I _deserve_ that money!" Heather cried out.

The shot cut back to Chef as he grinned, took aim, and fired, the camera following behind the pasta ball as it sailed straight towards the queen bee. Heather's eyes widened and she screamed just as the blast hit her. The shot followed her as she hit the ground with her head covered in pasta, then panned back to Lily as she continued her run.

The music ramped up even more as she ran, determination in her eyes as she jumped and ducked out of the way of Chef's pasta blasts. She soon reached the miniature castle, and the shot briefly cut to Chef as he gasped in shock and the music cut out.

With an almost ethereal shimmering sound, The Cynic pulled the Sword of Victory from the stone and raised it skyward, a close-up showing it gleaming against a radiant sky. "Yes! I did it!" she cheered, seemingly overwhelmed by excitement as a triumphant melody began to play.

The shot panned to the right a little ways to show Chris landing nearby with the briefcase full of prize money in hand. "Lily wins the million dollars!" he announced as he walked over to the ecstatic cynic.

"I can't believe it," Heather said with a groan as the shot cut to her wiping pasta off her face. "I was so close."

The sound of the bazooka firing drew the camera back to Lily to show that she'd been hit with a pasta blast, quickly wiping it off her face and glaring upwards at Chef. "Hehehehe...," the large man snickered before noticing the attention he'd attracted. "Uh, I was just cleanin' it and it went off," he lied.

"Now _that_ was the total sha- _bam_ ," Lightning said as he and Cody suddenly walked over from the left.

"Congratulations Lily," Cody said with a smile.

"Thanks," Lily told them with a beaming smile, accepting a hug from Lightning and a handshake from Cody. "I still can't believe I actually did it!"

The camera panned onto Chris as his cellphone rang, the triumphant music cutting off. He frowned, took it out of his pocket, and groaned. "Uggh, it's the network," he said before answering it. "Yyyees?" He was greeted by another round of angry yelling. "Uh-huh?" he replied with a smile and a nod. A pan to the right showed Alejandro and Kitsune arriving with frowns and blankness on their faces respectively. "Uhh-huh?" the host repeated off-screen. "Okay!" he said excitedly as the camera cut back to him. " _Done_!"

"They're _so_ happy," he told the cast as he ended the call, "that they wanna go _straight_ into a new season with an all-new cast!" As he spoke, faint but ominous music began to play...

An explosion suddenly went off, shaking the entire area. The shot cut to the stone pedestal the sword had been stuck in to show steam billowing forth from the crack, and the shaking didn't stop.

"Umm...," Chris said with wide, nervous eyes, "what's going on?"

"Uh Chef," Cody asked as the shot cut to him and Lightning, the uber-jock looking around anxiously, "What did you use to make those moats?"

"A fracking machine," Chef answered with a hint of confusion and alarm in his voice.

"Sha-whoa!" Lightning said in shocked disbelief. "You can't say that on TV!"

"No, a fracking machine is a hydraulic drill," Cody explained. "But using one on an island _this_ small is _incredibly_ dangerous!" the geek added with growing panic. " _Especially_ with all the mining tunnels!"

"Why?" Chris asked as steam spurted out of the sword-stone. "What...what could happen?"

He was answered by a jet of water spurting out of the stone. "THE ISLAND IS _SINKING_!" Cody cried out in terror, an ominous note playing over the screams of all around him...

The music cut out abruptly as the scene moved to Sasquatchanakwa whistling contently as he walked along the Dock of Shame with a rolled-up newspaper under his arm. As he reached the Flush of Shame the earth began to rumble and shake, and the grand yet ominous ' _Dies Irae_ ' section of Mozart's requiem began as water suddenly gushed out of the bowl.

Another waterspout sent the confessional outhouse flying into the air, and a third shot out of one of the mine entrances. A buck deer looked up from the grass it was grazing on with a worried look, only for a yet another sudden geyser to erupt under a nearby rock and frighten it away. More water came bursting out of a tree hollow as a raccoon and a rat ran past in opposite directions, with more and more spouts appearing in the distance as a bear, a rabbit, and a bull moose fled in terror as well... and a squirrel maniacally cackling as it held up a sign of the Earth exploding.

The scene moved to the old mess hall as water broke through the windows and chimney, a violin being played poorly nearby. The door burst open, and the three remaining interns rode out riding the torrent on a fold-out table – the girl out front holding a mop like a weapon; the fat boy in the middle trembling in fear; and the long-banged boy in the back holding on to a bucket. The common area was shown next, the loser cabin nearly submerged save for the roof and the spa hotel showing only the second story. Water was gushing from every window, and had even busted a massive hole in the roof of the cabin. The spa hotel's butler was revealed as the violin player, standing in the middle of the screaming Peanut Gallery on a spa hotel balcony before another spout of water engulfed them all.

The camera cut outward to show the entirety of what remained of Wawanakwa, half-flooded and still spurting water. A deep drumroll played as the whole island shook one last time, leading into a tremendous and dramatic crash as it abruptly sank the rest of the way, sending up a gigantic backsplash.

A fast yet dark tune started playing as the scene moved down to the water, now filled with all sort of rubble – wood, tires, furniture, bottles, dead fish, branches, and Chef sipping coffee out of his thermos. Bridgette surfaced with a gasp and a splutter, followed by the rest of the Peanut Gallery except for Shawn.

"Can someone explain to me what just happened?" Bridgette said with a hint of panic.

"I'm not sure," Victor replied.

Natasha huffed in disgust. "How are we supposed to get home," he asked before noticing the finalists and their helpers floating by on the roof of the loser cabin.

"One thing's for sure," Lily said. "I'm _not_ coming back to this show again unless I have to."

"Agreed," the others said, and as they floated out of frame the outhouse floated in with Chris sitting on it and holding the case of money.

"Well, that's it for our _very_ first All-Star season," he said with a friendly wave as the series's capstone theme began to play. "But, don't worry~! We're coming back with a brand new cast! And I guess a brand new island, too," he added with a thoughtful look around and chuckle. "Until next time, I'm Chris McLean, and this has been Total!" The shot jumped backward a few feet. "Drama!" Another backward jump showed the roof of the loser cabin floating by. "All-Stars!" The final jump-cut showed more floating debris.

Then the music rolled into something far more fun and energetic as the camera pulled back, and the Boat of Losers drove past with countless forest animals on board – bears, deer, squirrels, raccoons, skunks, rabbits, moose, turtles, alligators, and even seagulls. The horn was sounded, and the boat sped off with Shawn towed behind it on water skis.

"Am I gonna get my money?" Lily asked from off screen

(Roll the Credits)

\

\

(Bonus Clip)

"You know," Shawn said as the clip faded in on him treading water. "After everything that's happened on this show, I think it's time I give up my zombie obsession."

As he spoke a zombie swam up behind him. "I mean, I've never found any evidence that they exist, or that they're being made by the government. Maybe I really have been wasting my life- huh?" The zombie tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around.

" _ZOMBIE_!" HE screamed before swimming away at impossible speed. The 'zombie' revealed itself to be Kitsune wearing a mask when she took it off and giggled.

"What?" she asked the camera. "I couldn't resist."

* * *

 **Author's Note Post Script:** And there. You. Have it. I really hope it lived up to all the hype that's been built for it, and all your expectations.

My biggest worry is that the helpers and Peanut Gallery ended up being really weird and out of place. I needed something to fill the time given to me by the absence of Mal and thus the end of Mike's subplot, and what I decided to do was extend the role the helpers played, and periodically flash back to those watching it.

Speaking of the helpers, while I know a lot of you were expecting all of them to be allies of the finalists, I wanted to keep them (and the finalists) balanced between Hero and Villain, old and new, male and female. Thus each got one helper they wanted (Lightning and Alejandro), and one that they didn't (Cody because Lily felt bad about making it to the finale without him, Kitsune because she and Heather can't stand each other). This however made it really hard to create any sort of tension, and the betrayal at the end seemed a little contrived from my point of view. But obviously, Lily and Heather weren't gonna want to spend time clashing when they didn't need to, they're just not that kind of villain. Why did I go with Cody and Kitsune? Cody was because I didn't want to use Angel and he was the only other camper Lily spent a significant amount of time with. And Kitsune...well, I needed a female original Hero to keep things balanced, and she seemed the most likely to betray her finalist after the rule change.

Then the endings. Obviously one had to get to the sword first, but for there to be any sort of fight scene they both had to get there at the same time. Neither girl's the type to give up a lead just to stop their opponent and I never classified them as being similarly physically. Lily's just a bit faster in my mind. Also after the shark ordeal, I didn't want to put them through anything else. So whoever says something first, catches Chef's attention and gets blasted, thus giving the other girl the victory.

I decided on Lily as the canon winner...I don't know, I guess it was because I didn't want to give her a loss after all she's been through. She may never admit or even accept it out loud, but Lily's definitely changed as a person due to her time on the show. Heather... not so much.

Incidentally, the reason why Shawn was there was someone had pointed out to me that he wasn't in any of the bonus clips, which made me realize I had made a serious counting error when planning out who picked up who. Oops. I also freed the other losers because nobody liked how the All-Stars ended up drifting up to the sun in canon, but I let it happen to Matthew because, well, fuck him. Sorry the pick-ups didn't lead to anything major, there's just no way anything I came up with would be as awesome as Fangren's after party.

Well...with all that said, please let me know what you thought of the finale in a review! Both what you liked, and your critiques. This was truly an great season to write, and I hoped I ended it well.

I'll see you all next week, on **Thursday November 2nd, 2018** for the debut of Random Drama Pahkitew Island!

And as always I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something.

I hope you all enjoyed the episode, or some part of it.

And I'd also like to remind you guys that a TVTropes page for this series _does_ exist and needs you guys adding to it.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

* * *

 **RDAS ELIMINATION TABLE:**

 **14th Place:** Victor

 **13th Place:** Jo

 **12th Place:** Natasha

 **11th Place:** Mike

 **10th Place:** Kitsune

 **9th Place:** Lightning

 **8th Place:** Angel

 **7th Place:** Scarlett

 **6th Place:** Bridgette

 **5th Place:** Alejandro

 **4th Place:** Matthew

 **3rd Place:** Cody

 **2nd Place:** Heather (ALTERNATE WINNER)

 **1st Place:** Lily (ALTERNATE RUNNER-UP)


End file.
